Carmen is there too. She’s pointing at me and laughing hysterically. “They got you mija! They got you!” She’s laughing and doing a slight bounce fanatically. Then Ty steps out from the shadows and smiles but when I look again he’s gone.
A loud noise sounds and I awake with my heart racing. I look around the unfamiliar room and realize it was a dream, more so a nightmare. I go to the window and realize I’m close to the airport and the loud sound was that of a plane’s engine as it took to the sky. It hit me then that it may be time to leave all of this behind.
There were a few things I needed to do before I left this coast and this world behind. I went online and checked out my accounts. I had almost 450K between liquid cash and a few investments. I had enough liquid money to at least last me until I figured out what I was going to do next. The fucked up thing is that I’m in my last semester of school but at this point I can’t deal with what’s happening so school will have to go on the back burner for a little while until I can get it all figured out.
I decided to call Ty to see if he will be amicable to me giving him an additional 50K and then cutting me loose. I pressed send on my phone and held my breath waiting for him to answer. “What up?” Ty said on the third ring. “Hi Ty. I got your messages.”
“Summer I’m not gone play with you because I know you’re a smart girl. I dam near raised you. I just want what’s rightfully mine and I feel like you trying to treat me like I’m not the Ty that took care of you! I put you on. What you have is because of me.” Ty said.
“I understand where you’re coming from Ty and that’s why I’m going to wire 50 grand to your account. That should settle us. When you came home did you not come home to a bank account with 50g’s in it? How much more do you want?” I stated.
“How much more do I want? Bic you’re lucky you’re not standing in front of me!” Ty yelled.
“I’ll have the money sent to your account.” I said and ended the call. I had enough of Ty’s threats. He’s lucky he’s not standing in front of me. I may just use the weapon he bought me on him. I was tired of him, he had become obsolete in his absence and was lucky I was being generous and giving him anything.
I thought Nikki deserved a call. It was a combination of her father and Chief Stevens that got this situation put to bed so quickly. I was never one for friends but I did care about Nikki despite the anger she showed me the other day. I guess I understood where she was coming from, I guess. Sex had always been such a physical thing that I was able to separate from emotion. It was just something that people did much like eating or drinking, and it brought similar pleasure. It didn’t have to be about much else, and certainly not about love. It was just a service that I provided to men her father included, just like she did to men. I didn’t know why it upset her so much that her father had gained a little pleasure from me.
“Hi Summer.” Nikki said skeptically.
“Hi Nik. What’s up you wanted me to call you.”
“Yes. First hopefully you know that it’s blown over already. Secondly I’m sorry I was so nasty to you. I am still just hurt that you would service my Dad.” Nikki said sadly.
“I’m sorry that it hurt you Nikki. For that I do apologize. You held me down when no one else would so I’m sorry I hurt you. I didn’t mean anything much by it. It was just about the moola.” I tried to lighten it up.
“I understand.” Nikki sounded unimpressed. “Are you going to come by and get the rest of your things?” She pursued.
“Probably not Nik. I don’t think I left anything that I truly needed.” I said.
“You sure?”
“Yeah, if it’s one thing I’ve been good at its leaving things behind and moving on.” I said and ended the call.
I got in the shower and decided I should go find some food to eat. I ended up at a diner in nearby Linden, New Jersey. I was looking at the menu when I saw a mother and what I presumed to be her daughter sitting in the booth in front of me. The daughter looked to be about thirteen as she rambled on about something. She was a cute little girl with sandy brown hair and brown eyes. She reminded me of myself a bit at that age although I don’t think the spark was there in my eyes like she had in hers. Her mother looked interested in what she was saying as she came around to her mother’s side of the table to show her something on her cellphone. The mother scrolled on the screen and they laughed together at whatever they were looking at. From the mother’s side glance, I could see the smile and pride on her face as she looked at her little girl.
I was so caught up looking at them that I see or hear the waitress approach my table. The older Hispanic woman looked annoyed that she had to repeat herself.
“Excuse me. Are you ready to place your order?” She tapped her pad ready to take the order and go to her next table.
“Oh yes, I’ll take an order of blueberry pancakes and turkey sausage with a large orange juice. Thank you.” I said as I handed her my menu.
I hadn’t really studied the menu but watching the mother and daughter made me think back to good days with my own mother in our warm home. Every Saturday and Sunday morning she would make my brothers and I fresh blueberry pancakes. They were the best, I hadn’t had any that tasted like hers since. I longed for that. Suddenly I became overwhelmed with pain, as the tears streamed from my eyes.
I picked up the napkin that my fork and knife sat on and dabbed at my eyes. Emotion had no place in my life. After my father threw us out on the street and my mother abandoned me for her habit I decided that I wouldn’t ever let anyone get that close to me again.
The waitress brought my breakfast and as I chewed the pancakes I thought about some of the things I needed to do. I need to see my mother; I need to know why she left me when I needed her most. I picked up my phone and scrolled the contact list until my brother’s name appeared. I frowned as I thought about how he and my other brother did the same thing. Once they left New York, they never looked back not even for me. I didn’t want to hear my brothers voice, I was incensed as I thought about all the nights I went hungry, all the nights I cried myself to sleep because I felt so alone in the world. Meanwhile my two brothers acted like I didn’t exist. I suppose at some point Kareem developed a conscious and decided to gather my mother up and throw her in one of those facilities she can’t just check herself out of.
I looked out the window and watched the cars coming and going. People were always on the move; the world didn’t stop just because someone’s life was falling apart. It never did.
I pressed send and kind of hoped that he wouldn’t answer. When I heard his deep voice say hello I almost hung up. It took a couple of hard swallows to get the lump out of my throat before I could speak.
“Hello. Hello. Hello?” He asked with finality.
“Kareem. It’s me. Summer.” I said dryly.
“Summer! Get the fuck out of here! Baby girl how are you?” Kareem sounded excited.
Too bad I couldn’t mirror his enthusiasm.
“I’m fine. Listen I’m calling because I need the information for where your mother is. Do you have that information handy if not I can call back when you do?” I said.
“Dang Summer. I haven’t heard from you in years and this is all you have to say? Are you serious?” Kareem had the nerve to say.
I felt my face getting hot so I knew it was beet red. I tried to compose myself before I cursed his ass out in this little diner.
“Kareem are you fucking serious?” I said through clenched teeth.
“You all left me. I was the child remember? Did you ever for once wonder how I was doing after your Daddy put us out? Did you wonder? But I guess you still had your Daddy so you were fine!” I huffed.
“Sum, Summer. Okay. You have a point. But hold on Summer, I was eighteen when I left for the Core. Eighteen. I was fucked up over Mom and Dad’s situation too. Imagine finding out your mom had a baby with another dude Summer. A dude that’s not your father.” Kareem said.
“And that was my fault Reem?” I
called him the name I hadn’t said out loud since I was a girl.
I went on. “Was it my fault that I was the child of an illegitimate situation? How’d I end up with the short end of the stick in all of this. I didn’t ask to be here.” The tears started to trickle down my cheeks. I saw the waitress eyeing me with pity from behind the counter.
She walked over and placed a few napkins on my table and walked away. I dabbed my eyes and continued.
“Everyone disowned me. Threw me away!”
“Summer I’m sorry. You know I adored you. I just didn’t know how to deal with what Mom had done to our family. It took me a while to get over it. I was convinced I never wanted to see her again. Then I started getting calls from around the way telling me how she was all messed up. It took me a while I really didn’t care how fucked up she was. I honestly didn’t even think of how her habit was affecting you and for that I’m sorry. I finally got it together and when I was home visiting dad I decided to swing by grandmas to see you and mom. Grandma told me you had left a few years before to live with your boyfriend. Well mom I had to go find in Tookie’s apartment on the third floor. She was high and hardly recognized me. I got her enrolled in program after program and she kept leaving. I finally found this one and they don’t let the clients leave so she’s trapped in there to deal with it. Summer I’m sorry.” Kareem said sadly.
“If that’s the best you got then that’s the best you got Kareem. Where’s she located? Is it on the east coast? I need to see her.” I said unsympathetically.
Kareem may have meant what he said but I wasn’t in the mood or mindset to let it go.
“Yes she’s actually at a facility in Rockland County called Epiphany. I can text you the address if you like?” Kareem sounded cheerful.
“Yeah if you can that’d be great. Text me on this number, thanks.”
“Listen Summer. I’m happy that you’re doing okay. I mean at least it sounds like you’re doing okay. You may not know this but I’m married and I have a three-year-old daughter named Natalie. She reminds me of you when you were little. The same little personality.” He said happily as he spoke of his daughter.
“That’s sweet. I have to go Kareem. Take care of yourself and your family.” I said as I pressed end on the phone.
Now that I had the name of the place, I really didn’t care whether he texted me the address or not. I could just Google that shit.
I paid my bill after sitting in the diner long after I ate my meal. I left the waitress a few dollars extra as a tip for refilling my orange juice several times and leaving me alone when she knew I needed the peace.
Kareem sent the text with the details for the facility including a link to their website with the visiting hours. I thought about going that day but I spent too much time in the diner and didn’t want to feel rushed at the facility.
I decided to go back to the hotel and open my laptop so that I could plan out the rest of my life.
As soon as I walked into my room my cellphone started ringing. It was Dre, so I reluctantly answered the phone. I had all kind of feelings racing through me.
“Hi Dre.”
“Summer. Why didn’t you talk to me? Was any of that stuff true?” Dre sounded sad, he knew the answer I don’t know why he asked the question.
“Dre there’s nothing to talk about.”
“Hold on Summer. I love you and you love me. What do you mean there’s nothing to talk about? I thought it was going to be me and you against the world. It still could be.” Dre said.
“No but it can’t be.” I replied.
“Tell me you don’t love me Summer. At the end of the day love is all that matters.”
“I wish that were true Dre. I do love you. More than I’ve loved anything in a long time but it’s not all that matters. I hope I haven’t hurt you with all of this.” I said and ended the call.
It made no sense to go back and forth with Dre. I was spent. I shed too many tears today and they left me feeling susceptible to falling for that bullshit called love. My heart ached for what I probably wouldn’t ever have. The fairytale that I imagined with Dre was just that. A fairytale. There was no such thing as happily ever after, so I would just make my own happiness. Figuring out what that meant was what my next mission was.
I logged onto my bank account and did what I told Ty I was going to do. I sent him some money, fifty grand to be exact. I was hoping that would buy my freedom from his reigns. With that he could continue his business endeavors and perhaps find some fresh new meat to manipulate into thinking that he actually came from a place of benevolence.
I explored a travel booking website and started looking up destinations. I wanted to get away from here and soon. I thought about what my needs were for the next phase of my life. I need to be somewhere where I can stretch my money until I find a way to make some more. I also needed a place that would offer me some excitement, a place where I could take my mind off of all that was going on. I decided that I would fly to Vegas for a few weeks and once I got there I’d decide where my next destination would be.
I booked a hotel on the strip for one week. I determined that I should treat myself to a week of luxury, I thought I deserved it. Then I reserved a two- bedroom townhouse on the outskirts of the Las Vegas strip for three weeks. I figured that would buy me some time to decide what I wanted to do next, but it also was a good way to preserve a few dollars. I set my rental car up to pick it up as soon as I hit the airport. I was looking forward to the change of scenery.
I had to decide what to do with my car. There was really no one I dealt with like that, that I felt I could leave it with so after researching garages I settled on a long term car storage facility not too far from the Newark airport that stored cars up to a year. Once I found a place that I wanted to stay in I would come for my car and drive it back to wherever I was staying.
After settling all of my business and getting my affairs in order I decided to shower and order myself some dinner. I wanted to get an early start on the next day. I timed the drive to the facility and although the drive was under two hours, I needed to mentally prepare myself for seeing the woman who I once loved more than anything.
I woke up feeling like perhaps I should ditch my plans to see her. I was leaving tomorrow on the first thing out of Newark airport and I didn’t need her bringing me down or putting any doubt in my mind that I should stay.
I had everything packed and ready to go. I ordered a light breakfast from the hotel as I readied myself to go. As I walked to my car I thought about all the things that had been weighing me down and seeing her was one of them. I opened my Gucci purse a gift from one of my favorite clients and reached for my business phone and turned it on. As the screen lit up from close to one hundred messages from clients and the girls and I felt that pressure again. The pressure to respond, to make easy money. I stopped and scanned a few of the messages really quickly.
Mr. Scotch’s secretary wrote “I need two girls this weekend. Mr. Scotch has to entertain a music industry exec at the Millennium. Contact ASAP.”
Stan Watford wrote “Haven’t seen my favorite in a while. I have an event, need your presence. Get back to my secretary with your dress order.”
Jeng Zhu’s personal assistant wrote” Officials will be in the country for business in two weeks. We need to place an order. You are being requested.”
I didn’t read anymore of the messages. I turned the phone off and tossed it in the trash can of the hotel garage.
“I’m done with this, at least for now.” I thought to myself.
Sixteen
As I drove up the winding road to the large modern looking rehab facility that sat on a hill in a mountainous town overlooking New York I wondered what she would look like. I hadn’t seen her since I left home and even when I stayed at grandmother’s place she would come and go. Usually when I was asleep so I didn’t see her much at all.
I got out of the car and pulled my coat tight around my waist. It was really cold up here fe
eling colder than it had just some miles away in New Jersey. I walked quickly to the large doors and was surprised at the interior as soon as I walked in. It was brightly lit with large glass panes all around the front entrance which let the natural light come through. It smelled like they had just mopped the floors with the scent of pine sol invading my nostrils.
A middle aged African American woman in business attire sat at the front desk and smiled as I approached.
“Hi, how may I help you.” She put her best customer service smile and attitude forward.
“Hi I’m here to see Patricia Doucette. She’s a patient here.” I said looking around hoping no one I knew would see me.
“Okay let me look up her name and then I’ll get you a pass. Your name and relationship?” She questioned.
“I’m Summer Doucette. Her daughter.” I said trying not to roll my eyes.
“Oh I see here she is. She’s on the second floor. She’s in room 248, but since it’s right after breakfast she may be in the breakroom. So if you don’t see her there check the breakroom which is on the third floor. As soon as you step off the elevator you’ll see signs pointing you to the breakroom.” She said as she peeled off the visitors pass and handed it to me.
My feet didn’t move. I must’ve looked a little crazy.
“Are you okay? The elevators are behind me to the left.” She pointed.
I smiled faintly. “Thank you.” I said as I walked slowly to the elevator. I wondered what I was thinking coming to this place to see this woman.
Part of me had hoped that when I got here that she wouldn’t have been here. That she would’ve escaped and went back to what she knows. I guess Kareem had really found somewhere to stick her where she’d have to stay for a while.
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