Amid the Shadows

by Michael C. Grumley

  Again he said nothing.

  “What god would put her through this…horror? Why would he surround that perfect little girl with nothing but death and destruction? Why would he kill her mother right in front of her?” She shook her head. “What kind of god is that?”

  Rand took a deep breath. “It can be hard to understand.”

  “Oh please!” she snapped. “Spare me the God works in mysterious ways dribble! I’ve seen my share of cruelty from the same god who supposedly loves his children!”

  Rand looked at her curiously.

  “That’s right,” she said. “I went to church, I know the scripture. He loved us so much that he put us here to prove ourselves, by worshiping him. What kind of free choice is that?” She looked at Rand accusingly. “Tell me, who creates a universe, an insanely complex planet, and then the human race and everything else, just so he can watch them spend their tiny lives worshipping him? I mean how much more ridiculous could an explanation be?”

  “It’s not that easy,” Rand replied quietly.

  “Not that easy?” she scoffed. “Not that easy but still easy enough to put an unimaginable gift into a beautiful little girl and torment her at every turn. What a wonderful test of our faith!”

  Rand shrugged. “Well, that’s one belief.”

  “Yeah, well I DON’T believe it!”

  “I can see that.”

  “And then-” Christine said. “And then he picks someone like me. Of all the people in the world, he picks me.”

  “I think he made a good choice.”

  “He couldn’t have made a worse choice!” she said angrily. “Geez, you could throw a dart blindfolded and hit someone better.” She turned and looked back out at the trees.

  Rand frowned. “Why do you say that?”

  “Because it’s true!” she cried. “Sarah’s not alive because of me, she’s alive in spite of me. I’m not a fighter. I’m not tough. I can’t protect her like you.”

  “She responds to you,” Rand said. “She needs someone like you, someone not just to protect her body, but someone who can help protect her heart. To make sure she comes out of this okay.”

  It was then that Christine began to cry. She wiped the tears away as they ran down her cheeks. “You don’t know what you’re saying.”

  “Look at me, Christine,” Rand said. “This is not some joke, or some twisted irony, and God does not look down from a pearly throne deciding who to bless each day. Nor does he guide every step and every decision that we make. He gives us what he can and has faith in us just as we have faith in him.”

  “What does that mean?” she sniffed.

  “What I’m saying is, this is not about the things people wish they had and then pray for, or about helping a friend who might be down on their luck. This is a fight! God created a place of hope in a sea of darkness and evil, and he is locked in a struggle for every second of every day. He fights endlessly for this world he created and the survival of his children living upon it, against forces that want nothing more than to destroy it all.” He glared at her. “He chose you to help him.”

  Christine looked dumbstruck. “Why didn’t he pick someone better?”

  Rand’s expression showed her he didn’t understand her question.

  “I told you; I used to believe,” she said. “And I was devout. But he destroyed it all and left me to pick up the pieces. God showed me just how cruel he could be.”

  Rand watched as Christine began to walk away and then turned around to face him.

  “I was sixteen.” She closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. “God, I was so young and so stupid.” Her eyes were quickly welling up. “One night I asked my parents to drive me over to the house where my friend was babysitting so I could help her. But they couldn’t because they were both sick. So I begged my dad to take me over. I kept begging him. And even though he felt terrible, he finally agreed to drive me.”

  Tears began running down Christine’s face. “But I lied to him. We were babysitting, but we were doing it so some boys could come over to meet us. And my dad, as sick as he was, drove me all the way across town. Not knowing that I was lying to him the whole time.” Her voice began to shudder. “I remember how hard he was coughing while he drove me. And on his way home… he was killed in a car accident!” Christine lost control and started sobbing.

  Rand took a step closer but didn’t speak..

  Christine shook her head and backed up. The sobs kept her from speaking. She quickly pushed past him, ran down the wooden steps, and headed for the trees.

  He watched her run to a giant pine tree and rest her head against the trunk, crying into it.

  Christine slowly began to regain her emotions when she heard Rand’s footsteps in the grass behind her. She sniffed and wiped her eyes before turning around.

  “I killed my father,” she said, her voice still trembling. “And the guilt has haunted me every day since. Every single day. I not only lost my father, but I widowed my mother. And you know what? Those boys never even showed up.” Her voice began to quiver again, but she forced it back. She took a deep breath and looked up at the tree above her. “I must have cried for a whole year. The guilt was so bad I couldn’t even go on a date without breaking down. Even in my late twenties, when I was finally in a relationship, I would cry constantly. And children,” she said rolling her tear filled eyes. “Every time I saw a child, I saw my dad, sick but with a glint of pride in his eyes…for his daughter, the babysitter.” She looked directly at Rand. “Now do you see what a terrible choice he made? Why would God do that to poor Sarah? Why would he give her someone like me?”

  Rand thought about her question. “Sometimes we don’t need to understand, we just need to believe.”

  She looked past him. “You know I’ve never told that to anyone. I can’t believe I told you.”

  Rand was quiet for a long time before speaking. “You were supposed to.”

  “What?”

  She gave him a puzzled look, and Rand cleared his throat. “Listen to me,” he said. “Since I was born, I knew what I was here to do. From my earliest memories I knew who I was. I knew I would find Sarah, and I spent my whole life preparing for it, and training, every single day. Constantly doing another new exercise to get stronger. Nothing else mattered to me. And nothing else matters now.” He took a step closer. “All that time I knew things. Not everything, but some. Who I was, who God was.” He frowned at that. “Not what the churches preach today, but who he really is. I also knew what Sarah looked like and where I would find her.”

  Rand looked into Christine’s eyes as she sniffed and wiped her nose.

  “But there was something else that I knew, one piece of information I never understood. I never knew why I was supposed to know it. It never made any sense. Until right now.”

  She tilted her head, curiously.

  “Christine. You did not kill your father.”

  She was suddenly startled, trying to understand if she heard him right. “What?!”

  “You did not kill your father.”

  Her expression changed to bewilderment. “Wh-why are you saying-” She took a step back as Rand moved toward her. “What are you doing?”

  He looked at her sternly and followed her as she backed up even farther. “Listen to me, Christine. Even without that accident, your father would have died less than five months later. He would have died of a heart attack.”

  Christine gasped. She just stared at him, shocked and unable to breathe.

  Rand did not stop. “Your father’s name was Louis Richard Rose, wasn’t it?” She didn’t answer. “Wasn’t it?” he repeated. “He was born in October of 1935.” Christine began sobbing again. “He was a craftsman, and he loved you. He loved you, but there was nothing you could have done to save him. He was going home, with or without that accident.”

  Christine looked up at Rand. Tears were streaming down her face. “No, it was me, it was because of me!”

  Rand grabbed her shoulders
. “No, it wasn’t. That accident was bad luck. God cannot control everything. It was just bad luck!”

  Christine’s wobbling legs gave out, and she fell just an inch before Rand grabbed her and held her up with his own arms. She finally let her head fall forward into his chest and continued to sob uncontrollably.

  It took almost twenty minutes for Christine to cry it out. Exhausted, she leaned her head back and looked at him, her face covered in tears. “Are you…sure?”

  Rand nodded. “I’m sure. It was not your fault, and none of that guilt belonged to you. I was meant to tell you this. You must believe me.”

  She closed her eyes and let her head fall softly back against his chest. “All that time…and all that guilt.”

  “It never belonged to you,” he whispered.

  31

  Christine sat on the ground cross-legged on a thick layer of pine needles. Rand sat across from her with his back leaning against the tree. One leg was propped up in front of him while his other lay flat on the ground.

  Christine spoke in a low voice. “So are you immortal?”

  Rand smirked. “Uh, no.”

  “Then how did you…” she trailed off, pointing at his stomach.

  “I heal quickly,” he shrugged. “One of my assets.”

  “One of your assets? You have others?”

  “I also age slower. One of the side effects of the healing.”

  She tried to keep from rolling her eyes. It was beginning to feel like for every answer Rand gave, he was creating three new questions. “So why can’t Sarah see your soul? Or your shadow?” she asked with an understanding smile.

  Rand inhaled deeply. “Because I don’t have one.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “I’m not like you, Christine. Not exactly. You are one of his children, and he loves his children more than anything. So much that he gave all of you the most precious thing he could, a soul.” Rand looked around at the trees. Millions of green pine needles swayed and seemed to glitter from the soft breeze. “You don’t know how lucky you all are.”

  “Are you saying you’re not one of his children?” she asked.

  He shook his head. “No, I’m a soldier. Sent here to help him fight.”

  “Fight who?”

  Rand nodded back toward the cabin. “To protect Sarah. He gave her a gift, and I’m here to protect it.”

  “For how long?” Christine asked.

  “Not much longer. Soon it will happen.”

  “What will happen?”

  “My reason for being here,” Rand replied. “All of the years of preparation. All of the training. There will soon come a point when she needs me the most.”

  Christine frowned, trying to understand. “And then what?”

  At this question, a genuine smile spread across Rand’s face. “Then I get to become one of you.”

  “One of us?”

  “I will be awarded a soul,” he said. “It’s what all of us wish for.”

  “All of who?” she said.

  “Those of us who are sent to fight, the lochem.”

  “Lochem?”

  “God’s warriors.”

  Christine was surprised again. “You mean there’s more of you?”

  “Not now, not today. But there have been before,” Rand explained. “At different times we have been sent, to fight in your world, in the flesh.”

  “And this is one of those times,” Christine finished.

  “Yes.”

  Christine stared at him and finally nodded. She took a deep breath and looked around at the tall grass. The silence was deafening and peaceful at the same time. She had never realized how much noise she’d grown accustomed to while living in a city. The difference was incredible.

  She looked at Rand with a hint of regret. “I guess you were pretty upset then, when we ran out of the house last night and took off in the car.”

  She was surprised when Rand smiled. “Well, it wasn’t my preferred choice, but it did show me how well you think under pressure.”

  Christine rolled her eyes. “Uh yeah, most people refer to that as panic.”

  “No, it wasn’t,” Rand replied. “It may feel like you panicked, but you would be surprised how many people would have simply frozen. Mental paralysis in an emergency is what gets most people killed. But you were thinking. And you knew enough to realize that you didn’t have any good options available to you, other than to flee. So you took it.” The admiration was apparent in his voice. “You and Sarah are both alive because of it. Don’t underestimate the abilities you have within yourself. You were selected for a reason. Embrace it.”

  Christine opened the front door and stepped through with Rand following closely behind. Sarah looked at Christine excitedly and ran to her.

  “I won! I won!” she squealed.

  Christine looked at the checker board where Avery was still sitting. He looked up from his chair, impressed. “She’s sharp,” he said, standing up. “Beat me fair and square. And that time I was trying.”

  Sarah squeezed Christine then looked up and noticed her red face. “Are you okay?”

  Christine smiled down at Sarah and gave her a giant squeeze back. “I’m good honey.” She glanced at Rand. “I’m really, really good.”

  Sarah was still looking up. “Can we go outside?”

  Christine looked at Rand and Avery with raised eyebrows. “That okay?”

  Avery opened a panel on the wall, not far from the door. There were over a dozen lights tied into the panel displaying the status of various sensors all surrounding the cabin. They were all green. He nodded. “Sure. But please stay close.”

  Sarah giggled with excitement and instantly pulled Christine back out the front door. Rand closed it quietly behind them. He looked at Avery who was watching the girls through the window.

  “She gonna be okay?” Avery asked.

  “I think so.” Rand turned and looked through the window too. “She’s a lot tougher than she thinks.”

  Outside Sarah and Christine stomped through the tall grass and approached an old bird bath, long forgotten and dry and covered in dark mold.

  Sarah examined it curiously. “What’s this?”

  “It’s called a bird bath,” Christine explained. “You fill it with water so the birds come and drink out of it. This one is old and dirty though.”

  Sarah looked at her eagerly. “Could we clean it for them?”

  “We’ll see,” Christine answered in her best noncommittal tone. She watched Sarah trace her finger along a small stone flower, one of the only clean areas on the small statue. She cleared her voice. “Um, Sarah?” she said.

  Sarah looked up at her.

  Christine took a deep breath. “Listen, I know things have been…hard. Especially what happened the other night at McDonald’s.” She frowned trying to find the right words. “Are you…okay?”

  Sarah considered the question and then nodded her head, looking back down at the bird bath.

  “I mean,” Christine continued, “some bad things happened.” This was not coming out the way she had hoped. “Do you want to, you know, talk about it?”

  Sarah stared at her for a moment and then gave her an innocent shrug. “They were bad men. They were reds.”

  “Well, I don’t know if all reds are supposed to die,” Christine offered.

  Sarah shook her head. “They were really red.”

  Christine cocked her head and thought to herself. Did that mean all of the colors had different degrees or shades? She suddenly realized that she didn’t know what to say next. Fortunately Sarah spotted a tree over her shoulder, with branches close to the ground.

  “Can we play on the tree?” she asked without actually waiting for a response. Instead she ran to the tree and grabbed the lowest limb, but she could not get any higher. “Can you lift me up?”

  “Sure,” Christine said, “but don’t go too high.”

  Slowly and determinedly, Sarah climbed up several more branches and then stopped to pee
r out.

  Something beeped and Christine looked around wondering what made the noise. She realized what the familiar sound was and felt around the pockets of her pants. Reaching into one of her front pockets, she pulled out her phone.

  I thought I turned this off, she said to herself. She then realized that the power button must have somehow gotten depressed while she was sitting on the ground. Looking at the display she could see there was no cellular signal, but not surprisingly the phone still managed to receive a text message. She was a little startled when she saw who it was from.

  Christine, where are you? Are you okay? Danny

  She grinned. It was almost beginning to feel that the whole world was after them. Reading Danny’s message set her mind a little at ease that everything, eventually, just might turn out okay. Still grinning she typed a response.

  Yes. Am fine. Thx. Just not in the area now. Will call you soon.

  She hit send and watched the screen confirm transmission. With a feeling of growing optimism, she turned the phone off and dropped it back into her pocket. Christine smiled back up at Sarah who was trying to entice a small squirrel with a pine cone.

  It was a good day.

  32

  Zahn sat comfortably in his oversized seat aboard the Boeing 757, watching the television affixed to the wall in front of him. To his right sat Kia Sarat and behind him nearly two dozen more of his staff.

  Zahn watched his boss, the secretary of state, give a speech on the latest bombings in D.C. and Philadelphia. The impassioned speech was filled with platitudes and empty promises, just as they always were. Zahn could not think of a more worthless politician and stopped listening after he heard the fifth promise for justice. However, even with his disgust, Zahn remained somewhat elated. Had it not been for his boss, all of this would have been significantly harder.

  He switched channels to another program and listened to the anchors discuss the news that the Pope himself was planning to visit the United States in a couple days as a gesture of faith and solidarity. The man and woman on TV were tripping over themselves to agree on what an important gesture it was to the US citizenry.