We, The Lucky Few

by P. S. Lurie

  Yet autopilot kicks in and my legs march on towards my house. There might be police nearby so I might not have the chance to enter. And if I do? I work through what I’m going to say to her but come up empty.

  Theia

  ‘You’ve always been good with him.’

  My mother stands in the doorway to my room but I don’t turn towards her.

  ‘He’s my brother.’

  ‘Sometimes I regret not being around more. In many ways, you were more his mother than I was. For Leda too.’

  ‘You were saving lives. I did what I had to.’

  My mother joins me and sits on the other side of the bed. ‘When did you become so brave?’ she asks. I take her questions as rhetorical and don’t respond. She wipes a bunch of hair from Ronan’s forehead and sweeps it to the side, which reminds me of how I left Jason and I shudder that, if it was left up to my parents, Ronan could soon face a similar fate. He doesn’t budge from her touch but he is lightly breathing so I tell myself not to raise my voice.

  ‘Theia, what you said downstairs.’

  ‘I don’t want to talk about it.’

  She ignores me. ‘What did you mean when you said I don’t care about this family?’

  ‘It was stupid. I was angry.’

  My mother reaches over and lifts my chin up so that we are eye to eye. ‘Whatever you think you know remember that I love you more than anything else. You should not question my loyalty.’

  I assume that she knows I have learnt her secret but there’s nothing else to say about it other than to argue. Instead, I revert to a more practical topic. ‘What are we going to do? We’re running out of time.’

  ‘I don’t know. I’m not in the business of ending lives.’ For the first time tonight I respect my mother for her honesty. Just because she’s older why should she have any more of a clue about how to proceed?

  ‘I think we should talk about it,’ I say. ‘You, dad and me.’

  ‘Maybe I can explain to the police officers tomorrow morning that I have several children. They may take pity on us,’ she says, naively. ‘Maybe the announcement forgot to mention that.’

  She’s clutching at straws. She needs to accept what’s happening. ‘Go to my back window,’ I say. It comes out as a barking order.

  My mother walks to the window looking onto Henry’s house. I direct her to the other window and join her. The dead family are in clear view and the surviving girl is back in the room staring at the disarray. My mother’s eyes glaze over. But it’s not like she hasn’t seen dead bodies before.

  ‘Look,’ I instruct. Like splashing cold water on your face in the morning, seeing the murder scene of a family not dissimilar from ours is a wake-up call. ‘Do you know them?’ I ask.

  ‘I knew the mother. The girls are twins.’

  I correct her. ‘Were twins.’

  ‘What happened?’ she asks.

  ‘The same that is happening in every house. People are turning on each other. What other option is there?’

  My mother returns to the bed and sits so that I tower over here. She speaks softly. ‘I can’t believe it.’

  ‘Start believing it. Unless you want us to go that way, we need to come up with a decision. One that we all agree with.’

  ‘Theia, I think you need to leave this to your father and me to work out.’

  ‘No. I don’t trust you.’

  ‘You don’t trust me or both of us?’

  ‘We’re running out of time. I cannot emphasise this enough.’

  ‘Whatever you’re angry about with me you have to trust me that I have yours, Ronan and Leda’s best interests at heart. It’s not fair to punish me. I didn’t ask for this.’

  ‘You’ll wake Ronan.’

  My mother takes the hint and goes to leave the room. She stops at the door. ‘Ok. Come down when you’re ready to talk.’

  I turn to her, staggered by her hypocrisy. ‘When I’m ready? I can’t...’ I’m looking for a fight but she has already left.

  I want to believe my mother but I can’t shake her conversation with Dr Jefferson. By the end of this evening there will likely be no couple in the Middlelands left together, with the possible exception of my mother and the doctor. It would be a unique relationship. I wonder how they’d live with themselves.

  Selene

  I arrive at the top of my road and don’t detect any police. I am versed in my neighbours’ lives, less out of genuine interest and more as a way to distance myself from my own unpleasant household. I look through the glasses around the street that I have always detested and see few signs of life in the nearby houses. It is as if the vitriol from my house has dispersed and brought more violence upon this street compared to any other. Most of the red figures are lonesome. Their threat is over. I can’t see inside my house from here.

  The heavy uniform slows my pace and, under the difficulty of navigating the gloomy streets, it has taken me a while to arrive but, even still, it was not long enough.

  I stand outside my house and the dread I always feel upon entering fills up inside me. It’s impossible to work out if I am safer in my house or outside it. There is no patrol here but I notice a woman from two houses along glance through her curtain at me and draw it when I stare back. If only she knew the truth.

  An overgrown thicket blocks the view into my living room. My mother’s inability to tend for any living thing is clouded by everyone else’s apathy at gardening. It’s one more misconstruction that serves to mask her true persona.

  She has left the curtains open. I shift my position until I can see into the room.

  My mother is slumped on the couch and my heart beats fast at the sight of her. She might be dead. I do something risky by walking up the path for a closer look until my nose is a hair’s breadth in front of the window. If she’s not dead but spots me it could give her a shock. If a policeman spots me I could suffer more than that.

  At first my mother appears to be motionless but I hold my breath for a few seconds and notice a gentle rise and fall around her stomach. With her eyes closed and her hair swept away from her face she even looks peaceful. Her spiteful aggression towards me flashes across my mind. Still, to anyone seeing her for the first time, she looks innocent.

  But I know that innocence is far from the truth. I think of all the accusations and hatred and force she has thrown my way. Blaming me for my father leaving us, telling me I have ruined her life, showing me I am worthless.

  Despite this, she really does look innocent. Like one of Henry’s childhood storybooks about a sleeping princess waiting for someone to rescue her from her eternal torment. Yes, innocent. Harmless. Peaceful.

  Undefended. Her guard is down, as if someone could sneak up and end her life.

  Theia

  The door to my parents’ bedroom is ajar. I figure my mother checked on her parents and the absence of commotion suggests she found them in an irreversible state. I don’t want to see them but can’t help but consider that of all the ways to die tonight my grandparents had it pretty good. Maybe after seeing all the victims it would be good to see the deceased who took control and ended their lives on their terms. Together and comforted. No betrayal. No pain. In the absence of living, it’s not a bad way to die.

  The light is on from behind the closed door to the bathroom. I grow suspicious and tiptoe to the door and listen in. Sure enough, my mother speaks to Dr Jefferson. His voice is shrouded in static but most of his words are audible. ‘All the patients are dead. Most of the faculty has been taken care of. The nurse with attitude is going strong but I’m loaded with weapons. I think I can do this.’

  My mother doesn’t reply.

  ‘Penny?’

  A pause. ‘Yes. I’m here. I’m worried for you.’

  ‘I’ll be fine. But I should go now. I don’t want to reveal my hiding place. I figure I should wait until the others tire themselves out.’ Dr Jefferson’s tone makes him sound like he’s embroiled in a harmless game of tag. A game that he is enjoying. It disg
usts me further when I consider my mother is attracted to him.

  ‘Penny?’

  ‘I’m sorry. The connection’s bad. You should go.’

  ‘What’s happening there?’

  ‘My parents are dead.’

  ‘Good,’ he quips back. Good? Again, she’s attracted to him?

  But I realise tonight is a numbers game and we all need to die for my mother to survive. Dr Jefferson shows no compassion towards her family, which is a strange attribute for his line of work or his apparent ability to impress her. Honest and blunt, yes, but this uncharitable trait is anything but charming. Maybe this is what it takes to survive: self-preservation for the new world. Perhaps Dr Jefferson is the most realistic person out of all of us.

  ‘The kids?’

  ‘Adam.’ My mother doesn’t say anything else.

  ‘Do what you have to. Someone’s coming.’

  I hear a distant scream or maybe it’s the screech of a weapon or something equally horrendous an my imagination runs wild. My mother evidently can’t bear to listen in as the static clicks off. I head downstairs before she detects me. Her earlier words to me hang in the air. I have your best interests at heart.

  I wish I could believe her.

  Henry

  Three of us remain: my father, my mother and me, and we are back to where tonight should have started but no further than that. If the evening follows my parents’ plan, soon only I will be alive.

  Once Selene is out of sight I head to the bathroom and urinate. I flush the toilet and sit on the lid. I’m not ready to continue the discussion my parents thrust on me from before. I don’t want to be left alone and I don’t want my parents to die to make this happen. I came into this world a mistake and have complicated it further for my parents. I wonder if they regret my existence more tonight than at any other time. If I had never been born would it be my father to survive, the physically stronger of the two, or my mother, the more self-sufficient? Or would it be neither?

  I look around the bathroom at the scraps of products. I could probably end my life in here with a poisonous concoction. I tell myself that I couldn’t do this for the sake of the distress it would cause my parents but that argument is only to hide that I wouldn’t attempt suicide tonight because I am a coward.

  My mind is full of questions no one should have to dwell on but I am left with the only conclusion: I will be forced to decide the manner of my parents’ deaths.

  Selene

  I watch my mother sleep, angry with her ability to rest when I could be in danger. It doesn’t bode well for the odds of her welcoming me with open wide arms. I’m convinced she wouldn’t give up her life to save mine but this is unfair and I know my judgement is skewed.

  I could enter the house and settle my apprehension but any plans are put on hold at the noise of approaching footsteps. I spin around and, after fumbling with the glasses, see a red figure draw near. I drop behind the bush and hold my breath but I realise my mistake that the plants won’t deter the guard’s heat sensitive glasses – if I can see the policeman through the bramble then there is no reason he can’t see me – so I stand up and reach for my gun.

  ‘Hello?’ a young, nervous voice whispers.

  I rise to full height, keeping the gun by my side, which is hidden behind the mass of shrubbery but ready to be used if I am forced to.

  He must be overheating as he carries his helmet by his side. The policeman is no older than a teenager. I don’t recognise him. His rests his glasses on the top of his head.

  Intuition tells me he is terrified and has no maliciousness within him. I could break my cover that I am female by speaking but instead I nod and he composes himself and returns the gesture. He doesn’t look sadistic, not like the other policeman. He can see that I am not willing to talk and so he walks away. I watch him until he is out of sight before removing my own glasses.

  I was lucky this time. Whatever I decide, I need to do it now.

  Theia

  My father waits at the bottom of the stairs. ‘Everything ok with Ronan?’

  ‘Yeah, he was exhausted.’

  ‘And your mother?’

  I lie. ‘With grandma and grandpa.’

  I stop on a step a few away from the bottom so that we are at eye level. When I was smaller, I used to hop on his shoulders from this height and go on rides.

  ‘I’m sorry Theia.’

  ‘This isn’t your fault?’

  ‘For not listening. We should’ve thought about this earlier. What do you want to happen?’

  ‘I don’t want to do this.’ I know this conversation is fruitless. That my father finally wants to discuss it proves he’s still in denial that Ronan should be saved.

  ‘You told me to open my eyes. Now you want to shy away from the truth?’

  ‘No, I don’t. I never did. What I don’t want to do is give up.’

  ‘This isn’t giving up Theia. This is acknowledging that the end of the line is in sight for all but one of us. I am making amends for ignoring that. I’m making amends for all these years that I’ve given up.’

  His slump into depression is something I no longer feel anger about, or at least I don’t blame him for. Disengagement with the world and the people you care about is a more complicated matter than simply failing to care about it. But I equally don’t want to pander to his pithy apology now.

  I try to walk past my father but he puts his hands out to stop me, at first creating a barrier. ‘We need to talk about this.’

  As I struggle to get past he becomes more forceful and grabs my wrists. ‘Let go of me,’ I say. I try to remain stoic but I whimper at the pain. I shake him off but he just holds on tighter.

  ‘We need to talk about this,’ he repeats.

  ‘Richard?’ My mother is at the top of the stairwell, too shocked to say or do anything else.

  Appreciating that he is hurting me, my father lets go and doesn’t follow me as I walk away.

  Henry

  I mull over Selene’s departure. I’m happy for her but can’t accept that she isn’t going to return. My thoughts of what will happen to her are interrupted by a knock on the door.

  ‘Wait a second.’ I unlock the door and am stunned by who it is.

  ‘Hey,’ says Theia.

  ‘You’re back.’ She rubs her wrists. ‘Are you ok?’

  ‘Not really.’

  It is second nature for us to go to my room when we want to leave the world behind. ‘Selene really loved this room,’ I say.

  ‘She’s a fighter.’

  ‘I know.’ I guess she must have arrived home by now. I can’t imagine what happens next for her.

  Theia walks to my back window and stares out to the night sky. ‘Did you see the girl?’

  I join her. ‘The one who killed her family?’

  ‘No. There.’

  She points to window in the next house along. My eyesight isn’t as good as Theia’s but I recognise her. It brings back a horrible memory from a few years ago. ‘That’s Melissa Wren.’

  Theia looks shocked. ‘Oh my god, that’s Melissa?’ She scrunches her eyes. ‘Her hair’s dark. But she’s blonde?’

  ‘It’s definitely her. You remember her from that day, don’t you?’

  Theia continues to stare at Melissa. ‘Of course I do. She’s being Rehoused. Her parents are...’ She backtracks. ‘I can’t see them.’

  I look around the house. Most of the lights are on but only Melissa is visible. She holds up a sign. Always looking for danger, you two. Hi Henry. I guess she remembers us too.

  Theia writes a note from my stash of paper. We’re fine. Just need some time to think. She holds it up to the girl.

  ‘You’ve been communicating?’

  ‘You were busy with Selene. I guess Melissa can’t help us this time.’ Theia walks away from the window in a hypnotic state. She sits on the end of my bed and I perch on my desk.

  ‘You’re being Rehoused,’ Theia says.

  I don’t react.

&nb
sp; ‘Guess you feel overjoyed.’

  ‘Over the moon.’

  ‘What would you rather happen?’ Theia waits for an answer, as if I have something insightful to offer.

  ‘None of this.’

  ‘My mother is having an affair.’

  Her announcement catches me off-guard. I’m too stunned to reply.

  ‘With Dr Jefferson,’ she continues. ‘I heard them on the walkie-talkie. He’s in the hospital. He wants her to survive.’

  The world has always been a dire place but at least I knew where I stood in it. Now it is too complicated for me to comprehend. Selene’s mother has never hurt her beyond repair but only because it was illegal. Whilst I can imagine Selene’s mother acting out of self-interest I never saw that from Theia’s mother. With Theia’s announcement I’m not sure that’s true anymore. I try to reassure Theia by fobbing it off. ‘She wouldn’t do that.’

  ‘Do what? Have an affair or kill us?’

  ‘Does she know you know?’

  ‘I think so. I think she wants to be with him.’

  ‘She’d die for you Theia.’

  ‘Only if he was dead first.’

  ‘You don’t really think that’s true? I don’t think you have to worry.’

  Theia jumps up. ‘I don’t have to worry? Are you for real? You’re sorted so you wouldn’t understand. I sent Selene on her way so she’ll be fine too.’ She laughs. ‘I don’t have to worry? I have Ronan and Leda to worry about.’

  ‘Theia...’

  ‘No you’re right. It’s fine. I shouldn’t bother you again. I’ll just figure this out myself. Thanks for your help.’