Solid Stone: Choices

by E. G. Patrick

  Through teary eyes I blurt out, “I saw you and her together the day I left. You were at our coffee shop. I saw you holding hands and laughing together. It was clear you started where you’d left off. I felt the energy between the two of you that night at the fashion show.”

  He’s shocked and sounds panicked. “You think I’m with Tanya, don’t you? Oh no! How could you think that? Is that why you left?”

  I lean forward, putting my face only inches from his and scream. “I’m not stupid. I know what I saw. You were very intimate; I watched the two of you for a while. You behaved like a fucking giddy couple. So fuck you and her!” He leans back putting some distance between us and then gets up.

  Good, get out, I think. Instead, he comes back with his laptop and waits for it to boot up. He bangs very heavily on his keyboard, his jaw clenched tight. When he finds what he’s looking for he turns the laptop in my direction so I can see what’s on the screen. It’s a contract with Tanya and a major makeup company. He scrolls down so I can see the date. It’s dated the day I left.

  It’s my turn to be shocked now. “I was helping her with this contract. I told her when we broke up, if she ever needed legal advice that I’d help her. I was only keeping my promise. What you saw was Tanya being excited over the contract. It’s an eight-million-dollar deal that’s made her famous. It includes magazine advertisements and commercials. This is a model’s dream come true. You should have come into the coffee shop and I would’ve told you.”

  The tears flow freely now. I bang my fists into his chest, pressing my tear stained face against him. The realization of what he just told me is breaking my heart and breaking me down. “Why didn’t you come after me?” I scream into his chest, my fists still hitting him as hard as I possibly can. He doesn’t try to stop me, he takes it, lets me behave without control.

  He almost whispers, “You told me not to. I gave you what you wanted.” I look up at him, I must look a sight, my hair’s stuck to my face and his white shirt is stained with my tears and makeup. We just stare at each other, lost and broken.

  He gets up and his body slumps when he comes back. He uses a tissue to wipe my face. Even after what I just said, he’s trying to make me feel better. The full whack of the situation hits me like a ton of bricks. My heart splits in two, and that pointy edged knife is back to rip out what’s left inside of me. I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life and wasted months of precious time. I throw myself backward on the sofa still in disbelief, but I know it’s true. I reach for the glass of wine which Adam takes from me.

  “Drinking isn’t going to help,” he says gently. He gets me a glass of water and hands me another tissue.

  Amongst tears, I say, “I’m so sorry, can you ever forgive me?”

  He looks sad, so sad. “I thought so, until now.”

  “What do you mean?”

  He bows his head. “I was going to give you some space and then try to get you back. That’s different now though.”

  “Why?”

  “You don’t trust me Violet.” His chest rises as he takes a deep breath. “I thought you’d left because I was too hard on you about the job in Chicago. I even came to understand that I should’ve supported you, and I didn’t. I was wrong to force you to stay, but now what you’ve told me changes everything.”

  He studies my face, even reaching to touch it, but stops himself midway. “When you left, you ripped my heart out, even though I trusted you with it, and even that I was willing to overlook.” He sighs, “I would’ve followed you anywhere, or given you anything you wanted, even when my pride said I wouldn’t.”

  I deserve to suffer, feeling worse now than when I left! I gaze into his eyes, looking for a glint of hope we can survive this. “Can’t we even try? I still love you, I never stopped. I’m so sorry. Please, can we try to work this out? There were these text messages!” I must sound desperate, but it’s true.

  He almost whispers, “I’m sorry, so sorry.” He looks away, trying to find his words, then must realize what I’d just said. “What text messages?”

  “It was a text message that drove me to the coffee shop, to you and Tanya that day. I’m an idiot, how could I even think…” I pause, my gut wrenches. “At first, I thought they were just ads, wrong numbers, but the last one was more obvious and goaded me to go there, to our coffee shop. Oh Adam, I’m so sorry.”

  “Do you still have them?”

  “I think one or two. I deleted the rest.”

  He’s very direct. “Give me your phone.” He scrolls through the messages until he finds the unknown number. He uses my phone to call someone. “Ray, it’s Adam Stone. I need you to trace an unknown number from this cell phone,” he pauses, “No, text messages from last year. Yes, I know it’s a long shot, but do your best.” He hangs up and still looks uncertain. “Have you received any more?”

  “No, none since that day.” My voice trails out, my insides still hurt.

  “I’ll stay on top of this with Ray until we find out who’s behind this. He’s a good private investigator I’ve known for a while.” What he says next stings like an angry hornet’s nest.

  He looks into my eyes, his throat sounds tight and his voice sad. “You didn’t trust me. When I think of what we were, it’s horribly painful. I just can’t…” I want to slap his face for not giving me the answer I want. His handsome face stares back at me. “Are you going to be okay?”

  “What do you think? I’ve just learned I’m a fucking fool! Feeling terrible isn’t even close.”

  It doesn’t help when he says, “How could you even think I’d want anyone else? We came so far together.” He’s stabbing me in the heart and I deserve it.

  He still sounds sad. “How many times did I tell you, you’d let your temper get the better of you one day. I tried to teach you self-control and I failed. I’m sorry.” I think back to his lesson wishing I could turn back the clock to that day. We were still in love and together then.

  “You didn’t do anything wrong. This is my fault.” I sob. “We were so good together.”

  “I know, but I just can’t. I went against all my beliefs to come back to you…trust, it’s vital. It all comes back to trust.” He shakes his head.

  I stop crying and wipe my face. I’m going to make this easier for him. “You should go. I shouldn’t have called you like I did. It was selfish.”

  “I can’t leave you like this. You’re still very upset and I’m worried, those text messages.”

  “I’ll be fine. I haven’t received any more. You must need to get home.” I’m numb now and feel hopeless.

  He gets up and reaches for my hand, pulling me into a standing position. He leads me into the bathroom and wipes my face with a warm face cloth. Taking my hair brush, he brushes my hair off my face. It feels good.

  Opening the medicine cabinet, he pulls out my toothpaste and toothbrush. I brush my teeth blindly. When I stand to rinse my mouth, I see him the mirror, he looks so sad. When I’m finished, he takes me back into the living room, looking for the door to my bedroom. I point to the right. He takes my hand and like a zombie I follow him into it.

  Adam sits me on the side of the double bed and begins opening drawers. He pulls out a T-shirt and hands it to me. My body aches inside and out. The evil knife from my past scrapes away at my insides.

  He helps me undress and I just let him. He undoes my blouse, lifting each arm gently out of it. When he takes off my bra, it feels good to have my breasts freed. He pulls me up and unzips my skirt, letting it drop to the floor and slides off my nylons. He pulls the T-shirt over my head and my eyes follow him as he pulls the sheets down.

  He helps me into bed and covers me. He folds my clothes and puts them on the small chair in the corner of the room and then he leaves. Deep down, I want him to stay and lay next to me. I’m relieved when he comes back in with a glass of water and two Advil. “Take these,” he say
s. I do as I’m told, handing him back the glass. “Go to sleep Violet.”

  I look up at him, as his dark blues eyes look back at me. I love those eyes and start to cry. This makes him sit on the side of the bed and take my hand. I let go of it. “You should go. Over time I’ll learn to live with this.” I turn away from him and bury my face in the pillow to hide my tears. My very existence has turned to sadness, and at some point I fall asleep.

  §

  When I wake, I’m pain free for about a second until last night comes flooding back. There’s someone moving around in the apartment and I can smell coffee. As I’m about to get up, Adam comes into my bedroom with a mug of coffee and a plate with peanut-buttered toast. I can’t help but smile at the sight of him, and gush at the fact he made me breakfast and cared enough to stay. That happy feeling sinks when I remember what he told me last night. He puts the coffee cup on my night stand and hands me the plate. He’s unshaven, and his white, stained shirt looks worse in the light.

  His voice is low and a little gruff from lack of sleep. “You slept hard. I watched you all night. I’m glad, you needed to rest.” I loved him before, but I love him even more now, despite everything, he’s still here.

  “Adam,” I pause holding back tears, “I’m really sorry I called you.” I take a deep breath, “I’m sorry for everything, and to make it worse, you must be exhausted.” I’m holding it together for his sake.

  He’s holding it together too, I can tell. “I’ll be okay. Eat your breakfast and then get ready. I’ll drive you to work and then catch my plane.” He gives me a small smile before leaving the room.

  I’d rather be with Adam and quickly get up and follow him. When I sit down, he looks over at me and manages another smile. Neither of us knows what to say, he must be feeling as terrible as I do. His Blackberry buzzes giving him an excuse to look away. Thinking, I aimlessly eat the toast, I can’t taste a thing. The coffee has a much better effect because it’s Adam’s blend; he added cinnamon like he used to when we lived together.

  When he looks up I say, “What time is your plane leaving?”

  “It’s takes off at eight. Alice made the change.”

  “You should’ve gone home.”

  “I couldn’t, I would’ve worried about you.”

  I’m lost for words, so I come up with, “Do you want more coffee?” He hands me his cup and smiles again. As I head to the kitchen, I turn, catching him watching me. My T-shirt just barely covers my behind. He quickly looks back down at his Blackberry.

  “Thanks,” he says when I hand him his coffee.

  “Let me wash your shirt.”

  “You don’t need to, I have time to go home and change before I go into the office.” I nod, I’m not going to argue, he’s had enough drama from me already. His chest must hurt from my assault last night.

  After I shower I dress quickly and dry my hair. Adam looks up. “You almost ready?” He used to say that to me a lot when we lived together.

  “I am.” I manage a smile for him.

  “Good, the car will be here in five minutes.”

  “Okay.” I put on my coat and Adam picks up my laptop bag. The black sedan is waiting right out front. The driver greets Adam and smiles at me. It’ll be a short drive, no more than five minutes.

  Adam walks me right up to the glass doors of my office building, and as he hands me my laptop bag, he touches my shoulder and then pulls me into him. He says while still holding me, “Take care of yourself and call me anytime, okay?”

  When I look up into his eyes, he can’t help himself and leans down to kiss me on the lips. I press mine firmly against his, trying to remember everything about them. He steps back and says, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that. This is much harder…”

  I step back saying casually, even though I’m dying inside, “You’ll be late if you don’t go now. Poor Alice won’t be happy having to reschedule more of your meetings.”

  Nodding, he turns toward the car. Midway, he looks back and our eyes lock for a moment. My eyes follow him and yes, he looks back again. It’s like we’re the only ones on the planet, in this moment anyway. He waves and gets into the car, and I wave back watching his car disappear in traffic.

  §

  I plop myself down in my desk chair. My body aches from a pain, no agony, that’s buried deep inside me. No one will know about it, only me, there’s no evidence of it on the outside. I do my best to focus on work. Paul’s out until about two today. I review a very long contract for a sales company client and the work for now, at least, keeps me distracted from thinking about what I learned last night.

  Just before noon I head out for lunch. Heather stops me at reception to talk about Adam, the very attractive lawyer that was here yesterday. I know I shouldn’t blame her, but hearing hear prattle on makes my insides hurt even more. I let her drone on for a few more minutes, before excusing myself so I can leave for lunch.

  The cold air hits me like a ton of bricks as the wind gusts and I pull my hat down and wrap my scarf tighter around my neck. Patrick, at the coffee shop, brings me a pastrami sandwich and a latte. He’s added fries to my order, making me smile. My mind constantly goes back to last night. It’s a movie reel that keeps replaying over and over again in my head. It just won’t let up. All I can think about is Adam. Somehow I’ve managed to eat half the sandwich and walk back to the office with the rest of the latte. I smile at Heather as I rush past her.

  Paul asks me to come into his office. His face shows concern. “I just want to make sure you’re okay. You must’ve been surprised yesterday. It really was a last-minute meeting, and it was me who called him, so when he said he was in town, I had to say yes.”

  “It’s fine Paul.” What else can I say? I continue, “He was completely professional.” I ask the question I didn’t get to ask yesterday. “So are you working on another merger together?”

  “Possibly. I’m just glad you’re okay.”

  “I am, so stop worrying.” He nods and goes back into his office.

  My office phone rings. “Violet Cole speaking.”

  “Hi, it’s me, Adam.” When I hear his voice, I take a very deep breath and hold it.

  “Hi.”

  “I was just calling to see how you were doing. You okay?”

  “Yes, I’m okay.” I lie.

  I can hear him breathing like he’s stalling for time. “Good, I’m just making sure. I know you have your friend Jane there, and of course Ann, but I’m here too if you need a friendly voice.” He’s really trying to be kind and I want to be appreciative, but it’s so hard because of how I feel. It would be so much easier if he were being a jerk.

  I do my best to act like a friend. Letting my breath out quietly I say, “Thanks for calling. So how was your day?”

  “Same old, you know meeting after meeting. I only stepped out to check on you. It’s nice to hear your voice.”

  “You don’t have to check on me, and you should go back to your meeting. They must realize by now that you’re goofing off.” I give a fake chuckle and that makes him laugh. It’s nice to hear that laugh.

  “You’re probably right. Call me some time, I like hearing your voice. Be good.”

  “Okay, bye.” The line goes dead and my heart wails inside of me.

  Just after five I stick my head into Paul’s office. “Good night. I’m heading home now.”

  He looks up from his desk and seems tired. “Okay, have a good night, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  §

  If the weather was better I’d go for a really long walk to clear my head. Seeing his coffee cup brings all of the sad feelings back, full blast! I tell myself that in time I’ll get through this; I have no choice.

  In worn out yoga pants I reach for the television remote. Maybe when I move back home I’ll get a cat. That makes me laugh. Yeah, me and 5 cats! I watch an hour of TV b
efore I start yawning. At bedtime my thoughts trail to Gia and the Prince. I need this distraction.

  The prince has been away for almost a month now. When I hear the palace suddenly come alive, I know he’s home. My body fills with excitement and hope that he will call for me tonight. My servant prepares a bath and it’s not long before I enter the steamy chamber. She helps me into the small pool-like tub.

  The water is soothing and I close my eyes as she begins to wash me. It’s not long before she stops. When I open my eyes, I see my servant kneeling in respect as my handsome prince steps into the bath behind me. His warm body feels good against mine. Tilting my head upward, he kisses me passionately. Between kisses he says, “Gia, all I have been thinking about is getting back here to see you and to touch you.”

  His hand grazes over my wet breasts; my nipples stand tall for him. His cock feels hard against my back. Turning me around to face him, he pulls me in close. His muscular chest presses against my breasts and my hands slide up and down his strong arms. Desire fills my entire body. His mouth finds my nipple and his tongue teases it.

  His cock protrudes above the water. My hand wraps tightly around him, I slide it up and down while he continues tormenting my nipple. Without warning, he bends me over the side and slides his finger inside me. When he moves it, undulations of pleasure form instantly. I move my bottom back and forth, assisting his finger fucking. It feels glorious! Using my hair, he pulls my head back slightly, kisses me, and moves his lubricated finger up into my anus, while his generous cock enters my center at almost the very same time. I groan.

  “Oh, Gia, you feel so good.” He croons while still tugging my hair.

  “Oh, Master, I’ve missed you so much.” The sensations in both places take me closer to euphoria. The delightful pulsations move through my entire core. His finger moves while his cock thrusts. “Ahhh.” I cry out. The surges come closer together and I climax! It’s been too long without him. He continues fucking me, while his finger explores me from behind. Soon, his cock throbs and he cries out too. When our bodies relax I turn around and kiss him. His tongue parts my lips and dances with mine. I wash his powerful cock as he moans against my lips.