by J. L. Ostle
I’m sitting on the couch with one of Jensen’s guitars, practicing the notes Dominic taught me. I’m determined to be able to play at least one song by the time this tour is over, which is in two weeks. AA will be going to Europe to finish the rest of their tour and I’m not sure what is going to happen between us, but I’m not going to ask yet.
I’m humming another Michelle Branch song; she is now my personal favorite singer. Jensen sits next to me and I know he is going to talk about me going to my bus tonight. I don’t mind, it would be nice to spend more time with my sister and Dominic since I’ve been less sociable recently. I just want to know who this Trigger guy is.
“Sky, I need to ask a favor from you.” I put the guitar down and look at him so I can see every expression and emotion through his eyes.
“Okay, ask away.” I watch him rub his stubble and look at the ceiling like he’s trying to figure out how to word what he’s going to say.
“This guy I know from another band is coming to hang out with me and the guys tonight. I would love for you to be here, but he likes to party a little harder than normal.” I look at him confused at what he means by harder. He can see the confusion on my face and continues, “He likes to drink heavily and have girls basically naked around him when he parties. I don’t want you to see that kind of thing.” Wait, so there are going to be half naked, drunk girls around and he wants me to be okay with that?
“So, you want me to leave you alone, with a guy who likes to have naked girls around him, on your bus so you can hang out with them, but you don’t want me there to witness it all?” I shake my head, not understanding this.
“I want to hang out with him, not the girls,” he tries to defend himself.
“But there are going to be drunk, half naked girls around and you want to be alone with them?” I stand up, feeling pissed off. I got attacked today and he wants to hang out with groupies?
“You know what? Do what you want. I’ll see you later.” I grab my jacket and walk towards the exit.
“Sky, don’t be like this.” I spin around and point at him.
“Listen to it my way then, huh? If I was hanging with a girl who enjoyed having half naked guys around and I told you to leave me alone with them, would you be okay with that? Knowing I’m alone with these guys?” I see his eyes darken. “Exactly. You don’t like it, but you think I should be okay with it, even after I went through a day of hell? You enjoy your party; I’ll enjoy hanging out with my sister and friends.” I walk out of the bus wishing it was a real door so I could slam it shut.
I tell Lake and Dominic what happened as soon as I walk on the bus. They knew something was wrong since I looked like I could kill someone with just my stare alone. Come on though, it’s not right what he did. Would any girl be okay letting their guy hang out with someone who needs half naked girls surrounding him? I just feel insecure. He’s been by my side every day and now he wants space to what? Party?
I’m sitting with Lake on the couch playing zombies on the game console, trying to distract myself from thinking about what’s going on over there. I saw a limo pull up but I couldn’t see who got out, or how many. It’s completely bugging me; I can’t believe I have turned into one of those jealous girls. I should trust him, but there is a voice buzzing in my head telling me that I can’t, not fully. I died again on the game and Lake takes the controller from my hands and stands up with her hands on her hips.
“Right, this is annoying me as much as it is you. I’m not going out with the guy but my head is full of some nasty images of what may be happening over there. You are my baby sister and I love you, I need to see with my own eyes that he isn’t being a dog.”
“What are you wanting to do? Go over there and spy on them?” I chuckle at her but her face doesn’t change. Oh my God, she’s serious. “We can’t go spy on them.” Can we?
“Yes, we can. We’ll just pop our heads in and if everything is okay, we’ll come back here and enjoy some quality time killing zombies. Deal?”
“What if there is something going on though?” I rub my face with my hands. I’m not sure if I would rather sit here not knowing or go and end up seeing something with my own eyes.
“Then I’ll kick his ass and you’ll dump that sack of shit like yesterday’s garbage. No one is messing with my sister, so pull up your big girl pants and let’s go.” I stand up, feeling my stomach flutter with butterflies.
“Okay,” I barely get out. We grab our jackets and head towards the door when Leon asks us what we’re doing.
“Going to make sure Jensen is being a good boy and not getting his dick wet,” Lake says casually and kisses his lips softly.
“Okay, if you think that’s best.” He looks at me and I can see he’s worried. Even he thinks maybe Jensen is up to no good.
Great, now I’m worried.
“It is. We need to know; it’s driving me crazy.” Lake grabs my hand and pulls me off the bus. We head towards Jensen’s and can hear music coming from the inside.
“What do we do now?” I ask her. She is looking at the bus door, knowing we can’t get in without being noticed.
“Okay, get on your hands and knees and I’ll see what they are doing.” She can’t be serious.
“The windows are tinted; you won’t be able to see inside.”
“The front ones aren’t, now come on and get on your hands and knees.” I can’t believe I am actually doing this.
I bend down and get on all fours and Lake stands on my back. Damn she weighs a ton. She gets her balance and asks me to lift higher and I try, hoping she doesn’t hurt my back in the progress.
“What do you see?” I ask impatiently.
“Hold on.” I wait a few minutes then I feel her jump off me. She’s looking everywhere but at me.
“Well, is he cheating on me?” I bite my lip and she shakes her head, biting her nails. I know she does that when she is debating on something. “What’s wrong then, what is he doing?” I start to get annoyed that she suddenly went so quiet.
“I think we should go back; he’s not cheating on you which is a bonus.” She tries to pull me away but I know there’s something wrong and she is hiding it or waiting till we are away before she tells me, but I need to know now.
I don’t know if it’s just the adrenaline, or that voice in my head that is screaming at me to see for myself, but I run to the bus door, open it, and walk up the few steps until I can see what’s going on. There is a guy I don’t recognize who has a girl on each side in nothing but panties, their breasts in his face.
Kym is sucking face with a girl in the corner; Lloyd isn’t here but I see Travis smoking something that I’m sure is illegal. But my eyes are trained on Jensen; the caring guy who has opened up to me; the guy with a sweet side who worries and treats me like I’m glass. Except for today and now I know why. I watch as he snorts a white line of powder up his nose then leans back, inhaling in.
Drugs.
He’s doing drugs.
Like he can sense me, his eyes open and land on mine. I see shock in them before his signature smirk appears. The guy I thought I knew turns into the dick I first met. He eyes up my body and I wish I wore something different than my short shorts and tank with a leather jacket.
“Baby, you come to please your man?” I look at him, really look at him, and all I see is a mess of a guy who is high as a kite, I think the expression goes.
“You made me leave so you can do drugs?” I ask him.
“I couldn’t do it in front of you could I? Miss High and Mighty, Miss ‘everything is black and white’. I’m just getting a buzz; all rock stars do it.” He can’t be serious.
“Come on Sky, let’s go.” Lake takes my hand and tries to guide me away.
“There goes my girl, everyone,” he claps his hands, “who is harder to get into than one of my own concerts.” He laughs at me and I feel sick that he just brought up our personal life in front of these people. I hear snickers come from the boob twins.
“D
on’t you dare try and laugh at my sister.” Lake storms up to the girls. “You’re sitting here with your tits out for these guys to look at you and snort drugs off you. You’re pathetic. I bet your parents are real proud of what you’ve become. At least my sister doesn’t open her legs to every Tom, Dick and Harry who gives her attention just to be used and tossed away.” Lake walks back to me and grabs my hand again.
“I’d like some sister/sister action if you’re interested, Lake?” Jensen says, looking at her like he could devour her.
“You make me sick. Come on, Sky.” I’m pulled away from the bus to the sounds of their laughter.
Lake walks me back and takes me to our room and I just sit there, feeling so stupid. What did I truly expect from him? He’s a rock star who is used to a certain lifestyle; a lifestyle I will never be a part of. I can’t be with someone who takes drugs; I’ve heard what it does to people. I just want this tour to be over so I don’t have to see him ever again.
Lake tries to talk to me but I tell her I want to be alone. I lay on the bed, images of us flowing through my head like a movie. Him, holding my hand every chance he got. Talking about anything and everything. Our first date. I feel like he is two different people and I definitely don’t like the one I just saw. I know now that person will always be there.
I wake up the next morning to banging on the bus door. I groan into the pillow before standing, hating that I had only a few hours of sleep. I get off the bed and am heading to the door when I hear raised voices coming from the other side. I peek out the door and see Jensen standing there with dark circles under his eyes, his hair messier than normal. Lake is standing in front of him blocking him from going any further.
“What do you think you’re doing, banging on our door this time of the morning? Are you inconsiderate as well as a drugged up asshole?” Lake growls at him.
“I just want to talk to Sky. I need to apologize about last night.” He rubs his eyes, looking tired.
“I don’t want you anywhere near my sister, you get me? You stay the hell away from her. I thought you would be good for her but I was wrong. Now fuck off before I do something you’ll regret.”
“I’m not leaving until I talk to her.” He walks towards her but she doesn’t move a step.
“Go away or I swear I will get the guys to kick that pretty face of yours in. FUCK OFF!” she roars and I flinch at the volume of her voice.
“Sky! Sky! I’m not leaving until you talk to me!” He shouts out to me. I groan and open the door, his eyes landing on me. I shake my head at him. What the hell is he doing here?
“Go away, Jensen,” I tell him, staying where I am.
“I just want to talk, please.” He looks defeated but I don’t care. I meant what I said; I can’t be with someone who can do drugs like it’s nothing.
“I don’t want to talk to you. You ditched me after I was basically attacked so you could do drugs. You chose drugs over me. The way you talked to me was disgusting. I can’t be with you knowing you can be like that. Please just go.”
“Please, Sky, I don’t know what I was thinking. Please, just give me another chance. I messed up.” I look at him and he is pleading to me but I shake my head, I can’t do it.
“I’m sorry but I can’t.” With that, I go back to my room.
“You heard her, now leave,” I hear Lake tell him.
“I’m not giving up Sky; I will make it up to you,” I hear him yell, then finally, there’s silence.
I lay back on the bed and hate that I have two more weeks of this. Lake comes in the room and sits with me. She is about to say something when her phone rings and she answers it; I can hear Robert faintly in the background.
“Yeah, she’s okay; Dominic got to her and brought her back.” There’s a pause. “Yeah, that’s fine. We will meet you then.” She hangs up and looks at me. “That was Robert; he was checking in to see if you were okay, he wants us to meet him when we get to New York. He has some news for us.” I nod my head. Great, more band stuff. “I’m sorry for taking you last night. I thought the worse was him being with another girl; I wasn’t expecting him to be doing drugs.” Yeah, you and me both.
“It’s not your fault; at least I know now. I can’t be with him knowing he does stuff like this. I just can’t.”
“I don’t blame you, I would be the exact same. Let’s just get this tour over with and see what Robert has in store.” I nod my head and lay back down to try and sleep for another hour before I need to get ready for rehearsal.
I went to rehearsal and Jensen was there, sitting in the third row like always, watching me, but I wouldn’t look at him. I’ve made a couple of dance mistakes which isn’t like me, but I know it’s because my head is distracted. I apologize to the guys that it’s taking us a little longer than normal. They understand completely, saying we all have off days. I make sure to leave with Lake, knowing Jensen will try to talk to me if he ever sees me alone.
I go back on the bus and was shocked to see the place covered in every flower imaginable. A note with my name on it confirms that they’re from Jensen, begging for my forgiveness. I smell the daisies in front of me and walk to my room, trying not to cave to the sweet gesture. I also receive emails from him, pleading for me to talk to him, but I don’t reply.
We play the show and luckily there are no mistakes, but my whole heart wasn’t in it, which made me feel guilty; people spent a lot of money to see us, well us and AA. I’m leaving to head back to the bus when I hear my name being shouted and turn to see Kym heading towards me.
“Sky, do you have a minute?” she asks me. I look behind her and notice she’s alone.
“Sure, what’s up?”
“I know you don’t want to talk about Jensen, but he’s messed up about what happened last night. He was going on and on about you all night, well until he acted like a complete ass, but it was the drugs talking, not him.”
“It doesn’t matter, Kym; he was doing drugs. I know you’re going to say all rock stars do it, but I can’t be with someone who does. You know me, I’m a good girl, I can’t be around someone like that.” I try and make her understand.
“I know. I just want you to know he really is sorry. I’m sure he’ll give up that shit for you; he’s crazy about you. He’s back to the guy he was before fame took over and that’s all because of you; you’re a good influence on him, and it’s not like he does it all the time, just here and there.”
“I’m sorry, Kym, but I’ve made up my mind. This tour is over soon for us anyway and it will be harder to see each other after that. I don’t know where this career is taking us, but I’m sure it won’t be down the same path. I’m truly sorry and hope we can still be okay, although I’ll understand if you don’t want to be friends since Jensen has to come first.”
“Hey, we are always going to be friends. Like I said, I know he can be an ass. He messed up a good thing. Just don’t be too hard on him, okay? He’s never been dumped before. I think it’s ruined his ego a little bit.” We both laugh.
“Thanks Kym.”
“Anytime.” She hugs me and walks back towards the stage. I’m about to head out the back door and head towards the bus when I hear my name coming from the stage and curiosity gets the better of me. I head back to see Jensen standing in the middle talking into the microphone.
“Like I was saying, I messed up a good thing with Sky, the lead singer of Risen Knights, and I wanted to tell her how truly sorry I am, I know I messed up. This is a little out of the norm for us, but we’re going to play a song just for her, hoping she can find it in her heart to forgive me and give me another chance.” The lights go low and the guitars start to play and his voice comes through. He’s singing Bryan Adams ‘Please Forgive Me’ and it’s all too much. I walk away, hearing his voice flow through the halls until I slam the door behind me, drowning it out. Why is he making this hard for me?
I walk on the bus and see Dominic where he always is, sitting on the couch with his guitar, strumming away a melody
. I sit next to him, neither of us saying anything. It’s like he knows I just need his company, not words. I listen to him play for a bit before grabbing a spare guitar. I sit next to him and watch his fingers, trying to copy the movements. We stay like this for the rest of the night.
I wake up the next morning, noticing the bus is moving. I look out the window and see the sun high in the sky; I must have been tired to sleep for this long. I get in the shower and sit down, letting the water spray over me as I try to get my thoughts together. My head is so messed up. I thought relationships would be easy at the beginning; not full of all this drama and confusion. It’s been two weeks, two weeks, and already I feel like it’s too much.
We head to New York and for the first time since starting the tour, we’re actually staying in a hotel room. I look around the foyer of the hotel thinking how amazing it is. AA got the penthouse on the very top floor and we are on the floor below but I don’t care; at least I’m not anywhere near Jensen. I can still feel his eyes on me whenever he’s close by, but I try to ignore it.
We head straight to our floor and I can’t believe how massive our suite ends up being. There is a living room that looks twice the size as ours at home and I see four doors that I assume lead to the rooms. I pick one and enter and run straight to the bed, laying on it, feeling like I’m on a cloud.
I’ve missed having so much space. I quickly change my clothes and head to the sitting area where everyone is at and notice Robert is there already. He smiles at me and I sit next to Dominic, who wraps his arm around my shoulder. I notice Robert watching us.
“Right, well, I bet you are all wondering why I’m here. I heard the tour is going amazingly, and that the fans are loving you. I wanted to be the first person to tell you that the album has reached number one on the charts.” I look at him with my mouth hanging open. Number one? No way.
“Holy shit, number one? You hear that guys? We’re fucking number one!” Chris jumps up and down on the couch.
“There is also going to be a movie from the eighties that’s being redone, Teen Witch, and they want you to choose a song to record a track for it.” Oh my God, I love that movie. I turn my head to Dominic, eyes wide in shock, and he is smiling at me, remembering that I made him watch it.