Binding_13_Boys of Tommen

by Chloe Walsh

  "True," both Gibs and Hughie agreed in unison.

  For the next couple of hours, I ignored Bella and Cormac, focusing my attention on my friends and the live band playing in the corner of the bar.

  I tried to relax and let loose by joining in on the conversation, while necking back drink after drink, but it wasn’t coming easy to me.

  I was too stressed.

  When I wasn’t actively trying to avoid Bella and Cormac, my mind wandered back to the niggling concern that I tried so hard not to dwell on.

  My health.

  Problem was, the alcohol flushing through my veins was making it impossible for me to block out my fears.

  What if I couldn’t get my shit together?

  What if my body didn’t heal?

  What the fuck was I supposed to do with my life?

  Every theoretical egg I had ever possessed was firmly nestled in the basket labelled 'career in rugby'.

  Right now, that basket was toppling and I was powerless to stop it.

  In other words, I was completely helpless and utterly screwed.

  "Okay, folks, this next song is from Reckless Kelly," the lead singer announced over the microphone, distracting me from my drunken thoughts. He strummed on his guitar and then added, "Wicked Twisted Road".

  Leaning forward, I placed my elbows on the table and strained to hear the lyrics over the noise of the crowd.

  One verse in and I was hooked.

  Drunk as I was, I knew I needed to remember it.

  I needed to hear it again.

  The words were shooting straight through me.

  I felt them hard and deep, relating something fierce to every line of every verse.

  Unsurprising – but still completely messed up – it was Shannon's face that flittered through my mind as the lyrics forced their way into my sluggish brain.

  Shannon with the lonesome eyes.

  A lifetime of striving to be the best.

  The fear of not being good enough.

  And the constant, sinking feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach.

  Dragging my phone out of my jeans pocket, I tapped out a quick text, hoping I was typing the name of the song properly before exiting my messages, leaving the text in my drafts.

  With my phone in my hands, I pondered about what I would do if I had Shannon's phone number.

  It was good that I didn’t have it.

  Never in my life had I been partial to drunk dialing, but right now I had a burning urge to dial her absent number.

  Would she pick up the phone?

  If she did, what would I say?

  Would she talk to me?

  Fuck, I wanted to hear her voice on the other side of that line.

  This girl is different, my stupid fucking brain chanted. This one is for keeps.

  I wanted to be back in my room, with my phone pressed to my ear, listening to her stumble over her words as she told me every one of her thoughts.

  I wanted to be back here with her, watching her blush and smile and peek up at me through those long, thick lashes.

  I wanted to be sitting in that dark cinema with her, not paying an ounce of attention to the film showing, while I stole secret glances at her and burned in heat when I found her eyes on me.

  I just wanted her.

  You could love this girl your whole life, the crazy thought persisted inside my brain over and over, if you just let yourself.

  A sharp elbow to my ribs had my head snapping up.

  "The fuck?" I turned my glare on Hughie, annoyed to be distracted from my happy place. "What was that in aid of?"

  "We have company," he muttered, inclining his head.

  "Oh god, here we go," Katie mumbled under her breath.

  Bleary eyed, I followed his move, my gaze landing on Cormac Ryan just as he rounded our table, face flushed and lipstick smeared across his mouth.

  Hot on his heels was a smug looking Bella.

  "Alright, lads?" Cormac acknowledged, shoving his hands into his pockets. "How's it going?"

  Leaning back in my seat, I gave them both an impassive look.

  Hughie gave Cormac a stiff nod but made no move to enter into small talk with him.

  Katie didn’t even look at him.

  Gibsie was looking at him; a murderous expression replacing his usual lopsided grin.

  "Johnny." Cormac's wary gaze landed on me. "Can I have a word, lad?"

  I took my time looking him up and down before settling on, "If that's what you want to talk to me about –" I gestured to Bella who was standing behind him with a smirk on her face, "Then there's no need. Your actions spoke clearly for you tonight."

  "Listen, Johnny, I don’t want any trouble," Cormac replied, running a frustrated hand through his black hair. "All I wanted to do was clear the air and make sure there's no hard feelings between us." Shrugging, he added, "We have to play together and I don’t want any bad blood."

  "The window of time to talk to me about this was months ago," I replied in a flat tone. "And considering we were playing together when you decided to fuck me over, I find that hard to believe."

  "It wasn’t like that, lad," Cormac countered, flustered. "I thought you two were off at the time."

  "I honestly don’t care," I told him. "As far as I'm concerned, she's your problem now."

  "Johnny, come on –"

  "Now off you go," I interrupted, waving him off. "And good luck with that –" I shot Bella a scathing look. "Because you're going to need it."

  "That?" Bella spat. "Who the hell do you think you're talking about, Johnny Kavanagh?"

  "I'm talking about you," I shot back with a sneer. "And I'm wondering what the hell possessed me to ever put my dick inside something so fucking poisonous."

  A chorus of snickering erupted around the table next to us.

  Gibsie laughed loudly.

  So did Hughie and Katie.

  I would have felt bad for the comment, but the alcohol flushing through my veins was like truth potion.

  "Yeah, well, you were total shit," Bella screamed at me. "And I will never touch you again."

  "Praise fucking Jesus," I shot back sarcastically. "That's the best news I've heard all year."

  "Hey – don’t be like that!" Cormac warned, taking a protective stance in front of her. "Bella's my girlfriend now, and I won't have you talking to her like that."

  I arched a brow. "Your girlfriend?"

  "That's right," Bella hissed, smirking. "I'm his girlfriend."

  "Ah, Christ." I rubbed a hand over my face and groaned. "I almost feel sorry for you, Ryan, because you clearly have no idea of who you're dealing with."

  "I know exactly who you are, Kavanagh," he snarled. "I know all about you."

  "Not me, asshole," I growled. "Her!"

  Cormac glared at me, face turning bright red. "What's that supposed to mean?"

  "It means keep an eye on your teammates, lad," I shot back. "Because that one's not girlfriend material."

  His eyes narrowed. "Come outside and say that to my face."

  "I'm saying it right here," I deadpanned. "To your face."

  "With a table in front of you, and your friends at your side," he taunted. "Big man you are. Come outside and talk shit about her to my face."

  "Nope," Gibsie replied for me, reaching for another shot glass. "Not happening. So, you can keep on walking, turncoat, because he's not biting."

  "Shag off, Gibs." Cormac glared down at him. "I wasn’t talking to you."

  "Maybe not," Gibs replied, tossing his drink back. "But I'm sure as hell talking to you." Shoving his stool back, he jerked to his feet and squared up to Cormac. "Now turn your ass around and take your little girlfriend back to the hole you both crawled out from."

  "Or what?" Cormac growled, pressing his forehead against Gibsie's.

  Bad fucking move on Ryan's part.

  "There's no contract hanging over my head like there is his, asshole," Gibsie seethed, pushing back with his forehead. "I have no fucking probl
em stepping in on Kav's behalf and kicking the ever-loving shit out of your turncoat ass."

  At six feet, both lads were evenly matched in height, but Gibsie outweighed Cormac by a good thirty pounds because on the pitch, Cormac was a skilled runner and Gibs was a highly charged battering ram.

  "Oh, for fuck's sake," Hughie groaned, voicing my thoughts aloud. "He had to push it."

  "Yep," Katie agreed glumly. "He sure did."

  Gibsie had an easy-going nature, but give him a few drinks and a reason to fight and he went all in.

  "I've got no problem with you, Gibsie," Cormac barked. "My issue's with Kavanagh."

  "Well, that's too bad, because I have a huge fucking problem with you," Gibsie snarled. "Who the fuck do you think you are, coming over here with her, trying to cause drama?"

  "I was trying to clear the air," Cormac bit out, jaw clenched.

  "No, you were trying to get a rise out of him," Gibsie corrected, snarling. "You were trying to fuck up his season." He shoved Cormac in the chest and claimed the space when he staggered backwards. "Because you're a jealous, little prick and The Academy doesn’t want you."

  "Push me one more time and I'll break your legs," Cormac snarled, shoving Gibsie right back.

  Unfazed by the threat, Gibsie continued on his rampage. "You and that bitch were trying to get one over on him because he doesn’t want her, and you can't do it where it counts." Pressing his forehead to Cormac's, he hissed, "On the pitch."

  "We don’t want any trouble in here tonight, boys," the barmaid called out over the crowd. "Pack it in!"

  "Trouble?" Gibsie laughed humorlessly, and then he swung his fist, catching Cormac straight in the jaw. "I'm going to rip this fucker's head off," he roared, barreling into him.

  Several high-pitched screams erupted from the girls around us as both lads landed on a nearby table, sending chairs flying and glasses crashing to the floor.

  I was out of my seat and closing in on my friend in seconds.

  "Gibs!" I roared, dragging him off of Cormac who was getting a few punches of his own in.

  "Walk away, lad," I commanded in a low tone as I clamped a hand on his shoulder and pulled him back to me. "This isn’t your fight."

  "Like hell it's not," he snarled, lunging forward so hard that I had to double my efforts to keep him at bay. "You're my best friend and this prick has been disrespecting you for months."

  "Let him," I replied calmly, catching Hughie's eye and gesturing for him to get his arse over here pronto. "I don’t care, and neither do you."

  "Oh, I care," Gibsie snarled, eyes locked on Cormac.

  "Get this mental case away from me or I'll kill him," Cormac seethed, wiping a trail of blood from his mouth. "You're a fucking lunatic, Gerard Gibson."

  "You'll do nothing," I snarled, glaring at Cormac, as I took a protective stance in front of Gibsie.

  Bella, who had been screaming her head off to the side, decided this was the perfect time to slip around me and get in Gibsie's face.

  "You prick," she screamed, slapping him across the face. "Don’t you dare touch him."

  "Get out of his face," I warned her, shoving my best friend behind me. "Now."

  "Or what?" she hissed, slapping me across the face. "You'll set your guard dog on me, too?"

  "Did you enjoy that?" I seethed, not even flinching. "Because that's the only way you'll put your hands on me again."

  She reared back and slapped me again.

  I laughed into her face. "Go on. Go right ahead. Hit me all fucking night. It won't change a thing."

  "Stop," Cormac commanded, pushing her behind his back. "Don’t hit him."

  "He deserves it," she screamed.

  "Because I don’t want you?" I tossed back and laughed. "Oh yeah, because that's how life works."

  "Don’t make me call the Gardaí on ye!" the older woman behind the bar screeched. "Pack of little gobshites."

  "No need for that, Mags," Hughie announced, scrambling to intercept Gibsie's swinging fist with his hand.

  "Get him out of here," I ordered, dragging Gibsie back once more.

  "Your place?" Hughie asked.

  "Anywhere." I ran a hand through my hair in exasperation. "Just keep him safe."

  Hughie nodded and turned his attention to Gibsie.

  "Let's go, Rocky Balboa," he said brightly. "Before you get us all thrown in the barrack for the night."

  "He asked for it," Gibsie slurred. "Piece of shit."

  "I know, lad," Hughie coaxed. "Come on." Wrapping his body around Gibsie's, he forcefully walked him backwards out of the bar.

  "You coming, Johnny?" Katie asked, glancing nervously between me and Cormac.

  "I'll be grand," I told her and turned my attention on Cormac.

  Are you sure?" Katie persisted. "You should come with us –"

  "Go ahead, Katie," I ordered, swinging around to catch her eye. "I'll make my own way home."

  "If you're sure."

  "I am."

  I waited until Katie had followed Hughie and Gibsie out of the bar before turning my attention back to Cormac.

  "You want to talk to me?" I snarled, gesturing towards the door. "Then let's go."

  Not waiting for a response, I pushed my way through the crowded bar towards the exit, receiving several claps on the shoulders and 'Great match, Johnny' and 'Looking forward to seeing you in green in June' spiels as I tried my best to walk a straight line.

  Doubtful, I thought to myself. Very fucking doubtful.

  When I reached the pub door and stepped outside into the street, I was relieved to not find the lads outside waiting for me.

  A few minutes later the door swung open and Cormac walked out.

  "Not her," I barked, pointing a finger at Bella who filed outside after him. "She stays the fuck away from me."

  "It's a free country," Bella countered, glaring daggers at me. "I can go wherever the hell I want."

  "Either she goes or I go," I growled, addressing Cormac. "Your choice."

  Bella opened her mouth to say something else, something spiteful, no doubt, but Cormac spoke first, "Go back inside," he told her. "I won't be long."

  "But I –"

  "I need to talk to him," Cormac pressed. "Go inside."

  With what looked like great reluctance, Bella went back inside, leaving me alone on the street with Cormac.

  "Right," he growled, rolling out his shoulders. "Let's do this, Kavanagh."

  I arched a brow, amused at the fighting stance Ryan had taken.

  If he thought I was going to throw my career away for a punch up over Bella, he was seriously mistaken.

  Shannon – absolutely, but Bella? Not a chance.

  "Put your fists away, ya bleeding eejit," I barked. "I'm not going to touch you."

  He watched me for several moments, eyes full of mistrust, clearing waiting for me to pounce.

  It was almost comical.

  Almost.

  "Believe it or not, Johnny," he finally broke the tension by saying. "I was genuinely trying to clear the air between us."

  "When we're both full of drink?"

  "Fair enough," he conceded. "But I didn’t mean for that to happen."

  "You didn’t mean for what to happen exactly?" I asked, leaning my shoulder against the wall of the pub for balance. "You didn’t mean to fuck me over, or you didn’t mean to hit my best friend and your teammate?"

  The night air had hit me like a fucking wrecking ball and I knew full well that without the wall for support, I would be swaying like the tower of Pisa.

  "Gibs hit me first," Cormac snapped and then threw his hands up. "He was in my face."

  "Because you were in mine," I replied calmly. "Because you were told to leave and you wouldn’t, and because I'm his captain and that means something to him."

  Cormac grimaced at my words.

  Good.

  Fucker needed to feel them.

  "And I didn’t mean to fuck you over," he added, cheeks reddening. "I thought you two were of
f. I really fucking like the girl, Johnny – I always have."

  "Then all you had to do was pick up the phone," I countered, words slurring despite my best efforts. "And hear it from the horse's mouth."

  "I should have," he finally admitted.

  "You know what the messed-up thing is," I mused, voicing my thoughts aloud. "It's that if you told me you liked her, I would have stepped back." Folding my arms across my chest, I glared at him. "I would have respected the shite out of you for being a man about it, and I would have walked away. Bella and I were never serious. I didn’t have a relationship with her. But I had one with you. And you betrayed me."

  "Cap –"

  "No, shut up and let me say this." Exhaling heavily, I said, "It's not that she went behind my back with my teammate. It's that my teammate went behind my back with her."

  Cormac groaned loudly. "Johnny, lad, I didn’t mean for it to –"

  I held a hand up, warding him off with his bullshit.

  "Don’t feed me that you didn’t mean for it to happen line. I've had sex, Cormac, many times, and we both know that when you put your dick inside a girl, you always fucking mean it. It doesn’t just slip in unannounced to ya."

  "You're right," he admitted after a long pause. "Shit, lad, you're right."

  "I know I am," I replied, tone clipped.

  "And you're really done?" He watched me with a wary expression. "You don’t want her back?"

  I shook my head and expelled a frustrated breath. "I don’t know how many ways I can say it, Ryan; I don’t want a bleeding thing to do with that girl. So, you go right ahead and do whatever the hell you want with her. Just keep her the fuck away from me, keep your PDA's out of my face, and we'll be golden."

  "Are you saying that to save face?" he pushed.

  "I would think you knew by now that I'm a straight talker," I growled. "When I tell you I'm done, I mean it."

  "So, that's it?"

  "Yep." I nodded. "That's it."

  "Why aren’t you more pissed at me?" he asked, giving me a mistrusting look.

  "Because I feel sorry for you," I told him and surprisingly it was the truth.

  I was feeling sorry for Cormac.

  I was also disappointed in him.

  I was a lot of things but pissed wasn’t one of them.