Binding_13_Boys of Tommen

by Chloe Walsh

It was incredibly intimidating.

  But I knew he wouldn’t hurt me.

  It was one of the few things in my life that I was absolutely certain of.

  This boy would never put his hands on me in anger.

  Inhaling a steadying breath, I added, "Maybe he caught me when he was trying to stand up."

  "Maybe," Johnny mused, nodding in agreement.

  I sagged in relief.

  "Or maybe it was those Legos again."

  My heart sank.

  "Was it?" Johnny demanded. "Did you fall over the same Legos getting those fingerprints on your throat that you did when you busted up your face on your birthday?"

  "Johnny–"

  "And how about the bruise on the back of your neck the time before that? Or the red mark on your face the time before that again? Or the bruises on your thighs? And your arms? And the rest of you?" He glared at me. "Was that those pesky Legos, too?"

  "Do you think my uniform's ready yet?" I changed the subject by asking. "I should probably get home."

  Yeah, I needed to get out of here.

  And fast.

  "No. No! Don’t do that," Johnny called me right out on my diversion. "Don’t try and brush me off," he growled. "I want to know what happened to you, Shannon."

  "I want to go home." Sniffling, I quickly wiped my face with the back of my hand. "Now, please."

  He ran a hand through his damp hair and sighed. "Christ, Shannon, don’t cry!"

  He unfolded his arms and moved towards me but I shook my head and held a hand up to warn him off.

  Johnny stopped short and ran a hand through his hair.

  "I can help you," he pleaded. "Let me help you."

  "Then help me by getting my clothes," I sniffled. "That's the only help I need from you.

  Exhaling a pained groan, Johnny closed the space between us and crouched in front of me.

  "I want to help you." He placed his hands on my outer thighs and looked up at me, blue eyes wide and sincere. He squeezed my thighs gently. "All you have to do is tell me what's happening, okay?" Reaching up, he tucked a wet strand of hair behind my ear, "Just tell me who's hurting you and I'll make it go away."

  You can't help me.

  No one can.

  I took that beating for talking to you.

  For taking a fucking picture with you.

  You are the last person who can help me.

  "I'm okay, Johnny," I croaked out, feeling the tears pooling my eyes. "You don’t need to help me."

  "You're lying to me," he growled, looking furious. "You're fucking lying to me and I can't stand it."

  "Please take me home," I strangled out, jerking away from him. "Just take me home and you won't have to stand me."

  Johnny groaned. "Shannon, come on. Don’t twist my words. You know that's not what I meant –"

  "I want to go home, Johnny," I choked out. "If you don’t want to take me, then I'll call Joey to come pick me up."

  "Okay," Johnny sighed in resignation. "Fine." Releasing me, he stood up and held his hands up. "I'll get your clothes and take you home."

  Exhaling a shaky breath, I nodded. "Thank you."

  He watched me for a long moment before shaking his head in resignation. "I'll be right back, okay?"

  Nodding, I watched him walk out of room, waiting until he was gone before slumping down on his bed.

  "God," I cried, furiously batting the traitorous tears away. "Get it together, Shannon."

  Don’t even think about telling him anything.

  His father's a barrister.

  You know what those guys are like.

  They'll get involved and you'll all be split up and put into care.

  Like Darren...

  Johnny's dog shifted closer to me, distracting me from my meltdown, and plopped her head on my thigh.

  "Hi," I sobbed, dropping my hand on her head.

  Sookie nuzzled my hand with her snout and licked my fingers.

  Her affection only made me feel worse.

  I didn’t deserve it.

  I had just lied to her human.

  "I wish I had a dog," I whispered to her, focusing all of my attention on her, desperate to block out my thoughts. "One just like you," I told her as I pulled my feet up on the bed and twisted my body to face her. "If I ever get a dog, it'll be one that that looks just like you – 'cause you're so pretty. Yes, you are."

  She rewarded my attention by crawling onto my lap – or at least she tried to.

  She was a fully-grown Labrador and I probably weighed less than her.

  "What do you want?" I whispered, scratching her neck with both hands. "Huh?" Tickling her ears, I pressed a kiss to her nose. "You want me to give you love?"

  Her tail wagged like crazy and she smothered me with wet dog kisses all over my face.

  It was a welcome distraction and I choked out a laugh at her enthusiasm.

  "What a good girl," I cooed, falling into a playful game of wrestling with her. "That's right. You're the best girl. You are."

  Encouraged by my response, Sookie clambered onto me, pushing her whole weight down on my chest and causing me to flop back on the pillows.

  "What?" I giggled through my tears as I ruffled her ears. "You like me?"

  She groaned deep in her throat, her approval obvious as she stretched out on top of me and nuzzled my face with her wet nose.

  "Thank you," I praised when she slapped her paw on my shoulder. "You're such a mannerly girl, giving me the paw."

  "Your uniform's still damp, but I brought it up anyway…"

  Startled by Johnny's voice, I tried to sit up, but I couldn’t because Sookie was still in full force play-mode.

  "Sookie, down," Johnny ordered in a tight tone of voice, eyes glued to mine.

  Obedient, Sookie immediately climbed off me and clumsily jumped off the bed, her paws slip-sliding on the wooden floor.

  "Out," Johnny commanded as he held his door open, still watching me.

  Sookie padded out of the room and he quickly shut the door, expression thunderous.

  God…

  "I'm sorry," I croaked out, pulling myself up on my elbows. "I was just, uh, playing with your dog."

  "Don’t be sorry," Johnny replied in a tight voice as he walked over to the bed, dropped my uniform down and then sank down on the edge.

  Keeping his back to me, Johnny leaned forward, his muscles flexing beneath his golden skin, rested his elbows on his thighs, and inhaled what sounded like several calming breaths.

  And then he did something I knew I would lose countless years of sleep over: he turned back around to face me, grabbed both sides of my towel, and pushed them together.

  To cover me, I realized.

  Because I had obviously been flashing him.

  Because let's face it, that was exactly the kind of luck I had.

  "I'm so sorry," I choked out, mortified.

  "It's okay," he told me in a gravelly tone of voice.

  "Did I –did you see my…"

  He nodded.

  Oh god!

  "I am so sorry."

  "Stop saying sorry," he replied, voice strained. "There's nothing to be sorry for."

  "I'm sorry you had to see that," I strangled out.

  Johnny shook his head and turned his back to me again.

  "Don’t apologize to me for seeing you," he groaned, dropping his head in his hands. "Fuck!"

  My heart was racing so hard in my chest in this moment that I found myself breathing faster, exhaling in short, puffy breaths.

  What was I supposed to do?

  Run?

  Leave?

  Hide?

  Throw myself at him?

  I didn’t know.

  I had no idea what to do.

  I only knew that my body was rooted to his mattress, eyes glued to his muscular back.

  "I'm going to take you home now," Johnny finally stated quietly, head still in his hands.

  "Yeah, okay," I whispered as the sound of my pulse hammered in my ears
.

  "That's what I'm going to do," he added, though I wasn’t sure if he was talking to me or himself. "I'll take you home," he repeated but made no move to stand up.

  Several seconds passed where he remained completely motionless.

  Unable to bear the tension building inside of his bedroom, I reached out and touched his shoulder blade. "Johnny?"

  A small tremor rolled through his huge frame.

  And then he turned around to face me.

  "I can't be alone with you like this," he whispered, eyes locked on mine. "I…" He exhaled a ragged breath. "Not here… not when you look like that."

  His eyes were heated and full of uncertainty and roaming wildly over my body.

  His chest was rising and falling at a rapid pace, mirroring my own.

  I looked into his eyes, feeling my heart squeeze so tight it was hard to breathe.

  In one stare, I felt like I had collided with him.

  It was instant and shocking.

  My feelings exploded inside of me, absorbing the boy and all he was like a sponge that was desperate for water.

  I was desperate for him.

  All of him.

  Every piece and part.

  Raging hormones, encouraged by my frazzled emotions, overrode my common sense right then, causing me to do something completely out of character.

  Releasing an unsteady breath, I reached up, grabbed Johnny's neck, and pulled his face down to mine.

  And then I kissed him.

  I had no clue what to do next, my bravery deserting me in my moment of need, as I knelt on his bed and held his face in my hands.

  Johnny's eyes were wide open and locked on mine, clearly stunned, as I pressed my lips to his.

  But he wasn’t kissing me back.

  In fact, I was fairly sure he wasn’t breathing.

  My actions had turned him to stone in my hands.

  My eyes were wide and bulging in my head as I broke the kiss and stared in horror right back at him.

  "I'm so sorry," I blurted out, mortified.

  "It's okay," he told me, breathing hard.

  "No." I shook my head furiously. "No, it's not okay."

  "Shannon, it's okay –"

  "Oh my god! What did I do?"

  "Shannon," Johnny coaxed, tone firmer now. "Stop. It's okay –"

  "It's not okay," I strangled out as I scrambled off the bed and backed up, hitting his chest of drawers in the process. "I just – oh god!"

  Staggering backwards, I shook my head and held a hand out to warn him off when he took a step towards me. "I'm really sorry."

  "Shannon, it's okay," Johnny said as he held his hands up. "Just stop moving around for a second and talk to me, will ya?"

  I didn’t stop moving.

  And I didn’t stop to talk.

  Because I couldn’t.

  I was in full-force panic mode and for once, my flight instinct had kicked in.

  "I need to go," I announced, mortified.

  "No, you don’t," he replied calmly. "We can talk about this."

  "No!" Shaking my head, I slipped around Johnny and snatched my clothes off the bed. "I need to leave," I added before bolting into the bathroom and locking myself inside.

  "Shannon, come on," Johnny called out, knocking on the door. "Open the door."

  Speechless, I staggered over to the toilet, pushed the lid down and collapsed on top.

  "Oh, god," I breathed, as I dropped my head in my hands.

  What the hell did I just do?

  Not only did I flash Johnny Kavanagh, but I went one further and kissed him.

  My first kiss.

  The first time I ever put my lips on a boy.

  And he didn’t reciprocate.

  Oh my god…

  What the hell was I thinking?

  Why was I feeling like my heart was shattering into a million pieces?

  And most importantly, how was I going to get out of this bathroom?

  Because there was no way I could face Johnny now.

  In fact, I was fairly sure I could never face him again.

  47

  Crying girls and burning hearts

  Johnny

  Someone put their hands on her.

  Those kinds of marks didn’t happen in a bleeding ruck, never mind during a soccer game in P.E.

  It was ridiculous, and she was ridiculous for feeding me that line.

  What did she think I was; some thick eejit who couldn’t tell the difference between an accidental bruise and foul play?

  I played rugby.

  I'd spent my whole life knocking up injuries and knocking lads out.

  I knew the goddamn difference between accidental damage and intentional harm.

  Someone squeezed her throat, and they did it so hard they left fucking fingerprints on her.

  If she was being bullied at Tommen, then I was going to find out.

  If it was McGarry, then I was going to end up in a cell.

  If it was those fuckers from BCS, then they might as well lock me in a strait jacket.

  I was about ten seconds away from going CSI on the situation, but then her big blue eyes filled up with tears and I was thrown another curveball.

  I had no clue how to handle girl tears.

  And girl tears coming from that particular girl affected me something fierce.

  And there was my hattrick...

  Going against every instinct in my body, because my judgement was clouded with the urge I had to comfort her, I'd given in to her pleas to get her clothes and take her home.

  But then I saw her – I fucking saw all of her – sprawled out on my bed, with my dog on top of her, and her towel hanging open, and my brain switched off, body taking over.

  And then she went and blew my carefully constructed world apart by putting her mouth on mine.

  Shannon kissed me and I froze.

  I completely fucking choked up, attacked by every abnormal, foreign emotion and sensation a person could think of.

  I didn’t expect it.

  I didn’t expect her.

  It all hit me like a head on collision in that exact moment and I clammed up, feeling more exposed and vulnerable in that moment than I had in my whole life.

  Contrary to how good my body assured me having her lips on mine was, or how much harder my heart had to work when she was around, my head knew better.

  It was not good.

  It was not fucking good at all.

  It took every ounce of self-control I had inside of my body to hold myself back.

  Especially when everything inside of me demanded I do the opposite.

  I knew though.

  I knew if I gave in to the burning need inside of me and kissed her back, then that would be it.

  I would be completely fucked.

  And so would Shannon.

  Because my being here was temporary and that girl reeked of permanence.

  The best I could offer was friendship, even if that was the last thing I wanted.

  "Shannon?" Resting my forehead against the timber frame, I continued to knock. "Will you please come out?" She locked herself in my bathroom thirty minutes ago and hadn't come out since. "Please?"

  Silence.

  Exhaling heavily, I knocked again. "Just open the door and we can talk about it."

  Nothing.

  "Please, Shannon," I growled, resisting the urge to bang my head against the frame. "Just come out. You don’t even have to talk to me if you don’t want to. I'll take you home and I won't say a word if you –"

  I let my words trail off when the sound of the lock clicking sounded.

  Moments later, my bathroom door opened inwards and there she was, fully dressed in her damp uniform, with puffy eyes and blotchy cheeks.

  Fuck.

  I made her cry.

  Again.

  "I'm ready to go home now," she told me in a small voice, not meeting my eyes. "If that's okay?"

  "Yeah, of course it's okay," I replied thickly.


  "Thank you." With her head down, Shannon stepped around me and walked over to my bedroom door.

  She looked so vulnerable and uncertain that all I wanted to do was wrap her up in my arms.

  My heart was on fire.

  Get it together, Kavanagh.

  Don’t do anything stupid.

  Don’t kiss her.

  You know you won't be able to stop.

  With great effort, I didn’t go to her and walked over to my wardrobe instead. "Just give me a sec, okay?" I told her.

  She nodded and dropped her gaze to her clasped hands.

  Sighing, I opened my wardrobe and quickly threw on a t-shirt, sweatpants, and hoodie.

  Grabbing a pair of socks from my chest of drawers, I sank down on my bed and pulled them on before toeing on a pair of runners.

  All the while, Shannon stood silently by my door with her wet hair falling forward, concealing her face.

  She looked so lonely in this moment that it physically pained me to look at her.

  Because I knew I was responsible for that look.

  And my heart was demanding I make it right.

  I wanted to.

  I just didn’t know how without hurting the both of us.

  "Here," I said, grabbing a jacket off the foot of my bed. "Put that on."

  Her nervous eyes darted to the jacket I was holding out for her and she immediately began to shake her head. "No, no, no," she croaked out. "I'm o–"

  "You're okay. Yeah, I know," I replied as I stood up and closed the space between us. "But it's still lashing down with rain outside, and I'm not okay with you getting sick. Put it on."

  "Are you sure?" she asked, reaching out hesitantly.

  Christ, this girl was killing me…

  "Positive." Handing her my jacket, I moved for the door, careful not to brush against her, knowing my poor dick couldn’t take the pressure.

  I waited for her to slide the jacket on and then I walked out of my room, knowing she was with me, even though she trailed behind.

  This felt so shitty – like the opposite of the right thing to do, which made zero sense because I was thinking with my brain right now, and not my dick.

  "I need to get Ma's keys," I told her when we were standing in the downstairs foyer. "Gimme a sec, okay?"

  "Um, yeah, okay," Shannon replied as she slid her hands into my jacket that was swamping her. "I'll wait here?"

  Was she asking me?

  It sounded like she was.