Queer Magick

by Davis, L. C.

  "Since today."

  Nick frowned, leaning down to eye Puff through the metal bars on his door. The cat hissed, echoing my sentiments. Maybe we would get along, after all. "I hate cats."

  "Good."

  He gave me a look. "Please, Holden. At least let me walk you home."

  I started to tell him no when I remembered what Daniel had said about his long-standing feud with my landlady and figured it would be a decent way to get rid of him without pissing him off. "Fine."

  We both started walking again and I made a mental note not to swing Puff's crate.

  "Does this have anything to do with that letter you got from Arkansas?" he asked after a moment of blissful silence.

  "You're reading my mail now?"

  "Just the address. I kind of have to. You know, to know where it goes?"

  "Oh." Well, shit. I hated when he was right.

  "This is about your father, isn't it?" he pressed.

  "So what if it is?"

  "Holden, I just want to keep you safe. I can't do that if you won't be honest with me."

  "Who appointed you as my personal bodyguard?" I challenged, stopping again against my better judgment. The house was within sight, if I could just keep my mouth shut another few dozen yards, but no. Nick seemed to have the direct line to my lizard brain. It was an unpleasant reminder of how the first time we met, he'd had a direct line to something entirely different.

  I expected some macho man retort, but instead he clenched his jaw and looked away. "It's hard to explain."

  How was I supposed to respond to that?

  "Why are you avoiding Daniel?" I asked, deciding to change the subject.

  He sighed. "I'm not. I've just been busy."

  "Let me guess," I said dryly. "It's complicated?"

  He made no move to argue, just looked like a scolded puppy.

  "Don't do that."

  "Do what?"

  "The eyes."

  "I don't know what you're talking about."

  I growled in irritation and that seemed to amuse him, which just pissed me off all the more. "For a guy who doesn't think anything about using mind control to pry into other people's secrets, you keep a lot of your own."

  His face fell and the last words I was expecting out of his mouth were, "I'm sorry."

  "You are?" The real question was, why didn't I want him to be? It was so much easier to be angry at him. No matter how much I wanted to deny it, especially after all Daniel's talk of soulmates, there was some spark between us that hadn't faded even if betrayal had crowded it out. It was strong no matter what I did, and my only defense in lieu of acknowledging its presence was turning it into something negative so at least I'd have an excuse to avoid him. And not to be hurt by how easy avoiding him had become.

  Shit. When had I become so basic?

  "I've had a lot of time to think about what I did," he murmured, scuffing his sneaker in the dirt. "It's hard to explain."

  "Try. I think you owe me that."

  He sighed and, to my surprise, he nodded. "Yeah, I do. Look, there are things I honestly can't explain because it would mean putting you in even more danger," he began. I got the feeling he wasn't just talking about my dad, but I didn't want to risk interrupting him to clarify. "There are other things I need to tell you, and I don't know where to begin."

  "You could start with explaining why you felt entitled to fuck with my head."

  His eyes flashed gold in the moonlight and for a second, I worried he was going to put me into a trance again, but he didn't. "I'm sure Daniel told you about the soulmate thing."

  "He did. What about it?"

  "It's related. I'm not normal and neither is my family."

  "Okay. How not normal are you?"

  He wrinkled one side of his nose, and if I wasn't so pissed at him, I might have thought the tick was cute. "Somewhere between freakshow and Twilight Zone."

  "Are we talking furry monster on an airplane wing Twilight Zone or nurses with pig faces Twilight Zone?"

  He blew a puff of air through his nose. "Furry monster on a plane is pretty damn close, actually."

  "Okay, so... Wait, your whole family can do that? The brain melty thing?"

  "It's called compulsion, and yeah, but only with our soulmates."

  There was that word again. "Nick --"

  "I know, you didn't sign up for that," he muttered. "I never meant for you to find out like that, or this soon. You weren't supposed to remember any of it."

  "You realize how that sounds, right?"

  "Yeah, I was just over at Daniel's and he read me the riot act, so I'm starting to."

  "Let's just leave you and me out of this for a second. Why would you need to 'compel' someone you think is your soulmate in the first place?"

  "To keep them safe. There are things only direct descendants of the Whitaker line are supposed to know. It's been like that for generations."

  "Generations?" I frowned. "So your uncle is keeping the same secret from your aunt?"

  "Yes."

  "And that doesn't bother you?"

  "It does, but it doesn't matter. It's just the way it is," he said with a shrug. "At least, that's how I thought it would be if I ever found a mate--soulmate," he corrected.

  "Why wouldn't you find one?" I asked, frowning. I couldn't believe I was actually humoring the Whitaker bullshit, but I was beginning to realize I was incapable of being fully logical where Nick was concerned.

  "It's --"

  "I swear, if you say it's complicated one more time, I'm gonna snap."

  He sighed. "Let's just say I'm weird, even for a Whitaker."

  "You realize things like 'weird' and 'family secret' aren't giving me a whole lot to go off of, right?"

  "I know. I'm still trying to figure this out myself. I thought my soulmate would at least be human. Or a girl," he muttered.

  "I am human." Not much I could do to comfort him where the other thing was concerned.

  "Normal humans can't just block compulsion."

  "That wasn't really me," I admitted. "I mean, I think someone else psychiced me before you did."

  "Psychiced?" he echoed, smirking a little.

  "Compulsion isn't a strong enough word."

  "Well, psychiced isn't a word at all."

  "It's a neologism."

  "Mhm."

  He was giving me that look again. The one that made my stomach twist in knots and my heart beat a little faster, only this time, my mind was too clear to blame it on his "compulsion."

  "So," he said with a sigh. "What now?"

  "I don't know. You're the one who..."

  "We call it imprinting," he offered.

  "Yeah, that."

  "I know what I want to do," he said. "But jumping the gun is what got us into this mess, and even if you didn't already hate me, I'm not sure it's safe for my family to know I imprinted on a witch. That takes complicated to a whole new level."

  "How does your family even know about witches if you're not witches?"

  "Never said we weren't," he grinned.

  "Are you?"

  "No. And no, I can't tell you what we are."

  "Let me guess, you'd have to kill me?"

  "No," he said carefully. "But I would have to compel you."

  I gulped. "When you put it like that..."

  "I'm trying to be honest. As honest as I can be."

  "I guess I can appreciate that," I murmured. "What about your uncle? The way he was looking at me at the party, I figured he already knew whatever there is to know."

  "I told him I thought I'd imprinted on you, but there's more to making it official than just seeing the person," he muttered, looking away. "For the time being, I'm letting him think it's a false alarm. I can handle my family, but keeping you away from them is probably the safest thing for now."

  "Why do they hate witches?" I asked, even though I wasn't sure I wanted to get in any deeper by knowing.

  "It's not witches so much as who you work for," he said, watching me e
xpectantly.

  "I don't know what you're getting at. I don't work for anyone."

  "You must have contracted with a demon if you're powerful enough to put up a psychic block like that. I saw him in your head."

  I swallowed hard, memory of the silhouette resurfacing in my mind. "That wasn't a demon. It was...never mind."

  "Please don't shut me out like that," he murmured. "I know I came on way too strong with the whole soulmate thing, but I can't not worry about you, Holden. It's not a choice. Hell, I'm not even gay, this is at least as confusing for me as it is for you."

  I blinked. "You're not gay at all?"

  "Honestly, I don't know what the fuck I am." He grimaced. "Not that any of that matters. I get that you're not into me like that, and honestly, I'm not sure I'm ready to go there myself, but I can't just turn the connection off. Something tells me you can't, either."

  I fell silent, searching for an argument that eluded me. He was right. I'd felt strangely connected to Nick ever since we'd met, especially after he compelled me. It just wasn't always the kind of connection I wanted to nurture. "So what do you want from me, Nick? I'm kind of knee-deep in my own chaos right now."

  "Let me help. We don't have to date and you don't have to understand why I feel the way I do, you just have to know that the most important thing to me is making sure you're safe. I'm not asking for anything more than that, or even your friendship. I just need to be the one who keeps you safe."

  The earnest plea in his words took me by surprise. All of his superficial charm was stripped away, making me realize Daniel wasn't the only one who had more than one side to him. I could see how the guy standing in front of me would have a friend like Daniel who was willing to risk anything to protect him, and as inexplicable as it was, there was some part of me that wanted to accept his protection in return. It also chaffed at my ego, but with a pushy demon on the loose, my father up for a hearing and a strange town full of more intrigue than I knew how to manage, I wasn't in any position to be turning down a body guard. Especially not one who would make a formidable enemy if I pushed him away completely.

  "I really don't get it," I admitted. "And I'm definitely not in the market for a soulmate, but if you can promise not to compel me again, I could use a friend."

  His eyes lit up but he flicked the hair out of his eyes and gave a casual nod. "Yeah, friends sounds good."

  "First rule of friendship: No compulsion," I said flatly.

  He snorted. "Yeah, alright."

  "Shake on it." I offered my hand and he rolled his eyes, but the familiar warmth that spread through me when his rough hand enveloped mine gave me pause. I still wasn't sure about the whole soulmate thing, and had more than enough destinies being thrust upon me for one lifetime, but I couldn't deny the calm that passed over me with his touch.

  "No compulsion," he promised. "Can I ask something in return?"

  I hesitated. "That depends on what the something is."

  "One friend to another, please be careful around Dennis. I know if I ask you not to see him, that's just going to push you further towards him." Before I could argue, he added, "But at least use the same caution around him you'd use with anyone else."

  "I will," I muttered.

  "Give me your phone."

  I wasn't crazy about being ordered around, but there was something commanding in his voice that made me want to obey first, ask questions later. One battle at a time. I watched as he typed out a message and his phone buzzed in his pocket. "There. Now you have my number. Promise me you'll use it if you need it, okay? No matter where you are or what time it is, you call me, I come. That's how it works."

  "What are you, my body guard or my guard dog?"

  He grinned, handing my phone back. "Maybe a little of both."

  "Goodnight, Nick," I said, shaking my head as I stepped onto the steep path that led to the farmhouse. He took my hand to help me down but made no move to follow me off the path, staring up at the narrow white house.

  "I'd walk you to the door, but..."

  "I know. Daniel told me you don't like Mrs. Marrin."

  "It's not really as simple as that," he mumbled. "More like I can't set foot past the property line."

  I tilted my head, tempted to ask why before I realized that would be violating the unspoken truce between us. Nick didn't compel me, and I didn't needle him. It was fair enough, but that didn't stop the questions from driving me nuts long after I had closed my apartment door and slipped out of my shoes and coat.

  I leaned down, opening Puff's crate. He was sleeping peacefully inside and he looked almost angelic when he wasn't hissing or trying to claw open my jugular. I decided to let him come out on his own time and climbed into bed to get some rest.

  That night, the nightmares that usually plagued my sleep were notably absent. In fact, I dreamed of the most delightfully mundane things, like tending to the garden out back, running errands into town for my landlady and quaint little festivals full of silly carnival games and greasy food. It wasn't until the sounds of wolves howling roused me into a half-awake state that my dreams began to shift to the usual sinister topics. At first, it sounded like the howling was coming from the woods rather than inside my own mind, but I was still ensconced enough in my dream world that the cool arms that wound their way around me and pulled me close as a smooth voice whispered words of comfort soothed me rather than jolting me awake. I drifted back into the most peaceful sleep I had known in years, settling naturally into the embrace that was familiar, if only in my dreams.

  Fourteen

  HOLDEN

  By the time the sunlight streamed in through my window, morning clarity made it easier to accept the howls and the strange presence that had interrupted my sleep as part of the dreaming themselves. Puff had moved during the night and he was still sound asleep, nestled against my back when I woke. When I sat up to stretch and yawn, he growled low in protest of the lost warmth, reminding me that he hadn't undergone a change in personality overnight, after all.

  It was only when I finished showering and started rummaging around in my closet that Puff stirred from his nest of blankets and stretched out, arching his long back with a yawn. "Hungry?" I asked, slipping a long-sleeved T-shirt over my head. I could already tell it was going to be one of those lazy days.

  Puff trilled and executed a few parkour-style jumps to hop up onto my kitchen counter as I poured myself a bowl of cereal. "I'll have to go into town to get you some wet food, but until then, I'm sure I've got a can of tuna around somewhere," I said, turning to rummage through the cabinets. When I turned back around for the can opener, Puff's face was buried in my bowl, crunching a sugary morsel between his razor-sharp teeth.

  "You're not supposed to eat that," I said, reaching for the bowl only for him to swat my hand away, leaving a few fresh claw marks on the back of it. "Hey!"

  He ignored me and kept chomping my cereal, so I poured myself another bowl and chalked it up to him not being able to hunt for himself out in the wild. "Daniel was right," I murmured, sipping a cup of coffee as I watched Puff. "You're definitely more of an indoor cat."

  He growled in disapproval, but when I ventured to stroke behind his ear, he leaned into the touch and purred, almost like he couldn't help but respond.

  "There," I said with a laugh. "I'll tame you yet."

  If I hadn't known better, I could have sworn that cat rolled his eyes.

  "You'll have to stay here while I'm out," I announced, pulling on a scarf. "Be good."

  He was ignoring me again, licking the last of the milk from the empty bowl. I checked to make sure the window was shut and locked up before leaving. The walk into town was quiet for about half a mile, so I took the opportunity to call the number on the card Dennis had given me and left a message when it went straight to voicemail. At least I felt like I had done something. I was tired of just reacting to whatever move my father made. If seeing him again was the price to keep him in prison, where he belonged, it was worth it.

  I
made a quick trip to the market and grabbed some food and supplies for Puff, along with a few things I'd promised Mrs. Marrin I would get the next time I went into town and headed back. I had finally taken my online shop off hiatus and I was already behind on orders, so I decided I'd pack them up and pay Nick a visit in the interest of starting our new non-overbearing friendship off on the right foot. Might as well reward him for good behavior.

  "Out and about?" Mrs. Marrin called, bending over a bed of weeds in the garden.

  "Just thought I'd drop off the things you asked for," I said, handing her the bag. "Need any help?"

  "No, there's not much to be done after what you did the other day," she said, eying me under the brim of her hat. "I still don't understand how you managed to bring those azaleas back from the dead in a week's time."

  I smiled sheepishly, holding the bag of cat food against my chest in an attempt to shield the label from her view. "I've always had a green thumb, I guess."

  "Hm." Her sharp eyes turned to the bag and she scowled. "That for your new cat?"

  "I --"

  "Before you start," she said, holding up a hand. "Daniel already gave me the guilt trip. You can keep him, but if I see him anywhere near my birdfeeder..."

  "I'll keep him inside," I promised. "Sorry about this. He just kind of showed up."

  She scoffed, turning back to the weeds. "Long as that boyfriend of yours stays away from here."

  "Boyfriend?" The gossips in Stillwater were pretty bad, but I had a hard time believing even they could know about my date with Dennis unless they had leveled up to wiretapping. "You mean Nick?"

  "You got another one in your back pocket?" she challenged. "That's quite an accomplishment for your first couple of weeks here."

  I couldn't help but laugh. "No boyfriends. Nick is just a friend. Really," I added when I could tell she didn't believe me.

  "Well, it's none of my business who you date, but you'd be wise to keep it that way, if you want my opinion."

  "Daniel said he dated your niece," I began carefully. "Was he really that bad to her?"