The Love of Her Death

by Luna Carrol

  She couldn't move. This is exactly what he must have done to his last lover, a man didn't he say? She closed her eyes. She felt his finger slid up into her pussy once more and then ease its way out.

  "That's a good feelin'."

  Nothing. His finger was gone. She looked to the side to see the gun. Nothing. Easing her legs together slow enough for her hips to readjust, she turned to sit on the bench.

  He was gone. The cowboy was gone! The door was too far away. Looking down she saw her nude body, and her crumpled clothes on the floor. She ached in unmentionable areas. He had really been here, so where was he now?

  Chapter Four

  After dressing, Donnice looked out the train window. A flat fog hovered over a lake that the train traveled over. The eerie sound of the train's whistle echoed somewhere in the distance.

  Pissed and confused were the only words for her mood. She couldn't believe Cowboy placed the gun to her temple. The idea that someone would kill her for the sake of ... well, that's part of the confusion. What would he get out of killing her? Or kinda killing her. Like he said, she was dead. Or was she? Shit. She felt as though she had been riding the merry-go-round way too long. Her mind spun even after the ride was over. Just where in the fuck did he disappear to?

  "I could look at that every night and not get tired of it."

  She recognized the conductor's voice and didn't turn around. “The moon makes the fog look alive. Ghostly gray."

  "Yes ... the moon..."

  She turned to look at his face. He was staring at her. She swallowed. Had he been talking about her? Nah.

  "Where is the other passenger?” She choked on the words. Just the idea of him finding her attractive and them being alone made it real hard to talk.

  "The cowboy?"

  "Yes. He just disappeared.” Did he know? God, that bothered her. The thought of him knowing what she did made her feel embarrassed, not spontaneous.

  His eyes narrowed as he stood rigid, with his hands locked behind his back. His strictly tailored uniform resembled any number of military uniforms. Perhaps it was his story about his past that made her think like that.

  "He reached his destination."

  "But the train didn't stop."

  He took out a pocket watch. “Our train only stops for pick ups."

  "How will I exit then?” She looked to her own watch before remembering it no longer worked correctly.

  "Same way he did."

  "How is that?” Boy, he could skirt an answer.

  "First, you answer me a question.” Uh oh. She didn't like his serious tone. It reminded her of the way her father used to talk just before explaining why he had to give her restrictions as a teenager.

  "What?” She cocked her head cautiously.

  "Why did you?"

  "Why did I what?” she asked while lowering her voice.

  "You don't want me to ask questions about the cowboy, do you?” He smiled.

  She remained quiet.

  "Yeah. Sometimes it's better when a person doesn't ask so many questions.” He extended his hand to her.

  She got it. He wouldn't ask questions about the cowboy if she didn't ask him too many questions. Deal.

  "Milk and cookies are being served in the dining car. Would you like me to show you the way?"

  Actually, milk and cookies didn't sound half bad. She couldn't remember eating anything since ... She couldn't remember. “I don't know when I last ate."

  Her face must have revealed the truth of her disclosure. The conductor nodded. “Certain memories remain forever, but others aren't needed anymore. Just be thankful you remember what type of food you like."

  He helped her up from her seat. His hand created an odd chill once more—cold but creating a shiver in her body.

  "You're so cold.” Doing her best to smile and appear friendly, Donnes placed her other hand over his.

  "Some people are cold on the inside, others on the out."

  He could have been talking about her. All her life, she had focused on herself and thought little of others. Even Patricia had seen that in their brief encounter.

  "I need to ... I'm sorry, what is your name?"

  He smiled. “My name doesn't matter that much anymore."

  "It matters to me.” She did her best to appear sincere.

  His eyes held hers. “So, you still believe that things matter?"

  The cowboy hadn't. Even his name wasn't something she cared about anymore. She nodded. “Yeah. Your name matters."

  "Colin."

  "It's nice to meet you, Colin. You can call me Donnes. Patricia seemed to like the nickname."

  He gestured forward with his free hand. “Chocolate chip?"

  "My favorite.” She smiled and allowed him to escort her. “Umm, where's the bathroom?"

  He smiled and continued to the door. He opened it and allowed her to walk past him.

  A bathroom! Her jaw dropped. This should have been the passenger car where she first saw Cowboy. She looked back at Colin.

  He smiled and pulled the door closed. “Just knock when you're ready."

  * * * *

  She didn't want to take too long, but relieving herself wasn't all she needed to do. She needed to clean herself and figure out how to make her hair look better without a comb or brush. Several minutes later, she tapped on the door like he asked.

  He opened the door and revealed still another car. It wasn't even a passenger car like she expected. She looked back then forward again. It had been the same car she was just in, right?

  Small, two person sofas lined the length of the car. Set in pairs, the sofas faced small linen covered tables.

  "The waiter will be with you shortly.” Colin turned to leave.

  "Colin, wait.” She placed her hand on his arm. “The cowboy, he would have shot me?"

  "Probably."

  "But what good would it have done? I'm dead already."

  "Are you?” His eyes didn't look convinced of it, but he left before she could say anything.

  She stood quietly for a moment. “He shouldn't leave without at least answering that question."

  * * * *

  Walking to a table, she sat down. The car was beautiful with wood paneled walls and carved details across the ceiling. The long stained glass windows above the curved ceiling flickered like jewels. Every detail of the car spoke of wealth and luxury. She wasn't used to all of this.

  A waiter entered the car. Dressed in black pants and a white waistcoat, he carried a silver tray.

  He stopped before her. “Milk and cookies?"

  He set the silver tray on the table.

  "Do you always serve cookies on silver?"

  The waiter lifted near black eyes. “I don't often serve cookies, but the conductor requested it."

  He needed to get some sun. With his dark hair and eyes, he could probably tan a little. In fact, he looked plain unhealthy.

  "What do you normally serve?"

  He smiled. “Our menu varies, but cookies are not often desired by persons with grave destinations."

  Her breathing quickened as he walked away. Grave destinations? That was her. Someone headed to a horrible place. Knowing that could squelch any appetite.

  Still, she lifted a cookie. She had always been a nervous eater, and Colin had requested just the right thing. Chocolate.

  The train's whistle blew, and the chug of the wheels began to slacken. She turned to look out the window. A snowy landscape appeared as the train slowed.

  Rows of houses along a brick road stretched before her. A man in black clothing and a tall hat stood on a ladder to light the gas street lights.

  "It's the freaking scene from A Christmas Carol."

  Donnes placed her palm on the quickly fogging window.

  She saw Colin. He was holding a well dressed woman's hand, helping her to board. Her tightly cinched blue dress widened to a full skirt. Her hat comprised of a wide bill and a full bow on the side just above her ear, wrapping her chin as a sash.


  Colin's eyes lowered to the woman's very exposed and well endowed breasts. He might as well just drool down the cleavage.

  "Hmmph, of course. He is a pervert, right?” She spun back around to grab a cookie.

  "Great. He flirts with Lady Godiva and serves me cookies like a child."

  The car door opened, and Colin escorted the lady to one of the sofas. Donnes noticed how demur the lady portrayed herself. She looked down and smiled sweetly.

  Well, she couldn't be too sweet if she was on a train destined for ... train whistle. Of course. Maybe the train hated the word.

  Colin better close his mouth before he drools all over that woman's chest! Demur my foot! She loved it.

  Colin winked at her.

  Oh God. Had she been staring that blatantly? She looked down at her cookies until Colin left. She hadn't realized she was so obvious until he winked at her.

  "Bon jour, mademoiselle."

  "Huh? Oh, hello.” Donnes bit her cookie again, refusing to look at the woman.

  "You are English?” Super. She even sounded seductive with that French accent.

  "I'm American."

  "Oh, how wonderful.” She gathered her skirts and scurried over to sit at Donnes’ table. “I am Marie St. Martin."

  "Donnice Jordan. You can call me Donnes.” Funny how that nickname fit her perfectly now.

  "I am pleased to meet you, Miss Jordan. It seems we are to travel together."

  "Yes. It appears that way.” She sipped her milk.

  "I do not think I could travel alone. Knowing where I am going makes this a frightening journey.” She giggled in the most ridiculously feminine way.

  "You know where you are going? And you're not upset?"

  "Why should I be? I had no choice but to kill the brute, and I cannot change it. I'm sure the powers that be will understand."

  "You killed a man?” Donnes lowered her cookie.

  "Mai oui. I had no choice. He raised his hand to me too often."

  Donnes stared at the delicate thing before her with her dark hair curled and pulled up high on her head. She wore no make-up, but her skin was flawless anyway. Her small hands, in gloves, didn't appear capable of wielding a weapon.

  "How?"

  She smiled. “I could not take such a brute by force. I had to make a trip to the apothecary."

  "Apothe-who?"

  "Poison, my dear. I had to poison him. I merely laced his food."

  Donnes looked at her cookies. That made more sense. Not openly violent and it didn't require strength.

  "He beat you?” Donnes thought about the ramifications of that.

  "Oui. It made him feel powerful, I suppose.” Marie smiled. “Of course, he appeared weak when he realized what I had done."

  "How is that murder? You acted out of self-defense."

  "I agree. It was something I had to do. I had no choice."

  Donnes stared at the smiling woman. Marie was too comfortable with that defense.

  "And now I am free. Free to do anything I wish. Does this not make you happy?"

  Donnes thought of the cowboy. She smiled. For the first time in her life, she could do anything she wanted. “Yes. I suppose so."

  "You suppose? I want to do everything, and there is nothing to stop me now.” The French woman smiled triumphantly.

  "I believe there is more to fear than you realize."

  "What is there to fear? I am dead. You are dead. We are still beautiful women, and we can do anything we want."

  "We can't get off this train when we want to.” Donnes nibbled a cookie.

  "And this is what you fear?"

  Donnes shook her head. “No. I fear the why part. Why can't we get off the train?"

  Marie laughed. “I believe you look for reasons to not let go."

  Donnice gave the other woman a sharp look. “What do you mean?"

  "You should enjoy life, especially when the end is so near."

  My God! What is it with these people? Did they all think she needed psycho-analyzing? “I'm fine.” She spoke with a long drawn out sigh.

  "No. No. If you do not learn to live a little, you will explode.” The woman's blue eyes widened as if to emphasize the great explosion.

  "I...” Well. That's exactly what had happened to her. She couldn't argue the woman's reasoning skills.

  The compartment door opened. “Is everything well, ladies?"

  "Yes.” Donnes looked between Colin and Marie.

  "Oh, mai oui. Thank you so much.” Marie smiled and lowered her eyes, but she peeked occasionally from below her lashes.

  The woman was openly flirting with Colin. She didn't know why that infuriated her, but it did.

  Colin leaned low and whispered something in the French woman's ear. Marie whispered something in French, and they both laughed.

  Donnes looked away as the woman continued to giggle. Of course, he would play along. She was exactly what he wanted. Tits and ass.

  She heard the compartment door open once more. Colin left, but Marie smiled at her.

  "You like this man?"

  Donnes felt her cheeks inflame. “What?"

  There was no way Marie could have seen that in her face. She had looked away. Of course, she had looked at them both briefly.

  "It is understandable. He is ... How do you say it? Sexy?"

  "I wouldn't know. I haven't spent much time with him."

  "Ah, but not much time is needed to know if a man is sexy or not. I knew he was even before I boarded. Didn't you?"

  She had, but then he insulted her soon after. She didn't need a man who would insult her. Her life was full of too much stress as it was.

  "He's dead, and he's arrogant."

  "You know, I think he likes me.” Marie sounded so sure of herself. She looked in the direction he had taken as she spoke.

  Donnes narrowed her eyes on the smiling woman.

  "A woman knows these things."

  "No doubt.” Donnes spoke flatly.

  "You would feel better if he looked upon you as he does me."

  "No thank you. I would prefer to be looked upon as a human, not a toy."

  Marie laughed. “You might like it. Men so love their toys."

  Donnes shook her head no.

  "You prefer dressing as a man?"

  "A man?” Donnes looked down at her outfit.

  Granted it wasn't the most attractive outfit, but it served its purpose. The jacket, the pants, the shoes were all ... brown. Holy crap! A man could wear this outfit and look just as good as she did in it.

  "The conductor, he would look at you more if you were to dress in more feminine things."

  Donnes sipped her milk.

  "You do not wish him to see you more as a woman than a boy?” Marie's eyes lowered to the milk and cookies.

  Donnes lowered the glass and shrugged. “I don't have anything else with me. Besides, very little matters now."

  Isn't that what the cowboy kept saying? It sounded just as true now. She didn't need the hassle of worrying about dead men. Honestly, when she said it that way, it sounded even more ludicrous.

  "If it doesn't matter, then why do you wish for his attentions?” Marie's accent made her sound all the more credible in matters of men.

  "I don't have anything, and I don't wish for it. So there."

  "I have plenty of things with me."

  Donnes looked at Marie. “You do? How?"

  "I was traveling when I died. However, I do not need so many things now.” She moved to sit close to Donnes. “May I share with you?"

  "You were traveling?"

  "Yes. It would seem the authorities did not believe in my need of self-defense."

  "You were running from the law?” Donnes did her best not to sound surprised.

  "Oui.” Marie sighed. “But I was not fast enough."

  "How did you die?"

  Marie's brow creased. “By the rope.” She cleared her worry lines. “But I do not wish to think upon it now. I wish to share with you."

  Do
nnes suddenly became all too aware of the other woman's closeness. Her scent was sweet, her breasts rounded and pushing nearly over the top of her dress.

  Donnes’ eyes wouldn't cooperate. Stop looking at her breasts, for God's sake. Cowboy's question echoed in her mind. You ever tasted pussy?

  What was wrong with her? She just had sex and now she wanted ... no. That's just odd, and she needed to get control of herself. The word control made her smile. All her life she had exercised control. Right up until she exploded as Marie put it.

  "Yes. I'll look at what you have."

  Marie stood excitedly. “Ah good. The conductor will return shortly with many things. I knew you would want to."

  "The conductor? How did he...?"

  "I knew.” Marie waved away her questions.

  Chapter Five

  The car door opened, and Colin brought in two large trunks. His strength caused Donnes to stand. His muscles had to be bulging beneath that uniform. No ordinary man could lift a steamer trunk by the handle with only one hand, and he had one in each hand!

  "Thank you, my dear conductor.” Marie went directly to her trunks.

  Colin smiled as she lowered herself to begin opening one. Ugh, his eyes went right to her cleavage! “Of course. Just let me know if I can do anything else for you."

  Marie raised her eyes and smiled. “I will do that."

  Losing her cookies, that slang phrase made a lot of sense now. Marie flirted without even thinking. It came so natural to her. There's a word for women like that. Hussy. How fitting.

  Colin cupped Marie's chin. “You do that."

  Donnes rolled her eyes. She really shouldn't care. She's dead! Nothing really matters. Cowboy's words really did sum it all up.

  "Donnice?"

  She looked to Colin.

  "Do you have everything you need?” His hand lowered to his side.

  "Me?” she snapped. “Oh, I'm just fine.” Pig. All men are just alike. Play the field and don't concern yourself with anyone's feelings.

  "Good. I'll leave you two ladies alone for a little while then."

  "Don't go far, Conductor. I will need your opinion later.” Marie smiled at Donnes.

  Bad idea. She should have known better than to agree to this. She should have sat in her seat, ate her cookies, drank her milk, and ignored the French woman. Maybe the train would reach her stop soon.