The Love of Her Death

by Luna Carrol

  The other woman giggled too much and stumbled enough to make Peter look back at Ivan and smile. Donnes got a bad feeling about this. It reminded her too much of a fraternity movie. Girls leave with preppie boys and end up being very sorry.

  Ivan laced his fingers through hers. “She seems to have drank too much but don't worry. Peter is a good man."

  She smiled half-heartedly. No. She knew more about this train now. People were very often exactly what they seemed to be. All except Jay. He hadn't been. Maybe Ivan would turn out to be okay, too.

  * * * *

  Colin noted exactly when she left with the Russians. He shook his head when he thought of how long it would be before she found herself in danger again. Even the woman with them could spell trouble for Donnice if she wasn't careful, and he knew she didn't understand how to be careful.

  "Are you saying no?” The blonde next to him seemed shocked.

  He snapped his attention back to her. “No. I have something on my mind."

  She ran her fingers under the lapel of his tuxedo jacket to the shoulder. “Perhaps you just need to relax."

  Relax. That's what Donnice needed to do. She needed to quit this silly attempt at being what she wasn't and just relax. How hard could it be for her to just be herself and let go of the hatred that stressed her?

  The blonde sighed. “I see that you are preoccupied, and I have nothing to offer you."

  Damn Donnice. She did it to him again, and she wasn't even here! No. That's exactly why he was preoccupied with her. She wasn't here. She just left with two men and a woman, and again she would do something that he wished to do with her.

  "Conductor?"

  Conductor. That's all he was to anyone. Even dressed as he was, he was still just the conductor. Not to Donnice though. To her he was Colin again. He had a name; he had emotions for her. He would have her.

  The blonde stared at him as if appalled. “I suggest you go find her."

  "What?” Colin sipped his drink and looked to his companion.

  "Only a woman could cause that much thought.” She attempted a smile. “It's alright. I'll be fine."

  "Your stop is nearly here.” He lowered his punch glass.

  "Just as well, I suppose. I'm not going to get to enjoy anything here, am I?” She sat her glass down.

  "Not this trip.” No. He would have Donnice or no one else—at least not this night.

  * * * *

  Peter opened the door to the next car, and they entered another crowded car. Peter led his female friend through the crowd just as Ivan guided her. Everyone, absolutely everyone, was pairing up.

  The next door opened up to an empty car. “We're very lucky, Ivan.” Peter's accent seemed even stronger, but he looked less Russian to Donnes. He led his friend to a seat on a full-size sofa.

  The gothic woman laughed as she plopped down on the sofa and looked up at Donnes. “Welcome to the dark side, Donnes."

  Patricia! She hadn't recognized the woman before. Walking behind her and ... “Your hair is purple now."

  Patricia lifted her hand to her hair and examined a lock before turning to Peter with a terrified expression. “Is it? Oh no! Why didn't you tell me?” She quickly laughed again.

  Oh, she got it. Patricia didn't care in the least about what she thought of her. She crossed her arms. “So, good to see you again. Why are you here, Patricia?"

  "Patricia?” Peter gave her a wry smile. “I thought your name was Catherine?"

  Patricia sighed and gave a shrug. “I'm Catherine the Great for you tonight. Such a heavy burden being such a famous person.” She giggled.

  Ivan shook his head with a grin. “At least she chose an impressive identity."

  "You don't understand, Ivan. She works for them.” Donnes placed her hand on his arm.

  "Good. Then, she's here to please.” Peter pulled Patricia onto his lap.

  "I'm here to please myself.” She held his face by the chin. “But it so happens I think you can please me."

  They would. Right here. Peter and Patricia would do it right in front of her. She had no doubt of it; despite the fact, she didn't really know either one.

  "Ivan, I think they want to be alone.” She found Ivan smiling at her.

  "Alone?” Peter laughed. “Ivan never does anything alone, and I don't blame him. Things are so much more interesting when there are more than two."

  Ivan grinned even more. “He tells the truth. I do hate being alone."

  "Hell,” Peter continued, “he couldn't even die alone."

  Donnes looked from Ivan, to Peter, and then to Patricia.

  Patricia blew her a kiss. “Remember, relax some."

  Peter's fingers began unbuttoning Patricia's blouse. The sight caused Donnes to roll her eyes. The fool had no idea what he was flirting with. She had to be the same type of thing as Colin.

  Ivan pulled Donnes into his arms. “Yes. Relax. No one here bites."

  Donnes looked at Patricia, who wiggled her eyebrows.

  "I bite.” Patricia spoke directly to Peter.

  "Make it good then.” He pulled her blouse open forcefully and palmed a breast over the bra. “Cause one bite deserves another."

  "You don't understand, Ivan.” Donnes pleaded with him. He just had to listen. He didn't know about the existing on souls part.

  Ivan sighed. “Relax.” He kissed her cheek while holding both her wrists lightly.

  "Patricia will eat him.” She stressed the meaning as much as possible.

  Ivan chuckled. “He'll like that.” He smiled down at her. “Would you?"

  "Honestly, Plain Jane.” Patricia's voice bit through the air. “Would you learn already?"

  "What?” Donnes almost felt embarrassed. She knew the tone someone took when they were going to explain what should be obvious. The snooty cashier at work always used it.

  "I'm doing what he and I both like.” Patricia rolled her eyes to the ceiling. “You're the only stick in the mud on this whole fucking train. Didn't you die because you're so uptight?"

  She put it so nicely, too.

  "Put up or shut up. No one here gives a fuck about your anxiety-ridden concerns."

  Donnes looked down as her cheeks grew hot. So much for having learned a lot. She had died because she couldn't relax, and now, even after dying, she couldn't let go.

  She thought she had it right this time. She meant to force herself into relaxing. She changed her hair color thinking she was letting go, but really she did it to prove something to Colin. Maybe if she had wanted to be a redhead it would have been pleasurable. No. She did it to rebel against Colin, and that was still being concerned with what others thought of her.

  Ivan chuckled. “I think your concern for others is charming.” His grip eased up. “Come sit with me."

  She looked to Patricia and Peter. Already kissing and hands roaming, they forgot her already.

  Ivan guided her to another overstuffed sofa farther down the car. He held her hand as they took their seat.

  "Tell me, Donnes, why are you so different than everyone else here?"

  Cause I want to stay alive. I'm no whore. I like Colin, and he doesn't care for me. I know what Patricia really is, and it ain't so charming. There are so many reasons why she was different, but no one here would understand them. Even her mind's voice grew loud with stress. What in the world would it take to relax!

  She sighed. She had behaved like a whore. God, she was so confused. No wonder Colin just wanted to eat her soul and have nothing else to do with her. She needed to get her act together and live. Rehearsal time had come to an end.

  "We have so little time.” He leaned forward.

  Donnes leaned back against the sofa's arm. That's it. That's why she felt different from the rest of them. She stays when they leave. She may not know how much time she has, but like Colin said, she's already stayed longer than most. Maybe she wasn't leaving at all! That meant she really needed to think things through.

  Ivan must have taken her silence to be compliance.
Leaning even closer, he kissed her.

  Her eyes flew wide. If she wasn't leaving, then Colin...

  She pushed against Ivan's chest. “Wait a minute."

  "Oh, I don't think so. I think you and I are both ready.” He grabbed her arms and pushed them above her head. “Time is too precious to me to waste it with your childishness."

  His mouth covered hers and silenced any protests.

  Donnes closed her eyes and pushed against him. She braced her knees between herself and Ivan. Pushing him away with her knees, she spat at him. “Get ... off!"

  Peter's hands gripped her wrists and pulled her arms tighter behind her head. “I told you, Ivan does very little by himself."

  Patricia! She looked to the other woman. She couldn't be totally without means of helping her. Patricia shook her head as if frustrated beyond words.

  "Hey!” Patricia stood. “What the hell do you think you're doing, Peter?"

  "I told you that I'll please you after Ivan and I have some fun."

  Ivan laughed and pushed Donnes’ skirt high on her thighs. “Let me show you what middle class women are good for."

  "No!” She kicked as hard as she could, but he sat between her legs and safe from her feet. “Colin!"

  Patricia rushed to her side and covered her mouth with her hand. “Shit!” She looked to Ivan. “Do you realize what he'll do to you if he hears her?"

  Ivan held his tongue at the corner of his mouth while successfully snatching Donnes’ panties from her crotch. “Just keep your hand there, and he won't hear her. She's getting wet for us, Peter!” He laughed with Peter.

  "Too late.” Colin's voice came from somewhere behind Donnes.

  She would give anything to see Colin now. She struggled to twist her head enough but couldn't quite see him. His voice sounded so calm, but Ivan looked terrified.

  Peter released Donnes’ arms.

  Patricia stepped back and lowered her eyes.

  Donnes scrambled to sit up and pulled her dress down. Her hand shot out and slapped Ivan before she could even think.

  Ivan's initial response was to feel the inside of his mouth with his tongue. Soon his mouth twisted as he pulled his hand back. With his hand balled into a fist, he seemed barely able to restrain himself as he pulled it back.

  Colin leaned on the doorframe with his arms crossed. “I wouldn't do that if I were you, Ivan."

  Ivan sneered at Donnes but lowered his hand.

  "It would seem your stop is approaching, Ivan Cherskiy and Peter Nichovsky.” His eyes turned away from the men and stopped on Patricia.

  Donnes stood and rushed to stand beside Colin. One hand rested on his back while her other hand gripped his arm. She would stay right here for the rest of the train trip.

  Colin looked to her briefly and then back to the two Russians. “Your natures have not changed. Neither of you have grown during this journey. Your stops have been chosen."

  "Just what in hell are you talking about?” Peter stepped before Colin.

  Donnes watched Colin carefully for any sign of fear or anger. None. The Russian soldier was intimidating to her, but he didn't seem to frighten Colin at all.

  Colin's hand shot out in a blur. Donnes didn't see his arm clearly until it stopped in the man's chest. Colin's arm remained in the center of Peter's chest, buried halfway up his forearm.

  Peter's face contorted into one of horror and shock. His eyes rounded and dilated. An odd gurgling noise escaped his mouth just before a trickle of blood oozed out of the corner. Then, he was gone, vanished into thin air.

  Donnes looked toward Colin. His eyes, nearly closed in pleasure, slowly opened after the ordeal. He smiled at Ivan.

  He fed off the man right in front of her. Although Peter died, it hadn't been extremely gross to watch. Colin's feeding off of the man seriously disturbed her for reasons she couldn't understand. The worst part of it was the fact that Colin seemed to enjoy it.

  Yeah, sure. Everyone on this train enjoyed killing whoever they did, but Colin still enjoyed it! Correction. He was still doing it and still loving it. She needed to sit down.

  Ivan's eyes widened. “I didn't know she meant anything to you."

  "All my passengers mean something to me, but it's the fact that she didn't mean anything to you that has determined your fate."

  Patricia snorted. “Yeah. All the passengers are potential meals."

  Colin shot an angry glance at Patricia. “I'll deal with you later."

  Patricia lifted her chin and then narrowed her eyes.

  Colin looked back to Ivan. “You've reached your destination. The common man is still something less to you.” He looked to Donnes but continued speaking to Ivan. “Women mean even less."

  "Give me another chance. I can change."

  Colin looked back to him. “This was your other chance. You brutally killed a dozen people. You enjoyed it, thinking that they were something less than you."

  Donnes lowered her head. It wasn't her fault, but she still felt partially guilty. If she hadn't been so reckless ... She knew what they all were. Leaving with him had been stupid. What's worse, Colin had to save her. He would have another thing to hold against her—another fuck up.

  Colin's jaw flexed. “We've reached your stop."

  "NO! I won't go.” Ivan turned and walked through the opposite door.

  Colin nodded with a sigh.

  Donnes felt Colin turn out of her arms and exit through the door behind them. At first, she was reluctant to let him go, but when he looked at her and she remembered what he had just done, she released his arm.

  With Colin gone, she looked to Patricia and crossed her arms. “I knew that there was something wrong with you when we first met."

  Patricia twisted her neck and gave her a smug look. “Seems to me that you're the one with the knack for getting into situations."

  Donnes looked away and then back to her. “No. I made a mistake leaving with you and them, but the attempted rape wasn't my fault, and I don't feel guilty. You, however, held my mouth. You would have allowed them to get away with it."

  "You're no virgin, Donnes. How would it have hurt you to please them? I don't mean let them rape you. I mean, just relax some and enjoy yourself. So what if it pleases someone else in the process? It didn't have to become a rape."

  "Please them? There's something really wrong with you. I hope you know that Colin isn't happy with what happened here either. I shouldn't have to compromise myself in order to make others happy."

  Patricia smiled. “You're the one who can't decide who she is. No. There's nothing wrong with me. I just don't live by your rules. As for Colin not being happy, I know how to make him happy. Can you make him happy?"

  Her heart stopped. The longer it took her to respond the broader Patricia's smile grew. He and Patricia? Holy shit, this place was screwed up!

  "I see you don't."

  "I ... I do. I just haven't."

  Patricia laughed. “Why not, Plain Jane? Because you can't give of yourself to make another happy?"

  "Because I've learned to do things for myself and not just to please others, and I don't owe you an explanation. I think what Ivan and Peter were planning was wrong, and nothing you say will change that. Wrong is wrong, and anybody who doesn't learn that deserves whatever punishment is coming to them even if Colin is the one to bring it about."

  Patricia nodded. “You finally learned something. You ready for that job now?"

  Donnes started to speak, but the door that Ivan left through opened once more. She wanted to tell Patricia exactly what she could do with that job offer. The last thing she wanted to do was anything that Patricia did.

  Colin walked in casually and closed the door behind him. He looked to the floor, but that didn't hide the fact that his jaws were set. He was still pissed.

  "Colin.” Patricia walked to his side and pressed against his arm. “I'm so sorry. I had no idea what their intentions were."

  Donnes allowed Colin to see her mouth gape open.
/>   He didn't look to Patricia. Even when she smiled up at him seductively, he continued to stare at Donnes.

  "Patricia, your stop is nearly here. You best tend to your final duties."

  "What? No.” She giggled weakly. “I know you're angry, but she's not hurt, and I would not have allowed them..."

  "Patricia, you failed to fulfill your duties here. You need to tend to your few remaining duties, or the consequences of that failure will be considered as well."

  Patricia's flushed face and shallow breaths told Donnes of her shock.

  Colin looked to Patricia slowly; his anger permeated the air. “Get far away from me, or so help me you will suffer for it."

  Patricia pulled away from him and glared at Donnes. Without waiting for Colin to warn her again, she walked toward the door.

  Donnes fidgeted with her gloves and took a step to the side allowing Patricia to walk by and not touch her. “I guess I owe you a thank you."

  He lifted his chin. “You seem to need rescuing quite a bit, Donnice."

  "You won't have to save me again,” she whispered as the door closed behind Patricia.

  "Why not? Are you going to do something differently now?"

  Great. He was lecturing her now. Donnice, you're unreliable. Donnice, you should try harder. Donnice, your parents were at fault in their deaths, not the city. Donnice, don't be late again ... Donnice ... Donnice. It never ended.

  "Yes. I'm going to do something different now."

  His face cleared of obvious anger. “What?"

  She turned her back to him. “I don't know."

  "Donnice?"

  She looked back over her shoulder.

  "Are you all right now?"

  "Don't concern yourself with me, Conductor. I'll be just fine."

  Chapter Eleven

  Donnes entered an empty car and sat down on one of the benches. Leaning her head on the window, she watched an unknown coastline go by. Of course, it was beautiful, but she didn't care really. The moon had always looked like that anyway.

  "Donnice?"

  Colin's voice didn't surprise her. She continued to watch the scenery fly by. “Yeah?"

  "You seem pretty shaken up by all that."