Hannah and Gray’s Aunt nodded their heads in unison as I headed towards the front door. It took me longer than expected to get to Gray’s house. The traffic was ridiculously slow with people headed home from work. When I pulled onto my old street, I could feel the tears welling up behind my eyes. I hadn’t been back to the old neighborhood since I had moved. My adrenaline spiked, when I caught sight of Gray’s truck parked in his driveway. So many emotions were flowing through my mind, it was hard to concentrate on the reason I came here in the first place.
I pulled on my jacket and huffed my way through the snow to the front porch. The wood was dilapidated and the paint was chipping off the siding. I knocked lightly on the front door, waiting for someone to answer. When no one came after a few minutes, I knocked again. Finally the door creaked open enough for me to see his distressed face. His brows pulled together in anger, as he looked me up and down.
“Did you come alone?” He growled.
“Yeah I did. Can I come in?”
He opened the door enough for me to enter, quickly shutting it behind me. “What do you want?”
I could hear the irritation in his voice. I couldn’t help but think it was me who was causing him to be this way. “Babe, are you okay?” I reached to touch him, but he shrugged away from me and headed into the living room.
“Just go, Bennett.”
“Not until you talk to me.” I was beginning to get mad at him for treating me like this. I know he was hurting, but it wasn’t my fault, or his.
“You want me to talk to you?” He was only inches from my face now. “Okay I’m talking. What would you like me to say?” He turned throwing his hands up in exasperation. “It’s my fault. This whole situation is my fault. I had every opportunity to fix things with my mom, but I just had to be a stubborn asshole. I chose not to call her back, every time she called reaching out for me. I blamed her for everything, and I made sure she knew that. The last time we actually talked, I told her I wanted nothing to do with her, unless she could support my decisions.”
I followed him over to the couch and perched myself on the corner of the cushion. “Honestly, I blame you for making me resent her. You pushed me away, and took away the only grandchild she would ever meet.”
My mouth dropped open. I was flabbergasted. How dare he blame their falling out on me. He took one look at my frozen expression and continued on with his ranting and raving. “We were fine until that happened. We used to talk everyday, she had even accepted me becoming a cop, and how could you have done this? Look, you need to go. NOW!” He turned his back to me, waiting for me to make the move.
I stood and started walking towards the front door, but I had to get a few things off of my chest before I left. “How dare you blame me, Gray? You and your mother had your own issues before, ‘that’ whole thing happened. I have put up with enough in my short years away from you. I REFUSE to let you blame me and treat me this way.” My boots squeaked on the tile as I headed out the door. “Oh, and your Aunt is at my house, in case you were wondering. I know you’ve lost a tremendous amount in your life Gray, but at some point you’re going to have to grow up and take some responsibility.”
I was out of the door before he could say another hurtful word.
Twenty-Four
When I woke the next morning, I could feel the puffiness around my eyes before I even opened them. After my “talk” with Gray, I drove home as fast as traffic would allow and cried myself to sleep. He had said so many spiteful things to me. I understood the hurt all too well, but not once after my parents died, did I ever once lash out at him. I was finally realizing that I deserved better.
I glanced at the time on my alarm clock, knowing that I needed to get showered. It was already 9:05 and the funeral was set to start at 11:00. I took a quick shower, not bothering to even shave my legs. I turned off the water and wrapped the oversized white, terry cloth towel around my small frame. I quickly ran a comb through my hair and brushed my teeth. I dried off and slid the black Chanel dress that Gray’s mother had bought me, over my head. I zipped the side and slid on my black pantyhose. I made sure to apply waterproof mascara and go light on the eye shadow. I dried my hair straight and ran some Vaseline over the fly a ways, before heading to the kitchen.
Hannah and Tina were already dressed and ready to go. It was now 10:00 and I didn’t want to be late, so I grabbed a cup of coffee to go. My gaze drifted over to Gray’s Aunt, noticing she seemed in a pleasant mood, given the circumstances.
“Good morning Tina, Hannah.” I let a smile spread across my face before indulging in my mouth watering coffee.
“Good morning, Dear. Did you go see Gray last night?” I could hear concern etched in her words.
I nodded my head, wanting to forget about last night all together. “You ladies ready to go?” With a nod from both of them, we made our way to the car, grabbing our jackets on the way out. The actual funeral was to be held at the funeral home and then a burial in the cemetery following. The drive seemed to take a lifetime, even though the funeral home was only twenty minutes from my house. I drove mechanically, running on reserve adrenaline from the night before.
There weren’t very many people at the funeral home when we arrived. It was only 10:30, but I guess I assumed people would arrive early to pay their respects. We hung our coats in the foyer of the home and made our way into the small room where they held funerals. The cherry oak coffin sat at the back of the room, near the end of the walkway. Oak pews lined both sides of the aisle, as we made our way to our seats. Yellow roses and white calla lilies decorated the coffin and floors next to it. I wondered if Mrs. Weston would approve. As if hearing my thoughts, Tina nodded in approval. I smiled and we made our way to the front row.
People slowly trickled in, paying their respects to Mrs. Weston, and offering Tina their condolences. Gray still had not shown up and I was starting to worry that he wouldn’t show at all. I turned back towards the door at least a million times, willing him to walk in. I checked the time on my phone and hung my head, when I saw that it was 11:05. Tina gave me a questioning look and I just shrugged my shoulders. I had tried calling Gray, but there was no answer. When I turned around one last time, I saw him stumbling in. I quickly jumped up wanting to run to him, but his Aunt caught me by the wrist.
“Just give him time, dear.” I nodded in agreement and sat back down on the uncomfortable wood bench.
I watched as all, six feet four inches of him lost his balance. I took in his appearance and silently cursed at myself for not going over this morning to help him get dressed. He cautiously approached his Aunt, giving a chaste kiss on her cheek. She patted his hand and walked with him up to the coffin. His hair was all disheveled, sticking out in every direction. He had deep purple circles below his eyes and his tie hung undone around his neck. He sat on the opposite side of his aunt from me. It was killing me, not being able to comfort him. I could feel him slipping through my fingers, and it hurt more than ever.
The small ceremony went by rather quickly, and before I knew it we were headed to the cemetery. Tina rode with Hannah and myself, while Gray caught a ride with one of his cousins on his dad’s side.
We had gotten lucky. The snow from the night before had melted some and the sun was warmer than usual. I walked hand in hand with Hannah as we made our way up the small grassy hill. Everybody was handed a yellow rose, as they gathered around the deep hole in the ground. Gray’s mother lay in her coffin two feet to the right of the hole on a steel stand. I held back the tears that threatened to break free, as thoughts of my parents circled my mind. I glanced in the direction of their headstone, silently saying my hellos.
The priest said a few words and read Gray’s mother’s favorite poem as they lowered her into the ground. When he finished, he motioned for Gray to toss the first handful of dirt. Gray wobbled his way over to the hole. He tossed a handful of dirt and his yellow rose, before turning to leave.
I quickly stepped in front of him, needing him to acknowl
edge me. I had to show him that I was here to support him, regardless of his mean words. I could smell the alcohol the second he was in front of me. I wanted to yell and scream at him for being so damn irresponsible, but I didn’t have it in me. He was already hurting so much as it was. I pressed the palm of my hand to his cheek. He leaned in to it briefly before smacking it away. It felt as though he had just smacked me across the face. My heart shattered and I wondered if we would ever get back to where we were, just a few short days ago.
He stumbled down the hill a few steps when I noticed a tall lean figure, leaning against a tree nearby. My stomach plummeted and I couldn’t catch my breath. Why was he here? I looked over my shoulder to find Hannah. When I couldn’t see her, I all but ran over to Raylon. “Why the Hell are you here?” I whispered.
His arms reached for mine as he spoke, “I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
Liar!
“Raylon, you need to leave and stay the Hell away from me. I swear next time I will press charges. You have no right to be here, GO!”
I saw the reaction on Raylon’s face, before I ever saw Gray. He lunged at Raylon and they fell to the ground. Snow clung to every inch of their clothing as they rolled around the massive cemetery. Gray pinned Raylon down and got right into his face, “get the fuck out of here and stay the fuck away from her. I will kill you if I ever see you again. Do you understand me?” Raylon bucked Gray off of his chest and sauntered off towards his car.
I didn’t try to reach for Gray this time I let him go. After I regained my composure, Tina, Hannah and myself drove back to my house. Hannah and I had decided it would be best to have everyone over to our house and not Gray’s. I wasn’t sure he would show, but I was pleasantly surprised when he did. It was a small gesture, but a gesture nonetheless. He made his way straight to the fridge, grabbed the six-pack of beer he had left here, and headed out to the backyard.
I gave him a few minutes before I decided to head out to meet him. He didn’t turn when he heard the sliding glass door slide back into place, he knew it was me. I kept a safe distance, not wanting him to walk away from me again. I sat next to him on the steps and grabbed a beer from the cardboard holder. I took a long pull from the bottle and set it in between the two of us.
I opened my mouth to speak, but he beat me to it. “Why the fuck was he at my mother’s burial?
“I don’t know,” I whispered.
“The fuck you don’t! You going back for more?” he spat.
My eyes went wide and my jaw went slack. “Fuck you, Gray Elliot Weston. You don’t deserve me. I don’t care if this is your mother’s wake, get the FUCK out of my house!” I heard the sliding glass door squeak open, when my voice got louder.
“With pleasure.” He grabbed the rest of the beer and walked around the side of the house.
My head fell into my hands, but I refused to cry. Hannah’s warm gently hands were wrapping around my shoulders, leading me back inside. He had lost everything; not giving a shit that he was losing me too.
Theo and Tina kept everybody busy, keeping the attention off of what had just happened. Hannah helped me to my room a little while later and I sunk into the depths of my mattress. I just wanted this all to be over with.
Gray’s Aunt headed back to New York a week later. We had spent the rest of her time here comforting one another, and spending quality time together. It was wonderful to get to know part of Gray’s family. She tried to reassure me that Gray would get through this and come looking for me. She had heard stories about our friendship over the years, and was elated that we had finally taken the next step. I wish I could have shared in that joy, but our future was looking rather bleak as of late.
Hannah drove her to the airport for me on her way to work, the day she left. I took the time alone to reconsider what exactly I was doing with my life. I had quit my job at the bar when Gray came back into the picture. I still kept in contact with Johnny, but I hadn’t been in to see him in quite sometime. He had tried calling over the past week, after finding out about Gray’s mom, but I ignored his calls. I could feel myself falling back into my depression, and it scared me.
Gray’s Aunt had been calling me everyday, over the next month. We would talk for an hour or so every night. I still hadn’t heard from Gray and it was comforting to know I had someone in his family, who didn’t hate me. Christmas and New Years had come and gone and the next semester for school would be starting back up soon. Hannah and Theo had left for vacation on New Year’s Day and wouldn’t be back until the twentieth, so I was all alone.
I entered the dark and lonely house around 10:00pm. I had stopped to rent a movie and buy a bucket of popcorn. I was halfway into the horror flick when my phone chimed with a new text message. I knew it wouldn’t be Gray, so I ignored it. Whoever it was, could wait until everyone in the movie had been killed off. It went off two more times before I finally reached over the table to retrieve it.
His name lit up across the screen and I began choking on a popcorn kernel. I was about to read his text, when I decided against it. I deleted them without reading them, and went back to my movie. He had waited this long, what was a few more hours. Just as the killer knocked on the door in the movie, someone knocked on mine. I jumped ten feet in the air before clutching my accelerated heart. I paused the movie and made my way to the knocking.
I peaked through the peephole and almost choked when I saw Gray’s electric blue eyes staring back at me. I wiped my hands on my jeans and ran my fingers through my hair. The knob began turning, just as I reached for it. I pulled the door back quickly before he could let himself in. WOW! A month had done him good. He looked like his old self again, all handsome and shit. I licked my bottom lip in appreciation before he cleared his throat.
“What are you doing here Gray?” I leaned against the door, making it so he couldn’t enter.
“I need to talk to you.” He whispered.
“I’m not sure there is a whole lot you could say, that I would want to hear.” I knew I was being a bitch, but he had been treating me like shit. I was done letting him or anybody else walk all over me.
“I guess I deserve that, but please Bennett, just hear me out.” My body was already humming with the proximity of our bodies.
I shook my head, “I’m not sure there is any point Gray. I said all I needed to say and so did you, with not calling me for the last month.” Whatever sexual tension was between us, it disappeared and was replaced with anger. “I mean, really Gray what could you possibly have to say? I get it, I do. Your mom died and I know how rough that can be, but you all but pushed me out the door. You just threw me to the waste side. When you left me, like that, I was vulnerable and exposed. I felt small and insignificant in your world. All I wanted to do was be there for you, as you were for me. I know it’s not a pleasure to deal with all of my baggage, but you made me believe that you accepted it. I needed you to show me you loved me, even a fraction of how I show you. Hell, just showing any emotion towards me would have been better than you ignoring me all this time.”
I let my hands drop to my sides as the door pushed open. He just stood there staring at me. A blank look sat on his face and the emotion was once again gone. I was left with a shell of a man. I shook my head, reaching to push the door closed, when his hand caught mine.
He pulled my hand to his mouth, softly kissing the back of it. His lips made their way up my arm to my neck. His breath was warm and all consuming. I wrapped my arms around his thick neck and pulled him into my chest. His lips found their way to mine and he paused briefly, whispering into my mouth. “I will never love anyone more than you. I need you Bennett.”
With those words our fate was sealed. I firmly pressed my lips to his, moving them in sync with one another. His tongue slid across my bottom lip, and I welcomed it into my mouth. Our tongues intertwined with each other and our kisses grew impatient. It had been too long since I had felt him on me, in me. He grabbed me by the hips wrapping my legs around his waist. My hands ran ov
er his flexing muscles as he carried me into my bedroom.
Our lips only parted long enough to discard our shirts onto the floor. I hastily unbuttoned his pants and slid them, along with his boxers, down to his ankles with my feet. He dropped them from his feet onto the floor next to his shirt. He sat back on his feet pulling my pants down just as fast. I took in the amazing sight before me. I could see the outline of his six pack and pecks. When my eyes made their way down to his erection, I let out a small gasp. Oh how I had missed him. I wrapped my hands behind his neck, pulling his lips back to mine. Our kissing turned intense as his hand slid up between my thighs. I could feel the warmth pooling inside of me. Hunger and desire pulled at my core. His fingers moved in and out of me a few times before I felt him at my entrance. I sucked in a heated breath as he plunged inside of me, fast and hard.
I had forgotten how good he felt inside of me. I wrapped my legs around his waist, locking my ankles behind him. As he moved in and out, I pulled him into me harder with my legs. We found our release together and he sunk onto the bed next to me. Our breathing was erratic and sweat had begun to gather on my chest. I let out a sigh before his lips were back on mine. This time his kisses were soft and loving. He lingered for a few seconds before pulling back, looking me dead in the eye.
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