3 Heads & a Tail

by Vickie Johnstone

  Pad, pad, pad down the street, avoiding the small piles of other doggy doo doo. Yikes. “Voof.” Some dogs like the smell of it, but not me. Does that make me a strange doggy? Am I weird? Ben, I really don't wanna sniff it! Too close, too close, toooo close! Ah, a near miss! I just avoided that one. But the smell, yikes! Doggie, what are you eating to do doo doo like you do?

  “Come on boy, what a lovely day,” says Ben, looking down at me.

  “Voof.” I look up and smile. Well, you know the score by now, I do a goofy kind of smile. Don't know what I look like when I'm doing this because I've never seen myself doing it in one of those mirrors... they really scare me, mirrors. Like, is that really me? I know it's meant to be me, but are you sure it's not just another dog? A big dog – one with some crazy, problematic grinning action going on! It beats me. Who invented mirrors anyway? They're just confusing.

  Now we're heading into the park. Heading, heading... Yep, we're in the park. I love the smell of those flowers and the trees. Ah, I could stay here all day, but I count my pleasures here by the hour. It's the best part of my day – my walkies with Ben.

  “Voof.” See, he's smiling again because he knows I love it here. I hope he brought the Frisbee. Oh, no, he didn't bring it! “Grrrr.” Sorry Ben, I'm not angry, really. Don't look at me sadly. “Voof Voof,” wag, wag. Now I'm totally overdoing my enthusiasm. I hear bees. Buzz buzz. Ah, not so close. Get away! Good bees. Yikes! “Voof.”

  Ah, now we're talking. Looky, lady doggy, look at her! She's here every time I come here. She's a golden Labrador, just like me, but I think she's a bit younger, maybe four, and so much better looking! So much! Ah, off she goes – every time, every single time, she just walks on by, never noticing. Her owner looks a bit of a hippy girl. Wonder what Ben thinks. Ah, he's staring. He must like the hippy girl. Wonder why she never notices me? We're both golden labs. We're the best dogs around. “Voof!” Nope. She didn't even blink. I'll try a bit louder – “Voof!” Not even one ear perked. Off she goes. Guess I'll have to live with that beautiful memory until tomorrow.

  “You okay, boy?” Ben asks, bending down again. He gives me a tickle under the chin. I love those tickles! As long as she didn't see! Not too doggy manly!

  “Do you want to go home, Glen?”

  No, no, nooo! “Voof, voof, voof!” I start chasing my tail again in some crazy circle, which makes me feel slightly woozy, but it works because he's smiling again and letting me off the lead for a run. Cool!

  Whoosh! I'm off, hurtling across the grass as fast as my paws can carry me, but not in her direction. No way. That would make me a doggy stalker and I'm not one of those. I'm not desperate and I'm running. Freedom! I'm running with the breeze lifting my ears, my tongue hanging stupidly out of my mouth and my tail whirling in funny circles behind me. Doggy cool!

  Chapter 3

  Josie stretched and yawned. Daylight spilled through the curtains. Nice, but a little bit too bright. Why hadn't she fixed that? Then she remembered: she was in a different room, a new room with new windows. She really needed to buy some darker curtains today or at least some backing for the ones already there.

  The morning was starting a little too early for a Saturday. She snuggled back into the soft depths of the duvet, wrapping it around her neck and dragging her feet up towards her waist. Nice and warm, and cosy. She would stay like this for at least an hour longer. Sighing, she pulled the cover over her head. There was more than one way to block out sunlight!

  What was that? The blissful silence was sliced by the grizzled sound of a loud, dull bass. Ugh. She pulled the duvet over her ears. Go away! But the bass carried on. It even seemed to get louder. Put a sock in it, man, she thought, people are trying to sleep. More importantly, she was trying to sleep! Josie added earplugs to her shopping list for the day. Annoyingly, the bass took a swerving, eeling tone and became even louder.

  That's it, she thought. Launching the duvet, she grabbed her dressing gown and wrapped it round her waist. Peering in the mirror, she thought she really could have done with that extra hour of sleep. Josie grabbed her bag of toiletries and toothbrush, stifled a yawn, slipped her feet into her fluffy purple slippers and wandered trance-like towards the bathroom. It was far too early for this. She pressed down the handle of the bathroom door and pushed it open.

  “Yow-ow!” issued a somewhat manly scream from behind the door.

  “S-s-sorry!” Josie stammered, shocked into wakefulness. Luckily, the room was full of steam, but the door was directly opposite the shower. In her sleepy state she could see Ben's worried expression peering through the shower curtain he had somehow managed to grab and wrap around himself in the nick of time. Rather than thinking how embarrassing it all was, she was amazed at the man's lightning reactions. What dexterity! If the situation had been reversed he would have seen all of her morning glory – or not so glorious, she thought, remembering her crumpled image in the mirror.

  Inside the bathroom, Ben cowered for a few seconds, listening to Josie's footsteps fade away. Dripping water, he legged it to the door and pushed the lock along. Now there was a girl in the house, he was going to have to be a bit more careful. Poor girl! She'd only just moved in and she'd almost seen his morning rise! Shame it wasn't the other way round, he thought. He smirked, and then told himself off for being so disgusting and chauvinistic. That's something he'd expect from Dave.

  About an hour later, a showered, somewhat more awake and refreshed Josie wandered downstairs to be greeted by an excited, hairy animal.

  “Well, hello Glen, hey!” she said, bending down and giving the dog a big hug. He replied by wagging his tail, his tongue rolling out of his mouth. His bright eyes widened – big, brown pools. They were so shiny. “Who's a good boy?”

  “Well it certainly isn't me as I forgot to lock the bathroom door!” said Ben, sticking his head out of the kitchen. “I'm sorry. I promise to start remembering!”

  Josie grinned. “That's okay. I didn't see anything – honest! I was amazed at your speed – how did you manage to grab the curtain in time? I'm sure I wouldn't have!”

  “My amazing, inhuman reflexes – nah, I think I was just lucky.”

  Glen looked up with a quizzical expression. So she'd almost seen him in the shower? I bet he wishes it had been the other way round! He let out a small whine.

  “What's up, boy? You want to go out?” asked Ben, noticing him staring.

  “Voof!”

  “I think that's a yes!” said Josie.

  “Want to come for a walk?”

  “You know, that's not a bad idea,” she replied. “But first I could kill for a cup of coffee. I'm still waking up!”

  Glen's ears perked up and he scurried off into the lounge.

  “Was it something I said?” Josie laughed.

  “Yeah, 'cos he speaks English!” grinned Ben. “I think he's just dying to go out.”

  “I better hurry up and find that coffee then!” said Josie, opening another cupboard.

  “Here,” said Ben, placing a mug in front of her.

  “Thanks,” she said, looking up. He had really nice eyes, she thought, and then erased the thought straight away. No! We live in the same house, she told herself. Forget it.

  Twenty minutes later, Ben was being dragged down the steps by a very enthusiastic golden Labrador doing tail spins, with Josie hopping down behind them. She couldn't help laughing, watching their bums boing-ing downwards. She squinted under the glare of the shimmering yellow sun. July was her favourite month, most definitely; it was so bright and cheerful. Green leaves twisted in the breeze, which was warm but had a refreshing edge. She liked the look of this street. Clean and quiet, lined by trees, it was kind of old-fashioned.

  The trio walked down the pavement in silence towards the turning that led to the park. Josie couldn't think of a thing to say, and simply enjoyed the fresh air. She glanced at Ben who wasn't saying anything either and had the feeling he was similar to her. A bit of a hippy with his long hair around his shoulders,
he looked as if he was daydreaming. Glen appeared to be used to his owner's spaced-out ways and led him along, a bit like a guide dog. Now and then he glanced up at Ben, who would be staring off somewhere, and he'd make a small whine. Josie was sure it was Glen who led Ben around the turning and checked the road for cars.

  They crossed the road. The pavement magically turned into grass and suddenly they were walking beneath leafy trees. Glen raised his nose into the air and took a big whiff.

  “I like it,” smiled Josie. “I love these trees and those flowers. They're so cute.”

  Ben hadn't thought of flowers being cute before, but he nodded. “Best part of the day sometimes is taking Glen for a walk.”

  Josie laughed. “I thought he was taking you for a walk!”

  “Aye, so you noticed me drifting off?”

  “Yeah, kind of.”

  Ben grinned. “I do that a lot. At school I was nicknamed Benjamin Dreamer. I don't know how I don't walk into lampposts and stuff.”

  “Probably 'cos your dog steers you!”

  Ben nodded, smiling. He patted Glen on the head.

  “No worries 'cos I'm a bit of a daydreamer myself,” she said. “That's why I can't drive – I start thinking about other things. I can't keep my concentration. I'd just crash into people!”

  “Wow, remind me never to teach you to drive. I like being alive!”

  Glen

  We're in the park! “Voof.” We're doing it. She's come along and he's walking right next to her, and they're chatting. She seems interested in what he's saying. Voofing good. And there was me thinking that she was going to like David the Poser because every girl in the world likes him. Mr Flicky. Mr Tight Jeans. Mr... well... whoa! Stop! Turn around!

  There she goes... my doggy baby. She's so fine, I wanna make her mine! That golden coat just gives me shivers. Oops, best not pull the lead. Ouch! Ben, you didn't have to pull me back, you know. I'm not going anywhere. Yet! Just going to give you an evil stare now. Yeah, big evil stare. “Grrrr.”

  Oh, he didn't get it. He's patting my head. Jeez. “Voof, voof, voof!” Miss Golden Coat, please turn around, just once, please. Come on Miss Poochy, do an old dog a favour and turn your lovely golden head just a little, mmm.

  Oooh, Frisbee! Ben's getting out the Frisbee! Great! Maybe I can do some really cool running and jumping, and show her how athletic and doggy manly I am.

  Click goes the lead. I'm free! Detached! Come on, Ben, hurry up, throw the damn Frisbee. Yikes! There it goes. I wasn't quite prepared for that... hmph... run ... come on legs... hffff hffff hfff... here goes – I'm jumping! Eeek! It's quite high... higher than I thought! Is she looking? Looking? Ah, no... nooo! Where's she going? Ack! Tree! Humpf!

  Chapter 4

  “Glen, Glen, are you okay, boy?” cried Ben, running over to the furry golden heap on the ground. “I'm sorry I threw it so high. I thought you'd get it.”

  “He almost made it,” observed Josie, “but then he lost concentration.”

  Glen yelped and rolled over on his back, as if he'd intended to do that all along.

  “What do you mean?” asked Ben.

  Josie giggled. “Didn't you see?”

  “See what?”

  “You guys! You don't notice these things. He was looking at that other dog – I guess she's a girl!” Josie pointed in the other direction, but the dog was now a speck in the distance.

  “Really?” asked Ben, surprised. “I really didn't see that! Glen, you dirty old dog!”

  They both started laughing and bent down to tickle Glen's belly. His big tongue rolled this way and that.

  How did she know, thought Glen? How embarrassing! He thought it was his little secret. And he would have made that jump if only he'd looked the other way and that tree hadn't got in the way!

  “So what do you like doing, Ben?” asked Josie. “Or do? For a living, I mean.”

  “What do you think?”

  “Well, it's going to be something different, I reckon... and creative, not in an office.”

  Ben pushed his hair behind his ears and grinned. “Go on.”

  Even Glen rolled over, interested.

  “Erm, I reckon your job isn't your real ambition 'cos you seem a bit of a dreamer. I'm guessing you work in a shop and do something else on the side... like being in a band? Nope, that's David. Maybe you write books or something?”

  Ben grinned. “Close, but no cigar – I work in a florist. I sort of half own it and I'm half manager, and part-time I sort of do some acting.”

  “That's cool.”

  “It's nothing big, just an amateur dramatics thing, but we put on plays at the local theatre. You'll have to come and see us some time. We're rehearsing at the moment.”

  “I'd like that. What's the play?”

  “Nothing you will have heard of,” said Ben. “A friend of mine wrote it. Your turn!”

  Josie smiled. “You have to try to guess too!”

  Ben thought for a moment. “Right, I'm thinking that you do something to do with nature or animals.”

  “Spot on!” replied Josie, patting Glen's head. His big dopey eyes stared up at her. “How did you guess? I work on a magazine about animals and I write articles. And, in my spare time, da, daa, I'm a superhero! Just kidding! I work with deaf children and I know sign language!”

  “Wow!” said Ben. “Seriously, I'm impressed. You're doing something good and worthwhile, and I'm clipping droopy flowers.”

  “That's one way of looking at it, but I'm sure you do some pretty amazing displays.”

  “Not bad,” admitted Ben. “And I get to meet a lot of husbands who are really sorry for something!”

  “I bet!”

  Ben wondered if Josie had a boyfriend, but he daren't ask. The timing wasn't right. She had only just moved in. Glen was looking at him quizzically with an odd look in his eyes. Must have been the bang up the tree, he thought. Then he imagined the dog wearing glasses and he started grinning.

  “What's so funny?” asked Josie.

  “I was just imagining Glen wearing specs so he can see trees!”

  “Ah,” said Josie, “poor Glen!” She jumped up, patted the dog, and ran a short distance away. Glen took the bait and leapt up, charging after her, barking softly. Josie giggled and spun round in a circle, with the dog following her lead. Soon he'd given up and was chasing his tail, so she began to chase round after it.

  Ben laughed. She was cool and Glen obviously thought so too. Silently wishing he had asked her out, but knowing the moment had passed, Ben stood up and watched the two players chasing around the grass for a second before heading over to join in the crazy dance.

  Chapter 5

  Josie woke up with a start. She peered over the top of her duvet, squinting at the sun streaming through the curtains – so much for a lie-in. The sound of that damn bass guitar vibrated along the ceiling, accompanied by some thumping. It was Sunday! What exactly was he doing? Stamping up and down in time with it?

  She pulled the duvet over her head and buried her face in the pillow. She really had to invest in some earplugs – super-strength. Closing her eyes, she tried to return to the dream, but she couldn't. Smiling, she decided to think about Johnny Depp... naked, in the shower, his body glistening with water. Sod's law was that by the time she got to the interesting bit, she would drop off to sleep. One, two, he was taking off his shirt…

  Wee-eee-ooo-eee, the bass suddenly screamed in a high-pitched wail. Johnny Depp jumped in fright and vanished from her imagination. Ppff! He was gone. That was it! Enough! She wasn't going to listen to that racket all morning. That was really taking the piss. It sounded like an elephant playing with his trunk and stomping. She kicked off the duvet, slouched out of bed in a grump, grabbed her dressing gown and slipped her feet into her slippers.

  She didn't stop to check the mirror to see if she had bad bed hair, but opened her bedroom door and stomped up the steep steps to the attic room. At the top, she balanced precariously while holding on to the rail with o
ne hand and knocking loudly with the other. When there was no reply she knocked louder – still nothing. He probably couldn't hear above that really annoying noise. She rapped the hatch as hard as she could.

  There came a whining sound from the other end of the landing. Oops, I must have woken the dog, but then maybe he was awake anyway, she thought. Nothing could sleep through that, surely. How did Ben cope with that every weekend? She guessed he must be a heavy sleeper.

  “Coming!” called a voice from beyond the hatch. “Wait a sec!”

  Josie stepped backwards, down a step or two, straightened her robe, and held on to the two staircase rails.

  The hatch opened and David stuck his head out. He looked immaculate. There was not a hair out of place as he gave a big smile of perfect, white gnashers. “What's up?”

  “I am!” said Josie, more angrily than she had planned.

  “You are?” asked David. “I don't understand.”

  “I am up because you woke me with your bloody guitar! Who plays bass at 7am on a Sunday morning? Weirdos?!”

  “Sorry, I…”

  “And you woke me yesterday morning,” said Josie, not letting him get a word in edgeways. “I've only just moved in! My job is knackering and I really need my sleep!”

  “S-sorry, b-but,” stammered David, unused to being spoken to in such a way by a woman, although he thought she looked kind of cute with that messed up hair and those furry slippers.

  “Please stop or put some damn headphones on, like normal people!” finished Josie, before turning and stomping down the steps. Except it was more of a tripping motion than a stomp, as she slid and whizzed down a few steps, before grabbing the rail at the end to stop herself falling over. She stamped into her room and slammed the door. That told him. She flopped on to her bed and buried her head under the duvet.