3 Heads & a Tail

by Vickie Johnstone

  “It was voofing amazing to see you again,” I say as Mimi gets up to go. She looks a bit sad.

  “I'm going to miss you, Glen. I hope to see you soon.” She nuzzles my nose with her own.

  I'm going weak at the paws and I thought that only happened in cheesy movies.

  “I guess this is goodbye for now then,” I say, and Mimi nods, her big brown eyes sparkling in the sun.

  Chapter 23

  “It was nice to meet you, Ayla,” said Ben, as the girl clipped Mimi's lead on to her collar.

  “You too,” said the girl.

  “Bye!” said Josie, smiling and patting Glen on the back. He was wagging his tail and looking like a new dog! She created a bit of distance between herself and the newly acquainted couple.

  “Do you walk your dog here often?” asked Ben as Ayla was about to walk away.

  “Her name is Mimi,” said Ayla. “And, yes, we come here every day. I've seen your dog before, I think. One time he leapt for a Frisbee and crashed into a tree.”

  Glen looked down at the floor and whined.

  “I think he's embarrassed!” joked Ben.

  She nodded. “It was unforgettable – sorry, Glen!”

  “It was probably my fault for throwing it wrong! He's a great dog. Best dog you could wish for really. I think he really likes Mimi.”

  “I think so too!” laughed Ayla. “It's so sweet.”

  “Maybe we could synchronise dog walking so that they can meet in the park?” suggested Ben, who had an ulterior motive. Based on her T-shirt, which showed she believed in animal rights, they might have some things in common. Plus she was cute.

  “That's a good idea – I'll give you my number.”

  Josie sighed. She bent down and stroked Glen, who was looking at her strangely, almost as if he understood her.

  Ben took out his mobile and they swapped numbers. That was that. Everyone said goodbye. Mimi and Glen did a little nuzzling thing with their noses, and they parted. Once or twice, Glen stopped and turned round to take a last lingering look at Mimi as she walked off. Ben didn't look back; he was staring up at the clouds. The blue sky was endless and today's events had just widened life's little possibilities. He liked the girl.

  “She was nice,” said Josie, breaking the silence.

  “Yeah, I think Glen really likes her.”

  “Not her!” laughed Josie. “I meant Ayla. I think she likes you.”

  “Oh,” mumbled Ben, embarrassed. “She seems alright. I just want to make sure Glen sees Mimi again so I thought timing the walks would be a good idea – for Glen.”

  “Yeah, yeah,” teased Josie. “I think she's nice. You should go for it.”

  Ben didn't know what to say. He had really liked Josie, but this girl was like a warm breeze. She seemed light and uncomplicated. Her youth made her that way, he guessed. Life hadn't disappointed her yet. Then he told himself not to think that way or she would think he was an old cynic.

  Josie looked away. The memory of the night they played pool popped into her head. She'd really messed things up. If only she could erase the past and her momentary interest in David, the vacuous one. What a mistake! She could see what was going to happen now. Ben would start dating this girl and she would just have to deal with it. Josie wanted to kick herself for being so stupid. Ben was good-looking, intelligent and kind. Oh well. They could be friends – that was good – and in her experience, friendships lasted longer anyway.

  Relationships always started easy and then grew complicated. She imagined her past affairs as a line of graves in a spooky graveyard, with tumbleweeds blowing in the midst of a thunderstorm. The rain poured, the wind roared, lightning axed a tree or two, and the graves toppled like dominoes. Well, that's really helpful, she thought. Quit thinking and stroke the dog.

  Chapter 24

  Kay and Josie lazed in the lounge, sipping mugs of hot chocolate. The blue squidgy sofas seemed to shape themselves around their bodies, sapping them of any energy to get up. The TV was turned off and birds tweeted outside the window. A faint hum of music seeped through the ceiling from upstairs.

  “Where are the guys today?” asked Kay.

  Josie stirred. “Well, you can hear David upstairs, strumming away, and Ben's out walking Glen. He's meeting Ayla.”

  “The girl you met in the park?”

  “Yeah, she seems nice. She stopped by a couple of times in the week. Ben seems happy. He's smiling a lot!”

  “He's finally getting his oats!” laughed Kay. “Are they meeting every day when he walks the dog?”

  “I think so. Glen also has a girlfriend!”

  “No way, it's catching! So where are our dates for today?”

  Josie laughed. “I dunno, I think they took the wrong turning and got lost!”

  “I think mine lives in a different country,” said Kay, studying the bubbles in her hot chocolate. “My theory is that Mr Perfect is living abroad. He's foreign – that's why we haven't met yet.”

  “Or he lives on Mars!”

  “Yeah, he's a damn Martian! He better be polite and open doors, and cook my breakfast in the morning!”

  “I think mine died! Or he hasn't been born!” said Josie, grinning.

  Kay looked serious for a second. “You're too choosy, that's all. You always have been. But I think that's a good thing, not necessarily bad. Just means you're waiting a lot.”

  “I'm not waiting. I get on quite happily on my own. If someone comes along, that's great. If someone doesn't, that's also fine. I don't mind – I'm not going to sit around waiting!”

  “What about David?”

  “What about Mr Vacant?” asked Josie, spitting out her tongue. “I think we've had this conversation before! I know you think he's fit, but never, ever, ever! Big mistake! Huge!”

  “He's huge?” Kay joked, pulling a face back.

  “No! I never saw. Honest!” She shivered at the thought.

  “I reckon he'll be huge... like a big boa constrictor... an anaconda!”

  “You're evil! It can't be that big – how would he squeeze it into those extremely tight jeans?”

  “Maybe it folds up like a concertina!” laughed Kay, almost spilling her chocolate.

  Josie laughed her head off. Her imagination was just too graphic.

  “Oh shit, do you think he heard us?” asked Kay, looking up at the ceiling.

  “No chance. He's playing his guitar. He's teaching.”

  Kay raised an eyebrow. “Teaching who? I can't imagine he has the patience.”

  “Our landlady – every Sunday when she comes to collect the rent she also gets a guitar lesson.”

  “Bet he gets cut-price rent. He wouldn't do it for nothing!”

  “Listen to us! We have such a bad impression of the guy,” said Josie. “He's probably not so bad.”

  “Just a poser!”

  “You can talk!” laughed Josie.

  “Ha bloody ha! His band was good though!” Kay finished her chocolate and put the mug down. She sat up with a cheeky look. “Let's go listen! I wanna hear him teaching... that's gotta be a laugh.”

  “No, we shouldn't. They might hear us.”

  “Come on, chicken,” said Kay, and dashed out of the room.

  Josie gulped the rest of her drink and followed. Peering upstairs, she could make out Kay sitting halfway up the steps to the hatch. She was trying not to giggle and raised her eyebrows suggestively. Josie sighed and tiptoed up. Kay opened her eyes wide in mock surprise and Josie had to cover her mouth to stop sniggering. They both sat still, looking up at the hatch. Someone was playing guitar. It stopped and started, stopped and started.

  “It sounds like the same bits, over and over again,” whispered Kay.

  “See, I told you, he's teaching her how to play though she looks more like a piano person.”

  “How so?”

  “Well, I think she's about sixty and smartly dressed, so I thought guitar an odd choice. I thought she'd go for something more sophisticated. So, piano or harp.
”

  “Maybe she's at the age where she wants to try new things. My dad bought a bike when he hit fifty! He'd never ridden one before!”

  A small screech emanated from above.

  Kay jumped and would have slipped off the step if Josie hadn't grabbed her.

  “What was that?” she whispered, alarmed. “Did you hear it?”

  Josie nodded. They both looked up at the hatch, but they could only hear guitar sounds. Then there came another low screech, slightly longer than the first.

  “Okay, that's definitely a scream,” whispered Kay, “something's wrong – I'm going to check!”

  Before Josie could stop her, Kay had leapt up the steps and pushed open the hatch. Josie jumped up behind her. They weren't expecting the sight that met their eyes.

  The landlady was on the floor, moaning, and David was on top of her, giving it his all – both of them starkers! She was blindfolded and her hands were handcuffed in front of her, but she was still wearing her high heels. David looked up in shock, his mouth wide open. He pulled out quickly and the landlady gave a small whinny. For some reason he had a gun holster holding two plastic guns around his waist and a black Stetson perched on his head. The girls stared, dumbstruck.

  “David, dear, why have you stopped?” she asked, breathing heavily. She remained in the doggy position, innocently unaware.

  David leapt up, his manhood jiggling at a 90 degree angle. But it was fast sinking to 80, now 70, heading towards 60 degrees, observed Josie. Kay had been right – the man had a whopper. Make that a double whopper. He stood still for a minute, too shocked to know what to do, while the two girls gazed at his huge courgette.

  “Ride me cowboy! Ride me some more!” demanded the landlady, blissfully oblivious to her audience.

  Josie and Kay, about to explode with laughter, covered their mouths with their hands.

  Suddenly, David swung (literally) into action, grabbed a pillow to cover his bits and rushed towards the door. Josie slid backwards down the top steps, grabbed the rail and swung down. Kay skated down after her on her bum. The guitar lesson played on in the background.

  “It's okay, honey, the hatch blew open. I'm just closing it,” said David, slamming it shut. He glanced down at His Royal Droopiness. Damn.

  Chapter 25

  The girls ran into Josie's room and collapsed on the bed.

  “Oh, my god!”

  “Oh, my god!”

  “I'm so glad I didn't sleep with him,” Josie laughed. “I don't care how big he is!”

  “She's old enough to be his grandmother! Or at least his mum!” roared Kay.

  “Sshh! I know!”

  “But, it's kind of cool to have a lover who looks like that when you're sixty!” grinned Kay. “I hope I do!”

  “Do you think that's good for her health though – all handcuffed and blindfolded like that?”

  “I dunno! I hope that carpet is fluffy!”

  Josie stopped laughing. “Remember when you were eighteen and you thought someone of thirty was old? I used to think they were ancient. I didn't want to ever be thirty. But when I hit it, it was okay. Now forty seems old 'cos that's the next big one, but, you know, when we get there, it's not going to seem that old!”

  Kay nodded. “I know what you're saying. I used to think I was well grown up at sixteen, but I just keep learning stuff – the older I get, the less I know... like the fact that you should wear a Stetson during sex!”

  “Kay!” giggled Josie, pinching her. “Seriously though, it's like sixty is the new fifty. What age is middle-aged now anyway? It can't be forty – we're nearly there!”

  “Hey, talk about yourself! I've got years to go!” protested Kay. “Thinking about it, forty is middle-aged if you live to eighty! But you can always get a nip and tuck nowadays... don't pull a face... you might want to some day!”

  “Never! I wanna grow old naturally and still recognise myself. I don't want a face that looks like it got stuck in a wind tunnel and eyebrows that don't move! That's not for me. Who says what age is old or how you should look anyway? The landlady still looks attractive and dresses nice. Did you see her body? I was surprised...”

  “Yeah, I noticed – when I wasn't noticing David's bits and bobs! She keeps in very good shape.”

  “I need to start going to the gym,” sighed Josie. “How are we going to be at sixty?”

  “Shagging a thirty year old!” laughed Kay. “I just hope she doesn't get carpet burns! That didn't look comfortable!”

  Josie giggled. The memory kept replaying and becoming funnier every time. “Why did you have to be so nosey and open the hatch?”

  “I thought someone was being strangled in there,” said Kay, defensively.

  “Shagged to death!”

  “Josie, stop, I'm laughing so much my sides hurt.”

  “He must be getting a big discount on the rent. She's getting that every Sunday you know! He's basically a gigolo!”

  “Beats going to Bingo!” said Kay. “Maybe he gets totally free rent. I bet he does, the dirty scoundrel!”

  Josie lay back as her giggles subsided. She turned on some music. Led Zeppelin was 'Rambling on'.

  “You should be playing 'Whole Lotta Love'!” said Kay.

  Josie collapsed laughing again. “You're a wicked woman!”

  “Do you think Ben knows?” asked Kay, after they'd finished another bout of giggles.

  “Don't think so,” said Josie. “He told me she was getting guitar lessons...”

  “...rather than riding skills!”

  “Kay! Okay, I can't talk anymore. Everything hurts! Funny thing is, I asked him to play his guitar lower – otherwise we probably wouldn't have heard her scream!”

  Chapter 26

  Half an hour later, the girls heard the hatch slam, followed by the front door banging.

  “I think the coast is clear,” said Kay. “I'm dying for a cuppa!”

  “Me, too,” said Josie, “let's go.”

  They padded downstairs to the kitchen and put the kettle on. As if on cue, the front door opened and Ben arrived home, with Glen, Mimi and Ayla.

  Josie poked her head round the door of the kitchen. “Hi, guys! Want some tea?”

  “Love some,” said Ayla, smiling. Ben nodded. Glen bounded over, his tail wagging, followed by a more restrained Mimi.

  “Well, hello again, Mimi,” said Josie, bending down and stroking the beautiful dog's head. She looked up with her shy, big brown eyes. Glen had good taste. She gave Glen some strokes too, just in case he was feeling left out.

  “How was your day?” asked Ben.

  “Interesting!” said Kay.

  “What happened?” he asked.

  “It can wait,” answered Josie. “It might be best to tell you later.”

  “Okay – I'm wondering now!”

  “Don't worry about me,” said Ayla. “I can keep secrets!”

  “It's not that,” explained Josie. “It's just a bit delicate!”

  “Not the only thing that was probably feeling a bit delicate!” laughed Kay, who then fell silent as Josie shot her a reproachful look.

  “Come on, you have to tell us now,” said Ben, mystified.

  Glen looked up and Mimi sat down. Ayla leaned against Ben.

  “Tell them,” said Kay.

  “Fine. Well...”

  The front door opened and slammed shut. Josie fell silent and started preparing the tea.

  David poked his head into the kitchen. “Hi guys,” he said, flicking his hair, but looking slightly awkward.

  Ben noticed Ayla looking at the floor, shyly. Not again, he thought. Not 'The David Effect'!

  “Hi, David!” said Kay. “How are you today?”

  “I'm fine,” he replied. “I had a pretty good day today, but then some things are best kept secret.”

  He looked directly at Kay, who pouted.

  Josie sighed. Perhaps it wasn't such a good idea to say anything – it might open a giant can of worms.

  “Anyway, I'v
e got some guitar riffs to learn. Catch you later,” said David.

  “That guy looks familiar,” said Ayla, playing with one of her plaits.

  “Have you met him before?” asked Ben.

  “No,” replied Ayla, frowning. “I've never spoken to him before, but I've definitely seen him somewhere recently.”

  “Maybe in the park,” suggested Josie. “He sometimes walks Glen.”

  “I think it's a ruse to pick up women!” laughed Ben.

  “Does it work?” asked Ayla.

  “It always works. That's why he's so cocky! When I first met him he was geeky looking, but then he improved, like one of them male models.”

  “He is very good looking,” agreed Ayla.

  Ben frowned.

  “But there's something fake about him. I guess some girls like that plastic, empty-headed look, but not me!” She spun round and gave Ben a peck on the cheek. “I prefer more interesting guys!”

  Ben's face lit up with a big smile.

  Everyone seemed to have forgotten the big story, and Josie was thankful. Perhaps it was best not to say anything. She'd have to weigh it up. Maybe David simply liked older women. It didn't mean he was getting free rent and, even if he was, the landlady seemed to be enjoying herself! Josie hoped she was getting value for money. Judging by her screams earlier, she guessed that she probably was.

  “I should get going soon,” announced Ayla, sipping her herbal tea. “I have to take Mimi home.”

  “She's a lovely dog,” said Josie. “Have you had her long?”

  “Oh, she's not mine,” replied Ayla. “I'm a dog walker. I'm studying at Uni, but I walk dogs for people so I can pay my way. It's fun and Mimi is my regular.”

  “Must be a nice job if you like dogs,” said Kay. “Do you get any difficult ones?”

  “I have had,” recalled Ayla. “But then I don't keep the job. I've had some dogs that I can't control. They just charge off or bark at everything. One chased squirrels! I was scared I'd be burying the poor creatures.”

  “But Mimi's okay?” asked Josie.

  “Yeah, I love her to bits,” said Ayla. “I'm going to miss her when I have to stop walking her.”

  “Why would you have to do that?” asked Kay.