Trevor looks over at her while she looks at him and gives her a smile of support.
“I sometimes wake up and think if I get high today I won’t have to remember the memories. I don’t want to remember some things, and I think if I get high again I won’t have to face it. But then I open my eyes and look outside and I am not chained to a wall. I can go outside. I can touch the grass. I can do all that, so I fight it. I guess every day will be a ‘today I’m going to be strong. Today I’m going to beat this’.”
I repeat after her. I introduce myself, telling them all that I’m Lori’s mom but not an addict.
The group lasts more than two hours. Once it’s over, Daniel says he will be right back, so we get up and walk over to the water machine in the corner.
Trevor walks up to Lori. “Your story blew me away. I know I haven’t been sober long, but if you ever need me just to talk or anything, here is my number.” He hands her a paper with his number on it. She thanks him, and he walks away.
Daniel comes to us with a booklet of different courses and therapy sessions that they offer. He also suggests her enrolling back in school, maybe see if she can take some online courses. He gives us both his cell number to reach out to him with any questions.
We walk to the car right when the phone rings. Looking down, I see it’s Mick.
“Hey,” I say while unlocking the car doors.
“How did it go?” he asks with a worried tone.
I look over at Lori with a smile. “I think it went really, really well.”
“Good. I can’t wait to hear about it. I’m about to leave for home. Want to meet me there? We could eat outside.”
I look at Lori and ask her if she wants to go. She nods her head yes then tucks her ear buds in her ears.
“Sure, we are on the way. I’ll stop and pick up pie from Phyllis’s.”
“Maybe I can taste your pie tonight,” he says, and I quickly look back at Lori to see if she heard anything, but her head is moving to the beat of her music. “What do you say? Can I have some strawberry pie tonight?”
“Mick,” I hiss out. “I’ll see you in thirty minutes.” I hang up while I hear him laughing in the background.
Lori takes her ear buds out. “Mom, can we stop and get me a notebook or something?”
“Sure, honey, we can stop now.”
I make my way to the diner with Lori beside me. The sun is shining, I got myself a kick ass man, and my daughter is safe. Maybe he just might get to eat strawberry pie tonight.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Mick
First day back at the office is kicking my ass. I keep looking over at the time, then my phone, then the time, then the time on the computer, just hoping it goes by fast.
They are attending their first therapy session, and I wanted to be there, but I didn’t want to overstep, so I went to work.
Now here I am on my way home to make supper for my girls. I pull up and park deep in the driveway so she can park in the back of me. Walking up the steps, I see a bright yellow note taped to the door.
We need to talk, Mick. It’s urgent and important. Sandie
I take the note, crumple it in my hand, and toss it in the trash the minute I get in. I open some windows to get some air going through it. I haven’t been home in two weeks, unless it was to get clothes and it shows.
I go to the fridge taking out a beer, twisting the cap off. I grab some steaks from the freezer, throwing them in the sink, and I’m just about to check for some rice when I hear a knock and then the door open.
“Knock, knock,” I hear Lori say. “We brought food.” She carries a huge takeout tray. “And strawberry pie.”
I choke on the sip of beer that I was drinking.
“Are you okay, Mick?” she asks, worried I might choke.
I look up at her and hear Marissa in the background snickering. I grab a towel to wipe the beer off my lips while I glare at her.
“Mick, Phyllis said you better be at her house Sunday to fix the light switch or she will tan your hide,” Lori tells me this while taking the cover off the takeout tray. “Oh my gosh, look. It’s chicken steak and homemade mac and cheese. Yummy.” She lifts her head to look out the window, her mouth opening in a gasp. “Oh, look at the water. Mick, can I go sit by the water while you guys get ready for dinner?”
“Sure thing, there are two chairs down there.”
She reaches in a bag to take out a notebook and then walks down to the water.
“What’s with the notebook?” I ask Marissa while watching Lori.
“She said she wants to write.” She shrugs her shoulders. “Someone mentioned it in therapy, so maybe she will try it.”
I walk to her, grabbing her into my arms and lowering my face to meet her lips. She places one hand on my face while the other one goes around my neck. “Missed you,” I tell her with my lips pressed to hers.
“Mmmhm,” she says while she opens her mouth and slides her tongue along mine, tilting her head to the left so the angle is better. The taste of her makes me come alive. She breaks the kiss softly, pulling away, still giving me little kisses. One hand comes up and rubs her lips.
“Why don’t you get the plates and silverware and I’ll carry out the food? I, for one, am starving.”
She pulls out of the embrace, walking to the counter.
I grab her ass while she walks by me and groan. “Fuck, that ass will be the death of me,” I tell her while getting all the stuff to go outside.
Once we make it outside and set up food on the plates, we call Lori to come eat. She walks up to the table, notebook in hand, phone in hand, and a smile on her face. “I love it out here.” She places her stuff next to her plate.
“You are welcome to come over any time you want. Even if I’m not home and your mom says it’s okay.” I start eating my food, scared to ask about their session, but I do anyway. “So how was today?” I cut my chicken and pop a piece in my mouth.
Lori takes a sip of water and then talks. “It was good. We met a couple of people, heard sad stories. Mick, one guy watched his kid die,” she tells me, her eyes going wide. “There were mostly kids my age. One guy had parents that were ‘tweakers’.”
“Did you feel uncomfortable?” I ask her while she chews her bite of food.
“I did at the beginning, but then I heard their stories. I found out that we are all going through the same thing. Sure, I didn’t put myself there. It wasn’t my choice, but each one of us fights every day not to go back. So they are just like me,” she says while she shrugs her shoulders and takes another bite. “I know we have pie, but can we go for ice cream?”
I don’t even give Marissa time to think about it. “Sure, you know what? I’ll call Jackson and they usually bring Lilah for ice cream. I can still have my pie later.” I look over at Marissa, making sure Lori isn’t looking and perk up my eyebrows. She is the one now glaring at me and I’m the one snickering the rest of the meal.
We take her car to the ice cream parlor, all of us getting our favorites. Jackson and Bella pass on the invite, so it’s just the three of us. We sit down and talk about nothing and everything. I find out about Lori and when she was growing up. The stories that Marissa tells make us all laugh. It’s in the car on the way home that Lori asks to be dropped off at home. We look at each other, not wanting to say no, yet knowing she needs to be alone. After dropping her off, Marissa tells her that she will be back soon.
It’s crazy that in my mind I’ve already got her naked and bent over my sofa. Fuck, just the thought has me grabbing my dick. “Whatcha got there, big boy?” Marissa says, snickering from the passenger seat.
“I’ll give you a big boy so hard your pussy will be remembering me tomorrow. Can’t wait to eat my pie.” I look over at her to see her squirm. “You know what is better than pie? Pie on pie. That’s right, sweetheart, eating strawberry pie off your pussy. Hmmm, I could just taste it now.”
She crosses her legs tight and bites her lip. Her eyes are filled wit
h lust. By the time we make it home, we are both ready to tear each other’s clothes off. My mouth lands on hers the minute I close the door, picking her up and walking upstairs.
Two steps up, the doorbell rings. “Ignore it,” I tell her between kisses but then knocking starts.
“I know you’re in there, Mick. I saw you get home.” It’s the voice of a bitch. Like nails on a chalkboard.
“FUUUUCKKKK.”
“I guess we need to get that?” Marissa says, getting down from my arms.
I make sure she looks okay before opening the door.
Sandie is standing there in her perfect outfit, looking at her nails before pushing herself past me to come in the house. “It’s about fucking time you came home. I’ve been leaving you messages for two weeks now, Mick,” she says then finally takes in Marissa standing there in the middle of the room. “Oh, fuck, she’s here. Seriously, Mick.” She rolls her eyes.
“Sandie, I would watch my mouth if I were you. You left messages. You would get a fucking hint that I don’t want your shit or I would have called you back,” I tell her, putting my hands on my hips. “Fuck, this is what you came here for?”
“I have something personal to discuss with you.” She turns to Marissa. “If you don’t mind, you can leave now.” She points to the door.
“The only one leaving and isn’t wanted here is you,” I tell her. “She’s not going anywhere. You got something to say, fucking say it. Actually, I don’t even fucking care what you have to say.” I walk to the door, opening it. “Just fucking leave. Go home, Sandie.”
“I’m pregnant.”
The two words I’ve heard before. Two words that changed my life once. Two words that will change my life again.
“It’s yours, Mick.”
I look from Sandie to Marissa, who is standing there, her face white, her hand in front of her mouth, the tears in her eyes forming, but she blinks them away.
I look back at Sandie, not saying anything, so she opens her purse, taking out a picture, a black and white picture, offering it to me. “I’m four months along. It could only be yours. I left him, Mick.”
My hand snatches the picture from her. It’s her name on top with dates and shit I don’t even understand, but there in the middle of the black paper is a baby, my baby.
“I’m going to go,” Marissa says.
I stand here for a second in a fog, my life moving before my eyes. I turn around right before she gets in her car.
“Marissa, wait.” I see her back exhale while she turns. Her face shows despair, sadness, her eyes filled with tears. “You can’t just leave.”
She shakes her head. “Mick, you need to do this.” She reaches up and puts her hand on my face. “You’re going to be such a great dad. The best dad.”
I don’t understand what she is saying. I hear the words, but my heart is beating so fast. “These last couple of weeks have been the best ever. I will never ever forget them.”
“Marissa, please,” I say, begging almost, hoping to fuck this pain in my heart is temporary.
“I can’t do it. I won’t do it. I won’t stand in the way of you having a family. Not now, not ever.” She goes to her tippy toes, kissing me on the cheek. “Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be.”
I grab her face in my hands. “No, no. I’m not letting you go.” My heart shatters into pieces. It’s a pain that makes you unable to breathe. A pain that if you close your eyes all you see is black.
“You have to let me go. Please, Mick.”
She begs me to let her go, but how can I? How can I let her go when I can’t live without her? How can I let her go when all my tomorrows have her by my side? How can I let her go when having her is my very own piece of heaven?
She pulls my hands off her face, looking up at me. “Go be a dad, Mick.” She drops my hands, getting in the car and driving away.
I watch her till I can’t see her lights anymore. I watch her till the memory of her is imprinted in my heart. I stand here looking up, wondering how I could even survive tomorrow when my body is just a shell.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Marissa
The drive back home is a dream of sort. The dream that I almost had it all to the nightmare of it being ripped away from me. Pregnant. She’s pregnant with his child.
The thought brings pain to my heart, making it ache. Making it hurt to breathe. Pulling up to the house, I look up and remember waking up with him just twelve hours ago. Watching him sleep. Thanking God for giving him to me. For giving me a second chance.
I blink away the tears. I need to be strong for Lori. She is my number one priority, always. Wiping away the tears with the back of my hand, I walk inside, quietly closing the door. The sound of the click almost makes it final.
“Hey, Mom,” she says, and I jump and turn around to look at her. Her hair wet on her head, she’s in her pjs, holding the bear under one arm while she carries her notebook in the other. “Mick just texted me. Wanted me to text him when you get home.”
A single tear rolls down my face. I don’t say anything and just nod my head.
She looks me up and down. “Mom, are you okay?” She advances on me. She must see the pain in my eyes. “Mom, what happened?” she asks. Worry has taken over her face.
“I’m okay, baby. I’m just happy, I’m so happy you’re home.” I palm her face, bringing her into me. The tears come freely now. She hugs me and kisses me on the head. The roles reversed. Her phone sounds out a beep.
I let go of her to grab a glass of water. “Mom, can I go out tomorrow with Trevor? He’s going to the library. He says the peace helps. Can I go? He said he could come and get me.”
“Sure, honey. I want you to text me when you leave and when you get wherever you’re going, okay?”
She rolls her eyes at me, almost like she did back then.
“Hey, I went a long time without you. I don’t want to do it again, okay?”
She looks up at me. “Okay, Mom. Ohh, Bella wants to know if we can go over for supper tomorrow. Can we, Mom? Please? I promised Lilah I would color with her.” She looks at me, pleading.
“Sure, um, yeah. I have to work till six, but I’m sure that we can go after that. I’ll call her tomorrow. Listen, honey, I’m going to head up and take a shower and go to bed. I have to be at work at six a.m.” I walk over to her sitting on the couch texting away, kissing her on the head, turning, and walking upstairs.
Stepping into the room, the first thing I see is his bag with his clothes next to it. Walking toward them, I pick up the T-shirt he was wearing this morning. I bring it up to me and smell it, smell him.
I undress and dress in his shirt, climbing under the covers, his smell is all around me. It’s everywhere. It’s on my pillow, on my skin, in my memory, in my heart.
I let go of all the tears. They rip through me. The emptiness hurts. The thought of him having a family with someone else is too much for me to bear. The thought that he will love her eventually, the thought that they will raise a baby together. The fact that his smiles will be for her. His heart will beat for her, while mine will just stay still there. No movement, nothing. My eyes close, shut down. The memories of us replay over in my mind till my dreams start.
The alarm wakes me at five-thirty. I peel my eyes open. I know they’re puffy even without looking in the mirror. Looking at the phone, I see I missed seven texts from Mick. My heart wants to read them, my mind wants to know, but I do the only thing I can do right now. I block him. I block the number that was my lifeline to him.
Getting up, I go into the bathroom, washing my face with cold water. Looking at myself in the mirror, I see someone who finally let her guard down and lost. Lost. That is what I am, but I’m stronger than this. The pain will linger, the memories will fade, but I’ll be okay. I have no choice.
I get dressed for work, going through the motions. I walk into Lori’s room and kiss her on the cheek. Telling her I’m leaving, she mumbles and then rolls back to sleep with her bear.
She doesn’t say anything but nods at me.
“You want pancakes today or just eggs?” she asks, walking into the back.
“I’m nursing a broken heart. I want chocolate.”
She throws her head back and laughs.
The morning shift goes smooth, lots of people welcoming me back, lots asking about Lori. But most of all, all let me know that I’m treated like family. It’s like I’m one of theirs. Finally, I found my place.
The bells ring above the door a little after lunch and Bella walks in with Lilah skipping next to her. Her pigtails started straight but are now lopsided.
“Ms. Marissa, I made you cookies,” she says, putting a paper plate on the counter.
“Aww, did you do this for me?” I reach and twirl a pigtail around my finger.
She nods her head yes. “Mamma say Looorri is coming tonight to color with me.”
I laugh at the way she always says her name. “She is and she is so excited about coming also.” I look at Bella. “Are you sure it’s still okay?”
“More than sure. I’m excited for Lori to come over. She mentioned that she would babysit any time I wanted. I may have to break the news to Brenda and Nancy, but I’m super excited.”
“What can I bring tonight? Please don’t say nothing. Let me.” When I see she is thinking, I tell her I’ll bring wine. The visit passes way too fast before they leave and I’m back to filling up the sugar. The bells over the door sound. Looking up, I’m shocked to see Lori.
“Hey, how did you get here?” I ask her when she stops by me and kisses my cheek.
Pieces Of Heaven: Pieces Of Heaven (Heaven & Hell Book 2) Page 16