The list of questions goes on, but these are just a few examples of how you suppress your divine energy. Remember, each time you prevaricate you are restricting your spiritual growth.
A relationship is an investment of your time, energy, and money. You’ll spend hours, days, weeks, or even months bargaining for the automobile of your dream. You’ll shop online, test drive the car over and over, even haggle over the price repeatedly. But when it comes to your relationship, you have no time, very little patience, and seldom will you spend your money. It’s still true. The best things in life are free. Unfortunately, even those items seem to cost you too much time.
Sure you used to go out to dinner, in the beginning. And perhaps you now buy a gift or two throughout the year. But how often do you give or get a massage from your significant one? How often do you spontaneously exert effort into doing something nice? When was the last time you sent flowers? Ladies, that applies to you as well. Most men do like roses.
Now, the moment something goes wrong, you have all day and night to nitpick. When you’re not complaining to the other person, you’re driving yourself insane thinking about the situation continuously.
When your girlfriend or guy friend calls, you have all the time in the world to listen. You even change the tone in your voice. Smile. Laugh. Whatever the emotional bond calls for, you are ready, willing, and able to support the cause. But as soon as you hang up the phone, the negative thoughts about your spouse resurface.
Most people don’t marry, many more may never meet, and some don’t even realize they’re with their soulmate. Unconstructive energy can ultimately destroy a relationship. Stop suppressing your spiritual energy. Learn to let go of the things that destroy your positive energy. Only then will you be free.
One last comment, all men are not dogs. In fact, most of them aren’t. And, all women do not grow up and become sugar and spice and everything nice. Excessive pessimism is mental conditioning. It’s one of the worst forms of abuse. Enhance your outlook on life. If you don’t, at some point your relationship will explode. Remember, negative energy drains your spirit.
REFLECTIVE MOMENT
Soulmates Dissipate
Chapter 13
“After I leave tonight,” she said in a quiet voice, “I want you to spend at least thirty minutes praying and thirty minutes meditating.” Jazzmyne’s voice had a calming effect on Jada. Her body began to relax.
“Now I have to be honest with you, Jada. I’ve been a counselor for almost ten years…. So I can tell, you’ve intentionally left out some very important information. Jada, you have to trust me. I’m only here to help you. Not to hurt you. But I can’t if you won’t tell me the real reason why your relationship with Wellington failed.”
Damn, was Jada talking with a psychic or a counselor? But at this point, the table had turned. Jada decided to tell Jazzmyne everything.
“We all sin, Jada. You’re not infallible. And there’s no measuring scale in heaven that says your sins will be weighed heavier than the sins of others. You’re a Christian woman. Therefore, you already know that God has forgiven you….
“You also have to accept responsibility for your actions,” she said. “You must stop blaming Melanie for what she has done as a means to justify what you have done. You must forgive yourself and as difficult as it may be—as a Christian—you must forgive Melanie….”
Four
See What You Hear Hear
What You See
Eliminate the psychological noise
Have you ever met someone who has a nice personality? They’re attractive. You engage in conversation. You’re peripheral vision scans the person from head to toe. Nice body. Your mind wanders. They are talking, but you are thinking … Damn! He/she sure looks good. You use your body language to disguise your thoughts and pretend to be interested in what is being said. Or the exact opposite could have been the case, so you say to yourself … this person has bad breath. Where are my friends? It’s definitely time to go. Did you stop and think perhaps the individual had food with garlic for lunch or dinner? He/she had every intention of eating a mint, but didn’t have one and did not have time to get it before he/she met you.
Irrespective of the reason (s), far too often you do not listen to the other person. Likewise, they too fail to receive your message (s). Society has already dictated what type of man or woman you should marry. Basically, one who can fulfill your needs. Your family and friends have imposed their opinions, as well. So now you’re looking for love in all the wrong places and wondering why you haven’t met your soulmate. Work on enhancing your self-sufficiency and self-actualization. That’s what builds self-esteem and healthy relationships because you no longer depend on society to validate your relationship choices. Look at the other person and see what you hear. Observe their body language. Then, search within yourself and hear what you are seeing. Don’t judge. Listen to your spirit.
Another important factor is, don’t choose your mate or leave them based upon someone else’s opinion. Make your own decision. You’re the one who has to live with it. If you need time away from an unhealthy environment, take it. Heal from within and you’ll be free to love again. If you’re already in a relationship with your soulmate, paying attention to what the other person is saying may help the two of you grow together instead of drift apart. If you haven’t found your soulmate, you won’t find him/her as long as you continue to focus on the physical.
Remember, people are not perfect. Far too often we hold others to a higher level of expectation than ourselves. If you stop and think, you can probably recall at least one occasion when you promised to call someone or do something for your significant one, and you either forgot or simply didn’t have the time. Even worse, you may have not been true to yourself when you made the commitment. You may have hung up that phone and immediately said … I am not going to call him back and I hope he doesn’t call me. A good rule of measure is … always judge yourself harder than you evaluate others.
Additionally, if you have to revisit the same argument or disagreement for days on end, someone isn’t listening. Resolve your relationship issues as quickly as possible so your spirit can be at peace. You can’t live and lie and then question why your relationship failed. The truth of the matter is, you already know. Just as if you don’t check your financial statement, you cannot balance your bank account. If you never check yourself, you can’t possibly balance your relationship. Remember; listen with your eyes, ears, and spirit.
REFLECTIVE MOMENT
Soulmates Dissipate
Chapter 12
“Jada, I thought we were soulmates, but then you changed on me. I saw a side of you I’d never seen before. I didn’t realize you had such an awful temper. You always seemed so peaceful. Jada, this was the first authentic challenge of our relationship. And your actions proved you didn’t trust me. When I tried to open up to you, you slapped my face and ran out the door. When I called you, you hung up on me. When I went to sleep, you turned my house into the Hunan Garden.”
Jada looked out of the corners of her eyes. Her lips curled.
“I’m serious damn it! This is not a joke,” Wellington continued. “You didn’t try to meet me halfway. I made a mistake. I was honest enough to share that with you. I’m not perfect and I don’t try to be. I told you that the first time we went out. And now that you’re ready to talk, am I supposed to be ready too? Look, I still love you. I’ll always love you. But I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to get married.”
Five
Think with Your Head
Feel with Your Heart
Release Your Inner Spirit
Generally women are too quick to point the finger and men are too fast to bail out. At some point we all have to just own up to our responsibility. People are human beings, not perfect beings.
For men, sex is a recreational sport and love is totally separate. For women, sex is sacred and synonymous with love. So how on earth do we ever hit a home run when we’re
constantly playing the field in different parks? One wants to play the outfield while the other insists on being the short stop. It really doesn’t matter because no one is covering the home plate. And even if someone were playing catcher, they’d never catch the ball because the pitcher is at a totally different ball game.
This explains why a woman can say I love you to a man after dating for only a few months. This is perplexing to a man who may not honestly be able to say those same three words after being in a relationship for a year. Just like sports, a man can throw his heart and soul into the here and now, but after the sex is over he’s ready for a greater challenge.
Some may think this is cold and callous when in fact it’s conditioning. Men are reared differently from women. When a man cries, he’s perceived to be weak. However, when a woman cries, she’s understood to be hurting. Pain is painful irrespective of gender. A failed relationship with a loved one can silently scar a man for life; thereby, making it difficult for him to make a commitment to the next woman. Men do think with their heads and not as often with the little one as women believe. Very seldom does a man treat his woman the way he expects another man to treat his daughter. On the other hand, a woman seldom expects another woman to treat her son as well as she does. So what does this say about how men and women think and feel? This is mental conditioning at its worst.
As a result women become wounded. But men already think … she’ll get over it. It’s expected. More often than not, she will and she does and she moves on to the next man. Eventually women begin to believe all men are alike. Well, let me tell you … they’re not. The problem is neither the woman nor the man changes her/his expectations. Three months after the next relationship she’s right back where she failed the first time and a year later, guess what, he still hasn’t said those three words she’s longing to hear.
This repetition often keeps one from connecting with his/her soulmate. Women need to think more with their heads and men need to think more with their hearts. Only then will both play the same game in the same park. You can start today by dismissing societal expectations and release your inner spirit.
REFLECTIVE MOMENT
Soulmates Dissipate
Chapter 5
“So how is Mr. Terrell Morgan doing these days?” Jada asked as she looked over the San Francisco Bay.
“Well, let’s see. We still talk at least once a week and I am so tempted to have a serious relationship with him but long-distance never works out. Someone eventually ends up having to move and I don’t envision moving to Los Angeles and he’s in the peak of his career. Every modeling agency wants him.”
Jada nodded.” We get at least three inquiries per day.” Terrell was labeled the new Tyson on the block.
“I just don’t know.” “You don’t know what?”
Candice sighed.” I know girl, it is so unlike me. My heart says yes but my head says no. So until one or the other gives in, I’ll just be in limbo.”
“As long as you realize he may not be in limbo as long as you. It’s cool.” Jada recognized this was the first time Candice was concerned about dating a younger man.
Food for thought when
you are searching for
your soulmate
DO: Love yourself more than anyone else.
DON’T: Allow others to convince you shit smells like roses.
DO: Make your own decisions.
DON’T: Take advice from the lonely.
DO: Question the actions of others.
DON’T: Fault them for yours.
DO Look inward first.
DON’T: Blame others if you get caught up in the game.
DO: Compromise.
DON’T: Settle.
The following is reserved for you to write down—right now—a message to your lost, found, or future soulmate. As you write, remember the five key elements. Regardless of your decision, verbally communicate your feelings to your soulmate. Understand that the true meaning of your soulmate is not in words: it’s inside of you. So, let your spirit flow from your heart to your pen. Remember, art is created through the mind, body, soul, and spirit of the artist. You are now, the artist.
Dedicated to My Soulmate:
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Love always,
Turn the page for a look at Mary B. Morrison’s
Never Again Once More
Chapter 1
“Lord give me strength,” Jada whispered as she dropped her cell phone into her purse. Inhaling through her nose, she removed her electronic notebook from the overhead compartment and sighed heavily. Never mentioning Wellington Jones by name, she had posed multiple relationship questions to the stranger seated next to her in row one, since he had been happily married to the same woman for over fifty years.
“Sir, thank you for lending an ear.” Jada took one step back, allowing him to retrieve his belongings. His brown scuffed briefcase was torn at every corner, and the gold-plated latches had turned mostly silver. The black rubber beneath his walking cane was worn to the slanted wood.
The elderly man licked his dentures, scratched his receding hairline, and replied in his raspy voice, “That’s why God gave us two. One so we can listen to how selfish we sound and the other for us to hear. Seems as though you’ve been listening, but you’re so busy hearing yourself, you haven’t heard what he’s trying to tell you. I’ve managed to stay married because my wife, she respects my manhood and doesn’t try to reduce me to being one of our twelve kids.” Then he dug into his butt, relieving himself of a wedgee.
Respect was earned, not given because a man was anatomically correct.” But did I mention to you”—Jada moved closer so the person beside her wouldn’t overhear—“he impregnated another woman?”
The old man wasn’t as kind to speak low in return.” So did the Reverend Jesse Jackson, but you don’t see his wife abandoning him. And if Hillary can forgive Bill, why can’t you forgive …” This time he dug deeper into his butt and grunted, “What’s his name?” His hand quivered, touching hers.
Frowning, Jada said, “Wellington,” for the first time during their discussion.
“Yeah, that’s it. Jandra, you’re a pretty girl. I’ll tell you like I’ve told all of my kids, ‘Pride and love is like oil and water. They don’t mix.’ The sooner you realize that, the healthier your relationship will be.”
He still hadn’t pronounced her name correctly; but his wisdom surpassed her logic, so Jada moved ahead of him, impatiently waiting as the exit door opened.
The flight attendant smiled cheerfully.” Thank you for flying the friendly skies.” Absent her smile, the attendant resembled one of the girls from Robert Palmer’s rock video “Simply Irresistible”: pale face, straight black hair slicked back, and red lipstick.
Jada’s lips parted, but she didn’t respond. Instead, she stretched her five-foot-nine frame until an arch formed in her lower vertebrae. When her black thigh-high boot crossed the threshold and landed on the walkway, a gust of cold air raced up the front split in her cashmere skirt and kissed her red lace thong. Briskly tracing another passenger’s footsteps, Jada wished Candice would be late so she’d have an excuse to avoid reliving her best friend’s wedding and honeymoon plans.
Not only was Candice timely, but she was the first person Jada noticed when the attendant opened the second exit door leading into the concourse.
“Hey, girl. I thought you were going to backslide, especially since you didn’t call me last night.” Candice extended a Holy Names prep girl hug, giving Jada three pats on the back.” I like the sexy style. You look like a woman in search of a new man. Tha
t’s a good thing.” Rambling on, Candice pinched the edges of Jada’s jacket and peeped inside.” I’m scared of you, Ms. Thang, a split almost up to your clit. Terrell would never allow me to wear this.” She released Jada’s blazer.” But what’s up with all the black? Are we mourning our loss?” Fanning the wind, Candice emphatically said, “Forget Wellington. He doesn’t deserve you.”
The little old man slowly walked by hunched over his cane, “She’s got that right,” he said.
What was that supposed to mean? Jada had taken enough of his insults, and if he wasn’t seventy something, she’d tell him to go straight to hell. Sighing again, she thought, Ms. Thang, not Mrs. Jones. Maybe he was right.
Jada placed her computer bag in Candice’s wavering hand and retrieved the waterless sanitizer from her purse.” Let’s stop at Starbucks; I could use an iced frappuccino.” Sniffing the freshness on her fingertips, she tilted her head back, lifted her smooth straight hair, and gradually released it behind her shoulders.
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