About Last Night

by T Paulin

  He began to relay what had happened the day before, omitting the part where he considered purchasing several vintage gaming consoles. He told her about meeting the con artist and getting the drug-laden business card. He accurately relayed his battle with the nightmarish ghoul, and how he’d prayed for death.

  When he was finished, she ran a white-coated tongue over her cracked lips. “Good job,” she said flatly. “You brought home a demon ghost.”

  “Not a demon ghost. That’s the funny thing. It’s just an anxiety response to the hallucinogen. I imagined what I saw, and you imagined a black cat, but neither of them was real.”

  She shook her head, whipping her strawberry-blond hair. He wondered how many hours she had endured her nightmares. Her hair had matted overnight into the beginning of dreadlocks.

  “I’ve had panic attacks before,” she said. “This was real, Eli. I know what’s real.” She poked her finger into his chest like a blunt butter knife. “Demon ghosts are real, you brought this one home, and I will make your life a living hell until you—” she jabbed him in the chest repeatedly “—take care of your mess.”

  He rolled his eyes. The woman didn’t believe he had a microchip installed in his brain—something that was a medical, physical fact—yet she believed in supernatural creatures that came out at night to terrorize humans for absolutely no reason or financial gain.

  Brenda shoved him aside and crawled out from under the table. Once standing, she kicked him in the kidney—not hard enough to cause organ damage, but hard enough to make him wistfully nostalgic for ten minutes earlier, when he’d been her protector.

  “Brenda, I’m truly sorry about the hallucinations. I know it’s my fault.”

  She ignored him and paced the room, busy tapping away on her tablet.

  “Whatcha doing?” he asked casually.

  She snorted. “You can forget about going in to work today. I’ve moved the routes around, so you’re off, without pay. You can go straight out to see your boyfriend.”

  Now Eli snorted. “He’s not my boyfriend.”

  “Yeah, but you love him,” she taunted. “Your eyes glazed over every time you said his name. Khan. Why don’t you shave your legs and put on one of my dresses? You make such a pretty girl.” She cackled.

  Eli shook his head and avoided her eyes. He made the executive decision to not come out from under the eating table. Ever.

  She kept cackling as she moved about the apartment, getting ready. Whatever happened to her overnight hadn’t dampened her Brenda-ness very much.

  Eli dozed off under the table, enjoying demon-free sleep for half an hour, until Brenda shook him awake.

  He had the day off work, but he still had to drop her off at the depot.

  Then he had to go see Khan in person, and get him to admit to the scam.

  Chapter Six

  Even though would have much rather found a quiet place to park the van and have a nap, Eli left the depot and drove directly to the address for Ghost Hackers.

  If he didn’t go, Brenda would ask, he’d tell the truth, and the whole situation would escalate. He had no choice.

  He backed into a parallel parking spot and glanced up and down the street for parking attendants. The coast was clear at the moment, and he planned to be back out in five minutes anyway.

  He walked through the Ghost Hackers door. Once more, he stepped back through time, to the days of bulky stereos and bulky radios and bulky TVs. Maybe people weren’t getting bigger these days after all. Maybe they just looked bigger, because the technology was shrinking. Eli smiled at his clever slice-of-life observation and thought about getting his old blog going again: Eli’s Musings.

  Something was different inside the shop. The air had a brighter charge, and the person emerging from the dark bowels of the shop was not a blond-spiked man in camouflage clothes, but the girl he’d seen before. The pretty girl.

  “What can we do for you, sir?” she asked politely.

  “I need to speak to your… um… Khan.”

  “What if I don’t have a Khan?” She smiled, the expression dotting her cheek with the cutest little dimple. She had brown hair, the same medium shade as Eli’s, and she wore it pulled back in a sporty ponytail. Her lips were full and her ears were tiny. And, Eli noticed with guilty horror, she was human-colored, not see-through like Brenda.

  “I was here yesterday,” he gurgled through a nervously-clenching throat. “Whoever was here, I need to see him today. My future well-being depends on it.”

  “We were closed yesterday.” She batted her naturally brown, non-clumpy eyelashes. “If you saw something, it must have been a ghost.” She extended her hand across the counter toward him. “I’m Valentine. Valentine Hart.”

  Eli gurgled a non-verbal response and shook her hand, trying not to enjoy the feel of her smooth skin on his palm.

  Who was this lovely girl? Her name sounded like something from a comic book. Was Eli hallucinating again?

  She was pretty, but not like a model. Her teeth were big, and, even in the dim light of the shop, Eli could make out a few freckles across the bridge of her nose.

  She pried her hand out of his. “What did you say your name was? Glick-gluck?”

  “Eli.” He heard movement at the back of the shop—shoes on hard flooring, and the sound of someone slurping a very hot beverage. “Valentine, are you pulling my leg? Is Khan back there? I don’t believe in gho—gho—gick.” He couldn’t finish the sentence. The chip that prevented him from lying apparently knew him better than he knew himself.

  A deep and manly voice boomed from the darkness. “Valentine, my love, save your charms for the ones with money.” Khan emerged from the back and joined them at the counter, steaming mug in hand. His eyes went right to Eli’s knees, which were visible, because Eli had donned his delivery uniform that morning—an act he now intensely regretted.

  Khan finished, “The ones with money don’t wear short pants made of polyester.”

  She smiled sweetly at Khan. “Good point, my love.”

  He set down his mug and gazed into her eyes. “Darling, you look ravishing today. May I kiss you?”

  She looked up at him with alluring eyes as green as sea glass. “If you must.”

  Khan pressed his hand over her mouth while she pressed her palm over his lips, and they pretended to kiss noisily, like two teenagers in a school play.

  This carried on for several uncomfortable seconds that felt like hours to Eli, and it only stopped when Khan dipped Valentine, lost his balance, and dropped her. She wheezed with laughter as she got to her feet.

  Khan grinned at Eli. “I see you’ve met my sister.”

  “Your sister?” Eli tried to control his glee. He didn’t really think he had a chance with lovely Valentine, in her bright blue button-down shirt, tied at the waist to accentuate her trim waist, but it made him happy to know she was Khan’s sister. When he and Khan became best friends, they would see each other all the time. And if Brenda happened to suddenly die of a painless yet fast-acting disease, well, Eli could hope.

  As for Khan, just being in his physical presence put Eli in a forgiving mood. So what if he’d nearly died last night, thanks to a demon-ghost or a powder-delivered hallucination. The events would one day make one heck of a campfire story.

  The siblings gave each other playful punches on the shoulders, and then Valentine excused herself to do some paperwork at the back.

  “What was the phone call about?” Khan leaned nonchalantly on the counter and sipped from his steaming mug. “You were awfully worked up over something this morning, my man.”

  “I don’t want to talk about it.” He really didn’t. Especially not with Valentine in earshot. “Can you assure me the same thing won’t happen tonight? I didn’t tell you on the phone, but it affected my girlfriend as well. I guess some of the powder transferred from my hands to her… never mind.”

  Khan’s dark eyebrows pushed together in earnestness. “Tell me everything, starting with this powder
transfer. I need to know where your hands went.”

  Eli hissed, “I said I don’t want to discuss it.”

  “Then why are you here?”

  “Brenda made me.”

  “Is she your boss?”

  “Yes.”

  “Does she keep your manhood in a glass box?”

  “Not literally.”

  “You’re an interesting guy, Eli.”

  “You’re not too dull yourself, but your sister’s cuter.”

  Khan laughed. Eli hadn’t meant to crack a joke, but he was pleased to have his words taken that way.

  Eli joined in the laughter.

  Khan stopped laughing abruptly, his dark green eyes flashing a warning. “Nobody touches my sister.”

  Over at the desk in the corner, Valentine groaned. “The stapler’s empty again!”

  Khan called over his shoulder, “I told you. We have a stapler ghost. They’re pesky things.”

  Eli stared at Khan in wonder, as he spun a tall tale about stapler ghosts and office supply poltergeists. The man lied so easily, and convincingly. Eli shuddered at the thought of a stapler ghost. Oh, the things it could do to stretched webs of human skin. For an instant, Eli recalled the horror of being suffocated repeatedly, and his chest felt heavy, his heart like rusted iron. The horror. If ghosts were real… he’d never feel safe again.

  Khan snapped his fingers in front of Eli’s face. “Wake up, sleepyhead. Guess what time it is.” He didn’t wait for an answer, he just showed his forearm to Eli. Yesterday’s hand-scrawled address had been washed away to a ghostly shadow, and a new address stretched across the muscular forearm. “It’s ghost hacking time,” Khan said.

  “Ghost hacking time,” Eli said weakly. He could still feel last night’s darkness, and its cold, undead fingers on his mouth.

  “My truck’s in the shop,” Khan said.

  “Yesterday you said you had a car in the shop, not a truck.”

  “Maybe I have both. Getting a double tune-up.”

  “Maybe you’re lying.”

  Khan blinked, his face free of expression. “You’re calling me a liar.”

  “I’m suggesting you’re a liar.”

  “I don’t like your tone.”

  “I don’t like being lied to.” Eli felt a tingle of satisfaction in his scalp. People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones, but it pleased Eli greatly to suggest someone else was lying, because he knew—he knew!—he was above reproach.

  “But you like fairy tales and comic books,” Khan said. “And movies about superheroes, and true love, and one brave guy who’s nothing special at first, becoming a hero and saving the whole world. You like those things.”

  “Of course I do.”

  “Then you do enjoy being lied to. You’re no different from anyone else.”

  “I don’t like be—” His voice cracked.

  Just like the plucky hero who trips up the evil supercomputer with its own logic, Khan had defeated him. He could no longer claim he didn’t like being lied to.

  Eli looked to his left, at the rows of ancient computers. Did Khan know Eli’s weakness? This street was on Dave’s regular route, part of the Zombie Run. It was hard to say how many of Eli’s coworkers knew about the microchip, or how many random people they had told.

  Eli held his tongue and didn’t speak of his suspicions. He wouldn’t give Khan the satisfaction.

  He started again. “I don’t like to be… standing around in this dusty old shop when it’s ghost hunting time.”

  “Ghost hacking, not ghost hunting.”

  “What’s the difference?”

  “Trademark, mainly.”

  “Oh.” Eli hadn’t expected such a straight-forward response. He touched his fingers over the phone in his leather holster, hoping Brenda would call and pull him away with an errand. She had a special sense for when he was doing something interesting without her. The phone didn’t ring. The battery was probably dead. That was the only logical explanation.

  Khan slung his bag onto his broad shoulder and came out from behind the counter, pushing through a low swinging gate. “My car-and-or-truck is in the shop,” he said.

  “My van’s out front. I’m free to give you a lift, since I have the whole day off work.”

  Khan grinned. Like his sister, he also had a dimple, but it wasn’t as cute. With exaggerated guilelessness, he said, “Golly gee, that would be swell, friend.”

  They stepped outside just in time to see a parking attendant place a ticket printout on the van’s windshield.

  As Eli cursed under his breath, Khan grabbed the yellow ticket and gallantly said, “Don’t worry about this. Parking’s on me. It’s the least I can do.”

  He regarded the ticket with the pretend seriousness of someone who has no intention of paying the fine, and then tucked it into a pocket on his cargo pants.

  Eli opened the driver’s side door, but before he could climb in, Khan dove into the leather seat and snapped the keys from Eli’s hand. “Thanks, my man.”

  He started the engine and began adjusting the mirrors. Eli gently closed the door and muttered, “Shotgun.” He walked around the vehicle and got in the passenger side.

  The seat was springy and felt brand new, because for the past five years, nobody but Brenda had sat there, and she weighed almost nothing.

  So what if Khan wanted to drive? It was just a van, and, more importantly, Eli had the whole day off work. He blinked up at the blue sky between the downtown buildings. In that moment, he couldn’t remember what month it was, and if this was spring weather or fall. Whatever it was, the sun was just right—not too bright.

  Khan guided the van out of the parking space with the same care one takes guiding a stray possum out of one’s house.

  Eli was surprised that he did not mind the sound of his van’s tires squealing. Maybe it was the lack of sleep making him delirious, or maybe he was tired of having to make all his own poor life decisions. For once, it was nice to have someone else in the driver’s seat.

  They drove past buildings with reflective glass, public art in the form of sculpture, and postage-stamp-sized green spaces. Eli enjoyed the downtown scenery, along with the intense pleasure of not knowing what this ghost hacking expedition would entail.

  As an adult, there would be no more exciting Christmas mornings or completely new experiences. He had very few firsts ahead of him. He savored this idea of Khan being an actual ghost hacker, because how many more mysteries like this was he bound to encounter?

  Khan careened the van the wrong way down a one-way street and had to quickly pull a U-turn amidst a flurry of honking. He cursed, blaming everyone but himself, then hit the gas harder. As they wove from lane to lane, he adjusted the bucket seat a few times, then complained, “Hey, this seat is all worn out and lop-sided.”

  Eli smiled inwardly, knowing that he had the comfortable seat and Khan did not.

  Chapter Seven

  The van hurtled through the city, over the bridge and beyond, where the ratio of green to gray reversed.

  Khan checked the address on his arm against the in-vehicle navigation system’s map.

  Eli helpfully offered to punch in the address so the system would guide them, but Khan preferred to navigate his way. They drove through the countryside, past farms full of dairy cows, and then fields of green-hued grains.

  They opened the windows and enjoyed the fresh air. Eli squinted at the fields. Pale green. So, it was spring, after all.

  “How old were you?” Khan asked, breaking the silence. He didn’t need to clarify that he was asking how old Eli was on Crashdown day. People in the city asked each other some version of this question all the time, and everyone knew what it meant.

  “I have no memory of it,” Eli said. “I was about four.”

  “So was I, but I remember. My father thought we should evacuate, so he loaded the four of us into the car. Wait, I mean the three of us. My mother was still eight-months pregnant with Valentine, but she already
had a name, and was already part of the family. She and I talked late at night.”

  Eli got a chill that ran up his arms, making the fine brown hairs stand on end. “You had conversations with your unborn sister?”

  “We’ve always been close.” Khan’s face in profile gave away no hints as to whether or not this was another tall tale of his, another con. “Valentine was excited about the Crashdown, and didn’t want to leave the city. She kept kicking my mother in the bladder. The car got caught up in the gridlock, of course. My mother made the trek once an hour to use the bathroom in a motorhome stuck about ten vehicles back.”

  “Did you make it out of the city?”

  “We were lucky. Dad acted fast, and we were the first wave out. He already had bags packed and stored on a shelf in the garage. I guess he and his survivalist buddies had been waiting for something like that to happen.” Khan chuckled to himself at the memory. “Man, some of those guys were crazy.”

  “Sounds like fun,” Eli said.

  “You know how when you’re a kid, summer vacation seems to be an entire lifetime? It was like that, up at the cabin. I caught fish in the river with my bare hands. When Valentine was born, they let me cut the cord. My hands were shaking, and I was scared, but then she reached out with her tiny pink hand and clutched onto my finger. That was when everything changed for me. I couldn’t let myself be scared ever again, because I had to look after her.”

  Khan leaned over and checked the navigation map again. He’d been rough on the controls before, but after talking about his sister, he was gentle with the buttons.

  Eli leaned his head out the window and let the wind move through his hair and whistle in his ear. He’d never had a sister, or a brother. Maybe that was why he felt scared sometimes.

  “We came back after thirty-seven days,” Khan said. “Looters had broken the windows at the shop, but to add insult to injury, they hadn’t stolen anything except for the food in the kitchenette, and a pair of sunglasses.”

  “That was the same shop we just came from?”

  “Yup. Family business. Back then we just did appliances, of course, not paranormal work. It was called Hart Repairs at the time. That was Mom’s idea. She liked puns.”