Alice 1

by Ernest Kinnie

  After a hard struggle, I flashed back to my solid body and called Dorothy’s son.

  “Yes, I will. Thank you. Who are you?”

  ____________________

  Not sure I want to help that bastard. My gratitude got in the way of my judgment. And what will he and his mother do when they see his killer coming?

  He was naked, crouched behind the dumpster, shivering with fear. So different from the guy who put a knife to my throat and threatened to kill me. His mother was frantically trying to get his attention. She was also trying to get rid of 5 black Shadow worms sucking on his face and legs. I went off to the side and squeezed the little Dot. Took only a couple of minutes this time.

  I sent waves of love and joy toward the worms. Nothing. Sent waves toward the closest worm and it popped off and floated rapidly away. Easy.

  Oh shit! The other four started toward me, black mouths open. I felt sucked into that awful nothingness. I will not freak! I will not freak! I threw good feelings and they slowed down, but then came on. I didn’t think, I just gathered everything I had and threw it at them. They hesitated, flipping back and forth. I kept pushing love and joy as hard as I could. Not easy staring into nothingness.

  Thank God they closed their mouths and floated rapidly away.

  “Thank you,” the guy’s mother said, “but why did you have to kill him? He was so young. He could have been saved.”

  “He threatened to kill me. I wasn’t the first and would not have been the last. We need to help him now.”

  “Yes, we need to help him. A priest abused him in grammar school and his father called him a faggot. He was out to prove his father wrong and did it by abusing women. Well, his father abused me so I guess that makes sense. What sad, awful waste.”

  “What’s his name?”

  “Michael. We called him Sonny because his father’s name was Michael. He never had a name of his own, and hated Sonny.”

  I could feel and see dark-red waves of fear coming from him. Emotions flow like colored clouds or very light liquids in the Shadow World. There was a battle between his dark flow of fear and my lemon yellow clouds of soothing calmness, and I wasn’t winning. Ok, this is hard but let me add pale green clouds of caring. I feel at least a little pity for the guy because of his history.

  Ah, that’s better. My flow of calmness and caring began to push back the fear. But then he saw me, and red fear gushed out of him again and he tried to get even farther behind the dumpster. What to do now? Try again. And increased the flow of caring and calmness.

  “Why did you kill me?”

  “Because you were going to kill me.”

  “I wouldn’t do that. Mommy says I’m a good boy. My father hates me and calls me a faggot. I’m not a faggot! I’ll show him! I’m gonna go get a bunch of girls and show him!”

  “That was then. This is NOW! Look at me! Good! Now look at your mother.”

  “Mommy!” and began to cry. She was gently rocking him when I left.

  CHAPTER 41

  Summer school is over and the lab closed, so off to Glacier. I told the Glacier Gang I have a very big surprise. I can’t wait to explore the Shadow World with them, and I’m finally going to get to Many Glacier. Oh yeah.

  Well, as you surely know, so much for that. There is a big snow storm on the way and arctic air has come early to northern Montana. So the Gang has moved back to Sarasota for the winter. Carmel next year.

  I’m so tempted to explore the Shadow World alone but decided to share the joy of discovery with the Gang. And maybe I like the idea of having some friends around, just in case I get in trouble. Of course that is so rare, but you can’t be too careful.

  ____________________

  David met me at the airport and took me to the cute little motel on the bay for our 3-hour stimulating chat. I’m super curious what sex is like in the Shadow World. I’ve read about astral sex, the direct exchange of sexual energy, but I suspect that’s just a come on to sell books and ease the seduction of innocent young boys by older women.

  When we got to The Meadows, I wanted to add a little suspense, so I asked Johnny what he found in the religious, supernatural and occult literature.

  "I discovered the real history of religion. What happens is some guy accidentally stumbles on some small part of the Shadow World, and from that limited experience spins a wonderful fantasy. If he’s a gifted leader or writer a cult is born. And if the cult fits the needs of the King, Sultan, Emperor, or politician, a religion is born. Then they have Holy Wars, each side absolutely certain they have The Truth and God is on their side. So many useful idiots. ‘KILL THE INFIDEL!’ ‘DIE FOR THE GLORY OF GOD!’ Of course the rulers have no interest in The Truth. They use religion to gain money, power and glory.”

  “OK, Alice,” Doris said, “we fed you chocolate cake and blueberry ice cream, and Johnny has done a brilliant job summarizing the real history of religion. I can’t believe you ate two big helpings. Your turn. What’s the big surprise?”

  “Has everybody tapped the left side of their pituitary? Ok, watch. This may take a couple of minutes.”

  It only took a minute for the flash and shift into my Shadow body. I looked at them for a moment, knowing all they saw was the usual Shadow, vacant and motionless. Then burst into a wild dance, waving my arms and jumping up and down like a crazy woman. And the fairy bells and the flashing blue and green fairies were swirling all around me.

  When I went back to solid they rushed over, demanding how I did it. I told them about the tiny hands and the Divine Dot in the middle of the pituitary, and warned it’s a whole lot easier to move their consciousness into their Shadow than to get back into their solid body.

  After half an hour Maggie found the Dot and went wild, shouting and screaming, jumping up and down, swirling around and around. In the next half hour Johnny, Molly, Doris and Ralph also moved into their Shadows and went crazy. Betty and David were still struggling so I worked with them. Both made it after another 15 minutes.

  And now the hard part, getting back. What if they can’t? What do you do with an empty body? Maybe my joy and enthusiasm got in the way of good sense. Nah! I can always squeeze the Divine Dot in their Shadow like Brother Timothy did for me. I hope.

  It took two hours and a big struggle to get everyone back into their solid bodies. We’ll practice going back and forth the rest of the day, and tomorrow we explore the World of Shadow.

  David and I wanted to try astral sex tonight, but decided to wait until we learn more about the Shadow World. Not to worry, in the meantime we will carefully tend the many gardens of carnal delight.

  CHAPTER 42

  The next morning there were bowls of grapefruit, oranges and tangerines on the table from the citrus grove behind the house. Johnny went clamming in Sarasota Bay and as a special treat for me cooked clam omelets. Just like in Carmel, they bombed. I mean really bombed. Everybody tried to keep a straight face and eat at least a little. I think Johnny got the message. God, I hope so! Not only does it taste terrible, that yellow, reddish-gray mess looks like vomit.

  Along with the clams, he brought back a large sea trout for Maggie to cook for supper. He went to the end of the Ringling Bridge, waited for a fat one to swim by, squeezed its brain stem, and scooped it out.

  After breakfast we’ll move into our Shadows and learn to create things in the Shadow World.

  ____________________

  Can’t be hard if frat boys do it, and it isn’t. When in your Shadow, the greater the desire the more quickly your creation appears in the Shadow World and the longer it lasts. David found if you wind up your desire like a spring and then suddenly release it your creation immediately pops into Shadow reality.

  The things created are well formed. You don’t have to desire what your want very clearly, just the general idea. The details are stored in your brain or wherever.

  And you don’t need to know how desire works. I desire to raise my arm and desire to create a cute, little puppy dog. My arm goes up, and t
he puppy dog comes over and licks my hand.

  We spent the rest of the day creating everything we could think of, and at the grand finale went out to the lake and created a herd of elephants. We sent them charging in a mighty cloud of Shadow dust toward downtown Sarasota, five miles away. I wonder if they made it to Main Street and if anybody noticed. What we create in the Shadow world lasts from a few seconds to an hour or so, depending upon how strong the desire.

  The sea trout was delicious.

  ____________________

  The next morning we practiced changing the appearance of our Shadows. Easy, just desire again. I changed into a pretty good Devil. Maggie changed into a duck, quacking and flapping around the room. Lots of fun.

  Soon we began to show off. I went to the center of the room, created a big clap of thunder and appeared as the Devil in the middle of a pretty good flash of fire and black smoke. The sequence was a bit off but not too bad. Darryl’s Devil at the Crowley’s was better. I forgot the brimstone.

  Doris and Maggie changed into Scarecrow and the Wicked Witch of the West. The Wicked Witch ran around tossing balls of fire from her broomstick at poor Scarecrow. I shifted to Dorothy, created a bucket of water, and that was the end of the Wicked Witch of the West.

  So far we’re able to do everything the Merry Jesters do except materialize objects and ourselves from the Shadow World into the solid world. No problem. The greater the desire the more solid the creation becomes in the physical world.

  Nothing seems to harm our materialized Shadows, but the more materialized they become the more we experience pleasure and pain. The feelings can be turned off by using the usual desire. Shadows can also feel pleasure and pain but not nearly as much, and can also be turned off and on.

  Late in the afternoon Maggie found her Shadow can glide above the floor, so tomorrow we go flying. I wonder how far we can fly and still get back to our bodies. And what happens if the Holy Warriors of God from Walton come by and give our empty bodies the Squeeze. We dead.

  Hell of a lot better than dying a sad, lingering death, strapped to a hospital bed with steel needles and plastic tubes sticking into what used to be human.

  CHAPTER 43

  Well, Johnny didn’t get the message. He went clamming again and served his culinary masterpiece for breakfast. We rebelled. It was his feelings or our stomachs. His feelings lost.

  We went Shadow and out to the lake for flying lessons. A little jerky at first but smoothed out and by afternoon we were playing tag in the sky.

  I wonder how fast I can fly, so I chased a jet circling Sarasota-Bradenton International. No problem. I perched on the wing and watched downtown Sarasota go by.

  You should try it.

  Wonderful view.

  Then my evil brain created a leprechaun in the Shadow World and began to materialize it on the wing. One of the passengers saw it, and soon there were many faces peering out the windows. He waved politely, but then became too materialized and was swept off the wing.

  __________________

  The next morning the Herald Tribune had a short report on the bottom of page 1.

  GREMLINS ON FLIGHT 241

  Yesterday, passengers on Flight 241 from Atlanta, on its final approach to the Sarasota-Bradenton International Airport, report seeing an object on the wing of the plane. A World War II veteran said it reminded him of the pictures of Gremlins, mischievous elves supposedly infesting military planes of that era.

  The captain of the flight was contacted. She said air turbulence, window distortion, and sun glare are the usual explanation for such occurrences.

  ____________________

  Today we explore some more.

  Doris held a Godzilla, King Kong fight. Poor King Kong didn’t have a chance.

  I had Socrates and Wittgenstein go at it. Socrates’ eternal forms got demolished. What a howler as Wittgenstein put it, trying to make a thing out of a concept, a mere abstraction. Ludwig is not nice, not even to the great Socrates.

  Johnny played the Red Baron in his Fokker Triplane and David played Snoopy in his Sopwith Camel. The Shadow bullets from the machine guns damaged the Shadow planes until one or the other began that long, smoke trailing dive.

  Johnny became a fish in the lake. Betty became a squirrel running through the trees. Ralph became a rock. Weird, but he said it was so relaxing and time moves very, very slowly. Who knew?

  ____________________

  In David’s lovely bedroom overlooking the lake, in the light of the moon, with crickets chirping and owls hooting, we undressed and went Shadow.

  We felt like a couple of shy virgins looking at each other, not knowing what to do. Then I became aware of a tiny sexual feeling, but it was so different. My sexuality is partly whole body but primarily centered around my nipples, behind my ears and between my legs. The sexuality I felt was not centered anywhere. It was sexuality itself, not a part of my body feeling sexual.

  Sexual energy began to flow between us. So many fairy bells. So many flashes of beautiful blue and green fairies swirling around and around us.

  The sexual energy began to throb as it flowed from me to him and him to me. The throbbing became more intense and moved back and forth faster and faster, until, in a marvelous explosion, our Shadows became one. It was the most profound experience of my life.

  It went on and on, and then we slowly separated and watched the moon move across the sky.

  CHAPTER 44

  Back to Berkeley tomorrow for the fall semester. I’m a senior thanks to hard work and support from Karla, Jimmy, Mary and Dr. Crowley. It helps to have the dean of the faculty on your side.

  And then the next year I’m off to Paris with Mary. Her mother has a large penthouse right on the Seine but I courteously declined the invitation to stay with them. That would seriously cramp fulfilling numerous fantasies involving super-sensitive, super-skilled Parisian men.

  A wonderful thought. Millions of very creative humans have lived for centuries in Paris. Must be quite a Shadow show. And I’m so attracted to Montmartre, a place of marvelous creative frenzy in the second half of the 19th century, on a bluff high above Paris.

  ____________________

  No clam omelets for breakfast. Johnny would end up in the lake if he tried to feed us that awful mess again. I got a phone call. When I got back, I must have looked worried because everyone stopped eating and waited.

  “That was Karla. The Holy Warriors of God from Walton bought our cover story that the Spengler group, now part of the Crowley group, killed the Holy Warriors from Plattsburgh. They also learned the leader of the Crowley group is the grandson of Aleister Crowley. They are coming to Berkeley for revenge and to cleanse the world of that evil filth. Karla has requested we be ready. The Crowleys are no match for the Holies from Walton.”

  Ralph stood up. “Are we now Karla’s assassins, killing wherever he points his bloody hand? How do we know the Walton group is so much worse than the Crowley’s that they deserve to die? Do we kill so easily? Do we so easily risk our lives, and start an endless vendetta between ourselves and all the other Holy Warrior groups?”

  “So we just watch the Holies kill the Crowleys?” I asked.

  “Yes! Otherwise killing goes on forever. It has to stop! Every war, every revolution, every sanctioned killing is always called the last, with the promise that this time peace will come. What an awful, evil, bloody lie! We always fall for that stirring rhetoric, and create another river of blood.”

  Doris slowly stood up. “Like Ralph, I’ve been troubled by what the Vigilantes have done over the years. Like him, I think we made serious mistakes. But I believe protecting the Crowleys is justified for two reasons. We killed the Holies from Plattsburgh not the Crowleys, and Alice cares enough to risk her life. She won’t be alone, I will be with her. Others are free to join or not.”

  They all agreed to come, including Ralph.

  “Alice, don’t tell Karla we learned to activate our Shadows.”

  “I won’t. I don’t
want any government to have that kind of power.”

  ____________________

  It’s harder and harder to leave David and the Gang, and I can’t wait to get back to Berkeley. How’s Arlene? Maybe Brother Timothy has a good deed and Karla a bad. I bet the Merry Jesters of Darkness call. And what happens when Mary gets around to stimulating the pituitary?

  Maybe I’ll revisit the Hairy Women of Apollo. There is a high probability that this time the Great God will materialize in a great flash of light, fully aroused and needing many females to satisfy his powerful desires. He will be truly outstanding, but I’m a little concerned the dear ladies will not be up to the challenge.

  ____________________

  While waiting in Atlanta for my flight to San Francisco the same group of Shadow passengers I saw before came through the check point and into the boarding area. They acted so normal, doing what they must have done just before they went down the ramp.

  I went Shadow to learn more. There was a little Shadow girl over by the gate.

  “Hi, my name is Alice. What’s yours?”

  “MaryAnn. Are you going to Denver?”

  “No, I’m going to San Francisco. Why are you all alone?”

  “I’m going to visit my daddy. He doesn’t live with my mommy. I get to go visit him sometimes. I love my daddy. Why do people get divorced?”

  “I guess your mommy and daddy don’t like each other anymore.”

  “Maybe they won’t like me anymore.”

  “You are a very nice little girl. They will love you forever.”

  “Time to get on the plane, MaryAnn.” A Shadow flight attendant led her to the ramp. She turned with a big smile, waved goodbye with her little fist, and disappeared down the ramp.

  It broke my heart, but what could I do? I thought about replacing the Shadow worker at the check-in counter and announcing the flight was canceled. But what would that do, the plane crashed long ago. But that might have stopped the reenactments. Would that be good or bad? I have no idea. I need to ask Brother Timothy what I could have done, and the reason for this obsessive need to relive a horrible experience.