VOICE OF GOD, echoing through the theater on the PA system: WHERE ART THOU! They both retract, glancing desperately around. They rush about trying to hide from each other.
WHERE ART THOU!
ADAM: Here, quick! Put something on! He hands her a leaf, which she holds in front of her. Gee, you know you look even better with that leaf on—
EVE, looking off: He’s coming!
They disappear. God enters.
GOD: Where art thou?
ADAM, still unseen: Here, Lord. God turns, looking around. Adam emerges. He is wearing a large leaf. Nervously apologizing. I heard Thy voice in the garden and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself. Eve emerges.
GOD: Who told thee that thou wast naked?
ADAM: Who told me?
GOD: Who told thee! You didn’t know you were naked!
ADAM, appalled, looking down at himself: Say, that’s right.
GOD, mimicking him: “Say, that’s right.” You ate the apple!
ADAM: She made me.
EVE: I couldn’t help it. A snake came. To Adam: Wasn’t he a snake?
ADAM: Like a snake, ya.
GOD: That son of a . . . Calling out: Lucifer, I get my hands on you . . . !
EVE: But why’d You put the tree here if You . . . ?
GOD: You’re questioning Me! Who the hell do you think you are? I put the tree here so there would be at least one thing you shouldn’t think about! So, unlike the animals, you should exercise a little self-control.
EVE: Oh!
GOD: “Oh,” she says. I’ll give you an “Oh” that you’ll wish you’d never been born! But first I’m going to fix it between you and snakes. Serpent, because thou hast done this,
Thou art cursed above all cattle,
And above every beast of the field;
And I will put enmity between thee and woman—
That means all women will hate snakes.
Or almost all.
You see? It’s already impossible to make an absolute statement around here! You bad girl, look what you did to Me!
EVE, covering her face: I’m ashamed.
GOD: Ashamed! You don’t know the half of it.
I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception;
In sorrow thou shalt bring forth children—
EVE: Oh God!
GOD:
And thy desire shall be to thy husband
And he shall rule over thee.
No more equals, you hear? He’s the boss forever. Pull up your leaf.
He turns to Adam. And as for you, schmuck!
Cursed is the ground for thy sake,
In sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life.
Thorns and thistles shall it bring forth to thee!
No more going around just picking up lunch.
In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread,
Till thou return unto the ground;
Yes, my friend, now there is time and age and death,
No more living forever. You got it?
For dust thou art.
And unto dust shalt thou return.
ADAM—he sobs: What am I doing? What’s this water?
GOD:
You’re weeping, my son, those are your first tears;
There will be more before you’re finished.
Now you have become as one of us,
A little lower than the angels,
Because now you know good and evil.
Adam and Eve? Get out of the Garden.
ADAM: Out where?
GOD, pointing: There!
ADAM: But that’s a desert!
GOD: Right! It wasn’t good enough for you here? Go and see how you make out on your own.
ADAM: God. Dear God, isn’t there any way we can get back in? I don’t want to be ashamed, I don’t want to be so full of sadness. It was so wonderful here, we were both so innocent!
GOD: Out! You know too much to live in Eden.
ADAM: But I am ignorant!
GOD:
Knowing you are ignorant is too much to know.
The lion and the elephant, the spider and the mouse—
They will remain, but they know My perfection
Without knowing it. You ate what I forbade,
You yearned for what you were not
And thus laid a judgment on My work.
I Am What I Am What I Am, but it was not enough;
The warmth in the sand, the coolness of water,
The coming and going of day and night—
It was not enough to live in these things.
You had to have power, and power is in you now,
But not Eden any more. Listen, Adam. Listen, Eve.
Can you hear the coming of night?
ADAM—surprised, he raises his head: Why . . . no!
GOD: Can you hear the sound of shadows on the leaves?
EVE, with immense loss and wonder: No!
God turns his back on them, hurt, erect.
EVE: Where is the voice of the trout talking in the river?
ADAM: Where are the footsteps of angels walking through the vines?
On the verge of weeping, they are turning to catch the sounds they knew, deaf to the world. Light is playing on them as instruments are heard playing a lugubrious tune. They dejectedly leave Paradise.
A sad bassoon solo emerges, played by Raphael. God, hands behind his back, turns to Raphael, Chemuel, and Azrael, who enter together.
GOD: That is the most depressing instrument I have ever heard.
RAPHAEL, the bassoonist, protesting: But You invented it, Lord.
GOD: I can’t imagine how I could have thought of such a thing.
CHEMUEL: It was just after Eve ate the apple. You were very down. And You said, “I think I will invent the bassoon.”
GOD: Well, put it away, Raphael.
AZRAEL: Look at Adam and Eve down there. All they do any more is screw.
CHEMUEL: Maybe we ought to talk about something cheerful.
GOD: Do that, yes.
Pause. The angels think.
CHEMUEL: I think the Rocky Mountains are the best yet! God turns to him, pained. I mean the way they go up.
RAPHAEL: And then the way they go down.
GOD: I’m afraid that Lucifer was the only one of you who knew how to carry on a conversation.
AZRAEL, a fierce fellow, deep-throated: I would like to kill Adam and Eve.
GOD: That’s natural, Azrael, as the Angel of Death, but I’m not ready for that yet.
AZRAEL: They like to swim; I could drown them. Or push them over a cliff—
GOD, pained: Don’t say those things, stop it.
AZRAEL: I have to say, Lord, I warned You at the time: You mustn’t make a creature that looks like You, or You’ll never let me kill him.
CHEMUEL: It was such a pleasure with the lions and the gorillas.
GOD: Yes, but—He looks down at the earth—when they’re good it makes me feel so marvelous.
AZRAEL: But how often are they good?
GOD: I know, but when they praise My name and all that. There’s nothing like it. When they send up those hallelujahs from Notre Dame—
AZRAEL: Notre Dame!
RAPHAEL: Lord, Notre Dame isn’t for six thousand years.
GOD: I know, but I’m looking forward. He stands, shocked, His eye caught by something below. Look at that! How do they think up such positions?
AZRAEL: I don’t understand why You let them go on offending You like this. You called back other mistakes—the fish with fur who drowned—
CHEMUEL: And the beetle who hiccupped whenever it snowed.
AZRAEL: Why don’t You let me go down and wipe them out?<
br />
GOD: They are the only ones who need Me.
CHEMUEL: Sure! Give them a chance.
GOD: I’ll never forget the first time I realized what I meant to them. It was the first time Adam laid her down and went into her. She closed her eyes, and she began to breathe so deeply I thought she’d faint, or die, or explode. And suddenly she cried out, “Oh dear God!” I have never heard My name so genuinely praised.
AZRAEL: I find the whole spectacle disgusting.
GOD: I know. It’s the worst thing that ever happened. He is in conflict, staring. It can’t go on this way; I must have it out with Lucifer.
ALL: Lucifer!
GOD, energetically: I have never before been in conflict with Myself. Look at it; My poor, empty Eden; the ripened peach falls uneaten to the ground, and My two idiotic darlings roam the desert scrounging for a crust. It has definitely gone wrong. And not one of you has an idea worth talking about. Clear away; I must decide.
CHEMUEL: Decide what, Lord?
GOD: I don’t know yet, but a decision is definitely rising in Me. And that was the one thing Lucifer always knew—the issue. Go. Chemuel throws up his hands.
ALL, singing: Hallelujah, hallelujah . . .
The angels are walking out.
GOD: One more.
ALL: Hallelujah!
They go. God is alone. He concentrates. Lucifer appears.
LUCIFER, wary, looking for cues to God’s attitude: Thank You, Father. I have been waiting. I am ready to face my ordeal.
GOD: Lucifer, I have been struggling to keep from destroying you. The Law of the Conservation of Energy does not protect an angel from being broken into small pieces and sprinkled over the Atlantic Ocean.
LUCIFER: Wouldn’t that just spread him around, though?
GOD: What restrains me is a feeling that somewhere in the universe a stupendous event has occurred. For an instant it made Me terribly happy. I thought it might be the icecaps, but they’re not really working out.
LUCIFER: Trouble?
GOD: There is a definite leak.
LUCIFER: Can You repair it?
GOD: I’ve decided to let them run. It will mean a collection of large lakes across North America, and some in Europe.
LUCIFER: Oh, Father, surely You planned it that way.
GOD: I see now what I probably did; but frankly I wasn’t thinking of the lakes; I simply felt there should be icecaps on both poles. But that’s the way it is—one thing always leads to another.
LUCIFER: Then you must already know the fantastic news I’ve brought You.
GOD, staring for his thought: I undoubtedly do. At a loss: Happy news.
LUCIFER: Glorious.
GOD: I knew it! In the very midst of all my disappointments I suddenly felt a sort of . . . hopeful silence.
LUCIFER: The silent seed of Adam squirming into Eve’s ovarian tube.
GOD, striking His forehead: Aaaaah! Of course! And the ovum?
LUCIFER: Has been fertilized.
GOD: And has attached itself . . .
LUCIFER: To the womb. It is holding on nicely.
GOD: Then so far—
LUCIFER: So good. I can’t see any reason to worry.
GOD, clapping His hands: My first upright pregnancy! Worried: Maybe she ought to lie down more.
LUCIFER: Lord, she could stand on her head and not lose it.
GOD: And how is she feeling?
LUCIFER: I thought I’d ask You about that. She is slightly nauseated in the mornings.
GOD: That is partly disgust with herself. At least I hope so. But it is also the blood supply diverting to the womb.
LUCIFER: I never thought of that! In any case, it works.
GOD: How utterly, utterly superb.
LUCIFER: Oh, dear Father, ever since my interview with Eve I’ve been terrified You’d never speak to me again. And now when I so want to thank You properly, all metaphor, simile, and image scatter before this victory of ours. God becomes alert. Like the firm cheek of Heaven, the wall of her womb nuzzles the bud of the first son of man.
GOD: Say that again?
LUCIFER: Like the firm—
GOD: No, before that.
Slight pause.
LUCIFER: But surely it was all according to plan?
GOD, peering at him: According to . . . ?
LUCIFER: It was supposed to happen through me. Of course I am perfectly aware that I merely acted as Your agent.
GOD: Not on your life! They would have made it in Paradise, clean and innocent, and with My blessing instead of My curse!
LUCIFER: But the fact is, they were not making it!
GOD: They might have by accident!
LUCIFER: Father, I can’t believe a technicality is more important than this service to Your cause.
GOD: Technicality! I am going to condemn you, Lucifer.
LUCIFER: Dear God, for what? For making You a grandfather?
GOD: I forbade those apples! Nobody violates a Commandment, I don’t care how good it comes out!
LUCIFER: You mean the letter of the law is more important than the survival of the human race? God is silent. A smile breaks onto Lucifer’s face. This is a test, isn’t it? You’re testing me? God is inscrutable. That’s all right, don’t answer. Now I will confess myself and prove that I finally understand my part in the Plan.
GOD: What Plan? What are you talking about?
LUCIFER: Your hidden Plan for operating the world. All my life, sir, I’ve had the feeling that I was somehow . . . a useless angel. I look at Azrael, so serious and grave, perfect for the Angel of Death. And our sweet Chemuel—exactly right for the Angel of Mercy. But when I tried to examine my character, I could never find any. Gorgeous profile, superb intelligence, but what was Lucifer for? Am I boring You?
GOD: Not at all.
LUCIFER, worried: How do you mean that? God simply looks at him. Good, good—don’t make it easy for me. I will now explain about the apple. You see, I’d gone down there to help You, but she took one bite and that innocent stare erupted with such carnal appetite that I began to wonder, was it possible I had actually done something— He breaks off.
GOD: Evil?
LUCIFER: Oh, that terrible word! But now I will face it! The desperate yet joyful confession. Father, I’ve always had certain impulses that mystified me. If I saw my brother angels soaring upwards, my immediate impulse was to go down. A raspberry cane bends to the right, I’d find myself leaning left. Others praise the forehead, I am drawn to the ass. Holes—I don’t want to leave anything out—I adore holes. Every hole is precious to me. I’ll go even further—in excrement, decay, the intestine of the world is my stinking desire. You ever hear anything so straightforwardly disgusting? I tell you I have felt so worthless, I was often ready to cut my throat. But Eve is pregnant now, and I see the incredible, hidden truth.
GOD: Which is?
LUCIFER: How can I be rotten? How else but through my disobedience was Eve made pregnant with mankind? How dare I hate myself? Not only am I not rotten—I am God’s corrective symmetry, that festering embrace which keeps His world from impotent virtue. And once I saw that, I saw Your purpose working through me and I nearly wept with self-respect. And I fell in love—with both of us. Slight pause. God is motionless. Well, that’s—the general idea, right?
GOD: Lucifer, you are a degenerate! You are a cosmic pervert!
LUCIFER: But God in Heaven, who made me this way?
God whacks him across the face; Lucifer falls to his knees.
GOD: Don’t you ever, ever say that.
LUCIFER: Adonoi elohaenu, adonoi echaud. Father, I know Your anger is necessary, but my love stands fast!
GOD: Love! The only love you know is for yourself! You think I haven’t seen you standing before a mirror whole years at a time!
; LUCIFER: I have, Lord, admiring Your handiwork.
GOD: How can you lie like this and not even blush!
LUCIFER: All right! He stands up. Now I will tell You the Truth! At the pinnacle: Lord, I am ready to take my place beside the throne.
GOD: Beside the what?
LUCIFER: Why, the throne, Lord. At Your right hand. If not the right, then the left. I can suggest a title: Minister of Excremental Matters. I can walk with a limp, now watch this. He walks, throwing one leg out spastically.
GOD: What is this?
LUCIFER: And I do a tic, You see? He does a wild tic as he walks crazily.
GOD: What are you doing?
LUCIFER: I’ll stutter, too. Horribly: Whoo, wha—munnnn—
GOD: What is this?
LUCIFER: I’ll wear a hunch back and masturbate incessantly, eternal witness that God loves absolutely everything He made! What a lesson! But before you answer—the point, the far-reaching ultimate, is that this will change the future. Do You remember the future, Lord?
GOD: Of course I remember the future.
LUCIFER: It is a disaster; it is one ghastly war after another down through the centuries.
GOD: You can never change the future. The past, yes, but not the future.
LUCIFER: How do you change the past?
GOD: Why, the past is always changing—nobody remembers anything. But the future can no more be turned away than the light flowing off the moon.
LUCIFER: Unless we stood together, Lord, You immaculate on Your throne, absolutely good, and I beside You, perfectly evil. Father and son, the two inseparable buddies. God is caught by it. There could never, never be war! You see it, I can see You see it! If good and evil stand as one, what’ll they have to fight about? What army could ever mobilize if on all the flags was written: “For God and Country and the Stinking Devil”? Without absolute righteousness there can never be a war! We will flummox the generals! Father, you are a handshake away from a second Paradise! Peace on earth to the end of time. God is peering, feverish. And that, sir, is your entire plan for me as I see it.
GOD: In other words, I would no longer be absolutely right.
LUCIFER: Just in public, sir. Privately, of course—a gesture connecting them—we know what’s what.
GOD: We do.
LUCIFER: Oh Lord, I have no thought of . . . actually—
The Penguin Arthur Miller Page 82