by Cara Wylde
“Are you okay? What do you think?”
“No.”
Her heart skipped a beat. “No what?”
“We can’t have the mating ritual and you can’t become a hybrid.”
“What… why?”
She sat up and cringed a bit when his seed leaked onto the sheets. She needed a shower. But more importantly than that, she needed an explanation.
“Why not? I’m your bride. You want me, I want you. We have to do it at some point, so why not this full moon? Why wait another month?”
“No.”
He moved to the edge of the bed and started putting his clothes on. When Claudia figured out what he was doing, she got really mad. This was stupid. Why did he have to be so childish and stubborn? Couldn’t he give her a simple, straight answer? In a swift motion, she took off her blindfold and immediately gasped in surprise. Karl was sitting with his back turned to her, and his skin was covered in old, deep scars.
“Oh my God! Who did this to you?”
Karl’s eyes widened in panic. He stood up and threw his shirt on, then turned to her.
“I told you not to take off your blindfold!”
“What the hell? Is that what you were hiding from me? Seriously? Did you think a couple of scars would scare me away?”
Karl took a couple of deep breaths, struggling to control his wolf. The beast was angry and it wanted out.
“Claudia, you don’t understand.”
She moved to the edge of the bed, now kneeling before him.
“Then tell me. Help me understand.”
He shook his head and reached for his shoes. He needed to shift, but he didn’t want it to happen in her room. This was the huge disadvantage of living in an apartment, in the middle of a big city. He couldn’t just shift when he wanted to, when he needed. Sure, he could shift in the living room, where there was more space, then go up on the terrace, pace around a bit, then sleep on the grass in his wolf form, but he had to do it at night. Even though humans knew about the existence of shape-shifters and were getting used to them, there was no reason to give the neighbors something to talk about.
“You ruined everything!” The second the words left his mouth, he regretted them but didn’t have the courage to take them back.
“I ruined everything?” She stared at him, dumbfounded. “I ruined everything? How? By telling you that I want to become a hybrid so I can spend the rest of my life with you?”
He looked at her. Well, there was nothing wrong with her logic, at least not if he had been a different person. A whole different man, the man she deserved. He wasn’t.
“Claudia, I can’t do this right now.”
His wolf was pushing against his skin. He held his breath, hoping it would help, but the beast would have none of that. He felt his muscles starting to take a different shape.
“I can’t believe you! I’ve just told you I love you. Do you feel nothing for me? Why did you buy me, then? What are we doing? What’s happening? Tell me, because I’m lost. I’m completely lost, Karl.”
He turned his back to her and headed to the door. It was the middle of the day, but he had to shift. The terrace was his only option. He needed to get there soon.
“Oh no, you don’t!”
Claudia jumped off the bed, naked and still wet, her skin smelling of sex, and ran after him. She took hold of his arm, when he turned around and threw her a death glare. His eyes were dark green, the eyes of an animal, not of a man. She shrieked and let go of his arm.
Karl couldn’t hold his wolf inside anymore. He didn’t even understand what the beast wanted: to run away from her, or to lunge at her and bite her, make her his forever. No, Karl hadn’t appreciated her idea with the antidote, but his wolf was crazy about it. The thought of a mate, a hybrid mate who would give birth to his children and live the long life of a werewolf beside him… his wolf wanted that.
Claudia covered her mouth with her hands and took a couple of steps back when Karl started to shift. His bones snapped, his muscles took a new shape, and fur started sprouting from his pores. Soon, his clothes were torn to shreds, and before her stood a huge black wolf. The animal walked towards her, and she involuntarily backed up against the bed. She knew it was Karl, and she knew he wouldn’t hurt her even though he was very angry for a reason she still couldn’t comprehend, but her instinct told her to stay away from the big, scary animal. She had seen many Blackmane wolves running around in their wolf form at Schloss Blackmane, but this was different. It was as if Karl hadn’t turned because he had wanted to, but because his wolf had literally jumped out of his skin and clothes.
The werewolf sniffed her hair, then sank his muzzle in the crook of her neck.
Claudia was paralyzed. With fear… shock… she couldn’t tell. She closed her eyes and whimpered when she felt his wet nose press against her tender skin. Was he going to bite her? She had just suggested it, after all, so why was she so afraid?
Karl sniffed her again and was surprised to notice that her intense scent calmed him down. He didn’t want to run away anymore. He didn’t want to pace the terrace and sleep on the grass until he got bored of his wolf form. Instead, he wanted to plop at her feet and lie there forever, enveloped in the scent of her skin and of his seed between her thighs. But she shuddered again, and it wasn’t because she was cold or excited. It was because she was scared. He could feel her fear coursing through her veins, and he hated himself for being so wild, so terrifying. That was why he couldn’t let her give up her human life for him. He would hurt her, he knew it. Unintentionally, because he didn’t know how to control himself. He had never known. Using his shifter speed, he stepped away and ran out of the room.
Claudia opened her eyes and exhaled slowly.
“Oh wow!”
She had never imagined her first time seeing Karl in his wolf form would go quite like that.
“I’m such an idiot,” she whispered to herself. “Why did I have to freak out?”
She considered running after him, talking to him and convincing him she wasn’t afraid. She knew who he was and she knew his wolf could be dangerous but would never hurt her. After fidgeting for a while, staring at the open door, she sighed and gave up. She just wasn’t brave enough. Not now. She closed the door and went to take a shower. She was so tired that all she wanted was to sleep and wake up in the morning. She was pretty sure she had had enough for a single day, even though it wasn’t even 6 PM. But she couldn’t confront Karl again today. She couldn’t think clearly, and she didn’t know what to tell him, how to go about it. She was still angry and frustrated he had said “no” without explaining himself. And his scars… She needed to shower and sleep. She was sure she would think differently, more clearly, the next day.
***
Claudia woke up early and hungry beyond belief. She remembered having gone to bed at around 6 PM, waking up at 9, and deciding to go back to bed. She had been hungry then too, but starving sounded better than having to go out of her room and risk bumping into Karl. Although, he would have probably avoided her… And that would have hurt her feelings. It was better for her to avoid him, not the other way around. For once, he had to know that she could get angry too.
She took a quick shower and wandered out of the bedroom. The living room was empty, and she considered going into the kitchen to ask for an early breakfast when she heard noises coming from upstairs. It sounded like a broken cup or plate, then Karl’s muffled curses came. Claudia raised an eyebrow and looked at the kitchen door, then at the stairs that led up to the terrace. Breakfast could wait. She needed to talk to Karl at some point, so why not now? Even though she was hungry, her mind was clear, and the long, good night sleep had helped her make a decision: this was not the kind of marriage she wanted to have.
Claudia found Karl behind his small desk, in a corner of the terrace. His back was straight and all his muscles were tense. He had heard her coming, and he had been waiting for her.
“Good morning,” he said.
Claudia gave him a small smile. “Good morning to you too.”
Karl averted his gaze for a second and cleared his throat. “Did you… sleep well?”
“Very well.”
She walked towards him and took a seat in front of his desk.
“Are you ready to talk about yesterday?” she asked.
She was calm and relaxed. At least, she was trying to be, with her legs crossed and her hands joined on her lap. Karl wasn’t that relaxed. He had barely slept the night before, and still felt uncomfortable in his human form. His wolf needed a break. He needed to run, hunt, and sleep in his wolf form for a couple of days to recharge his batteries. This apartment was suffocating him, and the small garden on the roof didn’t help.
“Claudia…”
She heard the exasperation in his voice, but she decided she didn’t care. Not this time. She was done playing his games.
“Look, I know this isn’t easy for you.” The confusion in his green eyes told her he had no idea what she was referring to. “Avelyn told me. Actually, she didn’t tell me much… Only that there’s something in your past, something that happened during the war and for which you’ve never been able to forgive yourself. I don’t know what that might be, I can’t even begin to imagine, but from what she told me, I did understand that it’s hard for you to talk about it.”
Karl tensed even more. It was nice that Avelyn tried to help every time she thought she could, but the truth was she was usually making things worse.
Claudia searched his eyes, but it was impossible for her to read him. She sighed and continued.
“I can be patient, Karl. I meant what I said yesterday… I love you. But you have to trust me. You have to let me in. We can make this work, I’m sure of it. I can feel it.”
“You were afraid of me yesterday.” He kept his voice cold and distant. Detached. He didn’t want to lose it again. It would have been a disaster.
Claudia laughed nervously. “I’m sorry… you… you took me by surprise. I wanted to come after you after that. I just… I didn’t know…”
“I’m glad you didn’t.”
His words hurt her, but she dismissed the pain, didn’t let it grow in her chest and overcome her resolve to have a normal conversation with him.
“I know you love me too.” It was time to make him confront his own feelings. “Matt showed me your messages.”
A flicker of anger danced in Karl’s eyes. He tried to remember what he had texted Matt, and when it starting coming back to him, he cringed visibly. He couldn’t think about those messages. They were too embarrassing. And the thought that Claudia had read them… he squeezed the armrests so hard that the wood squeaked in his palms, letting him know it might break. He struggled to relax.
“Why didn’t you call me?” she asked, her eyes pleading. “Why didn’t you answer the phone when I called you? Why is it so hard for you to admit that I mean something to you, that you want me to take the cure and spend my life with you? Why is it so hard for you to tell me the truth? Whatever it is, I won’t judge you. Whatever happened, it happened a long, long time ago. Hell! I wasn’t even born then!” She spread her arms to the side as if to show him how ridiculous the situation was.
Karl shook his head.
“Believe me, you don’t want to know. If I tell you, it will change everything between us.”
“Not telling me is already changing everything between us.” She made a pause and looked at him until he avoided her gaze. “Tell me about the scars on your back. Do you also have them on your chest? Is that why you never let me touch you?”
An old, dark memory flashed before his eyes, and he felt the long scar on his right shoulder burn. He stood up and started pacing the space behind the desk. He could feel his wolf stir inside him.
“Claudia, I can’t do this right now. I… I have work to do.”
“Work? Is work really more important than this?”
“Yes. Yes, it is.”
Claudia folded her arms over her chest and relaxed against the backrest.
“Well, tough luck, because I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what’s going on. Why don’t you want to turn me into a hybrid?”
Exasperated, he turned to her and said between clenched teeth: “You have to leave. Now.”
Pain stabbed her right in the chest. She bit her lip before speaking in a soft, even voice: “Leave where? Should I go back to Alma Venus?”
“Claudia, no. Please understand, I can’t do this right now.”
“Because I have no problem going back there. If you want me to leave, I’ll leave,” she pressed on.
Karl ran his hands through his hair.
“Or do you want me to move to Schloss Blackmane? If this is a marriage of convenience and you only bought me because Avelyn insisted, then I’ll move there and spend the rest of my life with the clan. Would that suit you? Then, when I’m too old to be of any use to you, you can buy another bride. A bride you actually want, not one who’s been imposed on you by an overzealous family member.”
He simply stared at her. Where had those ideas come from? No, he didn’t want her to leave. Well, he did. But he wanted her to leave the room for a couple of hours so he could think, not go back to Alma Venus or Schloss Blackmane. Then, why couldn’t he open his mouth to tell her that?
Claudia waited for a moment, and when he didn’t say anything, she stood up and headed to the door.
“Karl, I’m sorry, but this is a kind of marriage I’m not willing to have. You push me away, you never let me touch you, you don’t tell me what’s wrong, tell me how I can help you… What do you expect me to do? Spend my days locked up in this apartment, reading and watching TV, then humbly putting my blindfold on when you want to have sex?” She shook her head and a tear ran down her cheek. “I’ll pack my things and wait for Matt to take me wherever you want me to go.”
She closed the door behind her and left him there, shocked and speechless.
***
Karl stood there for a couple of minutes, not quite able to process what was happening. Claudia, his bride, the woman he loved, had just walked out on him. And he couldn’t blame her. The moment he realized he couldn’t hold anything against her, the things she had said, nor her attitude, was the moment when his anger melted and what was left was pain and guilt. He had driven her away. But that was what he had always wanted, right? To keep her at a safe distance so she wouldn’t get contaminated with his… his… shame.
“No,” he whispered. He rubbed his eyes and ran his hands through his hair, this time pulling harshly. “No.”
He couldn’t let her go. It would have been for the best, but he simply couldn’t. He was selfish like that. He had always been selfish, arrogant, self-centered, and incapable of controlling his temper.
“Claudia!”
He stormed down the stairs and he was in her room in a matter of seconds. She yelped when the door banged against the wall. The door handle left a huge hole in it, the paint peeling off and falling to the floor. Now, Karl was standing between her and her freedom, his chest rising and falling rapidly in the rhythm of his breathing. She took a step back and squeezed the clothes she had been packing to her chest.
“Claudia, please don’t leave. I don’t want you to leave, I never meant for it to sound that way.”
Seeing that he wasn’t particularly angry, her shoulders relaxed a bit.
“This isn’t working, Karl. I have to. I understand, okay? You needed a bride, now you have one. We don’t have to be together. I just have to exist so your pack and clan can rest assured that you’ll have heirs one day. I can very well exist at Schloss Blackmane.”
Her words hurt him more than anything, and he knew that was it. He couldn’t keep his feelings bottled up anymore. He took a step towards her, his hands raised in front of him to show her he meant no harm, he just wanted to talk, to sort it out.
“This is all my fault. I knew it all along, I was just not ready to admit it to myself. I shouldn’t have treated yo
u the way I have. I am a horrible, horrible man, and I’m so… so sorry. You deserve better. Every time I look at you, I remember that you deserve so much better, and I can’t forgive myself for having taken you out of Alma Venus. I should have never bought you. One day, a good, honest, responsible man would have come and taken you into his home, and he would have loved you and respected you all his life. I took that chance away from you, and it tortures me every second.”
Claudia placed the bundle of clothes on the bed and crossed her arms over her chest.
“What are you talking about?”
Karl shook his head. He was screwing everything up. Badly. There was no way he could do this right. He had never done it before, and he was doomed to fail epically.
“I’m talking about the fact that I’m not the right man for you. That’s why I don’t want us to go through the mating ritual, that’s why I can’t let you turn into a hybrid. I care too much about you to trap you in this marriage… You might not see it now, but you’ll understand one day. I don’t know how to be a good man, Claudia, let alone a good husband and father. I will ruin you.”
She raised an eyebrow.
“This has nothing to do with anything. I never said I’m unhappy with you, and I never even thought our marriage wouldn’t work. That is… until you pushed me away completely and refused to tell me what’s wrong.” She let her arms fall to her sides and took a couple of steps towards him. They were so close now that if she rose on her tiptoes, she could kiss him. “What happened that turned you so cold and bitter? Please tell me, Karl. That’s all I ask of you. Let me in, and I will do everything in my power to help you, to be right where you need me to be. I love you, but love isn’t enough. Relationships are also built on trust and honesty.”
“You won’t love me when you find out what I did.”
“Try me.”
They looked into each other’s eyes for a long time. Claudia was being patient, aware of the fact that this was the first time she felt like she was actually getting somewhere. Karl was trying to sort out his thoughts and decide if he could really tell her what had happened during the war. He was sure she would leave then. Not to Schloss Blackmane, but to Alma Venus. There was no way a woman like her would want to stay married to a monster like him.