by Cara Wylde
“Baby, please tell me.”
That word… “baby”… turned his resolve to mush. It was the first time she was calling him “baby”. Women had called him that many times, but it hadn’t meant anything. Coming from Claudia’s full, delicious lips, the word melted his heart and made him weak in the knees. He knew then he would do anything this woman asked of him. She wanted the truth? He would give her the truth even if it broke him to pieces to relive those awful moments, to confront the dark side of his soul. He took her hands into his and guided her to the edge of the bed. Claudia followed him and sat down. When they were seated next to each other, looking into each other’s eyes, Karl finally started talking.
“I’d like to say that I was a different person 100 years ago, but I can’t. I’m still the man who went to war and killed thousands of humans.”
Claudia took his hands into hers and squeezed lightly.
“It was war,” she said. “And the humans started it. You only did what you had to do to protect your faction and all the shape-shifters.”
“No. I did more than that. I killed innocent people, people who couldn’t defend themselves, because I was… angry.”
He averted his gaze and took a deep breath. If he kept looking straight into her dark brown eyes, he would eventually bail. Instead, he focused on the window behind her, on the image of the bleak sky. The day before had been nice and sunny. Today it would rain.
“Do you know why Max is the main Alpha of Clan Blackmane even though he’s my youngest brother? Naturally, the first born gets to lead the clan.”
Claudia shook her head. In truth, she had never thought about it, but now that he mentioned it, it did sound strange. Werewolves were very strict when it came to their rules and traditions, especially if they concerned their Alphas.
“It’s because I could never control my wolf the way Max could. He’s always been the calm, calculated one. Even as a child, he liked spending more time in his human form than in his wolf form, while I preferred running through the woods and hunting for days. It might have influenced my temper later. My… anger issues. I would spend days as a wolf, shifting back only when my parents insisted I had to. I never understood why. I mean… when you have the possibility to be either a man or a wolf, why hold onto both when you only wanted one? I was a foolish child.” He paused for a moment, lost in his memories. “Anyway, it’s not an excuse. The explanation might even be simpler than this: Max has always been better at controlling his wolf. He’s a good Alpha. The Alpha our clan needs. As we grew up together, I always looked up to him and tried to be more like him, but during the war… God, what a mad time to live! During the war, I had to make my own decisions. He was leading his pack, I was leading mine. We fought side by side, but we had different tactics, and for the first time it was a good thing that we weren’t the same. Max saw this, and he let me be. I could feed off my anger and let my wolf run wild, tear our enemies apart. No one stood in my way. My Dark Wolves and I were bringing victory after victory. Until…”
Karl stopped and squeezed Claudia’s hand. She answered his gesture by holding onto him. He was still looking out the window. She waited patiently.
“Until the humans started gaining ground and cornering shifters faction by faction. It was as if they had a strategy going on… They studied our strengths and weaknesses, our attacks, and they came up with ideas to hit us hard, really hard. The eagle-shifters went down first. Flight had been an advantage to them, until the humans figured out how to shoot them down. Then, the fox-shifters. The bear-shifters and the wolf-shifters were holding their ground, but the dragon-shifters were the best. They could burn down entire cities before the humans’ weapons could do any real damage. Oh, they were beautiful, mighty beings. They still are.”
He smiled, and Claudia smiled with him.
“What happened?” she asked.
Karl sighed.
“They killed a dragon. I don’t know how, I wasn’t there to witness it, but as Max and I were retreating and regrouping, we heard rumors that the humans had shot down a dragon. Right from the sky. I went mad with anger. I thought it was a clear sign that we were losing the war, and I couldn’t take it. The pain, the defeat… the certainty that so many of my kind had died for nothing. I ran away from Max and his wolves, and my Dark ones followed me. I ran and ran, I didn’t even know where I was going and I didn’t care. I just needed to let off some steam. When I reached this village, this small, poor farm village… I couldn’t stop. It was like something dark and primal had taken over all my senses, over my body and mind. All I could see was blood. Blood that had to be spilled to wash the death of the fallen dragon-shifter.”
Claudia swallowed hard and tried not to gasp or pull her hands away. This didn’t sound good. It didn’t sound good at all, but she had asked for it, so now she had to sit there and listen to the end.
“We. Killed. Everyone.” He emphasized every word, and it hurt even worse than he had thought it would. “They weren’t dangerous… those farmers. They were mostly women, children, and old men, all their young men having gone to fight in the war. They never knew what hit them. Or why. It was over before they could ask for help or mercy.”
“Oh my God.”
He didn’t look at her. He didn’t want to see the disappointment in her eyes. Maybe if he failed to mention the next bit… But no, he had promised he would tell her everything.
“That’s not all…”
“Wait! Just wait. Why didn’t your wolves stop you? Was Matt there? Ethan? Terry?”
She couldn’t imagine the Beta and the two Deltas slaughtering innocent people. Then again… she couldn’t imagine Karl either.
He smiled bitterly.
“They were all there, right behind me. There’s a strong connection between the Alpha and his pack, especially in wolves. The other factions have it too, but it’s most prominent in wolf-shifters. The Alpha can feel what the members of his pack feel. He can even hear their thoughts sometimes. I guess it’s a remnant of our telepathic powers, which we suppressed a long time ago.”
Claudia knew about that. Every faction had some sort of power that had been lost in time. In the werewolves’ case, it was telepathy, and it had been lost on purpose. Trying to minimize their ability to get into each other’s heads without meaning to, the wolves had decided to give up on their talent and close their minds. The invention of the phone, and later the Internet, had helped a lot.
“What’s worse,” Karl continued, “is that the Alpha can easily influence his pack. It’s like the wolves’ brains are wired so that they would always follow their Alpha, do what he wants or… what he does. When I let my rage get the best of me, it was as if my Dark Wolves were contaminated with it too. They had no choice. Matt… oh, he would have stopped me if he had had the power, but his Beta statute and his connection to me made it impossible for him to listen to his own thoughts, to make his own decision. It happened to Ethan, Terry, and the rest of them too. If Max had been there… he would have put an end to it. But he wasn’t. Thinking I needed some space to myself, he let me be. The next morning, when one of his scouts told him about the village, he only found blood and dead bodies.”
Claudia took a deep breath and struggled to keep her tears at bay. She was scared, confused… outraged. She couldn’t decide how she felt. She didn’t know how she felt about Karl anymore. She cleared her throat before daring to speak.
“You said that’s not all…”
Karl cringed at her words, then gathered his courage for the last bit.
“I did more than lose my mind and unleash my pack’s anger onto those people and their families. I ruined Max’s life. By ruining Sabine’s.”
“Sabine? Isn’t that… the rogue she-wolf who tried to kill Avelyn?”
“Yes.”
Claudia was starting to put the pieces together.
“Oh my! You were… you were the one who turned her.”
“No, I didn’t turn her. Max found her on the floor, bleeding to dea
th, but still holding onto life. He couldn’t kill her to end her pain, so he bit her and waited until his werewolf venom healed her. He took her back to the Schloss, where she shifted on the first full moon. Later, he made her his bride.”
“I… I know that story. Avelyn told me. Well, at least part of it.”
Avelyn had intentionally omitted to tell her friends that Karl had been the one who killed Sabine’s family, which had led to Max finding her in the debris, taking pity on her and giving her a new home. Later, Sabine went insane because, as a shifter, she couldn’t have children. Max didn’t know what to do when she got dangerous, and locked her up in the dungeons, where Avelyn found her. And all hell broke loose. It led to the battle at Alma Venus and the school almost being burned down to the ground by dragon fire.
Karl finally looked at his bride.
“I destroyed the lives of so many people. Strangers and family alike. It took years for my Dark Wolves to make peace with what they all did that night. It helped that they knew they weren’t in control. But I was. Or, I should have been. Then Sabine and Max… She became a wolf-shifter because of me, then lost her mind because of all the pain she had gone through. She almost killed Avelyn, my brother’s mate, and their unborn child. What happened after Sabine was turned was all my fault. It wasn’t on her, and it wasn’t on Max. It was all on me. If I hadn’t lost it that night, if I had stayed with Max and his pack, if I hadn’t let my anger get the best of me…”
“It’s all over now,” Claudia said soothingly.
Karl shook his head.
“It’s not. What I did haunts my every breathing moment. I still haven’t learned how to control my wolf. You saw me yesterday… You saw me, and you were frightened. I don’t blame you. I don’t blame you for wanting to leave, because I know I can snap at any time. Yesterday, I changed almost involuntarily. This… this overwhelming anger took hold of me and I couldn’t fight it. I wasn’t strong enough. Claudia, I could hurt you!”
She took a deep breath and cupped his face. For a second, she thought he would push her away, but he surprised her by leaning into her touch.
“You weren’t angry at me, were you?”
“No. God, no! I could never be angry at you! I was angry at myself. I was angry because I knew you were right and I was acting like a jerk. I was angry because… I wanted to say ‘yes’ to your suggestion, and I couldn’t. I wanted to say ‘yes’ to the mating ritual and the cure, but that would have been so wrong and selfish of me. It was selfish enough that I bought you before telling you the truth about who I am. I should have told you when you stepped into that office. That interview should have been about me.”
“You would never hurt me,” she whispered. “You didn’t hurt me yesterday, and you will never do it.”
“You don’t know that.”
“But I do. Isn’t that why you became an adviser to the councilor of the wolf faction?”
His eyes widened in surprise. Yes, that was why he had decided to be a diplomat and help keep the peace between all the factions. Oh, he would have loved to spend his life at Schloss Blackmane, in the Black Forest Mountains, where he could shift whenever he wanted, walk around naked if he so pleased, and disappear in the woods for days, maybe weeks. How could she read him so well?
“Yes,” he whispered. “It was the only way I could learn control. Living in a big city full of humans, in a cramped apartment…”
The apartment was far from cramped, but Claudia understood how much more space his wolf actually needed to feel free and unrestrained.
“You say you’re the same man, that you haven’t changed,” she continued, now stroking his cheeks with her thumbs. “You’re wrong. For 100 years, you’ve been fighting to subdue your wolf, to be more human. You’ve dedicated all your time and energy to your work in the Council. You’re not the same man, Karl. You’ve made so many sacrifices… I think it’s safe to say you’ve long atoned for your sins. And I wouldn’t even be the only one saying it. I know your family and all the members of your clan think the same.”
Karl closed his eyes for a second and allowed himself to enjoy Claudia’s soft touch. Her small hands felt so nice on his skin. It was new, too. Since that night, he hadn’t let anyone touch him like that.
“And yesterday,” she said. “Yesterday, you had everything under control. You didn’t let your wolf take over. Remember what you did? You ran up on the terrace and paced for a while. If you had been the same man, you would have stormed out of the apartment and run down the streets, probably growling at anyone who dared stand in your way.”
Karl smiled. Yes, the thought had crossed his mind while in his wolf form.
“But you didn’t do it, and that’s all I need to know to make my decision to spend the rest of my life with you.”
He finally opened his eyes and stared at her. He couldn’t believe his story hadn’t scared her away. He couldn’t believe she was still there, holding his face between her hands, still wanting to become a hybrid for him.
“Claudia, you don’t know what you’re saying.”
“Oh, but I do. Listen to me: I love you, and I love you just the way you are. What you did is now in the past, and it will never go away, you’ll never forget or forgive yourself, but you don’t have to deal with it alone either. I’m here now, okay? We can do this together.”
He covered her hands with his and pressed a kiss to each of her palms.
“You’re more than I deserve,” he said.
She smiled. “I’m exactly what you deserve.”
He pulled her in a tight embrace and buried his nose in the crook of her neck. She was soft, warm, and so small. It was so easy to hurt her that he was afraid a single wrong move on his part could break a bone in her body. That was why he had never wanted a mate. Protecting a human female, then protecting their cubs… that was a job for a man and an Alpha he didn’t believe he was. Not until now, at least. Apparently, Claudia could convince him of anything.
After a while, she pulled away and held him at arm’s length.
“Now tell me about those scars on your back. What happened? I thought werewolves heal quickly and completely.”
Karl sighed and averted his gaze. The scars. Of course she would ask about the scars. There was no point in keeping this from her now that they had come such a long way. He started unbuttoning his shirt, all the while studying the changes on Claudia’s face. At first, she looked surprised at his gesture, then, as the opened shirt revealed more skin, her eyes started to widen. She covered her mouth with her hands when he took his shirt off completely and tossed it to the side.
“Oh my God! Who did this to you?”
His chest, abdomen, shoulders, arms, and back were covered in deep, white scars.
“I did,” he said, his voice faint and hesitant.
Claudia looked up from his strong, scarred abs. She was taken aback by the shame she saw in his eyes.
“What… what do you mean? How? Why?”
He sighed. “After the war was over and things settled down, everyone went back to their normal lives. More or less. They picked up the pieces, started rebuilding their clans, packs, families… But I couldn’t do it. There were no more battles, no more strategies… I was lost. Suddenly, I had all the time in the world to think about what I had done, to dream it every night. The nightmares got worse, the members of my pack were slowly losing their minds too… I… I had to do something. When the factions signed the peace treaty, they decided to forget everything that had happened during the war and start anew. Max put a good word for me with Councilor Dimitri Voinom, the representative of the wolf faction, and everything I and my pack had done was forgiven, covered up. The councilors said all the factions had done terrible things, and what had happened that night, unfortunately, hadn’t been an isolated incident. And that’s how I ended up alone with my own conscience. I had to do something, so I punished myself… I guess. I don’t know how much of it was punishment, and how much was channeling the pain I felt inside towards
the outside, to my physical body.”
“I still don’t understand how.”
“Shifters heal immediately, but not if you know how to hurt them. There are certain herbs and substances derived from them which can cause pain and leave scars. In fact, that was how the humans got their advantage over shifters. For instance, you can seriously injure a dragon-shifter with mandrake. Coat the tip of an arrow with it, and it will leave a scar. Make a dragon drink it, and it will burn his insides. Of course, you first have to trick him into drinking it, which is basically impossible since he will smell it in a second. With werewolves, it’s wolfsbane. I could have hurt myself over and over, suffer through it and let it heal so I could do it again, but I wanted to see the marks of my punishment on my skin. The scars made it real, you know…”
“I don’t… I don’t know what to say…”
Claudia reached out a hand to touch his chest, and Karl let her. He breathed in and out slowly, making sure his wolf was under control. His mate’s soft touch made his heart beat faster. It also made him painfully hard, but this was not the time for that sort of thing. She traced his scars with the tips of her fingers, every deep ridge sending shivers up her spine, making her skin crawl a bit. She couldn’t imagine enduring so much pain.
“How long did you do this?”
“Years… I’ve stopped now, I promise.”
She looked up at him and smiled. “I didn’t think you were still doing it. I told you: you’re a different man now.”
He didn’t say anything. He needed some time to get used to the way she saw him.
Claudia rested her hands on his chest. She loved the feel of his heart beating right underneath her palm.
“So, if I ask you again to have the mating ritual in two days, will you say ‘yes’ this time?”
He took a deep breath and thought about it for a second. Had telling her the truth really changed everything?