by T. K. Chapin
“Mmmhmm. You know, Katie mentioned to me the other day on the phone that she has an art showing down at Spokane Community College this coming Saturday.” He placed a hand on the shelf and raised his eyebrows. “Could be a way for you to see her.”
Smiling out of the corner of my mouth, I shook my head. “She doesn’t want to see me. I should respect that.”
He raised his hands up and took a step back. “Okay. I get it.” His phone buzzed in his pocket. Pulling it out slightly, he looked at the screen. “I’d better get going.”
As I ate my late dinner that night back at my sister’s house, I could hear the front door open. She was working double time almost daily after the latest interest rate dropped in the housing market. People were buying up houses left and right, keeping her busy showing new houses daily.
Dropping her keys on the kitchen table, she sat down in the chair across from me. “What a day.”
“Did they close?”
“Which one?” she replied with a laugh.
“The one in the Valley.”
“Yep. Finally. That was a pain in the butt.” She pulled her purse up from the floor beside her chair and began digging through it. “One of the clients I met with today was interested in talking to you about a position at One Source Medical Solutions. They are based out of New York City, but have several—”
Raising a hand up, I said, “Thanks. But I’m fine working where I’m at.”
A look of surprise came across her face. After a moment, it turned into a smile. “What has gotten into you these last few months?”
I smiled. “God. And lots of Him.”
She laughed. “Come on. God was always there for you. It’s not like you just started believing in Him.”
Setting my spoon down, I nodded as my eyes met hers. “True. But I did just start truly trusting Him, which I never knew was a problem to me. I used to be so obsessed with being in control of things . . . my income, my life, I mean, really, everything. I loved God all along, but I didn’t trust Him like I do now.”
She smiled. “How was today?” She was referring to my struggle with abstaining from alcohol. It was a daily struggle since I gave it up, but each day was a little easier. Some days I’d be fine without a drink, while other days I’d lay in bed before or after work in cold sweats, thinking about just having a drop graze my tongue.
“Today was okay.” Picking up my spoon, I continued to eat.
“Good.”
“What about you?” I asked. Paul had called her about a week after he told me about his son and spilled his heart out to her. She didn’t take him back, but she started being his friend and trying to support him from a place of friendship. While it was difficult, she felt it was the best thing to do.
“It was okay.” She looked out the window to the dark yard that only lit up from the kitchen light. “That situation is so messed up. Kind of glad I’m not in the middle of that with him.” She shook her head. “He finally went and sat down with her and began talking about a plan of action in regards to telling her husband and the boy about him.”
My eyebrows shot up. “Really? That’s huge! When are they going to do that?”
“This morning, but I haven’t heard from him all day, so I don’t know how it went.”
I nodded as I caught a glimpse of uncertainty in her eyes. Reaching across the table, I grabbed my sister’s hand. “It’s going to be okay.”
Her eyes glossed over with tears. “I’m worried. What if he ends up being with her instead of still wanting to be with me?”
“She’s married, Sis. Plus, I thought you don’t want to be with him.”
She nodded. “I know . . . but if he’s with her, they already have a kid. They’d have everything I’ve always wanted, and it doesn’t sit well with me. I don’t want him to be with anyone else. Is that love?”
“No. That’s not love.” Katie flashed through my mind, and the fact that I had quit trying to pursue her. “Love is wanting someone to be happy, even if it’s not with you.” Thinking back to the time she and I laid in my sister’s back yard and watched the starry night sky before she wished upon a satellite, I smiled. “Love is being able to enjoy silence, yet also a good laugh.” My mind drifted to the memory of Katie finding me the day Kip died. “It’s being able to be yourself and that person fully accepting who you are, even if it’s not perfect.”
A smile came across her face. “Yeah, I’m just being ridiculous about Paul. You and Katie are so perfect together. It’s so sad you two didn’t work out.”
“Sometimes it doesn’t work out. That’s how life is. John came by work today and tried to get me to go to an art showing of hers.” I shook my head and took my empty dish over to the sink. “Sometimes things just don’t work out. I want her to be happy, and I don’t think that’s with me.” I began rinsing it out and putting it into the dishwasher.
“Okay, brother. If you say so. Are you still going fishing with Paul tomorrow morning?”
“Yep.” Closing the dishwasher, I could see her thinking about something. “I’ll find out how it went with the mother.”
“Oh. Yeah, I guess it’d be good to know. Thanks.”
“You sure you’re okay with me and him being friends?” I asked, crossing my arms as I leaned against the counter. “I know you said you were, but are you really?”
She nodded. “I’m fine with it. It’s kind of odd, like I said before. But so is the fact that I still talk to him . . . but I think it’s good. Ya know? I love him as a person, and that didn’t stop because we broke up. We shared a part of our lives together, and I don’t want to lose that because I’m not with him anymore. At least, not right now.”
“Wow. I could never do that,” I replied.
“I didn’t think I could either.”
CHAPTER 20
The next morning, when I stepped outside my sister’s house, I saw a new boat in tow behind Paul’s truck. He got out with a grin on his face as he looked at me and then over at the boat.
“Where’s the row boat, man?” My eyes were fixed on the pretty new Bayliner as I approached.
“She’s at home. This is my new one. I call her Shelby.” He followed behind me as I let my fingers glide against the fiberglass shell.
“What size is Shelby?”
“Just a notch under eighteen feet.”
Stopping, I glanced back at Janice’s house and then at Paul. “This boat is nice, but what are you doing, man?”
He furrowed his eyebrows and placed a hand on his new boat as he leaned against it. “What’s that mean? I just bought a boat, and I’m taking you out to break it in.”
Shaking my head, I shot a finger toward Janice’s house. “My sister, man! Obviously . . .”
Paul licked his lower lip and appeared to think about what he was going to say. Leaning in, his voice was quiet. “The birth mother wants to pursue a relationship with me.”
Stepping back, I said, “What? She’s married though. Right?”
He nodded. “That’s true. But she broke the news to her husband about the boy not being his, and he went and filed divorce papers the same day—just yesterday. Still early, but she said they aren’t going to work out and it was a long time coming.” Glancing over at Janice’s house with a look of longing in his eyes, he sighed. “Hey, dude. I know that’s your sister, but it’s over between us. She decided that. We’re good now, just friends, and I think it’s better that way.”
“She seems to have that same kind of thinking.” I nodded, tossed my pole into the back of the new boat, and headed around the truck to get in.
At about ten, my stomach was growling as we floated down the middle of Bear Lake. Reeling in my fishing line, I set the pole down and went to the back of the boat where the cooler was sitting. Popping it open, I grabbed a piece of the sub we bought and sat down on the back bench of the boat.
Paul looked over and asked, “How’s the new gig going at the grocery store?”
“It’s all right. I don’t lo
ve it, but it’s a job. Should be out of Janice’s soon.”
“And what about Katie? You two . . . together?”
I shook my head as I finished my bite. “That’s over.”
“That’s too bad.”
I took another bite of my sub. “I love Katie with all my heart right now. But I didn’t figure that out when I should have, and now it’s too late. She’s moved on, and I’m done trying.”
Out of the corner of my vision, I saw a fish jump and I glanced over, thinking about when Katie and I walked down by the boat docks. “John, my pastor, came by the other day when I was working and told me about an art showing Katie was having. I have feelings for her, but I’m not sure she reciprocates. I don’t think I’ll go.”
Reeling his line in some, Paul set his pole down and turned to me. “You two didn’t even date. I think you should be okay with moving on. It’s been what? Two months since you’ve seen her, and you’ve called her several times without a call back?”
I nodded. “The fact that we didn’t really date was the strange thing about it, and probably what keeps me from being able to move on. We didn’t spend tons of time together or really have a relationship, but that doesn’t stop my heart from wanting to be with her, from wanting to see her. But you know . . . I’m to the point now that I’ve tried to call and she’s showing me she isn’t interested. I’m going to respect that distance she’s requesting of me.”
“I see.” Paul scooped up his pole. Keeping his eyes on the water, he said over his shoulder. “How’s your daughter?”
“She’s good, man. Thanks for asking.” Standing up, I started back toward the front of the boat. “She joined basketball, and Gail said she’s really good.” Sitting down, I picked up my pole and baited the hook. “I feel bad that I didn’t do better at enjoying the time I had with her during the summer, even if it wasn’t for very long.”
“You can’t regret like that.” Paul and I made eye contact as he continued. “All you can do is move forward. You might have begun to sink, Clay, when you went through all that stuff. But God has lifted you up. Just like after Peter was pulled up from sinking in the water, it’s now time to praise Jesus in the boat. Don’t worry about what happened. You repented and gave it to God.”
I cast my line back into the water and nodded over to Paul. I might have done and said some terrible things, but I couldn’t allow that to be my focus. My sights needed to remain on God and praise Him for bringing me through to the other side.
On the way back from fishing, Paul took a left when it was a right to get back to my sister’s house. Coming alert from my slouched but comfortable view out the window, I sat up straight and peered over at him. “What’s going on?”
“We’re swinging by my place,” he replied, turning the wheel as we took another street.
“Why?”
He looked over at me and smiled. “I have something for you.”
As we pulled into his driveway, my truck was already there. Hooked up to the back was Paul’s old row boat. My eyes widened. “You’re giving me your boat?”
“Yep. I think she’d do you well.”
“How’d my truck get over here?” I asked, climbing out of the cab.
Paul got out and shut his door. “I called in a favor.”
Shaking my head as I placed a hand on the boat and smoothed my thumb against the metal, I was overcome with appreciation. “Janice?”
“Yep,” Janice said, pulling around the side of Paul’s shed in her car with her window down. She stopped when she was close to us in the driveway. “We set this up a while ago.” Squinting as the sun beat down on her face, she glanced over at Paul. “Call me later. I want to hear about how it went yesterday.”
He nodded.
“See you at home, Clay.” Janice rolled her window up and left.
Paul patted my shoulder. “I’ve always admired you. I know that first time I took you fishing, you were struggling pretty hard, but I knew you’d come out of it. I’ve known you for years now, and I’ve seen you go through so much.”
Shrugging, I smiled. “I’m but a man. It was God. He took me to the desert and taught me who He was at the same time He showed me who I was.” Turning back to the boat, I continued. “I never told you this, but this boat is where I had my turning point.” My heart warmed as I thought of the day on the water when Paul broke the news to me about his son. I shook my head. “Everything became so clear that day.”
“I did a lot of thinking in this boat, Clay. I’m glad she’s already done that once for you.” He stepped up next to me. “What you going to name her?”
Turning to him, I asked, “You didn’t have one for her?”
“Nope. Never could settle on one. Just called it her or she.”
“I’ll name her Old Faithful.”
He nodded. “Sounds like a great name. Now give me a hand with getting my boat put away. Today was probably my first and only day on the water until next summer.”
“All right.”
While eating a burrito that evening at the kitchen table, I couldn’t keep my eyes off my boat just outside the window. I had parked her right outside that window so I could see Old Faithful whenever I walked through the kitchen or sat down to eat.
Smack!
Janice slapped a newspaper down on the table in front of me. Taking a seat across from me, she said, “I’ve been patient, Clay.”
I nodded as I thought it was the housing section. She had been more than gracious with me these past six months, and it was time for me to move out. Looking at her, I said, “I know. I would have sooner, but I’ve been trying to make Gail happy.”
Janice leaned in and shook her head. “What? Gail?”
“Yeah. I figured once I’ve satisfied her with child support payments, I can begin the search for an affordable place to live.”
“Wait.” Janice shook her head as she pointed to the newspaper. “I’m talking about Katie.”
When I looked down at the newspaper, I saw her picture in the article, and my heart longed for her. She looked radiant, even in black and white with an ‘o’ ring coffee mug stain over part of her portrait. Leaning back in my chair, I set my burrito down on my plate. “I already know about that art exhibit. I told you that John told me about it.”
Her eyebrows shot up. “I don’t remember that. So you plan on going the day after tomorrow to see her?”
I shook my head. “I’ve tried that, Sis. Doesn’t work. She won’t return my phone calls. She doesn’t want anything to do with me.”
Janice shook her head and looked me in the eyes as she leaned in. “Some people spend a lifetime searching for someone. You have her right in front of you.”
Raising a hand, I looked at my sister with the utmost sincerity. “I don’t have her, Janice. She’s not mine, and she never was.”
“Isn’t she worth fighting for?” Janice’s eyes looked at the newspaper. “I’ve never seen you enjoy life the way you did when she was around. She lit your world up.”
With my eyes back on the newspaper, I nodded. “Even now . . . merely seeing her picture conjures warmth inside of me that I cannot explain.”
“I was really afraid for you for the longest time, Clay. You’re in a good place now. If it’s not meant to be, you’ll get the closure you need. If it is, you’ll get your happily ever after.”
“Okay, I will try.” Janice was right. I was in a good place and I needed the closure with Katie.
CHAPTER 21
The day of the art show, I drove into Spokane and purchased a new pair of slacks and a nice button-up shirt for the occasion. I hadn’t ever felt so strongly about someone I hadn’t been in a relationship with, and I wanted to look my best for her.
As I put my tie on in the bathroom that late afternoon, the doorbell suddenly rang. Opening the bathroom door, I stuck my head out. “Janice, could you grab that? I don’t have my pants on yet.” Closing the door, I went back to getting ready.
A few minutes later, the doorbell ra
ng again.
My jaw clenched. I hurried and got my pants on and headed out to the living room. Who on earth could that be?
Jerking the front door open, I was taken aback to see that it was Gail. As quickly as I opened it, I slammed it shut. My heart raced as sweat began beading on my brow. Why is she here? Taking a deep breath, I grabbed the doorknob and opened it again.
Looking at her through the screen door, I said, “What’s up?” Glancing over her shoulder, I saw Cindy sitting in the passenger seat of her car.
Touching her forehead, a smile crept from the corner of her lips as she tilted her head. “Could we talk, Clay?”
“What is it you think we’re doing right now?” Adjusting my footing, I furrowed my eyebrows. “You can’t show up here and ask to talk. We have phones for this kind of thing.”
Her smile fell away and her tone sharpened. “Can I come in or what? I want to talk to you.”
“What about Cindy? She going to sit in your car like a dog?”
“I need to talk to you first. Stop.”
Opening the screen door, I kept my eyes locked on Cindy. “Come on in.” Gail walked past me and came inside. Cindy raised her eyes up to look at me. We made contact and I waved and smiled. She returned the smile and waved back, warming my heart.
“Clay,” Gail said with a long drawl as I shut the door and turned around.
“Yeah?”
“I’ll get right to the point.”
“Thank goodness for that.”
She stepped closer to me and touched my arm. “I want you back, Clay. Cindy could have her parents back together and we could be a happy family again. Just like we used to be.”
Without any witty replies, I walked across the floor and sat down on the couch. Memories of the years that had gone by washed over and through my mind. The family vacations, the dinners, the time together as a family all came flooding through me. I was happy with Gail. We had a life together. We had a child together.
Gail came over and sat down on the couch beside me. Turning her whole body, she sat with one leg tucked under the other as she gently grabbed my hand. With tears welling in her eyes, she rubbed my hand as she spoke. “I know it was wrong that I left you when you were in the hospital.” Wiping tears from her eyes, she continued. “That was so wrong of me, and I’m sorry.”