Disgrace

by Cherry, Brittainy

  36

  Grace

  “I didn’t know she was serious,” Dad said, standing on Judy’s front porch later that night. His hands were stuffed in his pockets, and his shoulders were rounded forward. Judy and Hank were still out when he showed up on their doorstep. The guilt that filled Dad’s eyes was so heavy.

  I rubbed my temples and sighed. “That’s because you guys never take her seriously. She’s good, Dad—great, actually. If you give her a chance, she’ll prove to you that she’s beyond right to take over the church someday. Just give her the chance. Give her the opportunity to be something more than the event planner.”

  He sat on the top step of the porch and rubbed his hands together. “I think today was a parenting fail overall.”

  “It doesn’t have to be if you fix things with her. It’s hard for me to watch how Judy gets treated sometimes. She’s more than a pretty face, so much more than that, but it’s as if this town has painted her into that frame of little miss beautiful, and they won’t allow her to break free. She deserves more than that. She deserves a chance to have a shot—a real shot—at her dream.”

  “I’ll make sure to talk to her.”

  “Thank you, and I am sorry about how dinner went. I get overwhelmed by Mama sometimes.”

  “I think you both get overwhelmed by each other. You’re very much alike, you know,” he told me.

  I cringed. “We’re nothing alike.”

  He smiled and shook his head. “That’s what your mama said when I told her, too. Buttercup, are you okay? Now, you know I’m not one to follow along with any rumors, but the fact that you are running around with Jackson Emery is a little worrying for me.”

  “Why is everyone against him?” I asked. “He’s not evil.”

  “No,” he agreed. “But he is damaged, which can be dangerous. I don’t want you to get hurt, especially when you’re already hurting so much. Maybe putting a little distance between the two of you wouldn’t be a bad thing, especially as you figure out what’s going on with your marriage.”

  “What do you mean ‘figure out what’s going on’? Finn chose someone else, and for goodness’ sake, she’s having his child.”

  “Yes, but don’t you think it’s important to be more than what Finn has been to you? To have the elegance to completely resolve one situation before moving on to another? I know you’re hurting, and your mind is jumbled, but that’s why I’m being so protective of you right now. Jackson Emery has never been one to make people’s lives easier. He makes messes, and I don’t want him to do that to your heart, not after it’s already been broken.”

  “He’s not as bad as you think, Dad,” I whispered, my voice shaky.

  He pinched the bridge of his nose, then placed his glasses on the top of his head. “If he’s really not that bad, then he’ll be around after you figure out the details of your marriage.”

  “So…what? You want me to avoid him because the town thinks he’s a bad influence?”

  “No, not at all. I just want you to take a second to breathe. It seems as though your life has been spiraling, and I don’t want you to go from one bad situation to another. Just take the time to heal before rushing into something else.” He placed a hand on my knee and squeezed it. “You’ll be all right, Grace. Just don’t rush into something that probably won’t last. Jackson Emery doesn’t have a history of many friendships, and I’m sure there’s a reason for that. I just don’t want you to find out the hard way.”

  “I wish you could see what I see when I look at him,” I whispered.

  “And what is it that you see?”

  I swallowed hard and shrugged my shoulders. “Hope.”

  Before he could reply, Hank and Judy walked up to the house. “Dad? What are you doing here?” she asked, looking perplexed.

  Dad stood and stuffed his hands into his pockets. “I was hoping I could hear a sermon.”

  Judy’s eyes glassed over, and as the tears fell, she was quick to wipe them away. “It’s stupid, Dad. Don’t even worry about it.”

  “It’s not stupid,” he replied, walking over to her. “I’m stupid. The way I responded was wrong and cold, and I apologize for hurting you. I’d love to go inside and hear your words, Judith Rae, if you’ll let me.”

  She smiled and nodded.

  The two walked inside, and Hank came to stand by me. “Thank you,” he whispered.

  “Always and always,” I replied.

  37

  Jackson

  “Are you okay?” I asked when Grace showed up at my place. She hadn’t said much of anything, but I could see in her eyes that she wanted to use sex to forget that night.

  “No,” she told me as she began to unbutton her shirt. Her eyes swam with emotion as I placed my hand over hers, bringing her movement to a stop.

  “What is it?”

  “Nothing, really. Can we just…” Her words trailed off as she tried her best to blink her tears away, but Grace wasn’t one to hide her emotions easily. She felt everything in the complete opposite way of me. Her emotions lived on the surface while mine swirled in the depths beneath.

  She shut her eyes and took a deep breath. Her thoughts must’ve been flying through her mind quickly because as she parted her lips, no words came out.

  I placed my hands on her lower back and pulled her into a hug. “We don’t have to talk,” I told her. “But we don’t have to have sex tonight. I can just hold you.”

  She shook her head back and forth as her body trembled against mine. “That goes against our arrangement.”

  “I think we’re miles past our arrangement, princess.”

  With a sharp inhale, she spoke. “Everything’s a mess. My father thinks I’m making a huge mistake being close to you. He didn’t say those exact words, but I know he’s disappointed in the way I’m dealing with everything, and my mother…” she muttered, her voice cracking. “She’s so hard on me.”

  “Don’t take it personally. She’s hard on everyone because the world made her that way.”

  “Same as you?” she asked.

  “Same as me,” I replied. Even though I couldn’t stand Loretta Harris, I saw how we shared some of the same traits.

  She sniffled and laid her head against my chest. “Every day, it’s hard to breathe. I do fine when I’m with you, but when I leave your side, it’s hard again. I feel like I’m using you as a temporary Band-Aid for my pain.”

  “You can use me all you want,” I told her. “In any way you wish.”

  I felt my heart skip a beat.

  Lately, my heart had been skipping a lot of beats around her, and I wasn’t sure what to make of it. I simply allowed it to happen, not wanting to read too much into it all.

  “I’m broken,” she warned me.

  “Yeah, I know.” I took her hand and kissed her palm. “I am too.”

  She placed her hands against my chest and felt my heart beat against her fingertips. “Fix me for a while?”

  “I’ll fix you all night long, and then I’ll continue tomorrow.”

  38

  Grace

  He didn’t fix me with his body but with his words. We stayed up talking about anything and everything in our lives, which made it a bit easier for me to breathe. Knowing more facts about Jackson made life seem less lonesome.

  “When did you know you wanted to work on cars?” I asked him.

  He grimaced a bit and shrugged. “I didn’t. I wanted to go to art school. I took more so after my mom than my dad, but after everything that happened, I figured I should help out at the shop.”

  “You never wanted to be a mechanic?”

  “Never.”

  That made me sad for him. He couldn’t even find the time to chase his dreams after spending most of his life caring for his father. “You can always go back to school,” I told him.

  He shrugged. “I’m fine here.”

  “But are you happy here?”

  “Happiness never really seemed like an option for someone like me.”


  “You deserve it more than most.”

  “But less than you.” He somewhat grinned. “You deserve it the most.”

  We lived in a strange world, he and I. A world where we weren’t exactly free to express how we really felt for one another, but in my mind, I told him over and over again.

  I adore you. I adore you. I adore you…

  His finger traced my wrist and then he pulled my arm closer to his and kissed it. “You’re bruised from the last time I pinned you down.”

  “There are worse ways to get bruises.” I smirked. He frowned a little, looking at my wrist. “It’s okay, Jackson. I’m fine.”

  “I just don’t want to hurt you.”

  “Lately, you’re about the only thing not hurting me.” I moved in and kissed his lips softly.

  He closed his eyes for a second, and when he reopened them, his hazel stare sent chills down my spine. “When do you go back to Atlanta to teach?”

  We hadn’t really spoken about me leaving. Over the past few months, we’d simply fallen into one another’s arms and hadn’t exchanged many words outside of moans. When we did speak, it was always about our pasts, never about the future.

  “In about three weeks,” I told him.

  He looked down, a hint of disappointment in his stare. “Oh, okay.”

  “What is it?” I asked.

  “It’s just…I’m going to miss you, that’s all.”

  My heart skipped another beat.

  “Jackson Paul Emery misses people?” I joked, trying to control the feelings raging in my chest.

  “No, not people…just you.”

  I adore you. I adore you. I adore you…

  My fingers fell to the side of his neck, and I began to massage his skin as he wrapped his arms around me. My stare stayed on his lips. That same mouth had been all over my body, but what touched me the most were the words that fell from between those lips of his.

  “I’m going to miss you, too,” I said softly. “Without you, I would’ve drowned this summer.”

  He kissed me, and something shifted that night. His kisses felt different, more real than the fictional story we’d been telling one another every single day for so many weeks. He hadn’t said the words, and I hadn’t either, but our kisses felt like we were begging for a little more time, a few more touches, a few more skipping heartbeats.

  I stayed longer that night as our touches almost mimicked something that could’ve been confused with love. As the sun began to rise, I began to put on my clothes and started heading back to my place.

  “I’ll walk you home,” he offered.

  I smiled and yawned. “You know I’ll decline.”

  “Text me when you make it back?”

  “I can do that.”

  “Okay.” He smiled, leaning against the doorframe.

  “Okay,” I replied.

  “Gracelyn Mae?”

  “Yes?”

  He cleared his throat and placed his hands into his pockets. “Do you think I can take you out on a date sometime? Like a real date?”

  Butterflies filled me up inside.

  “I didn’t know Jackson Emery dated people.”

  “Not people…only you.”

  More butterflies.

  “Actually, I was going to ask you if you’d do something with me.”

  “What’s that?” he questioned.

  “Each year, for as long as I can remember, my parents host a summer gala at the town hall ballroom to raise money for charities. It’s a big deal, and everyone in town dresses up like it’s the Oscars or something. There’s a big dinner and dance and literally everyone in town will be there.”

  “The Harris Gala. Yeah, I’ve heard of it.”

  “Be my date?” I asked him. He grimaced for a moment, and I felt my heart crack. Embarrassment hit my cheeks. “If you don’t want to, you don’t have to. I swear, I just thought—”

  “I want to come,” he told me, giving me some reassurance. “I just worry people will give you a hard time if you show up with me. I don’t want to stress you out and add more drama to your life. People will talk.”

  “Let them,” I told him, placing my hands against his chest. “We just won’t listen.”

  He smiled. The kind of smile that made my heart skip a few beats. He leaned into me, placing his forehead against mine.

  His lips grazed mine, and I knew I was ruined.

  “So…” He whispered. “It’s a date?”

  “Yes.” Chills raced throughout my body. “It’s a date. Good night, Jackson Paul.”

  He kissed me gently on the lips, and I felt it in every fiber of my body as his hands fell behind my neck. He massaged my skin then softly spoke with his smoky voice. “Good morning, Gracelyn Mae.”

  39

  Jackson

  “Closing early today?” Alex remarked, a bit stunned. “You never shut the shop down early.”

  “Yeah, well, I got plans tonight.”

  He cocked an eyebrow. “Plans? With a woman named Grace?”

  “Don’t do that,” I told him.

  “Do what?”

  “Smile.”

  “I always smile.”

  “Yeah, and it’s annoying,” I joked, tossing all the dirty towels into the back room.

  “So, are you two, like…a thing?”

  “What? No. We’re just…friends.”

  “With benefits.”

  “Something like that.”

  “But it’s more,” he commented. “It’s so much more.”

  “Alex, I’m going to need you to shut up right about now.”

  “All right, but I’m just saying, it’s okay for you to like people, man. I know you think it’s not, but it is. It’s part of what makes humans…human.”

  I frowned and shrugged my shoulder as I began tossing my supplies back into the toolbox. “I can’t like her, Alex. Even if I did, she’s leaving town in a few weeks.”

  “So? Go with her.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Right.”

  “Dude, I’m serious. Get out of this hellhole and go live your life. Even if it’s not with Grace, you’re allowed to leave this place.”

  I huffed. “It’s not like I can leave my dad. The only reason I was able to go off to rehab was because you stepped in, and I wouldn’t ask you to ever do that for me again.”

  “Buddy, your father is not your burden.”

  “I’m not going leave him to die. I’m all he has.”

  “Okay, I’ll drop it because I can tell you’re getting upset. I just want you to know that the world will keep spinning even if you go off and live your own life. My main point is this: you are allowed to be happy—maybe more than most people, and I think Grace makes you happy. I think you make her happy, too.”

  I swallowed hard. “You think so?”

  “She was about to rip out some woman’s hair at the festival because they were talking about you. She’s as protective of you as you are of her. I’ve never seen something that made no sense yet made complete sense until I laid eyes on the two of you together.”

  “She’s just so…good.”

  He laughed, walked over to me, and patted me on the back. “So are you. I’m going to get out of here. Have a good time tonight, all right?”

  “Okay. Have a good night.”

  He headed out of the shop, and I kept cleaning so I could finish up before going back to my place to jumped in the shower. I rented a suit for the event because there was no chance in hell anything in my closet was going to be good enough for the Harris Gala.

  I wanted to look my best for Grace. I didn’t want to let her down.

  Her taking me to this event, her allowing my arm to be wrapped around hers was more than just a small gesture. She was making a statement to the whole town that she was free to live however she chose to live.

  I loved that fact, and I loved that I was going to be the one holding her hand.

  She showed up at my place around seven thirty p.m., and when I opened the door, I
took a few steps back.

  She was beautiful.

  From her burgundy curls to her fitted silver gown, she looked like a goddess.

  “Wow,” I breathed out. She began to blush, and I loved it.

  “Wow,” she replied, eyeing me up and down. She held her hand out toward me. “Shall we?”

  I took her hand into mine, and we walked down the streets of Chester together. People saw us, and we didn’t care. People judged, and we didn’t listen.

  When we arrived at the town hall ballroom, everyone’s eyes turned to us. I felt it hit my gut, and I could only imagine what they were thinking.

  How I wasn’t good enough to be holding Chester’s royalty.

  How I was simply a deadbeat.

  Right as I was about to ask Grace to retreat, she squeezed my hand, giving me comfort. “Powerful moments,” she whispered, pulling me closer to her. She then raced her lips against mine and kissed me as everyone watched. I kissed her back, because how could I not? All I ever wanted to do was kiss those lips lying against mine.

  “Powerful moments,” I replied as we slowly pulled away.

  Somehow, at that exact moment, everyone’s opinions were officially void because she chose me.

  In front of the world, she held my hand.

  40

  Grace

  People gathered around me right away and started asking me questions about Jackson and me as he wandered off to get drinks. It all felt overwhelming, but I took it the best I could because he was worth the risk of people judging us.

  And boy, did they judge.

  “It’s a bit soon, isn’t it? To be dating again.”

  “You should be by yourself for a while.”

  “I think Finn and you can work things out.”

  “Finn obviously still cares for you.”