Rekindled Love

by Susan Leigh Carlton

  “Yes, I did. We had hot chocolate before bedtime.”

  “With marshmallows too,” Becky added.

  “Where’s Philip?”

  “He’s helping your father in the barn.”

  “I’ll go see if there’s anything I can do.”

  “Hey!” Caroline said. “Aren’t you forgetting something?”

  “Oh yes, good morning, Caroline. I learned something when I was all alone last night.”

  “What did you learn?”

  “I love you and missed you.” He kissed her, a tantalizing, probing kiss, returned in kind.

  “You’ve never said that to me before.”

  “I didn’t totally realize it until last night. I’d better go before I embarrass Mama.”

  “I’ve seen it all. With three sons, I’ve seen it all.”

  He started for the door. “Ben, thank you,” Caroline said.

  “I meant it.”

  “I know you did.”

  When the door closed, Alice said, “He really does.”

  “I know. I think I love him too, but I’m not ready to say it.”

  “Caroline, don’t marry him if you’re not sure.”

  “I’m sure I want to get married, and pretty sure about the love.”

  “You can’t do that to him. You can’t fool him. If you marry and he finds out you don’t love him, it would devastate him. I don’t know what would happen.”

  When he came in from the barn, Caroline said, “Take a walk with me.”

  “Sure, is something wrong?”

  “No… I don’t know. I need to talk.”

  “Ben, you know I love you like a brother,” she began.

  “I’m not sure where this is going. Can you explain it to me?”

  “I’m trying to. When you said you loved me, it threw me for a loop. Until then, I was sure. Very sure. When you said that, I couldn’t say it back. I don’t know why, but I couldn’t. Your mother noticed it and we talked. She said we shouldn’t get married if I wasn’t sure. I agree with her.”

  “I don’t want you to be my wife and not love me. That’s not something to expose our kids to. What do you want to do? Go back home?”

  “No, I don’t want to do that. I’ll see if I can find a place for Philip and me until I am sure.”

  “Do you think you will ever be?”

  “I do. I honestly do. I just need a little time.”

  “If that’s what you want, then we’ll wait until that time. Are you ready to head back?”

  “Ben,” she touched his arm, “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s all right, Caroline. It doesn’t change the way I feel.”

  “Aren’t you going to try to convince me?”

  “I won’t push you. I just want you to want what I want.”

  Back in the house…

  “Becky, get ready to go, honey. Kiss Grandmama goodbye. We have to go home now.”

  He hugged his mother. “Take care of them, Mama. Don’t let her move.”

  “What is this? What happened? Did you have an argument?”

  “Let Caroline explain it. I don’t understand it.”

  He lifted Becky onto the wagon seat, sat beside her and flicked the reins, and left the farm.

  “Do you want to talk about this?” Alice asked Caroline.

  “After our talk this morning, I asked him for more time. You were right. I can’t do this to him; to them.

  “I’ll try to find a place to stay in town, so we’ll be out of your way.”

  “Caroline Andrews Simpson, you’ll do no such thing. You will stay here until you decide whether you’re going home or staying.”

  “I’m not going home, Miss Alice. I want to be here. I’ll pay you for Philip and me.”

  “Do you want me to write to your mother and tell her how you’re acting? She would be ashamed.”

  “No. Miss Alice, I had a dream. I was coming to make a new home for us with someone I could love and would love me and Philip back. I do love Ben. I’m just not sure it’s the marrying type of love.”

  “I’ll tell the preacher. Seth and Leroy will be by here, and I’ll tell them. Is there anyone else?”

  “Mrs. Stevens. She’s going to be disappointed too.”

  “Clara is a good woman. She will only want what’s best for Becky.”

  “So do I. Thank you, Miss Alice. I’m going to lie down for a while. I’ve got some thinking to do.”

  Chapter nineteen

  Ben and Becky

  Ben was not at church Sunday. He had not been seen for over a week when Caroline and his mother showed up at his house. The latchstring was out, so they went inside to wait.

  They had been waiting and talking for an hour when the door opened and Becky walked in. “Where’s your papa?” Alice asked.

  “I’m right here. She can’t open the door herself. Why are you here?”

  “No one had seen or heard from you in over a week. We were worried about Becky. And you.”

  “You were afraid I’d gone off my rocker like I did when Jenny died, weren’t you?”

  “Something like that,” his mother admitted.

  “We’re fine. The house is fine.”

  “Then where have you been? Why haven’t we seen you?”

  “I took Becky to see her other grandmother, and we picked up some supplies. Other than that, we’ve been right here. I’ve been working on the wall in the new bedroom.”

  “Didn’t you think I might be worried, or Caroline might be worried?”

  “I thought Caroline needed time and room to think without me bothering her, so I’m trying to give her room.”

  “That was totally irresponsible of you,” his mother scolded.

  “That’s not fair, Mama.” To Caroline he said, “You told me you weren’t sure, and I wanted you to be sure. I didn’t want you to be my wife unless you were, and I damn sure don’t want to marry my sister.”

  “Watch your mouth, Ben Palmer, and you don’t have a sister to marry.”

  “I’m afraid that’s my fault,” Caroline said. “I told him I loved him like a brother and wasn’t sure of the other kind of love.”

  “I don’t understand what I’m supposed to do. What do you want from me? You told me why you came out and what you wanted when you got here. I tried to be that kind of person, and it turns out not, I’m not what you want after all.”

  “It is what I want, and why I came. Then I started having doubts and didn’t want to fake it because it would hurt you if you found out. In the end, I just couldn’t.”

  “You two are both as dumb as a box of rocks. You obviously care for each other, but you’re afraid to let it show.”

  “Mama, I told her I understood, and agreed with her. I also said it didn’t change the way I feel.” He looked at Caroline.

  “He did say that. It’s not his fault. Ben, I missed you terribly the past week, and I was afraid something might have happened. You might have been hurt and Becky was alone with you, or she might have gotten sick. I care. I do care. Can we try again?”

  “I never stopped.”

  “Is that a yes?”

  “It’s a yes.”

  “Now you have that settled, will you take me home?” Alice asked.

  “Yes ma’am. You take Becky, and I’ll get my mule hitched and follow along behind you.”

  When they arrived at the home place, his father came out of the barn with Philip. “I wondered where everyone was,” he said. “We came in and no one was home.”

  “You all right, son?”

  “Yes, sir.” He helped his mother and Caroline from their wagon. “Let’s go back home, Becky.”

  “Can you wait ten minutes before you go?” Caroline asked.

  “Yes, I have nothing else to do.”

  “We’ll be right back,” she said. “Philip, I need you to help me please.”

  They went inside and returned in the ten minutes she had requested. “We’re going with you,” she said.

  “You don’
t want to do this,” he told her.

  “Will you help me into the wagon please?” she asked.

  “You need a bed for Philip. Why don’t you take the one that’s in Leroy’s room? If you need anything else, let us know. Will you be in church?”

  “We’ll have to come for the rest of our things,” Caroline told her. “I have enough for a few days.”

  “I’ll go get the bed,” Ben said. Three trips and it was in the wagon.

  “I don’t understand the change of heart,” he muttered under his breath.

  “There was no change of heart. This is something I wanted all the time, but wasn’t ready. Now I am. Accept it, unless you’ve changed your mind.”

  “Here we are. Philip, will you help me get your bed into the house?”

  “Yes, sir. What do you want me to do?”

  “I’ll get the heavy stuff, you bring what you can carry.”

  “I’ll make the bed up,” Caroline told them.

  “Are you going to live with us?” Becky asked.

  “Yes, Philip and I are going to live here with you and your papa. What do you think?”

  “Good,” Becky said.

  “I’ll get the water and wood,” Ben told Caroline. “I’d prefer you didn't have to lug it around.”

  “I want to do my part,” she said. “You’re not going to start laying down a bunch of rules, are you?”

  “I, at least, know better than to try to do that.”

  “Good. We should talk about some things.”

  “The last time we did that, it didn’t work out.”

  “That was then; this is now. I want you to know I love you and plan to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to be your wife, if it’s what you still want. I don’t want you to even think about us leaving. We’re not.”

  “It’s all I wanted to hear. When you want to have the ceremony?”

  “As soon as we can. We don’t have to wait until Sunday.”

  “Will tomorrow be all right?” he asked.

  “Tomorrow will be good. What about tonight?”

  “I’ll sleep in the barn.”

  “If you do, I’ll be there beside you. So will the children.”

  “Now you’re being silly,” he said.

  “I’m not. I love you and want to be with you. You’re not going to be difficult about this are you?”

  “No, I’m thinking about how we were raised. I don’t want you to compromise your beliefs.”

  “I won’t. Now , let me see what we can have for dinner.”

  I have milk, butter, eggs and some bacon and a little meat and salt pork in the springhouse. There’s cornmeal, flour and lard and sugar by the stove. There’s also oats, because Becky likes them.”

  “It sounds as if there’s a bit of everything.”

  “We went to the store a few days ago.”

  “Ben… could I have a hug?”

  Chapter twenty

  All One Family

  Ben opened his arms and embraced Caroline. One of his arms draped over her shoulder; the other was around her waist. He held her close as she tilted her head. When his lips touched hers, she tightened her arms around his neck.

  She quivered at the sweet tenderness of the kiss. Her emotions whirled and skidded through her body. The gentle massage of his lips ignited a desire in her body that caused her to respond with a hunger that surprised her. A low growl escaped from within. Her lips parted and their tongues touched. Her knees weakened.

  Ben felt the heat coming from her body. Her nipples were firm and felt as if they were going to burn holes in his wool shirt.

  “Can we go find the preacher now,” she whispered, her voice husky with desire.

  “I wish.”

  They broke the kiss. “That was part of what I needed,” she said. “We’re going to be good together if that’s any sign.”

  She sighed. “I had better see about dinner.”

  “Can I help?”

  “No, I’ll get started as soon as I can stand.”

  He laughed.

  “You laugh, but that left me weak in the knees,” she said.

  “I won’t even tell you how it left me. I’m going to make sure there’s water in the stalls.”

  Dinner…

  “Ben, will you return thanks?”

  After he said grace, he said, “Philip, your mother and I are going to be married tomorrow morning. Then we will be one family.”

  “I like that,” Philip said.

  “Honey, take a good look around the house and see if there’s anything you want me to do. Also, while we’re in town, we can stock the larder. I need to look at the garden and see what’s ready to pick.”

  “The garden is going to be my responsibility,” she told Ben. “I’ve done that for years.”

  * * *

  The kids were in bed; Becky was already asleep. Ben spread a quilt on the floor in front of the fireplace. “What are you doing?” Caroline asked.

  “I’m making a pallet,” he said.

  “You’re not going to sleep on the floor in your own house.”

  “I am. It won’t be the first time. I slept on the ground under the wagon for six months. This is a piece of cake compared to that.”

  “Ben…” she began. “I’m going to get ready for bed. He had hung a blanket from the ceiling to give her some privacy. The sounds of her clothes hitting the floor echoed in his ears as his imagination took over.

  She stepped from behind the blanket. “Goodnight Ben. This is the last time for this.” She nodded toward the pallet. They kissed goodnight.

  “I’ll probably be outside when you wake up in the morning. I’ll have a fire in the stove and put the coffee on. Goodnight Caroline. I’m glad you’re here.”

  “I’m glad too. Goodnight, Ben.”

  He lay on his pallet watching the embers in the banked fire fade as the room became dark.

  The sun had not risen when he wakened. Stiff from the night on the floor, he stretched, reaching for the ceiling. He padded to the fireplace and stirred the coals, then added a log. He started toward the stove to build the fire.

  “Ben…”

  “Yes?”

  “I’m cold. Come hold me for a few minutes.”

  He stood by the bed in his underwear. She pushed back the cover and patted the spot beside her. “Just for a few minutes.”

  He lay beside her. She turned her back to him and squirmed against him. It seemed natural to put his arm around her waist. She moved his hand to her breast. “Better,” she murmured.

  Ben lay still for twenty minutes, before he left the bed and started the fire in the stove. The fire inside his body was already raging. With a fusee from the container on the mantle, he lit the coal oil lantern. In the flickering light he put the coffee makings in the pot and set it on the stove to heat. He dressed, poured a cup of coffee and headed for the barn.

  The sky was beginning to lighten when he entered the barn and lit the lantern hanging from a nail. After a couple of sips of coffee, he forked fresh hay into the stalls, and gave the horses and mule grain and fresh water. When he had finished milking, he went back to the house.

  Caroline was dressed and rolling the biscuit dough. “Did you sleep well?” she asked.

  “Yes… No. How could I with you just a few feet away?”

  “You could have joined me any time,” she smiled.

  “I know. I didn’t want to do something one of us might regret.”

  “I don’t regret telling you I was cold. It felt good having you next to me.”

  “How soon do you want to leave for town?” he asked.

  “Let’s give the preacher time to have his breakfast,” she said. “Along a more serious note, do you think we should go by and tell your mother?”

  “Probably. We had better not take a chance. She can be mean.”

  “Your mother doesn’t have a mean bone in her body. Just to be sure, let’s stop by on the way into town.”

  Palmer farm…

&
nbsp; “Mama, want to go to a wedding? We’re on our way to one now.”

  “You got things worked out? And it only took one night. I’m glad.”

  “Your imagination is running away with you again,” Ben told her. “I slept on the floor.”

  “Go get your father. He’s out back somewhere. I’ll be ready in thirty minutes, if you can wait that long.”

  “We’ll wait,” Caroline told her. “Hop down, kids; we have a few minutes. Wait, Becky, let me help you.”

  * * *

  —“I now pronounce you man and wife. May God bless you and keep you. You may kiss your wife, Ben.”

  “Thank you, Reverend Wilkins.”

  “Will we be seeing you at our Sunday services?”

  “Yes you will,” Caroline responded. “We both think it’s important for the children.”

  Later…

  “Would you like for us to take Becky and Philip tonight?” Alice asked.

  Caroline glanced at Ben. “What do you think?”

  “It would be nice to have a little time to ourselves,” he said.

  “That’s nice of you, Miss Alice. We appreciate it.”

  “Now that you’re part of the family, could we do something about the Miss Alice bit?”

  “How about Mom?” Caroline asked.

  “Mom would be wonderful. I always felt like you were my daughter in a way.”

  “Lordy, I married my sister after all,” Ben said.

  “The feelings I have for you right now are anything but sisterly,” Caroline said.

  “Not to change the subject or anything, but do you mind if I write your mother about this?” Alice asked.

  “Not at all. I know she’s going to be pleased about it.”

  Chapter twenty-one

  A New Life

  Ben stopped in front of the barn. “Do you mind coming with me while I take care of the animals? It won’t take long.”

  “Okay. Can I help?”

  “No, it’s all right, I got it. I just want you close.”

  He put the horse in the stall, and put fresh hay in all of them. After he filled their water pails, he said, “That does it.” He took her hand and walked to the door. He pulled the latchstring and opened the door. He scooped her into his arms and carried her inside.