Not Attainable (Red Eyes MC Romance)

by Blair Grey

  “Mm, see you soon,” Will agreed.

  I could feel his eyes on me as I headed for the door, but I forced my feet to keep moving. I couldn’t force the smile from my face, though.

  13

  Will

  I kept a low profile on Sunday, but I had no choice except to head to the Red Eyes headquarters for the weekly meeting on Monday.

  God, I felt terrible. I felt like I had betrayed Ray. I had taken his daughter’s virginity, and he didn’t even know it. It wasn’t like I had forced her or anything. She knew what she was doing. She was the one who had come to my place. But at the same time, I couldn’t help feeling like shit. Like I had somehow taken advantage of her. She was so sweet and innocent, and here I was, this huge, hulking goon.

  She should be with someone better than me. And I knew that was exactly what Ray wanted for her.

  I wanted to talk to someone about this. I had toyed with the idea of telling Marcus. I was pretty sure I could trust him not to fly off the handle. Especially since I had a feeling he already knew that I had a thing for Belle, but there was something stopping me.

  Marcus was Ray’s man, first and foremost. I had already put myself in a position where I had to lie to Ray; I couldn’t do the same to him. As much as I wanted to trust him, there was a possibility that he would turn around and tell Ray the truth. Even if he didn’t do that, even if he agreed to lie to Ray on my behalf, that would only make me feel even more like shit. I didn’t want to put Marcus in that position.

  If I couldn’t talk to Marcus about it, though, I certainly couldn’t talk to anyone else about it. No, the only people who could know about this were Belle and me, but it wasn’t like I could call her up and talk to her. And I knew she had suggested showing up at the diner, but I didn’t think I could do that, either.

  I knew Ray had eyes and ears everywhere. The more I thought about it, the more I knew there had to be a reason I was the one he called when he was wondering where Belle was the morning after she’d slept over, and his timing had been so perfect, too. Right after she had left. It made me wonder if maybe he was having her tailed. It would make sense if he was worried about her safety.

  And that would mean that he knew she had come over again the previous night.

  I could barely keep my head up from the time I arrived at headquarters, my eyes glued solidly on the floor. If Ray knew, it was only a matter of time before he punished me. I could only imagine what the punishment could be for defiling his daughter.

  Fuck, I couldn’t believe I had been so stupid. I should never have let my feelings get the better of me. I should never have let her into my place. The night I’d seen her drinking at the bar, I should have called Ray immediately.

  But it was too late for any of that now. Now, I just had to deal with the consequences.

  The worst part of all was the sex had been great. I liked Belle, and shit, for a virgin, she really knew how to use that body of hers. I had liked watching her fall apart like that. Even though I knew that we would both be dead if she didn’t get home before Ray got back from his poker game, there was a definite part of me that had wanted to keep her there in my bed.

  It could never happen again, though.

  Ray didn’t say much during the meeting. He mentioned the Unknowns, although it seemed like everyone knew about them by now. He didn’t say much about them, either, though. As everyone was leaving, he said my name: “Will.” I stopped in my tracks. “Could you come with me to my office, please? I have something I’d like to discuss with you.”

  I felt like I was going to be sick. I glanced at Marcus, but if he knew what it was about, he didn’t give any sign.

  “Uh-oh,” Braxton said under his breath, smirking at me. “What have you done now?”

  I scowled at him, hoping he didn’t see how nervous I was. I followed Ray back into his office.

  “Jesus, you look like you expect me to put a bullet through your head,” Ray said as I took a seat. He poured me a drink and nudged it toward me. “Are you feeling okay?”

  “Yeah,” I said, trying my best not to picture Ray brandishing a gun at me. I took a quick swallow of the whiskey he had poured, though, letting the burning liquid slide down my throat.

  “I know we’re all a little nervous about the Unknowns,” Ray said. “It’s been a long time since Red Eyes has had any sort of challenger. But from what I hear from Marcus, we don’t need to be too worried.”

  The Unknowns. He just wanted to talk about the Unknowns? Relief coursed through me, and I managed to find my voice. “I just don’t want to see anything bad happen to our crew,” I said, shrugging.

  “It won’t,” Ray said confidently, giving me a sharp smile. “I’ve arranged to meet with their leader. I want you there with me. Just to make sure that nothing happens.”

  “Right. Of course,” I said, trying not to let on how surprised I still was that he hadn’t brought me there to discuss the fact that I had deflowered his daughter.

  “I doubt they’ll want to fight,” Ray continued. “Anyway, it would be horrible manners to fight when we’ve agreed to a peaceful meeting, but I wouldn’t put anything past them. I’ve dealt with too many low-life assholes in the past.” He paused. “Anyway, if it does come to blows, I trust you.”

  I tried not to squirm when he said that. I trust you.

  It almost made me spill my secret, that I had slept with Belle. It wasn’t that I wanted to give him a reason not to trust me, and it had nothing to do with my ability to protect him against the Unknowns. But all the same, his warm words made me feel even more guilty than I already had.

  For a second, I was sure that he must already know about Belle and me. After all, how could he had done things so perfectly, first scaring the hell out of me by calling me into his office and then making me feel like a dog by telling me he trusted me when I had betrayed that trust in the worst way possible?

  But he couldn’t know or else he wouldn’t be sitting there calmly across the desk from me, talking shop.

  Ray outlined the details for the meeting, including his plans. “I want them off our turf,” he said. “But if we can keep it from going to violence, which I think we can, then that’s what I’d prefer.”

  “Marcus is worried that if there’s no violence, it will encourage other people to come down here. Just to test us.” I couldn’t stop myself from blurting it out. I clapped a hand over my mouth, well aware that I had basically just accused Ray of getting soft in his old age.

  He just laughed, though. “Marcus is a lot younger than me and a lot less experienced,” Ray reminded me. “Trust me; I know what I’m talking about. Most of the time.”

  I grinned, another unsettled feeling rolling through me. He knew what he was talking about. He had his sources, after all.

  Finally, Ray was done explaining things to me, and I was free to leave. I slipped outside, waiting until I was out in the hallway before wiping my sweaty palms on my jeans.

  The twins, of course, were waiting for me in the front room of the clubhouse. They were lounging on one of the sofas, just chatting, as though they had nothing better to do, but I knew they were waiting for me. They wanted to know exactly what Ray had wanted.

  “So what’s the punishment?” Braxton called as I headed for the door.

  I shrugged as nonchalantly as I could. “Ray just has a mission he wants me on.”

  “What kind of mission?”

  “None of your business,” I said coolly. “If Ray had wanted you to know, he would have said it in front of everyone at the meeting.”

  I wasn’t entirely sure why the meeting was such a secret. Ray had brought up the Unknowns; it would have been easy enough for him to mention the meeting then and tell me that he wanted me there next to him for it. Maybe he’d been afraid that Marcus would challenge him on it, right there in front of everyone.

  And Marcus might have done that, but I liked to think the guy had more of a sense of self-preservation than that. Then again, I would have liked to
think the same about myself, but here I’d gone and slept with the daughter of the MC’s president.

  “Well, whatever your mission is, I hope you don’t fuck it up,” Braxton said.

  I rolled my eyes. “Thanks for that vote of confidence.”

  “Come on, lighten up.” Braxton got up off the couch, coming toward me. He clapped me on the shoulder. “You’re so tense today, man. Practically jumping out of your skin. What’s up?”

  “Nothing,” I said through gritted teeth.

  “You know, you’ve been pretty off ever since you came back last week,” he continued, frowning at me. Then, he grinned, flashing his teeth. “Probably means you need to get laid.”

  As far as I was concerned, that was the last thing I needed right now. No, getting laid was what had gotten me into this mess to begin with. But I was happy enough to write it off as that if it meant Braxton would stop asking questions.

  I shrugged. “That’s probably it,” I said. I ducked past him and headed out the door before he could invite me out for drinks.

  14

  Belle

  On Monday, Nicole and I both had the day off, and we got to have that girls’ day we’d been planning. I could tell Nicole wanted to ask how Saturday night had gone from the moment she picked me up that morning, but she waited until we were alone with our nails drying before she started to ask questions.

  “So how did things go? With, you know.” She waggled her eyebrows at me, and I laughed.

  “You can say his name,” I told her.

  Nicole rolled her eyes. “So not the point,” she said. “How did things go? With Will?”

  “Really good, actually,” I said.

  “I’m going to need more than that,” Nicole said, sounding exasperated. “This is you every time you get a boy. Not that you do that very often. But getting details out of you is like pulling teeth.”

  I bit my lower lip, trying to hide a smile. But all it did was remind me of Saturday night, with Will’s lips against mine, his teeth tugging at that same lip. I shifted in my seat.

  “Come on,” Nicole groaned. “At least tell me the two of you kissed.”

  “Oh, we kissed,” I said. I took a deep breath. “Actually, we had sex.”

  Nicole shrieked with excitement. “Oh my gosh, finally. How was it? Tell me everything. Was it good?”

  I grinned. “Of course it was good,” I said. “It was so good.”

  “It isn’t always for your first time,” Nicole informed me. “I mean, my first time was pretty good, but I’ve heard that for some people, it’s just not.”

  “Well, it was good,” I said.

  “Enough so that you want to do it again?”

  I sighed. “That’s the problem,” I said. “It was really good. And I’ve always liked Will, you know that. I want to do it again. I want more than that, though. And I can’t have any of it.”

  “Whoa, slow down,” Nicole said, holding up her freshly manicured nails, heedless of the spacers between her fingers. “You can’t go getting attached to him just because you lost your virginity to him. It was just sex, right?”

  “I don’t know, Nicole,” I sighed. “I’d like to say that it was just sex. It would be so much easier if it was just sex.” I paused. “It wouldn’t really, because I’d still want to do it again, but…”

  “Do you have feelings for him?” Nicole asked, sounding surprised.

  “I don’t know,” I groaned. This was exactly why I hadn’t called her to tell her about this yesterday. I couldn’t figure out exactly what I felt. And it scared me, to be honest. I definitely wouldn’t be the first person to get attached to the guy she’d lost her virginity to, but I didn’t think it was all to do with that. I’d liked Will for a long time now, and it wasn’t just because he was easy on the eyes.

  “So you want more than just sex? Like a relationship?”

  “It doesn’t matter,” I said sourly. “I can’t have that, even if I want it.”

  “But if you could?”

  I shrugged, avoiding her searching gaze. “I guess that, yeah, if I could have a relationship with Will, it would at least be worth exploring. See where it might go. And it might not go anywhere, but I think that unless I know that, it’s always going to bother me.”

  “Oh, honey,” Nicole said, shaking her head sadly.

  I rolled my eyes. “Come on, can’t we go back to just being excited that I finally lost my virginity?” I quipped.

  Nicole laughed, but then, she fell silent for a while, and I knew that she was letting me think things over. And doing a little scheming of her own, no doubt.

  “What are you going to do?” she finally asked.

  I shook my head. “I have to forget about him,” I said. “And I definitely can’t let Dad know that we slept together. He’d have Will castrated. Or killed. I don’t know which would be worse.”

  Nicole snorted. “This isn’t the Middle Ages,” she said, but she shut up at the look I shot her. “Okay, you’re probably right. He probably would kill Will. And you, for going along with it.” She paused. “But you can’t just forget about him.”

  “Why not?” I asked. “I can’t ask him to risk his career, his life, his manhood. It’s too much. It’s why I’ve never dated in the first place.”

  “That’s just not fair, though,” Nicole said. “Your dad can’t reasonably expect you to be alone forever just because he has control issues.”

  “He just wants what’s best for me.”

  “Okay,” Nicole said slowly. “And isn’t what’s best for you for you to be happy?”

  “That’s part of it,” I agreed. “But he also wants me to be with someone stable. Not someone in a motorcycle gang.”

  “Yeah, probably,” Nicole said impatiently. “But if Will’s the guy that you really want, you owe it to yourself to at least try. Just like you said, if you don’t, you’ll always wonder.”

  I sighed again. “Yeah, but how do I tell my dad about him?”

  “You don’t,” Nicole said immediately, shaking her head. “You absolutely don’t. Not ever. You’re the one who said it; he’d probably kill Will. Or at least maim him.”

  “So what do I do if things really take off and Will and I end up, I don’t know, married or something?” I joked. “I just don’t invite him to the wedding?” It was a lot more complicated than she was making it out to be. I hadn’t expected her to really understand, but she was acting like it would be so easy for me to be with Will if that was what I wanted.

  It still wasn’t fair, any of it. I hadn’t made the choice to join the MC, so why was I being punished? If we were a normal family and Will was a friend of my dad’s, Dad would probably be thrilled at the partnership. Well, that might be a bit of an overstatement, but he wouldn’t be quite so pissed about it.

  What’s more, I kind of wanted to throw all of this in Dad’s face. If he just let me go out and have some fun sometimes, I would have had the chance to meet other guys, and maybe I would have found myself interested in someone who wasn’t part of Red Eyes. It was Dad’s own fault that the only guys I knew were the guys I had grown up around. If they were still in Las Cruces by the time they were my age, they were the kind of guy who was never going to leave. And that probably meant they were the kind of guy who would join a motorcycle club.

  But I didn’t know how to explain all of that to Nicole. She just didn’t understand.

  The person I really wanted to talk to about all of this, of course, was Will. But what was I supposed to do, just call him up and chat over the phone? I couldn’t go over there again, not so soon. Especially not since I hadn’t heard from him. For all I knew, he had done it once and didn’t have any desire to see me again.

  That thought made my whole stomach constrict in knots.

  Nicole giggled. “Well, it would be one way to keep your dad and your in-laws from fighting at the wedding,” she teased. “Just elope. Actually, there’s an idea. You and Will could keep things a secret between you until after you elope.
And then, it’s not like your dad could do anything about it. You’d be married.”

  I rolled my eyes, but I couldn’t help feeling amused. “Not only would that be pretty much impossible,” I said, “but that would just give Dad another reason to kill the both of us. I know he’s always dreamed of seeing me walk down the aisle. Even if he won’t let me near any dudes until he’s on his deathbed.”

  Nicole laughed. “Yeah, it would take a lot to keep that secret,” she agreed. She shook her head. “It’s just a shame. It’s nice seeing you so happy.”

  “I don’t need a man to make me happy,” I said stubbornly.

  Nicole smirked. “No, but the orgasms certainly help,” she joked.

  She finally turned the subject away from my dalliances with Will, but I couldn’t stop thinking about him. It would be impossible to keep things a secret. Las Cruces wasn’t that large of a city, and besides, everyone knew who my father was. What’s more, Will worked with my father, no matter how unconventional that employment might be. Dad was bound to find out at some point. We were just lucky we hadn’t been caught already.

  But just like before, I felt like it was impossible to stay away from him. It had already been too long since the last time I had seen him, and it had only been a couple of days. And what would I do if he eventually gave up on me and started dating someone else? I couldn’t stand the thought of losing him.

  “Hey, this is supposed to be a fun, relaxing day,” Nicole said eventually, drawing me out of my thoughts. “Quit looking so moody, or I’ll have to castrate the man myself.”

  I snorted at the mental image that conjured up. “Sorry, hon, but I don’t think you’re any sort of match for a six-foot-five muscular dude,” I told her. “Especially if you’re trying to get at his manhood.”

  Nicole raised an eyebrow at me. “I have my ways of getting guys to let me intimately close to their penises—don’t you forget it.”

  I burst out laughing, my sour mood fading. This spa day was just what I’d needed.