Love notes

by Exley Avis

  Catherine shook her head. “Haven’t a clue. But there’s one sure way to find out.”

  With Aiden scheduled to leave in only three days time, Erika realised she couldn’t afford to delay a moment longer. As soon as Catherine mentioned Zurich, Erika was ready to leap up from the table and go straight to Aiden’s offices but the lawyer told her not to bother.

  “He’s taking a few days off at his house in the country.”

  “Where’s that?” Erika frowned. She had his London address but not this one.

  “Not sure. We didn’t act when he bought it but I’ve a feeling it’s in Sussex somewhere.”

  Erika remembered the photographs of the derelict mill Aiden had shown her that day beside the pool in Yorkshire and the way he’d talked her through his vision for every room.

  “Is it an old watermill?” she asked, taking a stab in the dark. “I once saw pictures of a dilapidated place he was converting.”

  “Rings a bell. He certainly mentioned having finished renovation works quite recently.”

  Although Erika couldn’t remember the name of the village where the mill stood, she recalled enough details about the location to narrow it down to within a few square miles and drove to Sussex later that evening. She booked herself into a pub and was up early the next morning to begin her search but unexpectedly hit lucky in the second village she visited. The shopkeeper could not only direct her to the mill but also confirmed she’d seen Aiden the day before.

  Erika’s first instinct was to return to the pub to do her hair and change into smarter clothes but she realised it would only give her space to worry. Ben had warned her not to over-think her return to England, and to allow her heart to rule her head for once.

  “This is make or break,” he’d said. “You’re putting your love on the line for this guy. Think about it too much and you’ll only lose your nerve.”

  Not giving herself time to reflect therefore, she followed directions away from the village and down a lane shaded by high hedges and overhanging trees. She bypassed the locked iron gates to the mill, not wanting to announce her arrival over the entry-phone, and carried on until she came to a bridge across the mill stream, where she left her car.

  The shopkeeper had told her about a fisherman’s path and then a shortcut across the field that would take her to the edge of Aiden’s garden, and she followed it, her heart hammering louder in her chest with every step.

  A break in the trees gave Erika her first glimpse of Aiden’s home and she caught her breath at its beauty, stopping for a moment to absorb a timeless view that could have been painted by Constable. No photograph could ever capture the harmonious blend of building and landscape; the mill seeming to have grown organically out of its surroundings instead of being placed there by man, and she understood instantly why Aiden had been so drawn to it.

  It was one of those late spring days that believed it was already high summer and the sun scorched Erika’s shoulders from a bright blue sky. She took off her cardigan, glad now that she’d kept her sundress on, although sandals are not the most practical footwear for crossing fields, she thought ruefully. The swish of her bare legs through the long grass, the hum of insects and the distant trickle of the stream were the only sounds to break a silence that wrapped itself around her like a comfort blanket.

  Despite her anxiety about seeing Aiden again, and the reaction she might face, the tension drained from her and her limbs felt weightless as she approached the house.

  A locked gate separated the garden from the field and she climbed over it, considering rather belatedly that Aiden might have bought himself a couple of large guard dogs to keep him company so far away from London. By the time she reached the gravel driveway there was still no sign of them however and she relaxed, doubly relieved to see Aiden’s car parked beside the garages.

  She used its mirror to check her appearance, ignoring how flushed and anxious she looked, and reasoning that, if Aiden truly wanted her back, he wouldn’t really care about her rosy cheeks, or that wisps of hair had escaped from her ponytail. Then, remembering Aiden’s fascination with her long hair she pulled off the band and shook it loose around her shoulders.

  Satisfied, she smoothed down her dress, took a deep breath and forced herself forward toward the dark, forbidding front door. If buildings could be said to have body language, this mill had folded its arms, braced itself and made ready to repel all boarders. When converting it, Aiden had retained the original, impregnable double doors that now loomed imposingly in front of Erika. Heaven only knew what kind of welcome awaited her on the other side of them.

  Rather than stand for ever in uncertainty therefore, she tugged at the heavy iron bell pull and waited, wishing she’d had the sense to think up a witty opening line to explain her sudden reappearance.

  However, as soon as the door swung open and she saw Aiden again, the power of speech deserted her and she could only stare.

  Put simply, he looked gorgeous.

  Sexy, strapping, handsome. And every other raunchy adjective that had ever been invented.

  Even though every erotic memory of him remained vivid, his sheer height, power and virility sent a thousand impure thoughts racing into Erika’s head and she blushed uncontrollably.

  From his tousled hair and unshaven face Erika guessed Aiden hadn’t been out of bed too long and she took a private moment to conjure up the remembered warm, sleepy scent of his neck as he hovered between waking and sleep. He wore an old T-shirt and heavy cotton joggers riding low on his hips, raising the tantalising suspicion that he’d pulled them on when he’d climbed out of bed and was naked underneath.

  The temptation to confirm that suspicion threatened to overpower Erika but she decided to be polite and wait until she was asked. Instead, she smiled at him tremulously.

  “Hello,” she said. “You’re looking good.”

  Very good indeed.

  Aiden immediately packaged away his look of astonishment and replaced it with one of doubt, bordering on outright suspicion.

  “Hi. How did you get in?” His eyes did a similar stock-take of Erika and were presently undecided between resting on her long, bare legs or the way her breasts strained the sundress’s straps. “Are the main gates open?”

  “No. Someone in the village told me about the fisherman’s path. I walked.”

  “That explains it. I thought I hadn’t heard a car.” He hesitated, struggling to find something to say. “Have you just driven up from London?”

  “No. I arrived last night. I’m staying at the Black Horse in Welham.”

  “Don’t know it, I’m afraid.”

  “It’s very nice. Quaint. Although not quite Claridges.” She smiled hesitantly, willing Aiden to let her in.

  But throughout this excruciating small talk Aiden held hard onto one of the double doors and rested against the other, blocking Erika’s entry into the house. For the first time, it occurred to her that showing up unannounced on a Saturday morning had been a reckless thing to do. There was every chance Aiden had a weekend guest – it would certainly account for his reluctance to let her even see inside – and Erika wished she hadn’t left her car so far away.

  Making a dignified exit on foot and over a locked gate would be nigh on impossible.

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come,” she blurted, finding her tongue at last. “I ought to have called first. You’re obviously busy. I’ll catch you another time.”

  Her turning to leave stung Aiden to action finally and he caught her arm. An electric thrill surged through Erika at this sudden contact and she jumped, pulling away instinctively and putting distance between them, even though she longed to throw her arms around him, knot her fingers in his hair and kiss his chest until he begged for mercy.

  “Don’t go.” Aiden rushed to disguise the alarm in his voice at her overreaction. “It’s just such a shock to see you here. I had no idea you were even in England.”

  “I’ve been home for over a week,” she told him, the
word home slipping out unintentionally.

  Aiden didn’t miss its implication however. “So you’re back permanently?”

  “Not sure yet. It depends what happens. But I have no immediate plans to return to L.A.”

  The flicker of a smile passed over Aiden’s face. “And Ben?”

  This was a different conversation entirely, and one Erika didn’t particularly want to conduct on the doorstep. She decided to force the issue therefore, one way or another.

  “Is that coffee I can smell?” she asked, giving herself nought out of ten for subtlety. “Only I’d love a cup.”

  “What?” Realisation hit Aiden with the speed of a runaway train and his body went taut with guilt. “Oh my God, yes. What must you think of me? Come in.” He pulled the door open wide and stood aside.

  “Are you sure? Don’t you have company?” Again, it wouldn’t have passed muster in the secret services, but Erika thought they’d gone beyond dancing around one another.

  “I’m completely alone,” Aiden assured her, catching her meaning entirely. “Unless you count Danny Baker on Radio Five Live.” He gave the first genuine smile of the morning; slow, sexy and full of promise. “Come in. It’s great to see you.”

  On impulse, Erika gave him a friendly kiss on each cheek when she stepped into the flagstoned hallway, feeling him hold her shoulders lightly, his hands cool against her skin. His unshaven cheeks rasped hers, raising sultry memories of late mornings in bed, and she inhaled deeply the familiar, drowsy scent of his skin.

  Attraction surged so strongly Erika half expected Aiden to draw her into his arms but he didn’t, and stood back hurriedly while refusing to look at her. From a man who’d once found her utterly irresistible, this was not the reaction Erika had expected and she forced herself to consider that Aiden perhaps was far from pleased to see her after all.

  Undeterred, Erika slipped off her dew-damp sandals and followed Aiden across the ancient, worn slabs, her feet picking up every indentation and crease in the grey stones and absorbing their history. When they reached the cavernous space that lay beyond the hallway Erika drew up short in astonishment, making Aiden turn back to look at her with a huge grin on his face.

  “Pretty amazing, isn’t it?” he agreed.

  But Erika was too overawed to answer and irresistibly drawn toward the double height windows at the far end through which the spring sunshine flooded in, making warm pools on the flagstones beneath her feet. These windows gave heart-stopping views across the rolling Sussex countryside and along the stream; all far more beautiful than Erika could ever have imagined and she sighed, thinking she’d somehow landed in heaven.

  To add to her delight, an ebony Steinway grand piano stood in the shade cast by the mill’s water wheel, exactly where she’d pictured it might, actually looking undersized in the corner of the gigantic space, and Erika couldn’t resist picking out a few notes. The tune drifted up and echoed around the central stairwell, snaking across the space, all the way up to the rafters where it evaporated into the hot air.

  “It’s all so beautiful,” she sighed, feeling an immediate, visceral connection with the house that only added to her feeling of breathlessness. “Even more stunning than I dreamed it would be.” She turned back to Aiden, grinning inanely. “I’m more jealous than ever.”

  As if to reinforce her envy, he flicked a switch and the windows concertinaed back against the walls, opening the entire space to the soft breeze and letting in the sound of rushing water. Erika stepped out onto the deep, glass-fronted balcony that overhung the stream and gazed around her, conscious that Aiden had joined her, even though she couldn’t tear herself away from the unending view.

  Unexpected tears sprang to her eyes and she laughed at herself when she brushed them away. “Look at me, getting emotional over a house. You must think I’m stupid.”

  Aiden shook his head as if it were the last thing on his mind. “Never that. Many things, but never stupid.” He drew a deep breath and looked around him as if seeing everything with fresh eyes. “I’m glad you love it so much. Remember, you might have ended up as my housekeeper had it all gone wrong.”

  He leaned against the balcony rail, his entire attention focussed on Erika, not the landscape. Previously afraid that they’d be making stilted conversation, she was glad of the easy silence and didn’t rush to break it, taking the time to absorb every aspect of her new surroundings. When she finally looked at Aiden she found him studying her and smiled hesitantly at him.

  “You’re looking wonderful,” he said, his eyes moving over her quickly to take in every detail and widening slightly in appreciation. “California suited you after all.”

  Erika laughed. “It became a far less toxic place once Marty moved to Miami. Plus, Ben and Richard have been great fun to live with.”

  Pensively, Aiden stroked a fingertip down her bare arm from shoulder to wrist, igniting a trail of anticipation across her skin and making hope rise in Erika.

  “You’ve changed,” he said. “You’re so much more relaxed. Your body’s lost all its tension.”

  An understatement and a half, Erika thought, her limbs turning to jelly at Aiden’s touch. The caress left tingling in its wake and her skin chilled quickly, raising goosebumps down her arm.

  She longed to return the compliment and run her hand up under his sleeve to refresh her memory of the curve and swell of the muscles in his shoulder but didn’t dare. Instead, she grasped the balcony rail and fixed her attention on a leaf being carried downstream while she reordered her thoughts and tried to make sense of his mixed messages.

  “I didn’t appreciate how much pressure I’d been under until the case ended,” she began, wishing she’d taken time to plan everything she needed to tell him. “Not just while the trial was going on, but in the five years leading up to it. Every day I lived in fear that Marty would win and I’d be right back where I started.”

  “I wouldn’t have let that happen.” He left no room for doubt, promising he would have succeeded even if the law had failed her. “I’d have taken care of you, no matter what.”

  Erika smiled up at him in gratitude. “I know you would.” She corrected herself. “You did.”

  Erika found it easier to think straight when she didn’t have his handsome face and sexy, roving eyes to distract her and looked back down at the rushing water.

  “But it wasn’t until a few weeks after the trial that the mental fog lifted and I understood everything clearly at last.”

  “Anything in particular?”

  He tried to sound casual but it wasn’t a very subtle fishing expedition. Erika forgave him for it and looked deep into his pale, hazel eyes so he could truly see how much she appreciated everything he’d done for her. In her bare feet, he towered above her – as if she needed reminding of the power and strength of him.

  “I finally realised how much you’d helped me. If it hadn’t been for you, I’d still be trapped in an intolerable situation. It’s rather late in the day but I wanted to tell you in person how grateful I am.”

  “Think nothing of it.” Aiden flushed slightly and looked away for a second, as if her gaze was too intense. “I owed you. I’m glad I could help.”

  “You did more than help. You gave my life and my music back to me. That’s everything.”

  “I’d have done anything to make you happy.”

  Past tense, Erika noticed but didn’t comment. “I know. And I’m relieved you did.”

  An uncomfortable silence suddenly gaped around them and Erika filled it by answering the question Aiden had asked on the doorstep. “Ben sends his regards. He’s hoping for the lead in a big new TV series.”

  “So he’s taking a break from films?”

  “It’s about a gay cop.” She gave him a significant look, smiling as she did so. “He thought it would be a good way to let the truth dawn on people.”

  Aiden paused for a few seconds to let the information sink in. He asked the obvious question. “So where does that leave you?�
�

  “Our press statement will say I’m homesick and coming back to set up a music charity.”

  “Are you?”

  “Both of the above.” She nodded. “I figured I needed to put something back into the industry after all it’s given me.”

  A vein in Aiden’s neck throbbed, betraying his rapid heartbeat. He was stressed and fighting not to show it, struggling under the weight of maintaining his guard and Erika’s heart went out to him. She wanted to lay her hand on his chest and soothe his pulse but didn’t dare push her luck.

  She’d had weeks to grow used to the idea of seeing Aiden again, but he’d had no warning at all. Where he’d once given her time and space, Erika needed to do the same for him now.

  She decided to leave.

  “Anyway, I really only came to deliver this,” she therefore said, fishing in her handbag for the CD. “It’s my new album and I wanted you to be the first to hear it.”

  Their hands brushed when she held it out to him and a second electric charge passed through them but, this time, neither one of them pulled away. Their fingertips connected long enough for it to feel like a caress and Erika held her breath, not daring to look up at Aiden in case she gave away the burning need to feel his arms around her.

  Aiden took the CD. “I haven’t listened to your music since…” He stopped and corrected himself. “For a long time.”

  Erika remembered telling him to delete her music but hadn’t thought he’d take her at her word. She waited expectantly, daring him to let his guard slip for a moment. But for someone whose emotions had always been so easy to read, his face remained static and she had no idea what was going on inside his head.

  “Leap Of Faith.” He read out the handwritten label. “Is that significant?”

  “Very. But you need to listen to the album to understand why.”

  He made to go inside. “I’ll put it on now,” he offered but Erika stopped him, knowing the lyrics would plunge them into the middle of a conversation Aiden wasn’t ready for.

  “No. I’d rather you listened to it alone.”