Because she was not just concerned about Audrey’s condition. She was also worried about Patrick, who’d had himself tested without a moment’s hesitation, and who’d been deemed an optimal donor. She couldn’t put into words just how grateful she was that he was doing this for Audrey.
She didn’t want to think about how coldly he’d acted toward her, his long-lost wife, and how much it hurt that he didn’t seem to feel anything but scorn when he looked at her. But they were hard thoughts to escape. So Amy continued to bite her nails and let her eyes roam over the people on the sidewalk below as they entered and left the hospital.
Today was Friday.
If the accident hadn’t happened, Amy would now be on her way to pick up Audrey from kindergarten. Friday was spaghetti-and-meatballs day, which Audrey loved more than anything in the world. Each Friday afternoon, the two of them stood together in the kitchen, preparing the small meatballs, which they later ate on the couch—an exception to the dinner-table rule that prevailed on the other six days of the week—while watching a movie, which Audrey got to pick. Amy didn’t know how many times she had watched Ariel sing, for her daughter had a very soft spot for The Little Mermaid. Audrey was so crazy about the story of the mermaid with the flaming red hair that she had not only asked for a mermaid costume last Halloween but had also gotten her mother to enroll her in swimming classes. But she didn’t know it yet. It was a surprise. Amy had worked a few extra shifts at the restaurant and saved for two months, but the plan was for Audrey to start lessons the following month.
Amy’s heart clenched.
Her little girl would have run around screaming and whooping if Amy’d had the chance to tell her about swimming lessons. Audrey was excited about most things, whether it be meatballs, swimming lessons, or a good-night story.
But now…
“Come over here,” Eleanore called to her softly, “and sit down with me.”
Before Amy turned around, she released her ragged nails and hugged herself. Slowly, she slunk over to where her mother-in-law was sitting and dropped into the chair next to her. Amy didn’t think she could bear to sit still for much longer, but she was willing to try.
“I can’t handle this,” she whispered against the lump in her throat. “We should have gotten word already.”
“I’m sure everything is okay,” Eleanore assured her.
Amy licked her lips, feeling less sure, and glanced sideways, only to find her mother-in-law’s friendly eyes on her. Not for the first time in the last few days, she wondered why Eleanore Ashcroft was being so consistently nice to her. She would have expected the older woman to want to scratch her eyes out or, at best, ignore her completely. But strange as it might be, Amy seemed to have found an advocate in the woman with the lively face and the casual clothes. The woman wouldn’t allow Patrick to utter an even vaguely rude word against Amy and stifled any attempt at an argument, which he would have started with grim satisfaction at every turn. Amy felt almost guilty for Eleanore’s advocacy. After all, she was wallowing in a giant puddle of guilt anyway.
“You’re being so nice to me,” she said, perplexed. “I don’t understand it.”
“Why not, honey?” Eleanore gave her a weak smile and patted her hand. “Do you think I should stand behind my son with a pitchfork, ready to pounce and scream for your blood?”
“Sort of, yeah,” Amy replied sheepishly. “You should scorn me, I think.”
“Oh, honey.” Eleanore Ashcroft twisted her lips into an amused smile. “Why would I do that?”
“But …” She broke off and took a deep breath. “I left your son and didn’t tell him I was pregnant.”
The older woman studied her with an unreadable face. Then, with mild curiosity, she asked, “Did you know you were pregnant when you left Patrick?”
Amy remembered how, four weeks after her escape, she’d stood in the crowded, noisy public healthcare center, waiting for someone to tell her why she was feeling so weak she could hardly stay on her feet. She shook her head. “I didn’t know it at the time. I found out about a month later.”
“You could have come back at any time, Amy,” Eleanore said calmly.
Amy licked her dry lips. After she’d received the pregnancy test results, her first thought had been to get the next available bus back to Connecticut. To return to Patrick. She’d even been a little relieved to have the one perfect reason for why she should stick to their marriage. Having a baby alone in her situation had been utter insanity. She had barely any money, no job, no apartment, and no man at her side. If she’d gone back to Connecticut, she wouldn’t have had to worry about the money, job, or apartment, nor about being a single mother.
But to go back to her husband simply because of a baby, to ignore their problems, would have been insanity as well.
Their marriage hadn’t worked. It hadn’t taken her more than three months to realize that she didn’t fit into Patrick’s world, and that he had no place for her in that world anyway. How could she have lived with the thought that her husband regretted marrying her? That he was ashamed of his wife but kept her around for the sake of their baby? Amy was tough enough, and she felt there were worse things than being on her own, even raising a baby on her own. In fact, she decided that feeling unloved or like a burden, a nuisance, was a lot worse.
“We’d have supported you, all of us,” Eleanore said. “Even if you had separated from Patrick, it would have been a matter of course that we would’ve helped with Audrey.”
Amy swallowed hard. “I know I … I must have hurt not only Patrick, but you as well. You should have met Audrey as a baby, too …”
“Don’t you think you should discuss that with your husband?”
“My husband.” Amy made a small, croaking sound that could have been a laugh. “Why didn’t he file for divorce?”
“That’s another thing you need to discuss with him,” Eleanore replied softly. “Unfortunately, I don’t always know what’s going on in my son’s head. Nor do I know what happened between the two of you. And that is why I don’t presume to judge you. No pitchforks from my end.”
Amy’s eyes were brimming with tears again. “I’m so sorry, Eleanore. Really. I made so many mistakes.”
Eleanore tilted her head and wrinkled her nose. “A marriage consists of two people. Whatever it was that led to your discord, it likely wasn’t your fault alone.”
“You don’t have to come to my defense,” Amy murmured shyly.
Her mother-in-law squeezed her hand. “Someone should. Don’t you think?”
Amy raised her eyes.
Eleanore nodded slowly. “I feel terrible every time I think of you raising Audrey all on your own, with nobody by your side. I can imagine the last five years have been rather hard.”
Amy blushed . “Even if we’re not exactly affluent,” she murmured self-consciously, “Audrey is a very happy child.”
“I know that.” The older woman gave her a sad smile. “I was thinking more about you. Dear, you must have worked very hard to give her a happy childhood.”
Amy swallowed. She didn’t feel like she deserved all this praise and consideration. “She’s my daughter. I’d do anything for her. If she doesn’t … If she …” She clamped a hand over her mouth but couldn’t suppress the agonized groan that came from deep within.
Her mother-in-law put an arm around her. “Everything will be fine. I know it.”
***
Torn between relieved sobbing and boundless joy, Amy had needed several minutes to get a grip after Dr. Fairhaven had come to the waiting room to let her know that the operation had been successful. He informed her and Eleanore that Audrey had handled the surgery well, and that she was already in the post-anesthesia recovery room. There had been no complications with Patrick, either, so he was in his own room, awake again, and, as a nurse had reported, the first thing he’d done was inquire about his daughter’s condition.
Amy was so relieved that she felt dizzy.
As soon as Audrey
was transferred to her new room, which was still in intensive care but nothing like the sterile glass cage she’d been in before, Amy was allowed to see her.
The little girl was still pale, but the number of machines around her had dwindled, and the monitor that showed her vital functions broadcast the comforting, steady rhythm of her heartbeat.
Gingerly, Amy sat on the edge of the bed, brushed a strand of black hair from Audrey’s forehead, and listened to her daughter’s gentle breath with fresh hope, her eyes taking in every inch of her delicate, doll-like face. Amy wanted to hug her tight and never let go of her again. When she stroked her daughter’s little head, that urge was strong enough to make her hands tremble.
She could have sat there for hours, all but unaware of the nurses who came in from time to time to check the IV or vitals. But as one nurse wrote something on Audrey’s medical chart, the girl’s eyelids began to flutter. Amy held her breath and leaned closer, still stroking her daughter’s hair.
“Well, someone seems ready to wake up,” the nurse declared with a cheerful smile. She put the chart aside and busied herself with the heart monitor.
Amy allowed herself a smile as well. “Audrey?” she whispered. “Can you hear me, my love?”
The child’s eyes opened briefly, displaying the familiar green of her irises, then closed again.
“She’s a little dazed from the anesthesia,” the nurse explained reassuringly. “Give it a little time.”
As if Audrey had been waiting for her cue, she whispered a hoarse, “Mommy?”
Relief washed over Amy, and she needed a moment to find her own voice again. “Hello, sweetheart. I’m right here.”
The nurse gave her an encouraging nod. “Keep talking to her. I’m going to let Dr. Fairhaven know she’s awake.”
“Thank you,” Amy murmured and took a deep breath.
A few seconds later, Audrey opened her eyes again, closed them as if that proved too exhausting, and then blinked in confusion. “Mommy?”
Amy gave her a soothing smile, caressed her baby-soft cheeks, and leaned down to kiss her on the forehead. “I’m here, sweetheart. Mommy’s here.”
“Mommy—” Her question was drowned in a yawn.
“Yes,” Amy said lovingly. “I’ll stay right here. Just rest, my sweet.”
Audrey yawned again, made a face, and then looked around in mounting confusion. “Mommy? Where … Where are we?” she asked sleepily.
“Shh,” Amy whispered and gave Audrey a gentle smile. The girl didn’t like hospitals, so Amy wanted to avoid that word, if at all possible. Six months previous, a small poodle had bitten Audrey’s hand, which required a tetanus shot in the ER. The thought of the place had bothered Audrey ever since. “Everything will be alright, love,” Amy assured her. “You were a little sick, but you’ll be better again soon.”
A single tear rolled down Audrey’s round cheek. “Mommy …” She sniffled. “I feel … strange.”
“I know, sweetheart,” Amy replied, struggling to hide her own helplessness. “Shh … You’ll feel better soon.”
Audrey’s face crumpled, and she started to cry. “I want to go home,” she whispered weakly. Fat tears spilled from her green eyes and clung to her thick, black lashes. “Please … can we go home?”
“Oh, darling!” Amy pressed a soothing kiss to her forehead. “No need to be scared. I’m going to stay with you the whole time.”
The little girl looked up at her between sobs. “But my tummy hurts. I want to go home!”
“I know … I know.” Amy took a deep breath. “You need to be strong now, love. You can go home soon, but until then, you need to be strong.”
Audrey’s expression was very serious as she closed her eyes again and exhaled tiredly. “Okay, Mommy.”
Amy caressed her wet cheek and felt the tears well in her own eyes. “You’re a very strong little girl, Audrey. I’m very, very proud of you.”
“Can you stay with me? I don’t like it here.”
“Of course,” Amy said soothingly. “I’m staying with you the whole time.”
Audrey blinked, and her sleepy eyes wandered over the bruises and abrasions that decorated Amy’s cheeks. “Mommy? What’s that on your face?”
Amy smiled weakly. “Just a few scratches.”
“Do they hurt?” Audrey, the sweet thing, sounded worried.
“No, they don’t.” Amy shook her head. “As long as you’re fine, I’m alright as well.”
Audrey nodded, satisfied with that answer, and dozed off again. Amy felt so much relief that she almost burst into tears.
When Audrey woke up again, after only a few minutes, she was still a little dazed and tired, but she answered all the questions Dr. Fairhaven asked her, whined that she was thirsty, and asked Amy where her stuffed rabbit was, which her mother considered a good sign. While the nurse helped her take a sip of water, Dr. Fairhaven took Amy aside and told her he was very happy with the results so far, but that Audrey would need to be monitored closely to prevent possible complications.
When he and the nurse left, Amy focused on her daughter again. Audrey had sought old comfort in her thumb, which she sucked as she stared at her mom with wide, confused eyes. Amy braced herself, attempted a smile, and sat down on the edge of the bed again to stroke Audrey’s hair.
Audrey was a very bright child, who asked her mother a thousand different questions every day, but Amy was afraid the imminent conversation wouldn’t go smoothly.
She licked her lips nervously. “Audrey? I need to tell you something. Are you going to listen closely?”
The girl nodded silently and put her unencumbered hand into Amy’s.
Amy was touched by the gesture and stroked the chubby hand. “You and I were in a car accident, and they brought us to this hospital to help us. Because you were very ill, I … I called your daddy. He came here to help.”
As Audrey’s eyes widened more and more, Amy exhaled tensely. “Audrey?”
“My daddy’s here?”
Amy nodded and faked cheerfulness. “Do you remember what I told you about your daddy?”
“He’s very nice and kind,” Audrey replied promptly, smiling. “He’s very, very nice. But he has to work a lot, so he can’t visit us.”
“Mm-hm.” Amy felt terribly guilty for telling her daughter this blatant lie, which she had been repeating ever since Audrey had asked about her father for the first time. She swallowed the bitter feeling of guilt. “But that’s not really true, honey … I’m afraid I fibbed a little.”
“But you’re not supposed to lie, Mommy,” Audrey said, suddenly outraged.
“I know.” Amy ran her index finger across Audrey’s tiny knuckles. “I’m very sorry.”
The small face twisted into an anxious frown. “So my daddy’s not nice and kind?”
“No, that’s not it! Your daddy really is very, very nice, but … but he never visited us for a different reason. Because I never told him … about you, my sweet.”
Amy was expecting a barrage of searing questions, mainly why she hadn’t told him about her daughter, but Audrey was shrewd enough to draw her own conclusions.
“Mommy?” she whispered around her thumb still in her mouth. “You told me Daddy loves me, but … if he didn’t know about me, how can he love me?”
Suddenly Amy realized what Audrey’s kindergarten teacher had tried to explain to her just a few weeks ago. That she was raising a very smart child.
“When your daddy saw you for the first time,” she assured Audrey, her voice choked, “he told me how pretty you were, and how much he loves you, Audrey.”
Normally Audrey was anything but shy or reserved, but now her voice sounded insecure. “Can … Can I see him?”
“Of course,” Amy replied softly. “Of course you can.”
“And will he like me?”
“You don’t need to worry about that, love,” she said earnestly. “Your daddy loves you already, and he’ll think you’re amazing. Because you are.”
&
nbsp; A tiny smile of relief made Audrey’s little face brighten.
Chapter 5
Patrick had navigated many difficult and even precarious situations over the years, but nothing had prepared him for how it felt to meet his own daughter.
Taxing business negotiations with principal stockholders from Japan, nerve-wracking meetings with Saudi princes—those had been a waltz compared to his current situation. He was sweating, and his stomach wouldn’t stop lurching and twisting. The prospect of finally meeting and getting to know Audrey had turned him into a nervous wreck, and he was wandering around like a chicken with its head cut off. He’d needed some drugs to be able to fall asleep, because he was so excited and anxious that he couldn’t close his eyes or breathe evenly. Apart from concern about her operation, and worry over eventual complications and long-term damage, Patrick had begun to wonder whether his daughter would even like him.
What could you say to a five-year-old who had just survived major surgery only to meet her father for the very first time?
And how was he supposed to practice restraint in front of her when the sight of her mother drove him mad?
Last night, his own mother had told him Amy had already talked to the little girl about him and promised she could meet him soon. His mom had sat at his bedside and looked at him as if she expected him to be jubilant and grateful. Even if he hadn’t been operated on mere hours before, he couldn’t have moved himself to feel grateful for what Amy had done, let alone jubilant. It was the least she could do, telling her daughter the truth and paving the way for this meeting.
As if one conversation with Audrey could make up for what she had purposely kept from him!
Those were the bitter thoughts in his head on the day following his operation, when he was sitting in a wheelchair being pushed down the hall by a male nurse. He was on his way to the pediatric intensive care unit, where Audrey would be monitored for another two or three days before she could switch to a regular ward. With his heart beating painfully against his ribs, he spied Amy, who stood before one of the doors, apparently waiting for him.
Just one kiss (The Ashcrofts Book 1) Page 18