Terms of Engagement

by Ann Major

  “The EU deal is going to command my full attention, so I won’t be around much for a while,” he’d said.

  “Fine. I understand.”

  “Jason will come promptly at ten every morning to take care of you and the house.”

  “Jason?”

  “My houseman. He’s at your command. You’ll find him highly competent.”

  Quinn had ensconced her in his fabulous loft apartment, and yes, he’d given her the master bedroom. Now she slept alone in the vast bed they’d shared that first night. As for himself, their first evening home, he’d packed a suitcase and moved his things into a second bedroom. Then he’d politely bid her a terse good-night, gone to bed early and left for work the next morning hours before she’d woken up.

  That first morning Jason, a much older man, who was thin-lipped and skeletal, had greeted her so haughtily in the kitchen, she’d felt she was invading his territory.

  “I’m Jason,” he’d said with a vague sneer in his upper-class tone. “I’m here for whatever you need, cleaning, shopping, cooking—anything. It is my duty and privilege to please you, madam.”

  Madam?

  “Wow! I’m really not used to being waited on. I can’t think of a thing for you to do. I mean, I can pour my own cereal out of a box, can’t I?”

  “Cereal?” He scowled briefly. “Would you prefer an omelet?” he’d suggested with a contemptuous lift of his brows.

  “Well, why not,” she’d whispered, sensing they were getting off to a bad start. She wanted to be agreeable, yet she despised herself for giving in to him when he was supposed to be serving her. The man made her feel more out of place in Quinn’s home than she’d felt before.

  Jason had cooked a very good ham-and-vegetable omelet, and she’d dutifully eaten it. Then she’d rushed off to Betty’s restaurant to help out while one of the waitresses was away, and the kitchen smells had bothered her way more than usual.

  The rest of the week followed the same pattern with Quinn leaving early and returning late. Jason cooked her breakfast and made her dinner, and she began to feel grateful for his presence since it meant she wasn’t totally alone.

  Since Quinn was gone all the time, she might hardly have noticed she was married if she hadn’t missed him so much. She was on her own, as she had been before her marriage, but because her husband was a man she found exceedingly attractive, she felt rejected and constantly unsettled. If he was home behind his shut door, she thought of him every minute.

  When he was gone, she felt lost. With every passing day she grew more acutely sensitive to odors, which made her increasingly worried that he’d made her pregnant. She wanted to talk to Quinn about the situation, but she dreaded the conversation, especially now that he was so intent on avoiding her.

  On the eighth day of their return, when her period still hadn’t started and she was queasier than ever, she called her doctor and made an appointment for the next morning. She’d agreed to take her mother to a routine chemo treatment the same afternoon.

  Jaycee had called her earlier in the week, begging her to pick up their mother for her appointment as a favor because escorting her mother for treatment made Jaycee so sad.

  “So, how’s it going with Quinn?” Jaycee had asked after Kira agreed.

  “Fine.”

  “Fine? Hmm? Well, they do say the first few months are an adjustment.”

  “I said we’re fine.”

  “I know you don’t believe this, but he cares about you. He wanted to marry you.”

  “Right.”

  “He bought you that beautiful wedding dress, and you should have seen him when you were gone and nobody knew where you were.”

  “Well, he’s ignoring me now,” Kira confided.

  “Did you two have a fight?”

  She didn’t answer.

  “If you did, and I think you did, you need to find a way to kiss and make up.”

  “Why bother to make up, if we have no future?”

  Kira changed the subject to her cat, Rudy, and asked if Jaycee minded keeping him a while longer. “I don’t want him attaching himself to Quinn…if we’re just going to break up.”

  “He’s only a cat.”

  “Rudy’s sensitive.”

  “And Quinn’s not? If I were you, I’d worry more about your husband.”

  She was; she just wasn’t going to admit it.

  When Jaycee hung up, Kira had marked her mother’s appointment on her calendar. She was glad to have something other than Quinn and her possible pregnancy to concentrate on.

  Hours later, she was in bed that night with her light out when she heard Quinn at the door. Throwing off her covers, she started to go out and greet him. Then, pride made her stay where she was.

  Wishing he’d knock on her door, she counted his approaching footsteps as he walked across the great room before he made his way down the hall.

  When he paused at her door her heart beat very fast. But after a minute, he resumed walking to his own bedroom.

  When his door slammed, a strangled sob rose in her throat. With a little cry, she got out of bed and ran to her window. Staring out at the brilliant city, she imagined other married couples, happier couples, slipping into bed together, snuggling close, talking about their day or their children, taking such blissful marital pleasures for granted. Suddenly, Kira felt as lonely as a butterfly trapped in a child’s glass jar.

  Pulling on her robe, she wandered out into the great room. Baby or not, she could not live like this, with a husband who didn’t want her.

  Behind her, she heard a floorboard creak. Whirling, she caught her breath at the sight of Quinn standing bare-chested in the dark. His shadowed eyes looked haunted.

  “You okay?” His low, harsh voice made her shiver. She wanted to be held, loved and crushed against him.

  “I’m fine. And you?”

  “A little tired, but the deal with the EU seems to be coming together. I’ll be going to London for a few days.”

  “Oh.”

  “A car’s coming for me at 5:00 a.m. Don’t worry. I’ll be careful so as not to wake you.”

  How could he be so obtuse? Was he just indifferent? Or was he still angry with her for their harsh exchange on the island?

  She wanted to scream at him that he should kiss her goodbye properly. She wanted to drive him to the airport herself. But she kept such foolish thoughts to herself, and he only stared at her from the dark with his intense, burning gaze. She thought he was watching her, waiting—but for what?

  Jaycee had advised her to kiss and make up. But how? To what purpose, when he so clearly had his mind on more important things?

  After a few minutes of staring at each other in stony silence, he said good-night.

  The next morning, when she heard the front door close behind him, she got up. Throwing away all pride, she rushed from her room into the foyer that was filled with crimson light, managing to catch up to him as he waited for the elevator.

  “Sorry to wake you,” he murmured, concern in his eyes.

  “Don’t be. I had to say goodbye and wish you a safe journey, didn’t I,” she whispered, surprised that she could sound so calm, so normal when she felt so incredibly depressed. “I’ll miss you.”

  His dark brows arched warily. “Will you now?”

  “I will,” she said.

  After another long moment spent considering her, he sighed and drew her close against his long, hard body. “I’ll miss you, too.” He paused. “Sorry about the last week or so.”

  “I’m sorry, too.”

  “Habib will call you later and give you all the numbers where I can be reached. I’ll think of you in London. I really will miss you. You know that, don’t you?” he murmured.

  Would he really?

  Wrapping her closer, he kissed her hard. She clung to him, probably revealing more of her real feelings than was wise. Then the elevator pinged, and he was forced to let her go or be late. Holding her gaze, he picked up his suitcase and strode throug
h the doors.

  She couldn’t turn away or stop looking at him or take even one step toward the loft until the door shut.

  Pregnant! Needing a moment to take in that news, Kira clenched the steering wheel of her Toyota as she sat in the parking lot of the medical complex and kneaded her forehead with her knuckles.

  After a brief exam, the doctor had ripped off his latex gloves and confirmed she was pregnant.

  “How do you know? You haven’t even tested me.”

  “When you’ve been doing this as long as I have, young lady, you just know.”

  Within minutes, a pregnancy test administered in his office confirmed his opinion.

  After the office visit, she felt both numb and tingly as she sat in her car. Biting her lip, she pulled out the slip of paper where she’d written all the numbers Habib had given her earlier. After calculating the time difference between the U.K. and Texas, she grabbed her cell phone and started dialing. Then she stopped. Quinn was probably extremely busy or in an important meeting. Her news would distract him from what was all-important to him—the deal. Better to share the news with him in person when she was sure she had his full attention and could gauge his reaction.

  Still, her heart felt as if it was brimming over. She was bursting to tell someone…who would be every bit as excited as she was.

  Mother. Suddenly, she was very glad she would be taking her mother to treatment today. Who better to confide in than her precious baby’s grandmother? Nobody adored babies, anybody’s babies, more than her mother did. Her mother would be happier about this news than anyone, and goodness knew, with all she was going through, she needed a cheerful future to contemplate.

  “Oh, my dear,” her mother gushed, setting her flowered china teacup aside and seizing Kira’s hand in both of her thin ones. Kira had waited until after her mother’s treatment, when they could sit down together at Betty’s, to share the news.

  How weak her mother’s grasp felt, even if her eyes were alight with joy.

  “Such wonderful news! The best ever! Unbelievable! And it was so easy for you two! And so soon!”

  A fierce rush of pride swamped Kira. Never had her mother been so pleased with her. Such rapture had always been reserved for Jaycee’s accomplishments.

  “Have you told Quinn yet?” her mother asked.

  “I started to call him. Then I thought I’d wait…until he comes home, until he’s not so distracted.”

  “So, I’m the first!” Her mother beamed so brightly she almost looked as she had before the illness. Her grip strengthened. “I’m going to beat this thing and live for a very long time. I have to…if I’m to see my darling grandbaby grow up.”

  Kira’s gaze blurred, and she had to turn away to hide her emotion. She felt exhilarated and proud, and a big part of her pleasure had to do with the fact that for once she’d trumped Jaycee.

  Oh, why hadn’t she ever felt sure of her parents’ love?

  The river sparkled beside their table outside Betty’s. Kira was thrilled her mother’s fighting spirit was intact and that she felt reasonably strong. But most of all, she couldn’t help being glad that she’d been the one to make her mother so happy.

  “Your father will be just as excited as I am. He’s very up on Quinn’s successes in London, too. So this will be a doubly great day for him.”

  “Oh, so he’s already heard from Quinn?” Kira whispered, feeling more than a little hurt that Quinn had called her father and not her.

  “Yes, and it sounds like things are going very well,” her mother replied. “Am I to assume by the way you’re biting your lip that you haven’t spoken to him?”

  “He texted me, saying he’d arrived in London safely. I’m not hurt. Not in the least.”

  After studying her for a long moment, her mother looked dubious. “Well, I’m sure he’ll be so happy to hear your exciting news.”

  Would he be? Oh, how she hoped so, but her doubts soon had her biting her lower lip again.

  “Don’t do that, dear. How many times have I told you that biting your lip like that chaps your beautiful mouth?”

  “When I was a child, Mother!”

  “Well, just the same, I know you want to be beautiful for Quinn when he comes home, now, don’t you?”

  “Right. I do.” She glanced at the muddy green river and tried to focus on a white duck. “Frankly, I’m a little worried about telling him. You know…we didn’t marry under the best of circumstances.”

  “I wish you wouldn’t make so much of that. I really think it means something when a couple gets pregnant so easily,” her mother said almost enviously.

  “What are you saying?”

  “Sometimes it doesn’t work that way… Earl and I had a terrible time getting pregnant with…with you. But let’s not go there.”

  Did she only imagine the shadow that passed over her mother’s thin face?

  “Is anything wrong, Mother?”

  “No, dear.”

  But her mother looked away and something in her manner and stiff posture rang alarm bells inside Kira. When the silence between them lengthened and grew more strained, she was sure her mother was worrying about something.

  “What’s wrong? Have I upset you?”

  Her mother stared at her, hesitating. “I guess…it’s only natural that your news would stir up the past.”

  “When you were pregnant with me?”

  A single tear traced down her mother’s cheek. “No…” She clenched her napkin.

  “Did the doctor tell you something when you were alone with her that has you upset? Bad news of some kind?”

  “Dear God, no!” Her mother took her hand. “No. It’s not that. It’s nothing like that. It’s about you…” Her mother’s eyes filled with some unfathomable emotion. “I was never pregnant with you.”

  “What?”

  “I…we tried so hard, your father and I, to have a baby. So dreadfully hard. You know how I am. I took my temperature all the time. Ten times a day. But I didn’t…I couldn’t get pregnant…no matter what I did. We went to so many specialists, and they told us that it was my fault, not your father’s. Some hormone imbalance. And then…we never told anyone, not even you, the truth.”

  “What truth?” Under the table Kira’s hands fisted so tightly her nails dug bloody crescents into her palms.

  “I couldn’t conceive, so, in the end, we adopted.”

  “What?”

  “You’re adopted. Please don’t look so upset! I could never have had a daughter of my own as wonderful as you. You’ve always been so sweet. Like now. Coming with me for my treatment when poor Jaycee couldn’t bear it. She hates thinking of me being sick. She’s too much like me, you see. I’m strong in some ways, but weak in others. Until now, I could never admit, not to anyone, that you weren’t my biological child. It represented my biggest imperfection as a woman.”

  “Oh, my God.” Kira felt overwhelmed, hollow. Suddenly she remembered all the little things that had never added up in her life. The rest of her family members were blond and blue-eyed, while she had dark eyes and hair. She was tall and slim, while her mother and Jaycee were more petite and curvy.

  She’d never been as interested in style or fashion as they were. She’d been wired more emotionally and hadn’t thought as logically as they did. Maybe this was why she’d always felt as if she hadn’t belonged in her family. Maybe she’d always sensed this huge falsehood in her life.

  “I felt like such a failure,” her mother continued. “As a woman. For not being able to conceive a child. And then suddenly, inexplicably, when you were two years old, I became pregnant with Jaycee…without even trying. When she was so perfect, so gorgeous, I felt I’d achieved something grand by giving birth. But really, having you was always just as big an achievement. Only I never appreciated it until now. Illness like this can change you, make you wiser somehow.

  “I was silly and so unsure when I was young. I know I haven’t always understood you, but you are very precious to me.”<
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  Kira could say nothing. She was as overwhelmed as a stage actress in a drama who’d forgotten all her lines. Her mind had gone blank.

  “I’m so glad you have Quinn. We all suffered so much when Kade died right after selling the company to us. Your father loved Kade like a brother. And then, all these years later, to have Quinn take over the company at the best possible moment for us was a fortunate irony. And now this baby. This wonderful baby will make everything right again. I just know it will.

  “I’ll get well, and you’ll be happy with Quinn. You’ll quit…doubting you belong together because you’ll have this baby to love together. Nothing can bring a couple closer than a child.”

  “If only life were that simple.”

  “Sometimes it is.”

  Kira couldn’t think about her adoption and what it meant right now. So she focused on finding out more about Quinn’s past.

  Squeezing her eyes shut, she reopened them. “Mother, why did Quinn blame Daddy for his father’s death?”

  “Your father and Kade Sullivan created Murray Oil. Well, back then it was Sullivan and Murray Oil. Esther Sullivan was extravagant, but Kade adored her. Of course, he was always borrowing from Earl, always needing more…because of her, you see. Esther’s needs were insatiable. In time, Kade began to gamble on the side and play the market. For years he was lucky, but then one day his luck ran out.

  “When money went missing at the company, from accounts he was responsible for, your father asked him some pointed questions. Kade got angry. The money was found eventually, but the misunderstanding had caused a rift between them.

  “Kade said he wanted out, so Earl bought him out. But when times got better and the stock price took off, Kade got hard feelings and started drinking and bad-mouthing your father, especially to Quinn, I think. Around that time, Esther divorced Kade and took whatever he had left.

  “Not too long afterward, Earl made a deal that tripled the worth of Murray Oil. Kade claimed the deal had been his idea and wanted compensation, so he sued. He lost the suit, and Quinn discovered his father’s body in his shop off the garage. Supposedly Kade had been cleaning his shotgun and it went off. Accidentally. But who knows? Not that Kade ever seemed like the kind of man who’d kill himself. In fact, your father definitely believes it was an accident.