Gravitate

by Jo Duchemin

  “Explain to me again. Why we can’t…you know.” I began trying to clean the pan, to have something to focus on, other than my embarrassment.

  “Make love? Claudia, if you’re thinking about doing it, you should be able to say it! I love how red your cheeks go when you’re embarrassed.” He chuckled at me and I couldn’t help but join in.

  “Yes, make love, have sex, bonk, shag, do the horizontal mambo, whatever you want to call it. Why can’t we?” I gave up with the pan, slinging it in the bin and wiping my hands clean. I walked over to where he stood by the open door and slid my arms around his waist.

  “You’re human, I’m an angel. It isn’t meant to be.”

  “You’ve said that before. What would happen?”

  “I don’t know. Fallen angels have taken human wives before. I’m not fallen – I’m not meant to think this way.”

  “You’re going too fast for me.” I felt his hand rub my back in a way that felt soothing, rather than sensual.

  “I’m sorry I can’t be human for you. Fallen angels are those who have been cast out of heaven and are stuck on earth. They lack most of the qualities that make us angels, they aren’t like me. Those who decided to have human wives did have offspring.”

  “Are you worried about getting me pregnant? Couldn’t we just use protection?” I buried my head in his chest, knowing my cheeks were burning scarlet.

  He chuckled lightly. “I think, for a non-fallen angel to make love with a human, we might be looking at more serious consequences than an unplanned pregnancy. I suspect I’d be cast to hell.”

  I felt like the air had been sucked out of the room.

  “Think about it, Claudia, I am meant to be good, I am not meant to be thinking this way about you. I don’t even have the excuse of being fallen.” He fell silent.

  I held on to him tighter. I wanted to change the atmosphere in the room, rewind the past few minutes. I thought again of my golden, shimmering light, imagining it encompassing both of us, and gliding around the room, surrounding us in a warm, safe glow.

  “Claudia?” He kissed the top of my head

  “Yes?” I murmured into his chest.

  “What did you just do?”

  “What do you mean?” I looked up at his face, and saw he’d gone pale.

  “Something just altered…maybe it’s me, ignore what I said.”

  “Alright. Anyway, I was wondering, about a couple of things. Just little questions.”

  He rolled his eyes at me but smiled too. “Always with the questions. Go on.”

  “You said you could sense that someone was near death.”

  “That’s not a question.”

  “How does it work?”

  “I can tell, when I talk to someone, if they are close to passing over. If I’ve worked with them a lot, then I get a greater link to them and I can sense they need me from further away.”

  I gasped. “It happened the other day – I didn’t get woken up by a phone call, yet you’d known to go to the hospice for Mr Hollins.”

  “Yes. I could feel his spirit getting ready to move on.”

  “You must bring your patients great comfort.”

  “I hope so.”

  “I was also wondering…you mentioned that you’d spoken to a friend about me. How do angels talk to one another?”

  “You’re like an encyclopaedia of everything I’ve ever mentioned,” he kissed my nose gently, “I can’t get away with anything with you around. There are two ways angels can communicate with each other – we can either force ourselves to faint and our spirits go up and talk to each other, or we can remain here and go into a trance-like state to talk to each other that way.”

  “I heard you,” I stumbled on my words, “I wasn’t trying to listen, but I was in the study and you were in your room, I didn’t mean to overhear you.”

  “It’s OK, I should have been more careful. I thought I could handle you, how wrong could I be?” He smiled and kissed me.

  “Who was the friend you spoke to?”

  “Another guardian angel, Alfie. He’s been doing this as long as me, but he couldn’t understand what the problem was. He’d never heard of any angel being attracted to a human, the way I am to you. He tried to encourage me to give up this task, give the post to another angel. I told him I’d try a few more days. That was weeks ago, he’s bound to be getting worried.”

  “Do you think he will tell the other angels what you told him?” My racing heart was now no longer to do with my lust and everything to do with a very real fear that Marty would have to leave me.

  “I don’t think so. Not unless they ask him first. He isn’t the kind of person to make trouble, he’s a very honest, gentle soul.”

  “Sounds like someone I know.” I stretched up on my tiptoes to kiss him.

  Chapter 13

  Marty had to leave the next morning before me. I tried to employ the same techniques he’d used to encourage me to stay in bed a little longer the previous morning, but to no avail. His need to get to work was stronger than my need to attend rehearsal on time.

  After he left, I took my time having a shower, washing my hair thoroughly to make up for leaving it messy the day before. I blow-dried it so that it hung in loose curls around my face. I checked the time on my mobile phone and realised I only had ten minutes to get to rehearsal. I grabbed my bag, my dance shoes and script, before bolting out of the front door.

  I practically ran to the university theatre, just making it on time. As I entered the theatre, the door creaked heavily, announcing my arrival. Donna was already there, addressing the students.

  “Oh, Claudia, so nice of you to bother to join us. You’re late, don’t you wear a watch?” So much for her being charmed by Marty, she was back to her usual acerbic self. I tried to answer her, feeling self-conscious with all the students watching to see how I would react.

  “I always break watches, they stop working on me, I use my mobile phone instead. And it says I still have one more minute, yet.”

  Donna glared at me. There was silence for a heartbeat, and then as if to punctuate my point, another two students entered the theatre behind me.

  “Let’s not waste any more time on Claudia’s inability to tell the time,” Donna paused, as if waiting for the students to laugh, but nobody did. “From the start, let’s set each scene in here and get the lighting sorted out. I don’t want anyone complaining about being blinded by the spots. They are there for us to see you; you don’t need to see the audience.”

  I quickly changed into my dance shoes and got into my first position. The rehearsal was very stilted, stopping ever few seconds for Donna to boss the stage crew about. She was very fussy about where the lights should be pointing and she had her heart set on a lot of overhead lighting to make us actors look creepier. The guys on the stage crew took it quite well to begin with, but I did have to stifle a giggle when one of them waved a spanner at the back of Donna’s head in a threatening way.

  By lunchtime, we’d run through most of the numbers in the first act, despite having to work around ladders and scaffolding on the stage, as the stage crew tried to move the overhead lights to positions that would make Donna happy. I’d never been to a rehearsal like it. It got to a point where the theatre technician actually stood up to Donna and told her that the crew needed a rest or they would start to make mistakes.

  I sat with some of the girls from the chorus at lunchtime. One girl, Sofia, was especially friendly, making easy conversation with me. I felt like I was getting back to the me I had been before my parents had died.

  “I can’t believe how different it is, rehearsing in here, compared to being in the drama studio, having the upper circle of seating makes it feel so huge,” Sofia commented.

  “I know, did you see the detail on the balcony? It is really ornate. It is a beautiful theatre, I’m surprised the u
niversity has one on site,” I responded, hoping I didn’t sound like a geek.

  “The theatre was here first, then the university was built up near by, and they bought the theatre a while ago. It was part of what attracted me to this university. The facilities for drama are amazing. Shame about the lecturer.” Sofia wrinkled her nose, and I laughed.

  “Have you ever had a director like her before?”

  “Not at all. She scares me.” Sofia was practically whispering now.

  “Me too,” I agreed.

  “You do stand up to her a bit, I can’t do that. Who is that guy who meets you from rehearsals?” Her dark brown eyes sparkled and my heart skipped a beat at the mention of him.

  “Marty. He’s my housemate.” In my head I added ‘and love of my life’.

  “Anything more than that? He’s kinda cute.”

  “He’s not my boyfriend, he... he doesn’t have time for a girlfriend.”

  “Is he a friend with benefits?”

  “A what?” She’d lost me.

  “A friend with benefits. Shag buddy.” She smiled, a wicked glint in her eye.

  “Oh,” I smiled, “no, nothing like that. He’s not that sort of guy.”

  “Oh, is he gay?” She said it so casually, it made me giggle.

  “No, not that I know. He’s a doctor at a cancer hospice, it’s pretty intense. I don’t think he has time for dates.”

  “But he has time to meet you from rehearsals. Are you sure he’s not into you?”

  Her question threw me. I didn’t know how to respond. I wasn’t prepared to answer questions about him and I didn’t want to tell an outright lie. Luckily I was saved by one of the other girls, who pointed out that it was time to head back into the theatre.

  Donna was ready to speak to everyone when we returned to the theatre. I had a bad feeling about the afternoon that I couldn’t place. I felt sick to my stomach. I assumed it was just from the panic about answering questions regarding Marty.

  “Right, I’d like everyone to sit in the balcony seats for numbers you aren’t involved in, so that you can get a feel for the size of the room and don’t take all day about getting up and down the stairs. We don’t have time to waste. Let’s get started with the song about the coconut.”

  I wasn’t in that song, so I dutifully took my stuff up to the balcony and watched the rehearsal. It was a big space and the balcony was a fair distance from the stage. Watching other people performing made the show seem very real. Even with the stopping and starting to sort out the lights, I enjoyed watching the other actors. It had been a while since I’d seen any shows. I’d missed it.

  I checked the script, looking at the numbers I still had left to perform. It shouldn’t be too bad. I didn’t know why I couldn’t get rid of the uneasy feeling in my stomach.

  Donna seemed in a better mood now; perhaps the technician standing up to her had made her aware of her attitude. The rehearsal was picking up pace and I had to get ready for the next number – the song that Marty had sung to me in the kitchen. I put my dance shoes back on and headed out of the balcony seating area.

  As I reached the bottom of the stairs, the door to the theatre opened and Marty was there. The uneasiness in my stomach melted away, replaced by a glowing warmth. His eyes twinkled as he saw me.

  “Hello. I hear the audience are all confined to the balcony today.” He smiled.

  “Yes and I’m about to go on. Wish me luck.” I clung to the banister of the stairs, wrapping my hands around the railings as though I didn’t want to go on stage.

  “You don’t need luck. You’re amazing.” He rested his hand on top of mine, the heat from his hand making mine tingle. I felt as though I was in a trance.

  “I should get to the stage.” My eyes locked with his.

  “I’ll be cheering you on from the balcony.” Neither of us moved our hands. The sound of someone opening the door above us forced us to break apart and I headed off without another word.

  The previous number was just being completed when I got to the wings. I clapped my fellow performers as they left the stage and watched as the stage crew moved the furniture around to where it represented the setting for the next scene. I was still in a daze from seeing Marty. Listening to someone else singing his song, I couldn’t help but daydream about Marty. I managed to get through all my movements for the number without angering Donna and before I knew it we were into the next scene.

  The dance numbers that included sexy moves I found difficult, knowing Marty was watching and being aware of how much self-restraint he was using to control his urges around me. I tried to tone the movements down, but Donna noticed, and went for the jugular.

  “Claudia,” she yelled, “you’re meant to be sexy and you’re dancing like a virgin!”

  I snapped. “I am a virgin!” I yelled back. “I don’t have a problem with that, so I don’t know why you do!”

  The room was in silence for a moment, and then a single person started clapping from the balcony. I knew who it was. A second person joined in, then, gradually, the noise grew to applause. Donna was left with nothing she could do, except apologise and move on.

  “Claudia, I’m sorry. Let’s get the stage set for your solo.”

  “But there are other numbers before that one.” I knew I was blushing and angry and I knew my voice wouldn’t sound great with how tight my throat felt.

  “Your solo is the only one which will use a different lighting scheme and time is ticking by. If we get it done now, we can complete the rehearsal with the finale.” Donna was trying hard not to lose her temper with me and I didn’t wish to make matters worse.

  “OK, where do you want me?”

  Donna showed me the spot she had in mind and one of the crew taped an X onto the spot with duct tape. Then I moved out of the way whilst the stage guys took to ladders to move the overhead lighting. Donna had decided she wanted one light directly over the top of me and two spotlights trained on me. All too soon, they were ready for me to sing. I took to my spot.

  I tuned everything out – my anger at Donna, my embarrassment at my response, my feeling of unease about the whole situation. I thought of nothing but Marty. The music began and I let my energy flow out, my voice filling the huge space around me.

  There was a noise that sounded totally out of place. The scraping of metal. A slight tinkling sound. It was coming from right above me. I didn’t want to look up, to spoil my performance, but I had an uncontrollable urge to raise my eyes to the ceiling. I saw what was making the noise. The stage light directly over my head was working loose and I saw it begin to fall towards me, as I stood stock still, too scared to move. The brain works strangely in stressful situations and as I watched the light, wide eyed in fear, I recalled being told by a teacher never to lift a stage light alone as they weigh at least fifty pounds. Everything seemed to be in slow motion. I heard a collective gasp, from the others in the room, as they saw what had caused me to look up. Frozen in place, I waited for the light to hit me.

  I heard a whoosh, felt something around my waist and then felt myself moving and landing on the floorboards. At the same time, the light smashed on the spot where I’d been standing a millisecond before. Marty lay on the floor next to me. He looked pale, like his energy was draining out of him.

  “Marty?” I felt dizzy, an overwhelming heat running throughout my body.

  “Claudia, I’m sorry, I have to go – they’re summoning me.” His eyes closed and his body went limp. I couldn’t hear anything in the room and I had dark spots blocking my vision. I didn’t need him to tell me what was happening. They were summoning me, too.

  Chapter 14

  I was floating. I looked around and saw the floor a long way below me; my body lying next to Marty’s, appearing to be lifeless. The smashed light was spread across the floor, just a few inches from where our bodies lay. I could see the faces of my
cast mates as I floated past the balcony, frozen masks of shock. No movement appeared from them. Time was frozen too.

  I could see Marty above me, waiting at the ceiling. He looked the way I’d always imagined ghosts to look – translucent, pale, an imitation of his normal self. I could see the ceiling of the theatre through his apparition. He held out his hand to me and, as I stretched mine out to reach his, I noticed that I, too, had become ghost-like. His hand still felt real as I grasped it and he pulled me up; together we passed through the ceiling and into the sky outside. The experience was indescribable as we rocketed towards the clouds and I found I was shivering slightly. His hand gripped mine tighter. I didn’t know if we could still talk and, if we could, I didn’t know if I had the ability to put a sentence together.

  “Are you hurt?” His thumb was making a circling motion on my hand as he gripped it. The movement was oddly soothing, in this oddest of situations. It took a while for me to process the question. I scanned how I was feeling. Confused, shocked, dizzy – but not hurt.

  “No, no, I can’t feel any pain.”

  “I got there in time,” he smiled.

  “You flew to save me.” The realisation of his sacrifice was just dawning on me and the consequences of his action hit me like a ton of bricks. This was the end for us.

  “I had no choice. You would have been killed.”

  “You gave everything up to save me.”

  “No, you are my everything.”

  I didn’t know how to respond. It was so overwhelming, so all encompassing, that I had no idea of how I would ever be able to live without him. We continued hurtling skywards, though I had no idea what we were heading towards.

  “What happens now? How have they managed to summon me?”

  “I don’t know. I didn’t want to involve you in any of this.” We continued to race upwards and I started to shake more noticeably - fear, the unknown, the realisation of our affair being over, were all beginning to take their toll on me. As we floated upwards, Marty saw my trembling and pulled me closer to him, enveloping me in his arms. He stroked my hair and kissed my head, softly whispering to me as we continued our rise to the clouds. “Don’t worry, they won’t hurt you. You aren’t the one in trouble here.”