Gravitate

by Jo Duchemin

  “Are you hurt?” I could see the panic in his eyes and I wanted to tell him I was fine, but I still couldn’t speak. I just shook my head. “God, you’re frozen. What happened? I should take you to the hospital. Or the police.” He looked at a loss as to how to help me. Finally, my voice came back to me.

  “I’m fine.” I saw the relief sweep across his features.

  “You’re clearly not fine, what can I do?”

  “Nothing.” I didn’t need the police, or the hospital. I needed Marty and nobody could get him for me.

  “Where are you walking to?”

  “Home.” My teeth had started chattering and I could feel my legs shaking.

  “Let me drive you there.” He put his hand on my shoulder to guide me towards the car, but I flinched violently away from his touch. I heard a huge sob echo around the silent street and it took me several seconds to realise the noise had come from me. Sam had immediately moved his hand away from me, but the reaction I’d had to his touch had caused his mouth to fall open. “What happened to you?”

  “Just…nothing.” I didn’t know how to explain to him.

  “Claudia, please. Let me drive you back to your house.” Sam was using a soothing tone, the sort of voice you would use on an injured child. “I can’t just leave you here on the street. I won’t touch you, I promise.”

  He opened the passenger door of his car, keeping his distance from me. I bit my lip. I could taste blood.

  “Your dad wouldn’t forgive me if I left you here, I won’t let anything bad happen to you, trust me.”

  It was the mention of my dad that made my legs move towards the car. Shakily and robotically, I positioned myself in the seat and put on the belt. Sam closed the door and walked around to the driver’s side. He got into the car, put his seatbelt on, turned the heating up and the interior light off. He drove smoothly, carefully, saying nothing.

  I could hear my ragged breathing starting to even out in the warmth. My thoughts started to thaw out and untangle.

  “How did you know it was me?” I stuttered the words out.

  “What?”

  “On the pavement, why did you stop? How did you know it was me?”

  “Oh, I was going the other way, drove past, noticed your hair and height, thought it was you and decided to drive back and check. There aren’t that many petite redheads with bright red coats in this town, you know.” He smiled briefly at me and then looked away.

  “So, now you’re driving in the wrong direction.”

  “What?”

  “From where you were heading.”

  “Yes. I was only on my way home, don’t worry.”

  “I’ll give you money for petrol.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. That’s what you’re thinking about?”

  I looked out of the window. We were nearly back at my house. “I don’t know what I’m thinking.”

  He risked a sideways glance at me. “Now that you’re talking, are you going to tell me what happened tonight?”

  I sighed. “I don’t know.”

  “Why don’t you start by telling me why you were walking around those dark streets on your own?” He signalled to turn into the road that led to my street.

  “I was on my way home.”

  “You couldn’t get a taxi?”

  “I left in a rush. I couldn’t wait for a taxi.”

  “It’s not safe to walk around in the dark, alone.” He was stating the obvious, but it hadn’t felt safe for me to stay with Tim at that moment, either.

  “You sound like my father.”

  “I hope so.” Sam stopped the car on my driveway and turned off the engine. He faced me. “Look, Claudia, I can see you’re scared and I’m worried about you.”

  I stared at the house, saying nothing.

  “Don’t you trust me?” His voice had a pleading tone to it, he sounded concerned, like he didn’t know how to help me. I recognised the tone – Aunt Sandra had the same edge to her voice when she was worried that grief was swallowing me. I couldn’t bear it. I looked over at him.

  “I’m fine.”

  “You’re not fine. Have I ever given you a reason not to trust me?” The words were oddly reminiscent of Marty. Sam had never given me a reason not to trust him, but then again neither had Tim – until tonight. I shook my head.

  “It isn’t about trust.”

  “What is it about?”

  I sighed. He wasn’t going to let this go, so I might as well tell him what happened. “I had a bit of a scare tonight.”

  He didn’t say anything, so I continued, rambling away, trying to sort through the jumble of events as quickly as possible.

  “I went to my friend’s house, we’d made plans to stay in and watch films and then when her parents got back I was going to get a taxi home. See, I was planning to be safe…” I looked to him and he nodded. “When I got to her house, Jade wasn’t there, but her brother Tim was in. I know him a bit and it was cold, so he invited me in for a drink. I think it was my fault – I suggested opening a bottle of wine, maybe he thought I wanted more…” I trailed off, partly embarrassed at discussing this with a man who was old enough to be my father and partly because I didn’t know how to explain what happened next.

  “What happened, Claudia?”

  “He…” I couldn’t explain it.

  “Did he rape you?” Sam’s wide eyes were staring at me in horror.

  “No. No. I’m sure he wouldn’t have, but at the time I thought he was going to. I overreacted.” I shivered, thinking back of how scared I’d been at the time.

  “You should get into the house, you’re freezing.” He moved one hand towards my shoulder and then checked himself, placing his hand back on the steering wheel. I felt bad for making him so nervous in his own car.

  “Do you want to come in?” I asked.

  “Not if it would make you uncomfortable.”

  “You don’t make me uncomfortable. I’m really grateful that you stopped and helped me tonight.”

  “What else would I have done?” He smiled warmly at me.

  We got out of the car and headed into the house. He always kept a distance away from me, aware that I was feeling on edge. He told me to sit down while he made a cup of hot, sweet tea for me.

  “Just in case you’re in shock. Did you want to talk about what happened?”

  “I’m sure I just overreacted. I wasn’t expecting it. I’d told him I wasn’t looking for a boyfriend. I thought we could be friends. We were just having a drink, he was looking for something on TV to watch and then he moved down the sofa, grabbed my wrist and started pulling me towards him,” I shuddered, “and then he was on top of me and I thought he was going to…but he stopped as soon as I started shouting and pushing him off of me.”

  Sam was shaking his head, keeping his eyes fixed on the table. He didn’t speak.

  “I did overreact, didn’t I?”

  He looked up at me. “I don’t think so. The guy sounds like a creep to me. Do you want to report him to the police?”

  “No! That isn’t necessary, I’m sure he didn’t mean to upset me, he stopped after all, didn’t he?” I was horrified at the thought of Sam’s suggestion.

  “But he shouldn’t have started. You’d told him you weren’t interested, he shouldn’t have tried anything with you. I can’t believe you’re defending his behaviour.”

  “I’m not, I just don’t think he thought it through – he wanted a one-night stand, I don’t think he realised I would think he was forcing himself on me. I mean, I did suggest we share a bottle of wine…”

  “Claudia, don’t you dare blame yourself. Sharing a bottle of wine is not an open invitation to sex. Not in anyone’s book. This guy found himself alone with a beautiful woman and thought he’d take a chance to get lucky. Scumbag. Thank God you had the presence of mind to
fight back and get the hell out of there. Is he even worried about you now? No – anything could have happened to you after you left his house and he’s fully to blame for that.”

  I nodded. I didn’t know what to say.

  “You did the right thing. Drink your tea. How are you feeling now?”

  “A little better, less shaken. Thank you.”

  “Do you want me to call one of your friends to stay with you? What about Ben’s new girlfriend, Maria is it?” He studied my face intently, as though he was checking for signs of damage.

  “Sofia. No, I’m fine, really. I feel bad for ruining your evening.”

  “My evening was ruined before I saw you – I’ve been fixing a fuse box at one of the apartment blocks we rent out – ended up having to call an emergency electrician, nightmare,” he rolled his eyes, “all the usual management staff are on their Christmas break, so it fell to me to sort it out.”

  “Is the company still short staffed?” It was nice to change the subject.

  “In a word – yes. Between staff out for Christmas and a sickness bug that’s going around, I feel like I’m doing it all myself. Even bloody Andrea is out sick. It isn’t so bad on the development side, as that always slows down at this time of year, but the rental side is ongoing and for some unknown reason heating systems choose this time of year to break down.” His mouth set in a grimace.

  “I could come in and help this week – I haven’t got any lectures and I have a few days before I travel to see my aunt.”

  “I wasn’t hinting, you should enjoy your holidays.”

  “Seriously, I’d like to help. This house can be a bit empty sometimes. I get lonely. I can do simple things – even making tea, if it helps.” Going to help Sam at the company seemed a good way to fill my days, I’d been wanting to learn more about the business anyway.

  “If you’re sure? You can do as little as you want, don’t feel obligated to do whole days or anything. I have got a pile of filing that needs sorting out.”

  “Consider it done. I’ll be there tomorrow morning.” I noticed Sam stifle a yawn and glanced at the clock, surprised to see the time – it was nearly midnight. “I’m sorry, I’ve kept you here really late. You must be exhausted.”

  “It’s not a problem, a friend in need and all that. Are you sure you’re OK now? Is there anything else I can do for you?” He looked into my eyes and I smiled at him.

  “You’ve done plenty. Thank you for listening. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “You will, sleep well, Claudia.”

  He led the way to the front door, being careful all the time not to come into contact with me. I watched him get into his car and reverse down the driveway, then the little red car sped away into the night. From the small portion of his driving I saw as he left my house, I could see how differently he had driven with me in the car – he wasn’t naturally a smooth driver at all, but rather quick and almost reckless. I was touched that he had been so careful with me in the car. It made me feel delicate. I closed the door and put the safety chain on. My phone was beeping, alerting me to a text message. When I checked it, I saw two messages, both from Jade. One had been sent three hours ago, the other was brand new:

  Why is my brother asking me for your phone number?! Xx

  What happened tonight?

  I replied quickly:

  Please don’t give him my number. I don’t want to talk about it. I’m going to sleep now.

  The emotion of the evening had left me exhausted and I dragged myself up to my bedroom, falling into a dreamless sleep, hoping that everything would seem brighter in the morning.

  Chapter 25

  I awoke as the alarm on my phone announced the time as 8am. I struggled out of bed and into the shower, wondering what to wear for my day at work. I settled on a black sweater dress and packed some heeled shoes to wear in the office. It was too far to walk in heels, so I would wear my comfy (and warm) boots on the way. I blow-dried my hair quickly, encouraging it to form casual curls rather than trying to persuade it to lie straight. I put on a small amount of makeup; just a touch of foundation, some mascara and lip gloss. I felt nervous that I would get a reaction from one of the members of staff like I did the first time I met Andrea. I knew it was wrong, but I hoped she’d still be off sick so that I wouldn’t have to face her.

  My phone beeped just as I was leaving the house, telling me I had another message from Jade:

  What on earth happened last night? You won’t talk about it, Tim won’t talk about it, but he’s in a real state.

  I took a deep breath and tapped a reply to her:

  Nothing happened. I can’t talk, I’m going to work.

  It was very cold, with a frost covering the ground. I cursed myself for leaving my scarf and gloves at Jade’s house. I walked quickly, trying to keep myself warm and also thinking the sooner I arrived, the sooner I would be out of the cold.

  The car park at my dad’s company was much emptier than the last time I’d been here, but I spotted Sam’s red convertible parked near the entrance. In the daylight, I could see that it was an Audi and I was reminded of Ben telling me that make was all his dad ever drove. It was quite a cute car and I decided that if I ever learnt to drive and managed to pass my test, I might get one for myself.

  I walked into the reception and was surprised to find nobody at all behind the counter. I sat in one of the chairs and changed out of my boots and into my heels. It was very quiet in the building, but if I listened carefully, I could hear activity in some of the offices. I suddenly felt nervous, wondering where I should go. I hadn’t expected to find nobody here in the reception and I didn’t like to go into the other offices unannounced. I decided I would go to Sam’s office first – at least if I made a fool of myself in there, I only made a fool of myself in front of one person.

  I walked through the deserted PA’s office and ignored the door that led to my dad’s office. I knocked on Sam’s door, starting to shake from nerves.

  “Come in,” Sam’s voice called from the other side of the door. I gently pushed the door open and walked in. He stood up when he saw me and smiled broadly.

  “Good morning, Sam.”

  “Good morning, Claudia. Did you sleep well?”

  I nodded, “Surprisingly so, I really can’t thank you enough for last night, you were so understanding.”

  “It was nothing – any ordinary person would have done the same thing. You look frozen, didn’t you wear gloves today?” He’d glanced down and spotted my hands shaking.

  “I left them at Jade’s house last night. And my scarf. I’m not going there to pick them up, I’ll have to buy some new ones next time I go shopping.”

  “Can’t your friend bring them back for you?”

  “Then I’d have to explain why I left without them. She already keeps asking me what happened last night. Apparently Tim is in a right state, according to her.”

  A flash of anger flickered across Sam’s eyes. “She should have seen the state you were in. He doesn’t deserve any sympathy. You should tell her what he tried to do.”

  “I’d rather just forget about the whole situation. Where’s this filing you need sorting out?” I spotted the big box in the corner, with ‘to file’ written in black marker pen across the top, but Sam indicated that I should sit down.

  “You need a hot drink inside you before you start work – what do you want? I’ll get it for you, you can wait here, it’s the warmest office in the building – don’t tell the others, but I have my thermostat set three degrees higher than anywhere else!” Sam laughed.

  “A black coffee would be great, thank you.”

  I glanced around the room, taking in the rows of filing cabinets, bookshelves, lever arch folders. Unlike my dad’s office, there weren’t photos everywhere – just a couple in frames on Sam’s desk, which were facing away from me – I didn’t have the nerve
to look at them without permission.

  The door creaked as Sam walked back in, bringing the warming scent of coffee with him.

  “There you go,” he said, handing me the coffee carefully, “so, if you’re still OK to help out, I was wondering if you would put the files in this box into the right cabinets for me?” Sam motioned to the rows of cabinets along the wall, “I’ll be here some of the time if you need any help, but most of the time I’ll be out on calls to our different sites. You’re OK being alone in here with me aren’t you? Or you could man the reception desk if you prefer?”

  “Why wouldn’t I be OK with being alone with you?” I was surprised at his question and wondered what his thoughts were.

  “Well, after what happened to you last night, I could understand if you felt apprehensive about being alone with any man and, well, there are some gossips in this office – you might be the subject of some speculation.” Sam rolled his eyes, clearly not impressed that some members of staff had nothing better to do than share rumours.

  “Oh. Well, you’ve saved me twice now from situations where you could have taken advantage and you’ve been nothing but a gentleman, so I think the first reason isn’t a problem for me. As for the second reason, aren’t you married anyway?”

  “No, not anymore. I haven’t been married for ten years now. Didn’t Ben mention his step-dad?” He said it so matter-of-factly that I couldn’t see any trace of sadness about the situation.

  I scanned my brain and had a dim recollection of Ben speaking of visiting his mum and step-dad. I felt bad for raising the subject so casually. “I forgot – he mentioned him once, I think. I’m sorry.”

  “What for? Life sometimes throws you a tough hand. You play with the cards you’re dealt. So now you know you’re alone with a divorced man, is it still OK?”

  “Let them gossip. It’s only for a few days.”

  “Great. I really don’t fancy doing this filing myself, the risk of paper cuts scares me!” Sam chuckled and I joined in. “Basically, you just put them in the right file for the letter on the top – you can’t be worse than Andrea – she has to constantly sing the alphabet song when she’s doing it and still puts things in the wrong place. If you have any problems, just tell me. I’ve got a meeting in five minutes, but I’ll check back with you as soon as possible.”