For Better, For Worse

by June Francis

  ‘That cousin of yours has a way of twisting things, he is such a b—’ he trailed off and tried again, ‘—but I know you, and I should have known better.’

  Grace blinked away the moisture gathering on her eyelashes. ‘For a marriage to work one needs to trust – to be trusted – but when Dougie comes on the scene, you behave like… like Shakespeare’s Othello.’

  ‘Who is he?’ asked Ben in confusion. ‘The only Shakespeare plays I’ve heard of are Macbeth and A Midsummer Night’s Dream.

  ‘I heard the play on the wireless,’ said Grace.

  Simon said, ‘I listened to it with you, didn’t I? Isn’t Othello the husband who believed lies about his wife and ended up murdering her?’

  ‘Good God! You can’t believe I’m such a monster as that,’ said Ben.

  ‘Oh, I don’t know, not really, I suppose, but still—’ Grace rubbed her eyes, ‘—oh, I’m so tired. This baby is taking it out of me.’

  Ben said, ‘I understand. Me, too, and I know Simon is. Let’s get to bed and put this evening behind us.’

  Before Grace could say that the beds weren’t made up, Ben had pulled her to her feet and lifted her up against his chest and carried her upstairs. Simon, comfortable on the sofa, stayed where he was and closed his eyes.

  Upstairs, Ben lowered Grace into a chair in their bedroom and began to make up the bed with fresh bedding from one of the hand-built cupboards. Grace watched him for a few minutes and then she stood up and went to help him.

  ‘So, am I getting an apology?’ she asked.

  ‘It’s not that I don’t trust you. It’s that I fear for you when he pops up again, and again, and I’m not here to protect you.’

  ‘Well, he’s gone now, and I hope to God that he stays away,’ she said, tucking a blanket neatly into the foot of the mattress on her side of the bed. She lifted her eyes and stared at him for a second. ‘Do you know, you’ve never said you love me.’

  ‘I didn’t think I had to,’ he said, starting to undress.

  ‘It would be good to hear it,’ she responded, unzipping her skirt.

  ‘Don’t get all sloppy on me. I’d like to hear you apologise for believing me a monster, but I can live without it. Now stop talking and get into bed.’

  Grace climbed into bed in her underskirt which clung to the swell of her stomach and her breasts. She drew the covers up to her chin and turned away from him.

  ‘So, this is how it’s going to be, is it?’ Ben said in a muffled voice, slipping an arm round her, so his hand cupped her belly.

  Grace remained silent, tempted to face him, only to be overcome by weariness.

  Chapter 35

  Liverpool: September 1941

  Grace stood on the bridge overlooking the lake, her arm fastened around her daughter who was standing up, balancing against the metal rail, and dropping bread down to the ducks. Leaves fallen from the trees, some brown, some yellow, were floating on the water, while others formed a rustling carpet beneath Grace’s feet. She was aware of a growing sensation in her belly, like period pain, and decided that it was probably time that they made their way back to Alice’s. The baby was due any day now, and since Ben’s last leave, Grace, Simon and Irene had returned to living in the older Scotswoman’s house. Grace eased Irene away from her perch, but her daughter clung on with one hand.

  ‘More bwead for duckies,’ she pleaded.

  ‘No – time to go back,’ said Grace firmly, unlatching Irene’s fingers from the metal bars.

  On her way back through the park she saw Simon walking Fergie. She raised a hand and waved to him before calling his name. It was Fergie who responded first and began to pull on the leash. Simon allowed himself to be dragged towards her, coming to a halt a couple of feet away from Grace who was feeling slightly breathless by that point.

  ‘Am I glad to see you,’ she said. ‘Could you look after your sister, please?’

  Irene stretched out her arms towards him. ‘Si!’ she cried.

  Simon took Irene’s hand and swapped the dog’s leash to his other hand. ‘You all right?’ he asked, looking at her with concern.

  Grace pulled a face. ‘I think the baby’s started.’

  ‘Heck!’ he exclaimed. ‘Should I run ahead and let them know to get in touch with the midwife?’

  ‘That’s a good idea,’ she said, pausing as she felt a contraction.

  He gazed at her with a worried expression. ‘Perhaps I should try and ring through to get hold of Dad, too.’

  ‘Why bother? He won’t be able to make it in time.’

  Simon swore beneath his breath. ‘I can’t understand you. He still needs to know.’

  ‘Tell him then. But I bet he doesn’t come,’ she said in a small voice.

  ‘That’s beside the point,’ he said. ‘Besides, you know it’s more difficult for him now he’s on coast-watching duties down south.’

  They had come to the road now, as Simon had not gone ahead, but had stayed with her. ‘I can’t understand why the coast needs to be watched any longer,’ grumbled Grace. ‘The fight for Britain is over.’

  She thought back to early May and how the Luftwaffe had not visited Merseyside since Ben had surprised her that early morning in the park opposite the house. A few days later, on 10th May, Ben had told her that he was being deployed to the south coast. The RAF were now focusing on the war in the desert and also on taking the fight to the skies over Germany, so there were fewer fighter planes to defend the country than during the Battle of Britain. Ben was to be part of a gun placement designed to shoot down any incoming German planes which had managed to sneak past the remaining fighter planes. Relationships between Grace and Ben continued to be strained following Dougie’s attack on Simon, although they had kissed goodbye when Ben’s leave came to an end, and at least he had been able to spend a little time with his daughter.

  Once Simon had informed them that the baby was on its way, Alice, Barbara and her mother hurried Grace upstairs and tucked her into bed almost as soon as she stepped over the threshold. The midwife arrived half an hour later, and in a flurry of activity, Grace and Ben’s son was born an hour later. Grace wanted to call him Peter, because in her mind, the names Simon and Peter went together. So, when Simon got Ben on the phone, Grace asked him about the name. He agreed readily, and after telling her to get plenty of rest and to give the small baby a kiss from him, the conversation ended as he was called away. As she put the receiver down, Grace felt close to tears, unsure whether Ben would be able to get leave to come and see his newly born son. Grace guessed it would not be easy to get leave in the run-up to Christmas. But she kissed her baby as Ben had asked and thanked God for a safe delivery for them both.

  * * *

  As it was, Ben surprised her by arriving at Alice’s four days later. After thanking Alice and her lodgers for looking after his family so well, he ran upstairs to see his wife and their newborn. Grace gazed intently at Ben’s expression as he lifted the baby for the first time. She wondered if he could see the similarity of the baby’s earlobes to Simon’s. But it was the baby’s full head of hair and its double crown – which was exactly the same as Simon’s – that Ben commented on, smiling as he did so.

  ‘It’s almost magical the way family likenesses show up through the ages,’ he said. ‘My brother had a double crown – so did Mam.’

  ‘So, you’re pleased with him then?’ Grace said.

  He nodded. ‘How’s Irene with him?’

  ‘She keeps wanting to hold him or put him in her doll’s pram.’

  ‘You can’t blame her,’ said Ben.

  ‘I don’t, but it would be foolish to let her treat him like a doll, as she’s quite rough with her teddy.’

  ‘You’ll have to watch out for her getting jealous.’

  ‘I know, especially where Simon is concerned. She likes to have all his attention as it is.’

  He nodded. ‘So, are you feeling up to moving back home? I’ve mentioned to Alice that we might do so soon.’


  ‘Yeah, it’s what we planned,’ said Grace. ‘But I must have a word with my uncle and Beryl before I go.’

  ‘Naturally – does Marion keep in touch with them?’ he asked, handing his son back to Grace.

  She nodded. ‘She also visited with the baby in August.’

  ‘Did she have anything to say about her brother and what happened in the spring after he attacked Simon?’

  ‘She found it difficult to talk about Dougie… after what he did at Roddy’s mother’s house, and how it all ended.’ Grace shook her head in disbelief. ‘But I think Marion and Beryl have made a sort of truce. And Uncle Douglas seems warmer towards Marion as well, now he sees that she was just trying to placate Dougie.’

  ‘Dougie was acting crazy. Simon is growing up, but he is still a lad and to have to face down Dougie must have taken guts. And then for Dougie to go on and do what he did, well—’

  ‘Yeah. Well, I’m glad my aunt isn’t alive to hear about it,’ Grace said, undoing the buttons of her cardigan and blouse to feed the baby.

  His face softened as he watched his wife and son. ‘I wish I could stay until Christmas.’

  She shot him a glance. ‘How long can you stay?’

  ‘Ten days. Long enough to get you and the children settled back home, and I thought you might like to go into town and see the damage.’

  ‘Why not? I’ve yet to go into town. I haven’t been there since before the May blitz.’

  * * *

  Barbara came with Simon later that day to babysit while Grace and Ben went down into the city centre on the tram. They stood by the Victoria Monument gazing at the empty desolate spaces where once fine buildings and shops had stood. Grace felt tears well up in her eyes and the view blurred so that she could scarcely see the Anglican cathedral still standing in the distance on St James Mount to the southern side of Liverpool.

  She said, ‘It’s going to cost a fortune to rebuild and rehouse all those who have lost their homes. Although work has already started on strengthening the houses still standing. Milly told me. Did I tell you that they’re back in Liverpool? Jimmy has been declared unfit for the forces, but he can do rebuilding work. The orphans will be returning soon too.

  ‘That must be a relief for them both,’ said Ben. ‘How’s his mother?’

  ‘Still living in Wales. She’s happy there and is looking forward to having her sister stay with her from Southend. And also the whole family once the war’s over.’

  ‘Why wait for the end of the war?’ Ben asked.

  ‘You should know,’ Grace replied. ‘Getting about the country is still difficult.’

  ‘So, not impossible.’

  Grace wondered if Ben was hinting at something else here, so asked, ‘Do some of the other soldiers’ girlfriends or wives make the journey across country to see their menfolk?’

  ‘A few, but it’s rare for those who have children.’

  Grace did not know if she felt relieved or disappointed that by the sound of it he did not expect her to make the effort to come visit his barracks. She thought they needed to talk about what had been said on his last leave and the slight awkwardness that lingered between them. Maybe it was something that would have to wait until the war was over and he was home for good, as what was the use if he was only around for a few days? In the meantime, while he was here, she would put on an affectionate attitude, especially in front of the children. As for coupling in bed, that was out of the question as she was still sore after the birth. But, if she was truthful, it still smarted that he would think she had arranged a clandestine meeting with Dougie. It made her angry every time she thought about it.

  They turned away from the viewpoint, and walked down to the Mersey under the Overhead Railway, part of which had been damaged out Bootle way back in May in the raids. It was now fixed so the trains could do their job of getting the dockers and other workers near the waterfront to work. As they gazed across the narrow gap of khaki-coloured water between dock and the landing stage, Grace took a deep breath of salt-laden air and thanked God that Liverpool had survived spring’s terrible assault and was still able to play its part in delivering goods and men to fight the Battle of the Atlantic.

  * * *

  The following day Ben and Grace took Irene and baby Peter to visit Milly and Jimmy. Milly fussed over both children and asked whether Ben and Grace were hoping to have Peter christened while Ben was home.

  ‘I think that would be a good idea,’ continued Milly, who was one of Irene’s godmothers; Jimmy was her godfather.

  ‘So, do I,’ said Grace. ‘I was thinking of asking Simon, Barbara and Kyle to be godparents. What do you say, Ben?’

  ‘I like Barbara, but do you think that hers and Simon’s relationship will last? They’re only young.’

  ‘I think it will,’ Grace said. ‘She has a lot of common sense and not only does she care a lot for Simon, but she is great with Peter. I couldn’t have done without her help these last few weeks, especially when I went into labour. And the Christian faith matters to them both. I’d like them both to be part of our lives, and Peter’s, in the future.’

  ‘Well said,’ murmured Jimmy. ‘I don’t know where my family would be if we hadn’t had friends who were prepared to go that extra mile when life got difficult.’

  ‘Point taken,’ said Ben, turning to face Grace. ‘We best start making arrangements now then, as time is short.’

  ‘First, we ask our proposed godparents,’ she said, ‘and then we speak to the vicar.’

  No time was wasted doing both those things, and Ben was especially touched by Barbara’s grateful acceptance, as he saw how much little Peter meant to her. By the following Sunday, with the assistance of the vicar, they were all in St Margaret’s Church for the baptism with the godparents and their families, along with Alice, Barbara’s mother, Joan, Uncle Douglas and Beryl who was accompanied by the friendly Yank, Graham Campbell, who had helped rescue Grace in the park in May.

  ‘What’s the Yank doing here?’ Ben whispered to Douglas, as he looked around the busy pub where the party had gone for a celebratory drink after the service.

  ‘He and Beryl have taken a shine to each other, so I don’t know how that’ll end when the war finishes,’ Douglas replied. ‘But I won’t stand in her way. She deserves some happiness after losing Davy. I don’t know what her mother would have said about stepping out with a foreigner, but then she and Beryl were never close.’

  ‘I hear you had a visit from Marion and the baby.’

  ‘Yes, she’s a changed person. It’s lovely to see. As though a weight has been lifted. Yet, I suppose she would never have met Roddy if it weren’t for Dougie, so we’re to be grateful to him for that.’

  Ben said, ‘Roddy’s a good bloke.’ He sipped his pint.

  Douglas agreed, ‘It was a shame Dougie took against him. Apparently, according to Marion, he got mixed up again with those blokes he met on the ship going to Australia – the ones that he got into mischief with in South Africa. I suspect he owed a lot of money to the wrong sort of people. I think Dougie thought that Roddy would be able to bail him out, but when that didn’t happen, I think he just went mad with fear, which was why he was so desperate to find Roddy back in May and acting so erratically—’ Here, Douglas paused, and then added darkly, ‘Not that I, or Grace for that matter, ever got any information about what really happened with those “friends” Dougie made on board, but they don’t sound to have been good news…’ The older man sighed heavily.

  ‘How did he meet up with them again? Was it when he was living in London?’ said Ben.

  ‘No, a couple of them joined the navy and he bumped into them again when their ship docked in Hull – they were having a drink in the same pub, so Marion told me.’

  ‘Roddy, Marion and the baby had a lucky escape going to his sister’s in Oxfordshire after leaving Liverpool. Dougie must not have known that Roddy’s mother had moved from Kent to be with her daughter,’ said Ben.

  Douglas agreed, ‘But
I’d never imagine that Dougie would be capable of doing what he did. I know he was half-crazed at the time but attempting to shove a grenade through a letterbox! Of a woman’s house too! Poor Roddy’s mother – lucky that the house was empty at the time and she was with her daughter, but what must Dougie have been thinking! Foolish boy… And then for the grenade to get stuck and explode before he could put a sensible distance between him and the door. No wonder the explosion killed him…’ Douglas trailed off again and stared down at his pint.

  Ben, thought about the recklessness of Dougie’s last act – as careless in death as he was in life – he sighed too, but with huge relief. As he did so, his eyes involuntarily sought out Grace. They fixed on her across the room, as she held baby Peter and was helping Irene to tie the strings of his baby bonnet. He kept his counsel, but in silence grasped Douglas’s arm to acknowledge his loss.

  Douglas took a moment, and then changed the subject. ‘So, how much longer do you think the war will last?’

  Ben said, ‘I wish I could say by Christmas, but I believe we’re some way off yet, but I doubt Merseyside will be attacked by the Luftwaffe again and that must be of some comfort.’

  Douglas nodded towards his daughter and her new American beau. ‘Beryl said that Graham reckons the Americans will officially be joining us in the fight soon. Apparently German U-boats have been spotted in the US coastal waters and a couple of American ships have been torpedoed.’

  ‘That doesn’t surprise me,’ said Ben. ‘Anyway, you take care now.’ Grace motioned to him from across the bar. ‘I’d better mix with our other guests.’

  * * *

  The next morning Ben was up early. He took a cup of tea and a slice of buttered toast up to Grace, who was still asleep, before he lifted his whimpering son from the Moses basket. He cuddled Peter to him before sitting down on a chair with him next to the bed, ready for Grace to feed him. The idea of Grace feeding Peter gave him pleasure and reminded him of Christmas cards of the Madonna and the Holy Child. Ben felt a twinge as he realised that he was unlikely to be here for Peter’s first Christmas, nor for Simon’s birthday this year. He reminded himself that he was more fortunate than many a serviceman, given that he was based in the country and not out at sea or in a foreign land. Even so, he wished he and Grace could have sorted out their problems before he had to leave. Not for the first time, he cursed himself for even entertaining the thought that Grace would have tried to meet in secret with that madman Dougie. It had only been for a split-second, and the idea had left his brain as quickly as it had entered it, on that chaotic evening following Simon’s attack. Ben sensed that Grace was still upset by his mistake, and he wanted to clear the air. Yet whenever Dougie’s name was mentioned, he somehow found himself losing reason and arguing with his wife. But Ben had had enough of that man coming between them. He readied himself to bring it up now, when Grace awoke, but as she stirred and turned to him, he hesitated. Grace smiled sleepily and reached out for her baby. Ben kept silent, fearful of spoiling the peaceful moment. Instead he handed their son to her and motioned to the breakfast tray at her side, without saying a word. He then stood a moment in the doorway, and gazed at his wife and baby, before going downstairs.