I suddenly feel completely freaked the fuck out and scared. I decide to get the hell out of the woods before it turns pitch black out here. I start walking slightly fast like I am speed walking before turning into a full on sprint. I run so hard that my throat and chest are burning. I make my way back to the picnic tables and the pole lights have already turned on and campus is eerily quiet. I try to shake the feeling of unease I have before making my way to the diner. I should have had them come and get me, I feel exhausted.
**
I walk into the diner and the bell dings behind me, I hope I don’t look like a deer caught in the headlights. I spot my gang in the back booth near the kitchen. Cutter stands to let me slide in on his side. Wrapping his arm around the back of my shoulders he squeezes me and asks if I am feeling okay. I lie and ask why I wouldn’t. But my trembling bottom lip and pale face gives me away.
“Y’all ready to order?” The waitress asks taking out her pen and pad, snapping her gum at us with every word. “Tonight’s special is meatloaf served with mashed potatoes, corn, macaroni, and a sweet roll.” We all end up ordering the special. They serve homemade mashed potatoes here, none of that fake flakey shit. I am sick to my stomach but hungry all at the same time.
After the waitress brings us our drinks Cutter decides to grill me about what has me so shaken. I blow him off and tell him I don’t want to talk about it right now. Instead I change the subject and get Brianna to gush about the Halloween party. I quietly sip on my soda and pretend to be just as excited as she is about it all.
Brianna is animatedly describing the costumes we bought on our shopping excursion when she is rudely interrupted by douche waffle, Nolan. Why is he still in town even? I hope Brianna knows what she is doing, and I hope she isn’t playing Hurley. He is a good guy, hell a cockroach would make a better boyfriend than Nolan.
“Did I hear party?” He pulls a chair over from a nearby table and spins it around backwards resting his arms across the back of it. I have to turn away from him, he looks so much like Harlan it hurts to see his face. He even shares some of Harlan’s same mannerisms when he speaks. But he is nothing like Harlan was; Nolan is just a straight up asshole. Looking alike has nothing to do with his lack of people skills.
I look over at Brianna to see that she is just as uncomfortable as I am, if not more. She is chewing her bottom lip and looking everywhere in the dining room but at Nolan.
Of course Hurley doesn’t notice and invites Nolan to the party. Smooth move — Exlax.
Brianna asks Hurly to excuse her to the restroom. “Bella, you coming?” She gives me a pointed look that says I had better. Cutter lets me out of the booth mumbling something about women traveling to bathrooms in packs and Brianna is grabbing my elbow and dragging me through the crowded room to the restrooms. She starts throwing her hands all around and mumbling to herself. I hear her throw around the words jerk, and doing here under her breath.
I grab her arm and stop her from wearing a track in the floor. “Are you okay?”
“No I am not okay, can you believe the nerve of him. Jerk!” She removes my hand from her arm, flips her hair, and begins checking her makeup in the mirror.
I am not sure what to say to her. I am not entirely shocked to see Nolan trying to cozy up to us. But maybe he is just trying to get at Brianna.
“Their father is sick. I mean his dad — well you know he has been having chest pains or something,” she waves her arm towards the door.
Yeah I know what she means. My Gram had mentioned it briefly when I overheard her and her biddies gossiping during one of their quilting lunches.
“Nolan has been calling me. He claims that he has changed and wants me back. I turned him down though. Hurley is a sweetie pie, and treats me real nice.” She puckers her lips in the mirror spreading the gloss across her pout that she freshly applied seconds ago.
“Want some,” she asks passing the gloss to me. “I think Cutter is real sweet on you, you guys official now or not?”
“Not,” I answer, following her back to the table. Nolan is gone without hide or hair of him in sight. Good riddance. Let him go stir up trouble somewhere else.
***
Lying back on the chaise in Doc’s office I stare up at the ceiling unsure of how to tell him about my incident in the woods, and how to broach the subject of my photography project. I count the familiar lines in the ceiling finding comfort in them, they never change. They — the lines are the one constant thing I can count on right now.
“What seems to be bothering you Bella? You know you can talk to me about anything.”
“Say hypothetically I told you I thought I saw Harlan in the woods near campus a few nights ago, how would you handle it?”
“Did you see him Bella?”
“I’m not sure. And before you ask I am still on my meds. I take them at the same time everyday. I feel like I am being watched. I used to think it was Harlan. But now — now I’m not so sure.”
“Do believe you are being followed Bella?”
“I don’t know what I think anymore. But I do need you to help me with something. I know you have talked with the university about my issues. I have a photography project, but I am scared to look through the lens.”
My project isn’t due until the end of the semester so Doc said he has some things we can try at my next appointment. He was glad to hear that I am working on things with my Gram. He doesn’t want to increase my medication unless I continue seeing Harlan. I wish now that I had kept my mouth shut.
He offers to help me look into finding my dad; I’m not sure how I feel about going there. I don’t even know where we would even start trying to find any information. I tell him I will think about it. But for now it just seems like it would be another complication I don’t need. Besides I have been my whole life without the guy. Like I need another guy in my life to deal with I can barely juggle the ones I have to interact with now.
**
It’s been over two weeks since I seen Harlan in the woods and they are still working on the bridge so I haven’t been back to the falls. Cutter and Hurley have been getting the house ready for the party. I am nervous about being around so many people that knew me before. I mean I know I have been hanging out with Hurley, Brianna and Cutter, but they are just different. They know when to give me space and when to let things go. And I am extremely guarded about being in that house.
I am having lunch with Brianna in the dinning hall and her phone keeps going off. She says it is Nolan, he just won’t give up. She says she brushes him off, she is hoping Hurley will officially ask her out.
Cutter doesn’t have class today so he is working all day at the hardware store. Hurley squeezes between us girls and asks, “So when are we going to do this?”
Confused by what he means I have to walk right into his twisted mind and ask, “Do what?”
“You, me, Brianna — getting naked between my sheets.” He wiggles his eyebrows at me and winks.
“You are such a pig!” Brianna puffs up. I know she doesn’t take him serious, but I think Nolan used to push her into situations she really didn’t want to take part in. “I’m sure Cutter would find that really funny, prick.” Jeez he must have struck a nerve there. I didn’t take Brianna for the jealous type.
“Oink oink baby.” Hurley places a sloppy kiss on the corner of her mouth trying to suck up just a little. “You are missing out on this major league dick Bella, but it’s cool, guess Cutter must be packing your flavor of sausage,” he bends over laughing at his own crudeness.
I guess Brianna has had enough of him being a dick and has to put her two cents in. “No Hurley, it’s probably, because I told Bella what a tiny package you are sporting between your legs, and from what I hear, Cutter is royally endowed.” My face turns blood red, great now Hurley will go and tell Cutter that Brianna and I are comparing their love muscles.
Hurley must sense my utter humiliation and decides to give me a break. Or he is afraid Brianna will cut him off. “C
heck it. I need you beauties to hand these out to everyone you see,” He hands us each a stack of flyers from his satchel. “This party is going to be epic,” He laughs taking my apple and walks away laughing.
Hurley is ridiculous, but you got to love the idiot, he just can’t seem to help himself. He comes by his idiocy honestly. Life would be dull without him to liven the day up that’s for sure. He grows on you slowly — like a fungus.
“I’m sorry Bella, I didn’t mean to drag you into mine and Hurley’s bickering, but he needed put in his place.” She is talking animatedly with her hands and rolling her eyes back in her head.
“It’s fine really. You two are worse than an old married couple, it’s cute.” I pick over my lunch while she goes into a spill about what a pervert Hurley is.
We dump our lunch trays and head out to the quad like good little gophers and hand out Hurley’s party flyers. There are actually a lot of people excited about it.
Chapter 13
Halloween
“This party is going to be off the chains,” Brianna squeaks in my face as she applies the finishing touches to my makeup.
Looking at myself in the mirror I have to admit she has done an amazing job. I really do look like ‘Harley Quinn.’ I almost don’t recognize my own reflection; I look sexy — like a vixen.
Cutter takes my seat in front of the mirror now and it is his turn to have his face painted. He pulls me into his lap while Brianna gets more makeup from her bag and he kisses my mouth.
“You look so hot; maybe we should skip the party and stay here in the bedroom and do a little role playing, so the costumes don’t go completely to waste...” He runs his hand down my cleavage. Brianna is a master at creating the illusion of having more boobs than what you have.
I almost forget Brianna is in the room with us until she clears her throat. “Oh no you two don’t! I did not just spend almost two hours doing Bella’s makeup so you can lick it off or whatever it is the two of you do with each other.” She lays more tubes of white face paint in front of the mirror.
Cutter gives me one more kiss before releasing me.
“Don’t make me use my whip.” Brianna points at Cutter and flashes him a playful grin.
“Yes Ma’am,” he salutes, her and I go see if Hurley needs any help before the whole college gets here.
I put Hurley’s iPod on the dock and select his ‘spooky’ play list. Herds of people start filing in and spreading throughout the house. I have received a lot of compliments on my costume. I really have to hand it to Brianna she knows her fashion and makeup. I can’t wait to see what she does with Cutter.
**
“These kids are wallflowers, come on,” Brianna and Hurley lead me onto the make shift dance floor in the center of the living room. They sandwich me between them, and start bumping and grinding me. I can’t help but laugh, because Hurley is a shitty dancer and he is making the funniest facial expressions with his mouth. I see Cutter watching us through the island that separates the kitchen and living room and laughing too.
“Help me,” I mouth the words at Cutter. He shakes his head and keeps laughing. Punk, I’ll remember this later when he wants a kiss. He makes a great Joker, with his shit eating grin.
Hurley keeps up his goofy antics and pretends he is spanking my ass, I switch spots with Brianna and dance my way to the kitchen. I am in need of a beer and a cigarette. This house is taking a toll on my nerves; I need to take the edge off.
**
The party is going well; Cutter has only had to toss a few assholes that couldn’t handle their beer out on the lawn. One of the guys from my English class is being a taxi for the people who have been drinking. I am in the kitchen watching Cutter play beer pong and failing miserably at it when suddenly the vibe of the party takes a downward spiral.
I look onto the dance floor to see Brianna trapped between two ‘vampires’. I figure she can use some rescuing by the agitated look on her face. Grabbing her by her kitty tail I lead her to the kitchen so she can laugh at Cutter with me. We are having a good time when Nolan comes out of nowhere and grabs Brianna by the back of the head, shoving his tongue down her throat. Hurley looks like a bull seeing red. Brianna pushes Nolan away and starts to cry or laugh. I can’t tell the difference with the sounds coming from her mouth.
Hurley is getting in Nolan’s face and poking him in the chest. “What the fuck bro? You come to my party, drink my beer and hit on my girl. Just because your family owns this property doesn’t mean you can come in here and do whatever the fuck you want.” He looks like he is ready to throw down. “You’re a fucking piece of shit man.”
Cutter steps between the two of them, and all I can think is I hope he doesn’t get punched in the shuffle.
“Hey man it’s cool, I didn’t know. Brianna used to be my girl. I didn’t know you two were a thing. My apologies to you and the pussy — cat.” Nolan gives a smug smirk and holds his hand out to Hurley. You can cut the tension with a knife. I don’t like the way Nolan is trying to provoke Hurley. It’s so obvious he’s just trying to push his buttons.
This could go two ways and I don’t want to stick around to find out which. I take Brianna to the back bedroom to let her get some space from the testosterone polluting the air. I need a moment myself. Being in this house is so hard, it brings up so many memories that I don’t want to revisit. I close the door and my heart rips into tiny pieces once it shuts. Mine and Harlan’s initials are still carved on the back of it. Brianna starts laughing.
“What is so funny? How is any of this amusing to you? I thought you were crying.” I take a seat beside her on the bed.
“Nolan, that’s what. He never made it known to many that I was his girl. Now that he sees me with someone else, he thinks he can stake his claim on me. Harlan was the same way about you, ya know?” She takes my beer and takes a hard swig. “I need to get the taste of Nolan from my mouth.” I shudder at the thought of what that must be like.
All I can do is nod; I can’t talk about him — Harlan with her. I know she would understand probably more than anyone since we both have dated the Rivers’ brothers. But being here in this house and talking about the past is more than even I can take. I know she means well and it would probably feel good to get some of my feelings off my chest, but not tonight. I just want to enjoy the party. We can bond over our past loves some other night.
“We need to liven this party back up and I have just the thing.” She rises from the bed and walks out into the hall. “Meet me in the living room and get everyone ready to play a game.”
I walk back into the kitchen to find everyone drinking and laughing again. Looks like the Nolan situation resolved itself. I feel a rush of relief when my eyes land on an unscathed Cutter.
“Are you good?’ Cutter wraps his arms around my waist and rests his chin on my shoulder. He kisses my neck sweetly.
“Yeah, this makeup is itching the shit outta my face though.”
“Mine too,” he nibbles on my ear. “Come with me,” he leads me out onto the back porch to steal a kiss. If he keeps kissing me like this with his magic tongue we are going to miss the rest of the party.
Brianna comes carrying the box to that damned Ouija board game she bought a few weeks back. I am so not playing.
“Come on y’all don’t be shy it’s just a game.” Brianna points her finger around the room at those of us still here.
Most of the guest has cleared out over the past hour or so. Hurley takes the pillar candles from throughout the house and makes a big circle in the middle of the floor. He takes a seat beside of Brianna and the board in the center of the floor. Cutter looks at me like he is unsure, but I tell him it is fine. I mean hell it is only a kiddy game.
“Come on guys we need at least one more person.” Brianna barks out to no one particular, but Nolan decides to take the fourth spot in the circle. “Okay have any of us done this before?” She asks.
Everyone shakes their heads no in unison. She instructs them to lightly
place their fingers on the eye. They do as she says and sit in silence for a few minutes. I grow bored and go into the kitchen while they sit on the floor getting their cheeks numb.
After my snack and a much needed smoke I come back to them whispering and accusing the other of moving it. This is a joke and a waste of time I laugh to myself. But the air in the house shifts and goose bumps raise the hair on the back of my neck. I get an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I think I am going to lose my cheese and crackers.
Something tells me Harlan is near. I can’t see him, but I can feel him. Being in this house is not good for me, and after tonight I am never coming back. You can get through the rest of the party, just be cool. Yeah right, it’s easier said than done. I don’t know what I was thinking even being here tonight. I know better than to come here.
I close my eyes and throw my head back on the couch, hoping these feelings will pass and that I don’t vomit my emotions onto the floor. I massage my temples trying to ease the tension headache I feel coming on. My moment of peace doesn’t last long. My eyes pop wide open when I hear what they asking the board.
“Is the spirit here with us tonight related to someone in this room? Do you have a message you’d like us to pass on.” I can’t even focus on who is doing the asking.
I don’t even realize I am now standing in the circle of candles watching — waiting until I see the board answer yes. I hold my breath as Brianna asks if the spirit will give their name. They start to move the eye or it moves, I should say. They let it guide them from letter to letter eventually spelling out the name Harlan.
A tear falls down my cheek. How could they think this is funny? I am frozen in place. I don’t want them to think they can hurt me. Never let them see you cry, I chant to myself. But it doesn’t work; I say it once more as more tears flood my eyes.
“Do have a message for us Harlan,” Hurley asks.
A minute passes and another — nothing. The urge to cut hits me and I feel the ache in my chest, the poison bubbling, raging to escape.
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