The Cowboy's Unexpected Love: Wade and Sierra (MacFarland Ranch Book 1)

by SJ McCoy

  Her arms came up around his neck and she pulled him down into a kiss. Her mouth mirrored the movements of her body – opening up to him, welcoming him inside, claiming him. That’s how it felt. But she wasn’t. He kissed her deeper and thrust his way deeper inside her, loving the way her legs curled around him and she moaned his name.

  He shut his mind down and got lost in the feel of her, got lost in the need to drive her toward pleasure. He pushed harder and deeper, loving the desperate noises she made. He recognized his own voice mingling with hers, speaking her name and over and over as they drove each other higher and higher. They pushed each other closer and closer to the edge, until she gasped and her whole body quivered beneath him, her inner muscles clamping around him, drawing him deeper and demanding his release. One more thrust and he froze, holding himself deep as waves of pleasure swept through him and into her. It felt like an eternity that her muscles fluttered around him, milking him for all he had to give – and he gave it all. When he finally slumped down over her, he was spent.

  She pressed a kiss to his cheek, and he turned and captured her lips in a tender kiss that he wished could tell her how he felt. It couldn’t though; he couldn’t tell her, because she didn’t need to know. And that thought brought him back to reality. And reality meant taking care of practical details once the magic of the moment was gone. The magic of the last couple weeks would leave plenty of details to take care of tomorrow. But right now, the practical detail he had to see to was the condom. He stroked her cheek and kissed the tip of her nose before muttering, “Be right back.”

  Chapter Twenty

  When Sierra woke the next morning, she snuggled closer into Wade’s side. How could she have grown so used to sleeping with him and waking up with him in such a short time? She’d never felt this comfortable with Jared. Even in the beginning, she’d felt like there was an invisible barrier down the middle of the bed, and there had been many mornings that she found herself waking up clinging to the edge on her side. They hadn’t slept together every night either. He used to say that it was easier to stay at his place, close to the office because he worked so late. Now, she realized that he probably spent at least some of those nights with Lori.

  Yet, in these last couple of weeks with Wade they’d slept together every night, and every morning she woke up pressed into his side. He always held her, his arm around her waist, his leg curled over hers, and she felt like a little creature always trying to burrow deeper into his warmth. She squeezed her eyes tight shut, wishing she could make this moment last. Once they got up this morning, that would be it. She hadn’t gotten much sleep. They’d made love two more times, waking up and finding each other, coming together without words, just a desperate need to get as close as two people could. It wasn’t just her, either. Wade felt it, too. She knew he did. He might think that he couldn’t be what she needed him to be, but in so many ways he already was.

  His arm tightened around her, drawing her closer and she went, wrapping her arms around him and wishing that this could have turned out differently.

  He greeted her with a kiss and that warm smile of his that she knew she’d never forget. Of course, she’d still get to see him smile. She’d still be here, still see him; she didn’t doubt that he’d be there for her like he said he would. But it wouldn’t be the same. She had to make a start on her new life – her life as a mom to two children she’d never even met before, and him? Well, he’d be getting on with his life, too. And that smile, the way he looked at her in the mornings like this, the warmth she saw in his eyes for her, that wouldn’t be there anymore.

  She pressed her face into his neck and kissed him, making him shiver. She pressed closer, hoping that he might want to share that closeness one more time before they got up, but he was tense, and he shifted his hips away from her.

  “What’s the plan for today, darlin’?”

  This was it then. If he wanted to move them onto whatever came next, she wasn’t going to beg him to stay in their own little bubble for a little longer. She forced herself to smile and look up at him.

  “Dax said that they should be here around two. I thought I should go over to the cabin and make sure everything’s ready. I want to bake some cookies. Do you think that’s silly? I just … the smell of fresh-baked cookies makes me feel like home. I thought it’d be nice for them …” She stopped. She’d been so caught up in Wade and everything that might or might not happen between them that she was worried she hadn’t given enough thought to Mateo and Maya. She wanted to make this move as easy as it could be for them. She wanted them to know that they were safe – and loved. But she wasn’t sure that she knew how.

  Wade brushed a strand of hair off her cheek and tucked it behind her ear. “I don’t think it’s silly. I think it’s a great idea. And don’t worry, Sierra. You’re going to do great. They’re the luckiest little people on Earth that they get to be with you. You’re going to be a wonderful mom to them. They’re going to have a great life with you. Don’t doubt it for a minute. I don’t.”

  She had to swallow the lump that formed in her throat. She loved that he was reassuring her, but she couldn’t help wishing that he wanted to be with her, that he thought he could have a great life with her, too. But he didn’t. “Thanks,” was all she trusted herself to say.

  ~ ~ ~

  Ford frowned when he came into the kitchen at the big house and found Wade sitting at the table, staring into the bottom of an empty water glass.

  “What are you doing here?”

  Wade shrugged.

  “Where’s Sierra? What time are the kids coming?”

  “She’s at the cabin. Her friend, Amelia, is there with her. They’re baking cookies. Dax is supposed to arrive with the kids at about two.”

  Ford put his hands on his hips and held Wade’s gaze but didn’t speak.

  “What?”

  “What are you doing here?”

  “I brought my stuff back.”

  “You’re moving back in?”

  “Yeah. I’ll finish the work on the little cabin and get it on the books as soon as I can. We’re booked up at the lodge and all the other cabins for the rest of the summer, and we still get enough inquiries that we should be able to book the cabin out as soon as it’s ready, too.”

  “And what’s happening with you and Sierra?”

  Wade looked away. It was a simple question, and it had an easy answer. But his throat tightened with emotion, not wanting to say the one word.

  “Well?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Nothing?” Ford pulled out a chair and turned it around. He rested his arms on the back and fixed Wade with a stony look. “You’re going let her go – just like that?”

  Wade blew out a sigh. “I wasn’t going to. I thought long and hard about it. I reached the conclusion that maybe I could be good for her.”

  “Hmph. That doesn’t take much figuring out.”

  “Maybe. But I also figured out that maybe I could be good for those kids, too, you know? I mean, they’ve lost everything. They’ve fallen on their feet with Sierra, but I thought maybe I could be good for them. If we were … if she and I were together … it could be good for them to have a man in their lives. I mean, I know they don’t need it. I know she doesn’t need me, but I thought …”

  “So, what went wrong? If you were thinking that way, why are you sitting over here looking like the world just ended while she’s over there baking cookies with her friend?”

  “I guess I was so caught up in trying to figure out if I could be good for her, that I forgot to take into account what she thought. Last night I told her that I didn’t know if I could be what she needs. Ford, I was hedging. I told her I didn’t know if I could be, and I was about to tell that I want to be. But she cut me off and told me that she didn’t know if she could be what I need either. That I was right and we’re too different. That our lives are too different, and it’s better this way.”

  “Oh, for fuck’s sake!”

&nb
sp; “What?” Wade stared at his brother. He hadn’t exactly been expecting sympathy, but Ford’s expression looked like he was pissed.

  Ford pressed his fingers to his temples and circled them as if he was trying to rub away a headache. “And you believed her?”

  “Why wouldn’t I?”

  “Jesus, Wade. Think about it. Sierra’s been crazy about you since the minute she saw you. I thought she was cute, standing by the side of the road when we found her. But then she turned and looked at you. When you smiled at her, and she smiled back, she went from looking cute to beautiful. I know I’m the last person you’d expect to say this, but the way she reacted to you made me believe in love at first sight.”

  Wade just stared at him.

  “Don’t look at me like that. I’m not yanking your chain. I’m deadly serious. I know I gave you shit in the beginning but that was mostly because I couldn’t believe myself – that I could believe in love at first sight. But damn! You smiled at her, she lit up. She told you what her deal was, and you were a goner. Wrapping her up in your jacket, telling me you wanted to keep her. I’ve been waiting to see how this would pan out, but I sure as hell didn’t expect this.”

  “And what exactly is this?”

  “You screwing it up by being too much of a pussy to tell her how you feel, and then worse than that, believing her when she backs off.”

  Wade’s heart was thudding in his chest. “You think that’s what happened?”

  “Yup.”

  “But she said that we’re too different. That our lives are too different.”

  “Uh-huh. And that’s true. And if I’ve got this right, you didn’t give her any reason to believe that you’d be interested in living the kind of life that she’s going to have, did you?”

  “No. I was going to tell her what I’d been thinking about the kids and about wanting to try to keep things going between us. But …”

  “But you started out by saying that you don’t know if you can be what she needs?”

  “Yeah.”

  “And you wonder why she backed right off? She put herself out there in a big way, spending time with you the way she has since she arrived. It has to have been hard for her. No matter how she feels about you, she has to have been second-guessing herself. I know a lot has happened in the last couple weeks, but even at this minute she’s supposed to be on her honeymoon – with a guy who wanted to kill her.”

  Wade blew out a sigh.

  “Do you think that maybe she’s a little leery? That hearing you say that you don’t think you can be what she wants might be enough to send her back into her shell? That you saying that might make her second guess everything – about herself and her judgment as well as about you and your intentions.”

  “Shit.” Wade rested his elbows on the table and hung his head between his hands. “You think that’s what happened?”

  “I can’t say for sure. I mean, it’s possible that she came to her senses and wondered what the hell she was doing wasting her time with an asshole like you.” Ford smirked at him. “But I don’t think that’s it, bro. I think your uncertainty scared her off and she’s covering her ass. She probably doesn’t want to ask too much of you, doesn’t want you to be around the kids if you’re not going to be there for them. And I’d guess that you hurt her.”

  Wade closed his eyes. He hated the thought of hurting Sierra more than anything. “What if I’m right and she’s genuinely just not interested in anything more than we already had?”

  Ford shrugged. “Then you’re no worse off than you are right now. But I seriously think you should talk to her and make sure. Worst case scenario is you make a fool of yourself. You tell her how you really feel, what you want for the two of you, and she repeats what she said last night. Like I said, you’ll be no worse off than you are right now – in fact you’ll be better off because you’ll know for sure. Right?”

  “Right. But what do I do? Should I go see her now before the kids arrive – or when? Would it be fair to make her talk about it all when she’s focused on Mateo and Maya arriving?”

  Ford shrugged. “That’s up to you.”

  Wade made a face at him. “I can’t believe you don’t have an opinion.”

  Ford chuckled. “Okay. I do. I think you should wait. Let the kids arrive, let them get settled in. But go over there later today, don’t leave it too long. If you’re going to part of their lives, you should meet the kids straight away.”

  Wade sucked in a deep breath. “Okay. But how am I going to talk to her about all this stuff in front of them?”

  “You said her friend’s with her?”

  “Yeah. Amelia.”

  “Okay. In that case, I’ll come with you.”

  Wade gave him a puzzled look.

  “No way would I offer to be left alone with two small kids while you and Sierra talk. But if her friend’s there as well, then I’ll play with the kids, and she can supervise.”

  Wade couldn’t help but laugh. “How can you make out that you always need someone else to take care of things? You did the same when we met Sierra; made out like you couldn’t deal with it.”

  Ford shrugged. “I’ve never said that I can’t – just that I don’t want to.”

  “Fair enough. I appreciate it. What time do you think we should go?”

  “I’ll give her a call about five and ask if it’s okay to stop by.”

  “You will?”

  “Yup. She won’t say no to me, and we don’t want you screwing things up before we even get there.”

  “I guess. Thanks, bro.”

  “Thank me when it works out.”

  Wade smiled, liking that he’d said when it works out, not if.

  ~ ~ ~

  Sierra leaned back against the kitchen counter, her eyes never leaving the two children who sat huddled together on the sofa in the den. “They seem so small; I thought they’d be bigger.”

  Dax nodded beside her. “I don’t know much about kids, but the woman at the orphanage said they were small for their age.”

  Sierra shuddered. “I hate that they were in an orphanage. That’s horrible.”

  Dax chuckled. “Get over it, Sierra. Don’t go imagining they were dressed in rags and covered in coal dust. It was a good place. I made damned sure of it. They had to stay somewhere while we got everything taken care of.”

  She turned to him; he looked tired and older. “And everything is taken care of now?”

  He nodded but didn’t meet her gaze. “Yeah. A lot of people called in a lot of favors for those two little guys out there. All the paperwork has been taken care of as far as it can be; they’re here legally. Once the adoption goes through, it’ll take two years and then they’ll automatically be granted citizenship.”

  She nodded. She knew all of that. She’d done a lot of research and read all about it when Dax had first told her about the children – back when he’d said that he was going to take them himself. She’d known they’d be better off with her. Dax was a good man, but he was a military man. She wasn’t convinced that he would have been able to adopt them. He would’ve had to give up his career just to try.

  “Are you sure you’re sure about this?” He looked tense. “I can still –”

  She smiled. “No, Dax. You can’t and you don’t need to. They’re here. I love them already. I’m going to give them a good life. I promise you.”

  “I don’t doubt it. What worries me is if it will be a good life for you. What will you be giving up?”

  She looked away. She couldn’t allow herself to think about Wade. Instead, she made herself smile and turn back to him. “In case you’ve forgotten, I’ve just had a narrow escape from almost getting into a bad marriage.”

  He didn’t smile back. “And a narrow escape from death. Dammit, Sierra.” He shook his head. “You know I’m going to hunt that bastard down.”

  “Maybe you won’t need to. Maybe they’ll find him, and he’ll go to prison.”

  “They don’t have any leads on him
yet.”

  “Have you talked to Barney?”

  Dax nodded. “He has a team of investigators on it, but I’m thinking I might call in some favors and see what I can do.”

  Sierra didn’t like the sound of that. “I don’t want you using up your favors for me.”

  “It’s for me, too, Sierra. I’ll sleep better knowing that there’s no chance of him coming after you.”

  “You think he might? What about the children?”

  Dax sighed. “Honestly? I think he’s long gone. I wouldn’t leave the kids with you otherwise. But after what he did, what he had planned for you? I’d take great pleasure in making sure that he can’t ever come back.”

  Sierra didn’t like to think too hard about what Dax did. She knew in general that he and his team made sure bad guys weren’t able to hurt people ever again. But she didn’t like to dwell on what that really meant – he killed people. Only bad people, but still. She knew it was his job, it’d been Seb’s job, too. But it was hard for her to reconcile that the laughing, joking, caring guys she’d grown up with had gone on to become trained killers.

  “How long’s Amelia going to stay?”

  She was grateful that Dax moved the conversation on. “She hasn’t decided yet. She’s open to staying as long as I need her.”

  “That’s good. And how are you getting along with the MacFarlands? I didn’t know if any of them would be here with you.”

  Sierra lifted a shoulder. “Janey said that she’d stop by tomorrow. She’s the vet. She has a mama dog who’s about to give birth. I think I’d like to take the mama in once she’s ready, and maybe keep one of the puppies for the children. What do you think?”

  “It could be a good idea. They had a dog.” Dax shook his head. “The bastards who killed their dad killed the dog, too. It could go either way. It might make them happy to get a new one or make them sad for what they lost.”

  Sierra sighed. “We’ll have to play it by ear then. We should get back in there. How long are you going to stay? I set up one of the guest rooms for you.”