You're Being Summoned, Darkness

by Natsume Akatsuki

“Errgh… I can’t take any more…”

  The mutter came from the seat across from Kazuma.

  Darkness collapsed over the table, quaking, her face red.

  Adventurers of every stripe had been calling out to her for some time now, and with every shout she grew redder.

  She was the oldest of our party members but perhaps the least worldly. She tried to act cool, but it was actually quite simple to get a rise out of her. Those factors together made it intensely tempting to tease her from time to time.

  …All right. I rose from my seat and approached her…

  Epilogue 3 —Darkness—

  Oh my gods.

  How did this happen?

  “How long are you going to keep babbling?! Do you realize you’re responsible for more of the things that I’m on trial for than anyone else? From most to least troublesome, the order goes: you, Megumin, Darkness! If you’ve finally got that through your thick skull, then go sit in the corner and count the specks of dust on the wall or something until I’ve got my award!”

  “Waaaaaaah! How could you be so cruel, Kazuma?! It’s not like I cause problems deliberately! With the flood damage from our battle with Beldia, the spirit barrier around the graveyard that caused all those hauntings—I was just trying to do what was best!”

  “Pardon me, but I was of the belief that I was the least troublesome.”

  I leaned on the table with my head in my hands, watching the three of them argue out of the corner of my eye.

  Suddenly, someone called from behind me.

  “Hey there, Lalatina! That’s your name, isn’t it? Cute!”

  I trembled.

  “Lalatina, sweetheart, we’ve got to get you some clothes that are as cute as your name! I’ll help you pick some out!”

  I trembled a little more.

  “‘Lalatina,’ huh? Sounds all…high-class and cultured.”

  Aww, gimme a break…!

  We’d gotten through the whole mess with Lord Alderp, but now I had a new problem…

  I raised my head, tears in my eyes, and glared at the source of all this teasing from the other adventurers.

  “Ooh, what’s with the scary face, Lalatina? It doesn’t suit someone with such a sweet name.”

  “Grrrrrr…!”

  I could feel my face grow hot right up to my ears, but I gritted my teeth and bore Kazuma’s taunt.

  He had promised after he bested me in our duel that he would do something so awful it would make me weep…and he’d delivered.

  Hrr, curse me! To lose my nerve at the last minute, when I’d been so close to victory…!

  Old Alderp, for his part, hadn’t said anything after all that had taken place. But he was a stubborn one, and I seriously doubted I’d heard the last of him.

  “Ooh, looks like they’re starting. Catch you in a few…Lalatina!”

  I grabbed a wooden cup nearby and flung it at Kazuma as he stood up.

  Epilogue 4 —Kazuma—

  “Adventurer Sir Kazuma Satou.” I stood at the front counter of the Guild, the intent gaze of every adventurer in the room fixed on me. “I hereby present you with this award and a letter of gratitude from the town. In addition, I offer my profound apologies for suspecting you in any ill capacity.”

  With that, I accepted the letter of gratitude from Sena, who gave me a deep bow of her head.

  It was a week after our battle with Vanir.

  We had been cleared of any suspicion of being spies for the Demon King on the logic that if we were working for him, we would never have gone so far as to defeat one of his generals, up to and including how we put our lives on the line.

  Sena, after watching the battle firsthand, had arranged for me to be cleared of the sedition charge and to receive my due reward for my role in defeating Destroyer—even if it was a bit later than everyone else’s.

  For me, just being out from under the threat of the death penalty was practically reward enough. And I was very grateful for the thought that I might actually be able to repay our debts.

  We had been summoned to the Guild today, since Darkness’s wounds had finally healed.

  “And to the noblewoman Lalatina Ford Dustiness. Your act of self-sacrifice in this matter was beyond reproach. In respect of the honor you have done the Dustiness name, the royal family sends you a letter of their gratitude, as well as a full set of the finest armor money can buy to replace that which you lost in battle.”

  The Knights approached from a respectful distance, bearing a new set of armor for Darkness, who was beet red and trembling.

  Megumin’s Explosion had vanquished the masked Devil Vanir.

  Darkness had been left in a crater, with near-fatal wounds and without her precious armor.

  Aqua had nursed her back to health, leading us here today, but…

  “Congrats, Lalatina!” someone shouted. Darkness twitched.

  “Yeah, way to go, Lalatina!”

  “That’s our Lalatina for you!”

  “Lalatina! You’re so cute! Lalatina!”

  As one person after another called out to her with her real name, Darkness covered her face with both hands—blushing up to her ears—and leaned on the table again.

  “This…this humiliation is not the kind of awful thing I was hoping for,” she muttered weakly, keeping her head down.

  I’d said I would do something so bad she would weep.

  All I’d done was keep my promise…

  “But Darkness, I think Lalatina is a really cute name! I’ll chew out Kazuma later for spreading it around as a prank. But you should try to have a little more pride in the name Lalatina!”

  Aqua, completely well-intentioned, was oblivious to the fact that she was only twisting the knife.

  Megumin had come over to enjoy the show and shook with suppressed laughter. Darkness’s shoulders were shaking for an entirely different reason. The Arch-wizard gave her a little pat. There, there.

  In keeping with my promise to do something so awful it would make Darkness weep, I had let everyone know her real name.

  Now every adventurer who walked by teased her about it, but they would let up in due course.

  “Now, to continue. In the matter of Mr. Satou’s reward.” Sena’s words brought silence to the chattering in the Guild. “Adventurer Kazuma Satou and party. You made immense contributions to the defeat of Mobile Fortress Destroyer and were essential to our success in the battle with the Demon King’s general Vanir. In accordance with this…”

  The intense, somber expression Sena had worn when she came with my indictment had vanished, replaced with a soft, gentle smile.

  “…minus your outstanding debt and the reparations for Lord Alderp’s mansion…”

  She pulled out a piece of paper.

  “…you are presented the amount of forty million eris. Congratulations on your achievements!”

  She handed me a bulging sack. Wild applause spread through the Guild as I accepted it. Adventurers shouted in celebration and called out that I should treat them.

  The mood in the Guild Hall was jubilant.

  I left it to Aqua—goddess of parties—and Megumin to handle the situation, while Darkness got to her feet and exited the Guild with me.

  Our debt had finally been settled.

  Yet Darkness and I didn’t find it very comforting.

  …There was somewhere we had to go now.

  There was someone we had to tell about the death of Vanir, general of the Demon King.

  Vanir had told us he’d come to this town to see a friend.

  A friend who ran a junky little store and somehow managed to be penniless no matter how hard she worked…

  That could only be his fellow general—Wiz.

  In other words, we had killed an old friend of hers.

  He had been after Aqua, and as adventurers, we sort of had an obligation to deal with him. But that was cold comfort now.

  We were at the corner of a back road that didn’t see many visitors, in front of a store with
a sign boasting WIZ’S MAGICAL ITEM SHOPPE.

  “Kazuma. Let me tell Wiz about this one. Vanir and I wreaked havoc together in the same body, even if it was just for a while. And though I can’t agree with his taunts about humans, I didn’t think he was so bad… Even if he was kind of obsessed with getting revenge on Aqua. Maybe it’s not becoming for a Crusader in the service of Our Lady Eris to say this, but… Well, I didn’t hate him.”

  The whole time she spoke, Darkness gazed into the distance.

  Wait. “We wreaked havoc together”? Geez. I thought she looked like she was having an awfully good time taking out those adventurers.

  In any case, I pushed open the front door and entered the shop.

  “Welcome!”

  A chipper voice greeted me. I could picture the smile on Wiz’s face, and my heart ached.

  No sooner had I come in than I realized Wiz had a new employee, someone else wearing the shop’s characteristic apron.

  The new person was tallish.

  He was incredibly cheerful, and his lips were twisted into a big smile…!

  “It’s you! Welcome! Young woman who was standing outside the store speaking as if ashamed, there is something I want to tell you. I gather you don’t hate me—but we Devils lack gender, so I’m afraid I can’t respond to your blush-inducing confession… Ooh, a most bitter embarrassment, how delectable! What’s wrong? Why are you in the fetal position? Did you really think I’d been destroyed?! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!”

  The masked employee acted as if there was nothing unusual about his being there.

  He patted Darkness on the shoulder reassuringly as she sat on the floor of the shop with her face in her knees and her cheeks red, trembling. That was when Wiz poked her head out from a back room.

  “Oh, Mr. Kazuma, welcome! I heard how you defeated Mr. Vanir and convinced everyone you weren’t a spy. Congratulations! Now all that’s left is your debt, right? But don’t worry, Mr. Vanir here is very talented at earning money…”

  I held up one hand to stop the merry flood of words.

  “You’re right that my name’s been cleared. But what’s with this guy? He seems pretty lively for someone who took a direct hit from Explosion. He shouldn’t even be here, should he? There isn’t a scratch on him!”

  Vanir seemed genuinely surprised by my question.

  “What do you mean? Even I could hardly expect to weather a blast like that without a scratch. Here, take a closer look at my mask.”

  He pointed to his face as he spoke.

  I leaned in close and saw a Roman numeral II.

  “That explosion cost me one of my lives, so this indicates that I am the second Vanir.”

  “Get out.”

  My retort provoked calming murmurs from Wiz.

  “Mr. Vanir has wanted to quit being a general of the Demon King’s army for some time now. It seems that, having been destroyed once, he came back again in order to pursue his dream. He has already ceased supporting the spirit barrier around the Demon King’s castle. So he’s perfectly harmless now.”

  Wiz smiled the whole time she spoke, perhaps happy to have been reunited with her old friend.

  Harmless, though…? Hmm…

  Maybe I’d better get Aqua in here to destroy him one more time.

  Just as I was mulling over the possibility…

  “You, man who comes from a land far beyond. You, man who seeks to defeat the Demon King though he has no talents and no strength. The all-seeing Devil prophesies. In the not-too-distant future, you and the young woman curled up and blubbering on the floor there will encounter a trial most difficult to overcome. The trial will be great; it will make you keenly aware of your own powerlessness. Until that time, good fortune will come of our cooperation in business… I’ve got some good ideas. Want to hear them?”

  Vanir’s face scrunched up into a pleasant smile, even though everything coming out of his mouth sounded like trouble.

  FIN.

  Afterword

  Wooooooo! Volume threeeeeeeee!

  Thankfully, Volume 3 is out…for better or worse.

  Now that I’ve made it this far, some things are starting to feel more real to me.

  I keep expecting to wake up saying, “So it was all a dream…” I was so worried I might be imagining the whole thing that I put copies of Volumes 1 and 2 under my pillow. At this rate, I won’t need an actual pillow much longer.

  In fact, before I knew it, there were translated editions overseas. The book has been translated into several other languages and is already on sale.

  I wonder what those translations are like. I use a lot of weird words and strange turns of phrase.

  If I may say so, I’m not always even sure my Japanese makes a whole lot of sense. I hope it’s not causing too much trouble for the people who have to translate it.

  I get it, I get it. I’d better start using more proper Japanese.

  I get it, but I’m not gonna do it. I just mean I hear you.

  The other day: I headed to the bookstore planning to do them the service of pulling my books a centimeter out from the shelf so they would stand out. When I got there, I found someone standing in the store, reading a copy of Konosuba, Volume 1.

  While I was busy being totally thrown by this turn of events, the person took the book up to the register, and I found myself making a little bow of thanks in their direction.

  I watched someone buy a copy of my book. It sends tingles down my spine.

  You know how in Japan it’s rude to point the bottoms of your feet at somebody? I realized I have readers all over the country, meaning that when I go to sleep, my feet must inevitably be pointed at some of them. So starting tonight, I’m going to sleep standing up.

  …No, I’m not. Sorry. It’s just not possible.

  All right, enough random chitchat. Let’s talk about the book.

  Volume 3 introduced everyone’s favorite government prosecutor. You can expect to see much more of her in the future.

  Personally, I’m considering having her association with Kazuma send her straight off the professional rails, after which she will lead a fallen life. Or not.

  I would feel sorry for her if she got stuck dealing with every problem the main characters caused from here on out.

  I just realized all the characters in this story are kind of pathetic.

  No! Surely by the end, they’ll…!

  Well, I’ll do my best to keep you interested until the end.

  As I mentioned in the last book, a spin-off series featuring Megumin is currently being serialized on the Sneaker Bunko home page. Please feel free to have a look! If you fill out a questionnaire as well, it would make this author very happy.

  As ever, I had to lean on a lot of people to make this volume possible.

  Frankly, I would like to make fewer typos and usage mistakes.

  I’m very sorry. I promise I’ll try to do better next time.

  My dear Kurone Mishima, thank you for another volume’s worth of wonderful illustrations.

  To everyone in the editorial department and everyone involved in the production of the book, thank you so much. It’s thanks to all of you that Volume 3 made it to publication. No, really.

  Maybe, as an author, I could learn to cause fewer problems some of the time. I need to grow up a little before I give my editor a heart attack.

  …I’ll try.

  ……Well, I’ll try to try.

  On that note, it looks like Volume 4 will come out a little early.

  Ahh, how grateful I am…!

  I’ll give writing it my all, so I would be thrilled if you would consider picking it up.

  “I got a girlfriend around the same time I bought this book.”

  “On a lark, I bought ten lottery tickets along with this book. I won three hundred yen!”

  “I wove several copies of this book together and used it as a bulletproof vest. It brought me home alive from the battlefield.”

  I have…not…had many testimonials such as
these.

  If you got just a few minutes’ enjoyment from reading the book, I’ll be perfectly happy.

  So, to all those who labored in the production of this volume, and to those who read it—my deepest thanks!

  Natsume Akatsuki