by Amber Garza
This turns my stomach. “And he never gets attached to any of them?”
“No, he’s not exactly picky with who he’ll bring home. If the chick has two legs and is breathing, she’s game.”
I think about how Beckett always pushes me away. I guess I’m the one girl he’s picky about.
16
Beckett
I can tell I’ve pissed Star off. She hardly even acknowledges me at practice. Not that I blame her. I’m sure she didn’t appreciate me starting a fight in the middle of her date with the tree guy. It seems like maybe it’s more than that though. I can’t help but think that when she followed me outside at the coffee shop she was hoping I would admit to something. When she first asked if the fight was about her, I assumed it would reassure her to know that it wasn’t. Only she appeared to be upset by it.
Once everyone packs up their stuff and starts heading out, I stop Star. I hate when she’s mad at me, and I don’t want to leave things like this.
“Hey,” I approach her. “Do you mind staying for a few minutes? I liked that song you played at open mic night. I was hoping that you and I could run through it and I could get down the chords.”
“Yeah, I guess.” She shrugs, looking bored.
“Try to look a little less disappointed about spending time with me,” I joke. “You’re gonna give me a complex.”
She cracks a slight smile. Then she jumps as if startled and glances down at the pocket of her jeans. “Oh, sorry. Hold on a minute.” Reaching her fingers down, she yanks out her cell. After peering down at it, she presses a button and holds it to her ear. “Hey, Leo, what’s up?” She turns away from me.
As I observe her talking animatedly with Leo, I wonder who he is. After a few minutes she hangs up and turns to me with an apologetic look. “Sorry about that.”
“S’okay.” I grin. “Leo, huh? Does this mean it’s over between you and nature boy?”
She cocks her head to the side and gives me an annoyed look. “His name is Forrest, not nature boy. And Leo is my brother.”
“I thought your brother was named Galileo. Isn’t that what you said when we first met?”
“Well, wouldn’t you go by Leo if your name was Galileo?”
“Good point.”
“Anyway, I haven’t talked to Leo in awhile, so that’s why I answered.”
“Does he live in this area?”
“No, he’s still in California with my parents.”
“You left sunny California for rainy Seattle. Why?” I raise an eyebrow.
“Look at you being all inquisitive,” she points out. “Maybe my lesson did do you some good.”
I chuckle.
“Actually I came to Seattle because that’s where Lola wanted to go to school.”
“Do you do everything Lola does?”
This seems to rattle her, and she fidgets with the bottom of her sleeve. “I don’t know. I guess not. We’ve just been inseparable since freshman year. She’s the closest friend I have.”
“I guess guys are different than chicks.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s just that Ryker’s my closest friend, but I wouldn’t move somewhere just because he was going there.”
“It’s complicated with Lola and me, I guess.” She shrugs, lowering her gaze, and I can tell she doesn’t want to elaborate on this.
I clear my throat. “So, what do you say we start working on that song?”
“Sounds good.” Star smiles, seemingly relieved that I didn’t press her about her complicated relationship with Lola. As I pick up my guitar, Star makes her way to the keyboard. I grab a piece of paper and a pencil to jot down the chords. Star begins to play, and the musical sound fills the garage. The dark melody swims over me, and it’s like I can feel Star’s pain and anger that she must have felt when she wrote the song. Glancing up at her, I find myself mesmerized by the intense look on her face. I know I should be playing along with her, but I can’t tear my eyes away from her. She sings through the chorus and then looks up at me with a questioning look.
“Aren’t you going to play?” She asks, a teasing lilt in her voice. Her cheeks are pink, and she bites her lip in a way that drives me wild.
“I was too busy watching you.” My flirty side takes over and I walk toward her, clutching the guitar to my chest. I bend over her keyboard, inhaling her fresh scent. “You’re just so damn sexy when you play.”
Her eyes widen, and I worry that I’ve gone too far. But then her lips curl into a smile and she leans toward me. “Really? I didn’t know you felt that way.”
“Believe me, Star. Every guy who watches you play feels that way.”
Her hand reaches up tentatively and rests on my arm. The attraction is evident in her eyes, and I immediately regret my actions. It’s so instinctual in me to flirt, and sometimes it’s hard to keep my boundaries intact when it comes to Star. But I can’t afford to start anything up with her. I push myself off of her keyboard and walk away.
Star gets up and follows me, her heels tapping. “Why do you do that, Beckett?”
I turn to face her. She looks so pure and open that I can hardly stand it.
“Is it just a game with you or something?” She throws her arms up in frustration.
“What are you talking about?”
“You do this to me all the time. You pull me in, and when you have me right where you want me, you push me away.” Her lips tremble slightly, but she steadies them. “I can’t take it anymore.”
I shake my head, running a hand over my head. Is she saying what I think she’s saying? This is becoming too real. I have to put a stop to it. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. It’s just—” I clamp my mouth shut. I can’t say what I’m thinking. That I just can’t help myself when it comes to her. That I’m so damn attracted to her it kills me. That I’ve never had this problem with a girl before.
“It’s just what, Beckett? Say it.” Her words are harsher than I’ve heard from her before.
“I think you should go,” I say softly.
“No.” She crosses her arms over her chest. “Not until you say what you were about to say. I poured my heart out to you, it’s the least you can do.”
This stops me cold. “When did you pour your heart out to me?”
“Oh, please. Like you didn’t know that song was about you.”
My heart plummets. And even though I know I shouldn’t, I bridge the gap between us and thread her fingers through mine. “I didn’t know it was about me, Star. I swear.”
Her hands are soft to the touch, and I relish the feeling of them. Star peers up at me through her thick lashes. “You can’t tell me that you don’t feel something when we’re together, Beckett.”
“Star.” I swallow hard and rest my forehead against hers.
“Why can’t you just admit it?”
“Because it won’t change anything,” I tell her honestly, pulling back and releasing my hold on her.
“What’s wrong with me?”
Her question catches me off guard. “Nothing’s wrong with you, Star.”
“Then take me back to your place,” she says, completely startling me.
If I thought her last statement was shocking, this one blows me out of the water. “Excuse me?” I choke.
She moves toward me in a seductive way. Something about sweet innocent Star acting seductive practically sends me over the edge, and I take a deep breath to calm my racing heart. “Think of me as a member of your fan club.”
I step backward. “I can’t, Star.”
She freezes, her face falling. “Ryker says you’ll hook up with any girl with two legs. I have two legs, Beckett. In fact, I’ve seen you ogling them at every show.”
Damn, the girl has spunk. “Star, those girls mean nothing to me.”
“And I do?”
“Yes,” I breathe out. “You do.”
“Then show me.”
“Oh, God, Star, you don’t know how badly I want to.”
“Then what’s s
topping you?”
“It’s complicated. I can’t really get into it with you right now.” I run a fingertip over her chin. “But trust me, it’s not because I don’t want to.”
She swats my hand away. “That’s bull, Beckett. If you wanted me you wouldn’t keep turning me down.” Stalking away, she scoops up her purse and sheet music and races out of the garage.
“Star!” I call after her, feeling like the biggest jerk on the planet.
She keeps running toward her car, her dark hair flying behind her like a kite.
I have no idea what just happened, but I’m pretty certain I really screwed things up big time.
17
Star
Bitter tears sting my eyes as I race back to my dorm room. I know Lola is expecting me to meet up with her and Ryker, but the only place I want to be is curled under the covers in my bed. I made such a fool of myself. What was I thinking? I’ve never thrown myself at a guy before. Hell, I’ve never even slept with a guy before. Something about Beckett brings out this other side of me. And it’s not a good thing.
As I open the door to my room, shame washes over me remembering how Beckett completely turned me down. Ugh. I slam the door shut and then fling myself on my bed with my purse still strung over my shoulder. Rolling over, I groan into my pillow. The soft fabric cools my red face. I think about how I want to stay here forever. Beckett’s face fills my mind, and I will the thoughts away. Man, if only there was a button in my brain where I could turn off all thoughts about him. But there isn’t, and as hard as I try not to I keep reliving the night over and over in my mind.
My cell vibrates in my purse. I contemplate not picking up, but I know its Lola. She’s been texting nonstop since I left rehearsal. If I don’t answer soon she’ll sound out a search party. Swirling my fingers inside my purse, I locate my phone and pull it out.
“Hello,” I say, as I press it to my ear.
“Where are you?” Lola says. She’s practically shouting over the loud noise in the background.
“In bed.”
“What? I thought you were coming out with me tonight?”
“I don’t want to.”
“Uh-oh. Beckett strikes again, huh?” Lola sighs. “I knew this was going to happen the minute Ryker said that you stayed late with him. What happened now?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Come over to Ryker’s apartment. He’s having a party. It’ll get your mind off of things,” Lola offers in a chipper voice.
“No thanks. I just want to go to sleep.”
“C’mon, Star. It’ll be our first college party. You can’t keep letting Beckett ruin all the fun for you,” Lola tries to persuade me. “Remember when we first got here and we were so excited about all the fun stuff we were going to do?”
“Yeah,” I reluctantly agree, prying myself from my pillow.
“Don’t let him stop you from doing that.”
She’s right. Besides, if I sit at home moping all night then Beckett wins. Isn’t that what I spent months doing after Spencer dumped me? It’s time to grow up. I’m in college now. There are plenty of guys other than Beckett. “Okay. I’ll be there in a few.”
“Yay!” Lola squeals so loud I have to hold the phone from my ear.
When I get to Ryker’s apartment and see all the people milling around, I start to have second thoughts. I don’t really like parties. In fact, I only went to one in all of high school. Memories of that night burn the back of my throat, and I choke as if I’ve just swallowed acid. I’m about to turn around and hightail it home when Lola spots me. She waves in my direction, beer spilling out of her red plastic cup and fizzing down her arm.
“Star! You made it.” She rushes toward me, a sheen of sweat on her face.
“Yeah.” A guy walks past, bumping me with his shoulder. He mumbles something that sounds like an apology, but I’m not sure. I scratch the back of my neck and look around nervously. “I’m not sure this is my thing, Lola. Remember what happened last time we went to a party?”
“That was ages ago, Star.” Lola latches onto my arm, her long nails piercing my flesh. “Besides, I was there for you that night, and I will be again tonight.”
I nod. If Lola’s here, I’ll be fine. She’s always been good about looking out for me. Plus, haven’t I been craving some excitement? So far college has been filled with firsts for me, and I’ve been traveling outside of my comfort zone a lot. “Okay. I’ll stay.”
Lola squeals, pulling me toward the kitchen. “Then let’s get you a drink, missy.”
I’m not entirely sure what Lola puts in my drink, but I know it’s not beer. It has sort of a fruity taste to it. I actually like it, and I drink it thirstily. I stand next to Lola and Ryker, enjoying my drink and listening to the soft music that plays in the background. I feel a little like the third wheel, so once my drink is empty I nudge Lola. “I’m going to get a refill. You stay here. I’ll be back.”
“Did I hear you say you needed a refill?” A dark haired guy stands in front of me, wearing ripped jeans and a wrinkled t-shirt. I notice he has a piercing in his brow and a couple of tattoos on his arm. He’s no Beckett, but at least he’s not preppy like Spencer or Forrest.
Smiling, I thrust my cup into his hand. “Yes, I did.”
“What would you like?”
I shrug, feeling flirty. “Surprise me.”
As the strange boy walks away, I feel a little flutter in the pit of my stomach. If only Beckett could see me now.
18
Beckett
The door that leads into my parents’ house springs open behind me. When I turn around I see my dad step into the garage. “Hey, son. I didn’t think you were still here. Heard the band finish awhile ago.”
I bend down and pack my guitar into the case. “Yeah, I’m just cleaning up.”
Dad walks toward me, his shoulders slightly stooped. He’s wearing jeans and a t-shirt, and his feet are bare. His hair is shorn close to his head, his face clean shaven. The tattoos on his arms are the only reminder of the man he used to be. “Tate came over the other night. Nice to have him back, huh?”
“It’s fine.” I shrug, standing up.
“He was saying that there are job openings at his company.”
My insides churn like I was just struck with food poisoning. “You looking for a job, Dad?” I ask sarcastically.
“Nah, retirement’s been good to me.” He smiles. “I was actually thinking about you.”
“I’m not interested, Dad. I like what I’m doing.”
Dad glances around. “Yeah, I know it’s fun, but it doesn’t exactly pay the bills.”
I fight back the anger that wrestles to surface. “I get by.”
“But if it weren’t for your brother, you wouldn’t be able to pay the rent.”
“He tell you that?”
Dad sighs wearily. “Look, I just want what’s best for you.”
“This is what’s best for me, Dad.” I shake my head. “At least I’m still following my dream. I’m not abandoning it the way you did.”
“You know why I had to, son.”
“Yeah, I do, and that’s why I work so hard to make sure no one gets in my way.”
Dad frowns. “I don’t regret my choices, son.”
“I know, but I’m not like you, Dad.” I pick up my guitar case. “I gotta take off.”
“Why don’t you come have dinner this Saturday night? Tate’s coming over.”
“I’m playing this Saturday night.” I glance up at him. “Why don’t you guys come see us?”
“Um...” Dad scratches the back of his neck, and I know exactly what’s coming. “Maybe another weekend.”
“Sure.” I shrug like I don’t care, and then turn away. “See ya later, Dad.”
“Bye, son.”
As I head to my car, the crisp night air circles me. I throw my guitar in the backseat and slide into the driver’s side. As I pull away from the curb, loud music spills from the speakers, du
lling my senses. Dad’s words play in my mind, reminding me of why it’s so important to keep Star at a distance. I’ve never worried about a girl getting under my skin before, but there’s just something about Star. I know that if I let her in I won’t want to let her go. She’s the type of girl that a guy would give everything up for. Only I can’t afford to give anything up. I have to keep focused if I want to make it.
I turn my car away from my apartment and toward Ryker’s. The last thing I want to do is talk to Tate right now. Besides, I need to talk to Ryker about kicking Star out of the band. I’m sure he’ll understand if I tell him how I feel. He’s already made it clear that he doesn’t want me messing with her. I park along the street in front of Ryker’s place. A few people stand outside smoking. I pass them by, batting away the plumes that fill the air. The smell turns my stomach. It reminds me of the way my dad used to smell when I was a kid. I hated the way the scent lingered on his fingers, his skin, his hair.
Taking the corner, I walk up the cement path shadowed with trees. When I reach the stairs I spot a couple sitting on the steps, red solo cups in hand. My chest tightens. I sidestep past them and climb the stairs. The minute I reach his door I know that he’s got a party going on inside. Loud laughter and chatter spill from under the door. I reach out and jiggle the knob. Sure enough, it’s unlocked. I push it open, and my suspicions are confirmed. People are jam packed in Ryker’s small apartment that he shares with Pierce. A couple makes out on the couch, and there are a few guys chugging beer in the kitchen. I finally catch sight of Ryker across the room chatting with Lola, and I start to stalk toward him. But then I catch a whiff of honeysuckle scent, and I pause. Glancing down at the couch, my heart sinks. I didn’t recognize her at first because I wasn’t expecting her. Star is the girl making out with some strange guy on the couch. His hands tangle in her hair, and when they separate she giggles in a way that indicates she’s had a few too many. When I see her heavy lidded eyes I have the strange urge to punch the guy in the face. Can’t he see that she’s drunk? What kind of guy takes advantage of a girl in this condition? I force down the memories of all the times I’ve done it.