by Amber Garza
“Star,” I say.
Her head whips in my direction. Lipgloss is smeared up her face, her hair mussed. Anger swirls inside of me. She looks so hot, and I’m angry that I wasn’t the one who made her look like that. Her mouth widens in surprise. Then she lets out another giggle and sways slightly to the side. The guy she’s practically lying on top of reaches out to steady her, but I swat his hand away and latch on to her arm.
“C’mon, Star,” I say gruffly, yanking her up.
She fights me off. “Let go of me. I’m having fun with…” her voice trails off and she furrows her brows.
“You don’t even know his name, do you?” I ask as if I’m annoyed, but the truth is that it’s all a little amusing.
“Yes, I do.” She scrunches up her forehead in concentration. “Joseph.”
“Jonah, but close enough.” The guy sits up, smiling at Star.
“Star, this isn’t like you,” I say, hoping to appeal to her sensible side.
She shoves away from me and her body wavers.
“Whoa, there,” I say putting out my arms.
After regaining her balance, she tries to move away from me. “You hardly even know me.”
“I know enough.”
“So, is this guy your boyfriend or something?” Jonah squirms on the couch, looking uncomfortable.
Star glares at me. “No, he doesn’t want anything to do with me.”
“Star, that’s not true.”
She opens her mouth like she’s going to say something, but then a funny look passes over her face. She leans her head forward, and then I know exactly what’s happening.
“Star? Are you okay?” I ask.
“Bathroom,” she sputters.
I nod, understanding. Clutching her hand, I guide her toward Ryker’s small bathroom located directly off the family room. The minute we get inside she falls to her knees and retches into the toilet. I reach out and sweep the hair from her face, holding it tightly in my hand as she throws up again. She wipes her mouth with the back of her hand and glances over her shoulder at me. She looks embarrassed.
“Sorry,” she mumbles.
“You don’t drink often, do you?”
“Never.”
“It’s okay. We’ve all been there.” I rub her back.
“Thanks.” Star scrambles to stand up.
“Here, I’ll help you.” I wrap my arm around her waist and hoist her up. “Clean up and then I’ll take you home.”
“Why are you doing this?” She asks.
I shrug. “It’s what friends do.”
“We’re friends?”
“Of course.” I walk out of the bathroom, closing the door softly behind me. Ryker spots me, and his face pales. I stalk toward him, anger seeping through my veins. “I can’t believe you, man.”
“It’s just a little party. It’s not a big deal.” Ryker says.
“It is a big deal. Did you see how drunk Star is? She’s in the bathroom cleaning up puke as we speak.”
“So she had a little too much to drink. It’s not the end of the world.”
I stick my face in his. “This is exactly what I didn’t want to happen. I have rules for a reason.”
“Maybe I’m tired of living by your rules, Beckett. Sure I’m in your band, but that doesn’t mean you get to run my life.”
His words startle me. I step back from the force of them. “We’ve been friends a long time, man. I thought you understood. Maybe I was wrong.”
“Look, Beckett.” His tone is softer now. “Let’s talk about this later, okay?”
“Oh, we’ll talk about it later, because whether you like it or not I have rules for the members of my band, and there are consequences when those rules are broken.”
“Rules?” Star’s voice sounds behind me. “What rules?”
“I’ll explain later,” I say to her.
“Rules, shmules,” she rolls the words around in her mouth and then laughs like it’s the most amusing thing ever.
Man, she’s worse off than I thought.
“I need to get you home, Star.”
“You’re not taking her anywhere,” a female says.
I turn around to see Star’s best friend standing next to Ryker. Since I’d been so focused on my anger and Ryker, I hadn’t noticed her before. “She needs to go home, and no one here is in any condition to take her.”
“I’ll be fine, Lola,” Star says, slurring her words.
“I trust you’ll be a perfect gentleman?” Lola raises her brows at me.
“Hey, I’m not the one who brought her to some party and let her get hammered and hook up with a stranger,” I point out.
Lola narrows her eyes and crosses her arms, scaring me. When a chick looks like that it can’t be good. “And I’m not the person who upset her so badly tonight that all she wanted to do was get hammered and hook up with a stranger.”
I know I upset Star tonight, but I didn’t realize just how badly. “Okay, you got me,” I say. “So, let me make it up to her.”
“Just be careful,” she speaks through gritted teeth.
I nod to Lola and Ryker. Then I grab Star’s hand and lead her out of the apartment. She stumbles at my side, so I grip her hand tighter and try not to think about how much I like the feeling of her hand in mine. We weave through couples until we reach the front door. A cold breeze smacks me in the face when we step outside. Star leans into me, so I snake my arm around her waist to steady her. I hold her to me as we make our way down the stairs. Her hair brushes against my shoulder, and my heart rate speeds up. I am enjoying this a little too much.
“You doing okay?” I ask once we reach the bottom of the staircase.
She nods and flashes me a lazy smile. Her eyes are mere slits on her face, and her grin is devilish. I clear my throat and force my gaze away.
“My car’s this way.” I yank her in the direction of it and move swiftly. The faster I get her home, the better. Didn’t I come here to talk to Ryker about kicking her out of the band? How did it end with Star in my arms? Nothing about the way I act around this girl makes any sense to me. After opening the passenger side door, I help Star sit down and then race to my side. I slide in and start the engine. After pulling away from the curb, I glance over at Star and notice that she changed out of her jeans and t-shirt that she had on earlier. Now she wears a little skirt and long sleeved shirt. I swear the chick is trying to kill me with those legs.
“See something you like?” Star’s voice startles me, and my face goes hot. On the one hand I’m embarrassed that she caught me staring at her legs, on the other hand I’m completely turned on by her brazen statement.
Afraid of what I might say, I just press my lips together and stare back out the front window. I keep my gaze trained on the ground in front of me, my arms gripping the steering wheel with a death grip. I need to get her home. If she keeps flirting like this I fear I won’t be able to control myself. What possessed me to offer her a ride home?
A vision of Quinn fills my mind, and then I know exactly why I have to do this; why I have to do everything in my power to keep Star safe. If what Lola said is true, then it’s my fault Star was at the party in the first place. That makes me just as bad as Dante. Just the thought of that guy puts a sour taste in my mouth. The last guy I ever want to be compared to is Dante, so I know I have to make this right.
The car ride is silent. In fact, after a few minutes I assume Star has passed out. But when I glance back at her she is just staring at the window with a glazed expression. It’s clear that she’s still pretty out of it. When we pull into the college campus, my stomach twists into knots. I know I can’t just leave her in the parking lot. That wouldn’t be safe. So, I’ll have to walk her to her dorm room. Although, the truth is that won’t be safe either.
“Thanks for the ride,” Star says, slurring her words. She fumbles with the door handle for a few seconds before successfully opening the door.
“I’ll walk you up.” I follow her.
&nb
sp; “So, was this your big plan? You wanted to get me drunk and have your way with me?” She circles her arms around my neck and bats her eyelashes.
Damn, this is not going to be easy for me. I swallow hard, prying her arms off of my neck. “No, believe me. This was not my plan.” I turn from her and keep walking forward.
“Then why did you show up at the party?” She walks faster until we are side by side again.
“I didn’t know there was a party. I just wanted to talk to Ryker.”
“Oh. So you didn’t go there for me?” I hear the disappointment in her voice and my stomach drops. If only she didn’t wear her heart on her sleeve.
“No, but I’m sure glad I showed up when I did.”
“Why?” Suddenly her tone switches from disappointment to anger. “You ruined my night. I was having a good time with Joseph.”
“Jonah,” I correct her, a smile playing on my lips. She sure is cute when she’s mad like this. “And he was an idiot.”
“He was not.” She turns a corner, and I follow her. “He was cute and nice, and he wanted me.” She stops in front of a dorm room that I’m assuming is hers.
“Star,” I say softly. “He was drunk and he was taking advantage of you.”
“Are you saying that a guy could only want me if he’s drunk?” She shakes her head. “Wow, you really are a piece of work, you know that?” With trembling fingers, she digs inside her purse trying to locate her keys.
“Calm down, Star. That’s not what I said.”
She yanks her keys out, but they slip from her fingers and crash to the ground.
“Here.” I lean down to grab them. “Let me help you.” After unlocking the door, I push it open. “Are you going to be okay tonight?” I ask before she steps inside.
Star searches my face for a minute. “Why are you being so nice to me all of the sudden?”
“I didn’t realize I was such a jerk the rest of the time?” I joke.
“You know what I mean.”
“I told you it’s because we’re friends.”
“Friends, huh?” She inches closer to me and I smell the alcohol on her breath. It reminds me of why I have to keep my distance. “Is that all we are?”
“Star,” I start to speak, but then she loses her balance and topples into me. I catch her in my arms.
Giggling, she peers up at me. “Sorry.”
“I’ll help you inside.” I guide her into her dorm room. Once inside, I take in the two beds pushed against opposite walls. It’s obvious which side belongs to Star and which one belongs to Lola. Star’s is clearly the messier one with the posters of bands tacked to the wall and the bed that’s unmade. I may not know Star and Lola that well, but I know that Star is totally scatterbrained and unorganized, and from my few encounters with Lola I can tell that chick is completely anal about everything. I feel for Ryker, I really do. High maintenance is not my thing.
Star is still struggling with her balance, so I deposit her on her bed. Before I can pull away, she grips the collar of my shirt and pulls me down toward her. My pulse quickens as I catch a whiff of her intoxicating scent.
“How did you know which bed was mine?” she asks.
“Lucky guess.” I smile, trying not to think about how close her lips are to mine.
“Why don’t you stay?”
I shake my head. “I can’t, Star.”
“Seriously, what is your problem?” She releases my collar and blows out a frustrated breath.
“I’m sorry, Star, but I’m not going to take advantage of you right now.”
“So, are you saying that you’ve never been with a drunk girl before?”
“Of course I have, but you’re different.”
She seems shocked at my words. “How?”
I kick myself for saying that, and my first inclination is to derail the conversation and hit the road. Then I look into her glazed eyes and throw caution to the wind. Hell, she won’t remember this conversation tomorrow anyway. “I don’t know. There’s just something about you, Star. Something special. You make me feel things that no other girl has before and it scares me.”
Her eyes widen. “Why does it scare you?”
I sit next to her on the bed and take her hand in mine. “All I’ve ever wanted is to be a famous musician like my dad was. I can’t let anything get in the way of that. I don’t want to have to give up my dream, ever.”
“Who says you’ll have to give it up?”
“Do you want to know why my dad left his band?”
Star nods.
“Because my mom got pregnant with Tate. Dad’s band was just about ready to leave to go on a huge tour when she found out. My dad had a choice to make, and he chose to stay with my mom. They got married, had a family, and he never looked back.”
Star grimaces. “So you’re worried that I’ll get knocked up and force you to give up on music? That’s ridiculous, Beckett.”
“No, that’s not it.” I drop her hand, wishing I could articulate my feelings when I speak as well as I do in my songs. “Star, I’ve never understood how my dad could choose a woman over his lifelong dream. But then I met you, and I could tell that you were the kind of girl a guy would give everything up for.”
“I would never ask you to do that though.”
I want to believe her. I want to just throw caution to the wind, sweep her up in my arms and see where this takes us. Only I know that we can’t predict the future. If I go forward with this, there may come a point where I’ll have to choose. That’s a chance I can’t take.
“It’s just not that simple, Star. I’m sorry.”
“Was it that simple with the other girl you told me about? The one Dante stole from you?”
Horror fills me, and I wish I’d never mentioned that. “That’s a completely different situation.”
“How so?”
“I can’t talk about it, Star.” Unnerved, I stand up. I’m not ready to talk about Quinn with her. “I really should go.”
Star presses her lips together and turns away from me.
“Get some rest,” I say, as I walk out the door. While I walk down the hallway, I feel a sense of dread. Why did I share so much with her? What was I thinking? I really hope that she doesn’t remember all of this in the morning. If she does, I’m afraid I just made a horrible mistake.
19
Star
Light pierces my eyes, and my head pounds. I attempt to sit up, but I head hurts too bad. Groaning, I press my face into the pillow savoring the cool feel of it on my cheek. My stomach rolls, and my mouth fills with moisture. I swallow hard, hoping I won’t throw up. That’s the last time I drink too much.
“Morning, Sunshine,” Lola trills.
Keeping my face in my pillow, I bat away her words with my arm. “Go away.”
“I brought you something.”
I feel the bed slope from Lola’s weight as she sits next to my legs.
“Is it a gun? Are you going to put me out of my misery?” I tease without lifting my head.
“No, it’s not a gun.” Lola laughs. “But it will make you feel better.”
Skeptical, I lift my head and peek out of one eye. In her hand she holds a cup with fizzy clear liquid. “What is it?”
“Alka Seltzer. It’ll settle your stomach.”
I pry myself off the pillow and sit up. “Why’d you let me drink so much last night?”
Lola shoves the cup into my hand. It’s cold against my warm, sweaty palm. “I’m sorry. I was hanging out with Ryker. I didn’t realize how much you’d had.”
“That’s okay. It’s not your job to babysit me.” I take a sip, and carbonation fizzes up my nose.
“No, apparently that job has now been handed over to Beckett,” Lola says bitterly.
At the sound of Beckett’s name, a flood of memories assault me and I feel even sicker than I did before.
“What happened when he brought you back here?”
I drink the last of the medicine, hand it back to Lola and
then drop my head back down. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”
Lola’s face reddens in anger. “He better not have tried anything on you.”
“Don’t worry. He was a perfect gentleman,” I respond sourly.
“Well, good.” Lola stands up.
“How is it good, Lola? The guy shows up at the party and pulls me off of Joseph, who I was having a great time with, by the way. Then he forces me to go home, but it’s not because he wants to be with me or anything. It’s because we’re friends.” I use air quotes around the word friends.
Lola scrunches her forehead together in deep thought. “I think his name is Jonah.”
“Whatever.”
Lola giggles. “You’re mad that Beckett took you away from a guy whose name you don’t even know? Wow, this is certainly a new Star.”
“I’m just so tired of Beckett’s mixed signals, that’s all.”
“Hey, I get it. I’ve been telling you to stay away from him for weeks.”
“Only that’s impossible, Lola.”
“Clearly. Especially since the guy has it bad for you.”
“What?”
“Oh, please. It’s totally obvious. Even Ryker sees it.” Lola drops the glass on my dresser and then heads back to my bed. After sitting down, she turns to me. “But Beckett has a lot of baggage, Star.”
“Yeah, I can see that.” I raise my brows. “Did Ryker tell you what it is?”
She shakes her head. “No, I get the feeling that it’s pretty private.”
“I wish I knew what it was.”
“I just want you to be careful, okay?”
“Of course.” I nod. “Safety is my middle name.”
Lola gives me a funny look, her gaze taking in my chaotic side of the room. “Well, it certainly isn’t cleanliness, we know that.”
“Shut up.” I slide under my covers, pulling them up over my head.
All week I mull over my conversation with Beckett. I know I should be happy that he admitted he has feelings for me, but the truth is that it’s just made everything worse. Knowing he likes me but can’t act on it is torturous. That’s why on Thursday night I just can’t bring myself to go to rehearsal. I don’t think I can handle being that near to him, knowing how he feels. It was difficult enough being around him before I knew. So I text Ryker to tell him I’m sick, and then hide out in my dorm room.