~~~
Halloween was going to be a fun event at the pub and I was as giddy as a kid off trick-or-treating. Stella had asked me to play and I’d come up with some monster-related songs to get the party going. The poster on the door said Fancy Dress Required for Entry. And I’d gone all out on my—rather hairy—Dracula costume. I could’ve shaved but there was no way I was giving up my fuzz! I was going to look the business if you asked me.
Kate came by to help put up the decorations and we started pinning up pumpkin streamers and bats everywhere. I did the usual teenager stunt of chasing her around with a plastic spider, which resulted in us kissing in the back corridor. I waited for the tingling in my gut, but alas, it didn’t materialise and that saddened me.
Mallory’s arrival was a shock. Apparently Stella had texted her and asked her to come in and help decorate the place. I didn’t see her come in at first, but when I spotted her I couldn’t read the expression she wore. She was an enigma, that woman.
Later on when Mallory came back through to the bar, I called her over. She glanced between me and Kate, and I wondered for a moment if she was going to avoid coming over. After fiddling about with some streamers, she walked over to where we were.
“Hey, Mally, remember me telling you about Kate? Well, this is she.” I gestured toward the woman beside me with a stupid flourish.
Mallory held out her hand and her cheeks turned pale. “Erm… h-hi, Kate. It’s lovely to meet you.”
Kate eyed me suspiciously before turning back to Mallory and hesitantly holding out her hand. “Hi, Mallory. Nice to meet you too.” Silence descended. Shit.
I watched the exchange with a hammering heart. What would they think of each other? They stared at one another without words for a few more moments until Mallory cleared her throat. “Um… I… I should go. Stuff to do, you know.” The colour had returned to her cheeks with a vengeance, and I could swear her eyes had welled with tears, but she turned and dashed off before I could see if my eyes were deceiving me. My gaze followed her retreating form as she disappeared through to the back.
Kate’s voice broke me from my reverie. “She seems… um… nice.”
I nodded. “Yeah… yeah, she is.” Fuck, that had been awkward. But, as I kept reminding myself, I was moving on—just like Mallory wanted.
By the time we had all finished, the place looked amazing. Cobwebs hung from the beams. A skeleton stood in one corner, and the pub was glowing orange in the light of the carved pumpkins Stella had brought in—her nieces and nephews had been hard at work by the look of their spooky creations.
When night fell, Kate and I arrived back at the pub. She was dressed as Morticia with a white streak in her long, dark hair and heavy, black makeup around her eyes. My hair was slicked back and made to a point on my forehead with gel. The fangs were a little uncomfortable and I knew they’d have to come out when I sang.
My head was filled with thoughts of Mallory and I hated myself for it, but her surprise arrival earlier had thrown me for a loop. She looked stunning. Her curves were returning to the way they were when she first arrived in the village and every part of my anatomy appreciated that.
“Are you okay, Greg? You’ve been a little distant since we left here earlier.”
I took a deep breath, knowing I had promised to be honest with her. Puffing the air out of my mouth, I looked her right in the eyes. “I’m not sure to be honest. I—I have something to tell you.”
Her smile disappeared and she looked at her hands. “That sounds ominous.”
“Come and sit down, eh?”
We walked over to the seats near the fireplace and I took her hand. “Kate, I really do like you but—”
She cringed. “Oh, heck. I knew this was coming.”
“No, no, you misunderstand. I’m not breaking up with you. Well… maybe I am. I just… Look, I promised to be honest with you and I want to keep that promise.”
She inhaled deeply and sat up, straightening her spine as if bracing herself for a physical blow. “Okay. What is it?”
“Mallory and I. We had this… connection. I thought we had a future but I ruined things.”
“I see. I thought there was something unspoken between you earlier. How long ago was this?”
“Not long at all. But she made it quite clear when she found out I was married that we’re not going anywhere. I’d lied by omission, and she’s in a fragile place so she took it badly. I hurt her deeply and I know I have no life with her now so I decided I needed to try and move on.”
Her brow furrowed and she chewed on her lip for a moment. “Okay… so I’m a rebound?”
Yep. I’m a bastard. “Not intentionally, Kate. I don’t mean you to feel that way. I really like you. But…”
“Your feelings for her are still strong?”
I nodded slowly, daring to meet her sad eyes.
“I see… I see. So where do we go from here?”
“Honestly? I really don’t know. I want to move on so much. Believe me. I don’t want to feel this way but… I love her. And I’ll take a while to get over it. I should never have strung you along and I feel like shit. I just… I think maybe it’s not the right time for you and me to be together. But I do like you. Like I said, I think I just need time.” I’m pretty sure I was trying to convince myself as well as Kate.
She nodded and her eyes were pained. “Okay… I need to think. This is a lot to process. But… I like you too, Greg. I hoped we had the beginnings of something special. And this… this is quite hurtful. Can you understand that?”
“Of course I can. Absolutely. Maybe I could call you? Maybe we could stay friends and see what happens?” Friends. Yeah, ’cause I was such a fucking expert at that. Look what I’d done to my other friend. I remembered how shitty it felt when Mallory had said she’d wanted us to be just friends, and yet here I was doing the same thing to Kate. My bastardly ways clearly knew no bounds.
I expected a “Hell no, pal,” but instead Kate said, “I’d like to say yes, but I can’t make that promise. I appreciate you being honest though. I understand about unrequited love and I know how painful it is. But… I don’t want to be in that position myself. Not again.”
I smiled and stroked her cheek. “Okay, I totally understand. And I’m sorry for dragging you into this.”
Her eyes were glassy and I wondered how slim the chances of her being able to stay friends with me were. My guess was very, very slim to the point of being intangible. I expected her to leave immediately, but she stuck around, to my surprise. I wasn’t really sure why. I know I would’ve got the hell of Dodge if things had been the other way around.
~~~
Mallory walked in shortly after and removed her coat, revealing her cat outfit. My jaw almost hit the floor. The phrase hamana-hamana-hamana sprang to mind. Rein yourself in, you tit. Kate’s here, remember. Luckily Kate was through in the back collecting the food for the buffet, and so she missed my reaction. When she came through, the women greeted each other civilly. But I couldn’t help noticing the icy chill that seemed to fall between them. Talk about confused.
Eventually it was time for me to take my familiar spot behind the mic. I started playing and included “The Monster Mash” and “Thriller”, which got people dancing. The night was going well, and every so often I caught sight in my peripheral vision of Kate and Mallory watching me simultaneously or watching each other when the other wasn’t looking. I made eye contact with Mallory for the first time all night, and the look in her eyes was giving very mixed messages, considering it didn’t correlate with the words she had uttered to me about being just friends.
I decided to throw caution to the wind and send Mallory yet another message through music. It was a last-ditch attempt to make her rethink her decision and it was admittedly a crappy thing to do when Kate was still there, but I was past the point of caring. Announcing the next song as a smoochy number, I encouraged the crowd to pair off in their ghoulish couples.
I have to say that th
e romance of the moment was somewhat killed by the amount of fake blood in the room and I had to fight to keep a straight face as I sang “Wherever You Will Go” by The Calling. I closed my eyes and imagined the look I wanted to see on Mallory’s face. In my dream world she would be standing there with tears in her eyes, her hands over her mouth as she realised she was in love with me after all. It was easier with my eyes closed and I knew that when I opened them she would simply be serving yet another Frankenstein or werewolf a pint of beer.
At the end of the night I couldn’t see Kate. I guessed she had left after all and I resolved to send her a text to check she got home okay. I doubted she would answer a call from me, so there was no point in trying that.
I was about to go speak to Mallory when I was surrounded by a group of young women. There was a combination of slutty witches, pumpkins, and axe-wielding, blood-spattered ghouls in skimpy costumes. There was a whole lot of cleavage on show and they were brandishing camera phones and asking for photos with me. It was hilarious really, but I seemed to have acquired groupies.
I packed away my gear and waved to Mallory as she left. I would have to catch up with her at work on Tuesday, maybe. Monday was going to be a busy one. I had some work to do on Little Blue before the really bad weather hit.
After I arrived home I went to bed, wishing Mallory were there with me. Sometime later I remembered I should text Kate. I received a brief and to-the-point reply letting me know she was fine, and so I went back to bed, still alone and feeling like a complete shit. But where was the change in that?
Chapter Forty-Seven
November 2011
A couple of days later the weather began to turn nasty. It was the beginning of November; torrential rain and storms were a regular occurrence, making any outside work unpleasant and cold. Tuesday afternoon wasn’t bad to start with, and I set out to see Tom Carrick Snr in the village about fixing his kitchen sink. When I arrived, their two sons were out somewhere and so Annie was making the most of the fact and cleaning their typical teenage boy’s bedrooms.
Every so often she brought down another pile of dirty dishes, mumbling under her breath that she was raising animals. It made me chuckle; I remembered my mum saying the same about me and my brothers. Eventually, when I switched the water back on briefly, Annie made me a cup of coffee—the proper stuff—and I turned the water off once again so that I could continue work changing the seized nuts and making the thing fully functional again.
It was a longer job than anticipated and at around half four I heard Tom on the phone sounding panicked. I placed my empty cup in the newly fixed sink and walked to the door to find him pacing around the lounge and speaking loudly into the phone.
“I can’t believe you went out there when I said the weather was going to turn, Tom. I’m going to ring the coastguard. Hang on, Son. We’ll get to you somehow. Just… hang on.”
Once he’d ended his call his face was white as alabaster and he was shaking violently. Annie was standing beside him too, gripping his arm and waiting for his explanation. The sky suddenly lit up outside and the subsequent clap of thunder shook the foundations of the house, making us all jump.
“What on earth has happened, Tom?” Annie asked with a wavering voice.
“Tom Junior and James are out on their dinghy, Annie. They’re in trouble and they’ve lost their paddles. Thank the Lord they got a mobile signal. I need to ring the coastguard.”
A look of confusion washed over Annie’s pale features and she gripped the wall for support. “But… they can’t be. You told them not to go.”
“I know darling, I know. But they’re teenage boys who think they’re invincible. We just need to get them home safe.”
Shit, no! I had to act fast. I was well aware that my boat still needed essential repairs, but time was of the essence so I decided it would have to do. Kids’ lives were at risk. “Right, I’m off to take Little Blue out. Did they leave from the marina, Tom?”
He nodded. “Aye, Greg. Oh, God, if anything happens to them—” He gripped his greying hair.
“No, don’t think that way. I’ll get out there. You call the coastguard and wait here for news.”
“Please be careful, Greg,” Annie called after me as I bolted out to the Landy. I drove as fast as I could to the marina through the sheet of rain that battered my windscreen.
By the time I reached Little Blue the torrent was hammering down even harder and I was soaked to the skin. I jumped on board, untied the line on the mooring, and started the engine.
The water was choppy and the boat was tossed around like a ragdoll as I made my way out into open water past the jagged rocks that edged the small harbour. My damned bucket was thrown overboard by the bouncing and crashing of the boat as a fifteen-foot wave hit. The sky was almost black except for the flashes of lightning that lit up the area like the midday sun. Those poor lads were out there somewhere, terrified, soaking wet, and freezing cold. My determination to find them alive drove me forward.
I caught sight of their orange dinghy about half a mile off shore. How the hell they had drifted out there I didn’t know, but it scared the hell out of me watching them being thrown over every wave that hit. My heart drummed at my ribcage and my pulse quickened. Little Blue wasn’t equipped for rough seas, especially in her current condition. And I had no idea if I would even get out there, but I had to try.
I had to.
I pushed on ahead going as fast as I possibly could, but the waters were so very rough and the boat was beginning to take in water. I had nothing with me to bail it out and so I had no other choice but to forge ahead. Lightning flashed again, striking a distant point, and I swiped the rain from my face, scrunching my eyes to try and make out the dinghy once again. I’d lost sight of it and dread washed over me.
After what felt like hours but was probably more like minutes, I could hear the coastguard’s helicopter overhead, but I couldn’t make much out thanks to the rain battering my face and body. Suddenly a huge wave crashed into the boat and we hit a rock to the starboard side. I was thrown into the sea, managing to suck in a deep breath before I was pulled under. I had no idea which way was up and I flailed my arms, desperately trying to make it to the surface before my lungs emptied. Filled with panic, I broke into the cold night air and gasped, trying my best to pull much-needed oxygen into my lungs. I grappled for the hull of the boat and felt a splinter pierce my skin. The wet wood was slimy and slipped under my hands, making holding on even more difficult. I wouldn’t be able to hold on for long.
Lightning lit up the heavens and the words Little Blue were illuminated for a split second before I was thrown into darkness once again.
I fought to clamber back on board but Little Blue capsized with the next wave, pulling me under a second time. I opened my eyes and the freezing-cold water stung like a thousand needles. The water was black and I could see nothing at all. I moved my arms frantically through the water as my lungs burned, hoping once more that I was going in the right direction. Once again I made it to the surface and gasped for air but pulled in water as well this time. I began to choke and tried to cough out the saltwater I’d inhaled. My throat stung and the pain in my lungs was excruciating.
Grasping the sharp pieces of wood that were floating on the surface, I frantically looked around again. As I clung on I thought about those poor boys. I was a grown man, but they were youngsters with their whole lives ahead of them. Okay, I’d made enough mistakes for ten men, but at least I’d had the opportunity to live and to love. My heart ached at the thought of my rescue attempt failing. Once again I’d let down someone I cared about. And now I’d be lost at sea and people would have to deal with my mistakes and my failings… as they always did. Anger at my own weakness tugged at me and I gripped what was left of Little Blue harder until more splinters pierced my skin and I could see trails of blood, garish in the flickers of lightning, seeping from the puncture wounds.
I thought of Mallory, back at the pub, her blue eyes sparkling as
she served the customers, making them feel important in that special way she had. They all loved her just like I did. What was there not to love? She would be distraught when she heard I’d gone. I know we were nothing more than friends, but I could imagine her heart breaking all over again like it did when she lost Sam. How could I be so stupid? Why did I have to play the hero? I should’ve let the real heroes do their job, but instead I went gung-ho as I always do and I was facing the prospect of losing my life.
Images of Mallory’s beautiful face flashed through my mind as I imagined her crying over my death. I didn’t want to put her through that. She didn’t deserve to go through that again. Not for me. I wasn’t worth it. And I had caused her so much pain as it was. But in a small way I wanted her to think of me as a hero. Her hero. I’d wanted to save her from the beginning but instead she’d saved me. And now I was going to die without being able to say thank you.
Without seeing her face again.
Without holding her again.
An angry cry ripped from my chest and my heart shattered as another wave crashed into me and Little Blue, tossing us around like feathers on a breeze. Bits of wood flew through the air and hit me on my head, face and arms. My legs were beginning to go numb where they were submerged under the icy torrent.
As I waited there and thought about what could have been, my eyes blurred. Fear wasn’t something I’d ever really felt before. But now I was scared. Not about dying but about never getting the chance to say sorry to Mallory properly. I didn’t want to be lost at sea, broken apart like an old boat. I wanted to see her again. I wanted the possibility of trying to convince her to forgive me. The last thing I wanted was to make her cry again. But I knew she would. I knew that, in spite of what we’d been through, she would grieve all over again, and it would be for me this time.
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