“Damn. Too many people. I’ll have to wait to kiss you until Saturday. I’ll see you around two, right?”
Andy’s eyes were trained on CK’s lips, seeming completely unable to see any problem with kissing in the middle of the street. Then he nodded a bit reluctantly. “I’ll be there. I’m really looking forward to it.” Then he looked a little sheepish and waved goodbye as he turned and went in the opposite direction.
CK stubbornly refused to listen to the little voice telling him that it might not only be the sub who had a crush. CK had spent an inordinately long time thinking about what he would do with Andy this weekend, wondering what would be the best way to push Andy further down the road to recovering from whatever previous events were haunting Andy.
There was no doubt in CK’s mind that Andy’s earlier experiences were the key to his cautious behavior, and today, CK intended to find out more about the man. Hence the cuffs.
CK pulled them a couple of times, making sure that they would hold even a big guy like Andy. He didn’t expect Andy to like this half as much as the man had liked the harness, but CK needed to know more about his sub before they took this any further.
The doorbell rang, and CK let go of the cuffs and cast a last glance at the room. Everything was as it should be, and he went to open the door.
“CK! Hi.” Andy was smiling, looking so happy that CK grinned back at him.
“Hi, yourself. Come on in. I think I owe you something.”
Andy looked curious and stepped inside. “Yeah? What do you owe... Oh.” His words were cut off when CK pushed him back against the door, taking his mouth in a very thorough kiss.
CK had meant the kiss as a means to getting Andy ready for what they were going to do, a little loosening up. Andy was definitely responsive when CK finally came back up for air, panting and grinding against him. CK admonished himself for losing himself so much in what they were doing, but then he soothed his conscience with the fact that they hadn’t really started their scene. He wasn’t really in Dom mode yet.
“So, now we’re even.” Okay, that sounded unbearably smug, even to himself.
Andy didn’t seem to mind, though. He still sounded out of breath when he protested. “I think you might owe me just a little more kissing. I’m not sure that was adeq... Ow!”
Andy rubbed his buttock where CK had slapped him none too gently.
“Get moving, brat.” CK didn’t quite manage the growl, and Andy grinned, thoroughly unperturbed. He only paused to kick off his shoes before he hurried to the playroom. CK chuckled; someone really cared for the state of those freshly treated floors. Then CK followed him to the playroom.
Andy stopped inside the door. “What do you want me to do?” His body was relaxed and he was looking directly at CK. It was a far cry from the apprehensive reticence he had shown before, and CK appreciatively let a hand slide over his body. The muscles under CK’s hand were loose, and there was a visible bulge in Andy’s pants.
“Safewords first. Then I want to tie you up and talk to you about what you like. I’m thinking a spanking afterward, but if our conversation reveals something more... appealing to you, we’ll go with that.”
Andy nodded, adjusting his stance a little.
“So, Andy, what’s your stop word?” He kept his hands on Andy the whole time.
“My stop word is red.” Andy’s voice was firm, his muscles soft under CK’s hand.
“What’s your slow word?”
“My slow word is yellow.”
“What happens when you use them?”
“Red stops everything, yellow gives me a break.”
“Good. Use them if you need them.”
“Yes, CK.” It was the first time Andy had used his name this early in a scene; it was a good sign.
“Now, let’s begin. Undress.” CK stepped back and crossed his arms over his chest; he didn’t want to miss any of this.
Andy started pulling off his clothes.
“No, slower. I want to see you.”
It never stopped amazing CK how easily the big carpenter got self-conscious. Andy took it stoically, though, slowing down and giving CK a good look at the way his muscles worked when he pulled off his shirt, put it down on the cupboard, and started undoing his pants. He even gave CK a teasing glance before he pulled them off, turning so CK had a fine view of his ass.
“Nice.”
Andy stood back up, a little flustered. Apparently, his bravado had its limits.
“You look so good.” CK walked slowly toward Andy, making sure he saw CK’s admiring glances.
Andy squirmed, the compliments apparently still making him uncomfortable. That was something they would have to work on along the way. Today, CK had other plans. It might be less pleasant than Andy expected; he really didn’t like talking about himself.
“You feel good, too.” CK pulled his own shirt off and pushed up close, rubbing against Andy’s hard chest as he kissed the man’s neck. Andy gasped, and the sub’s head was tilted to one side in pleasure when CK let him go.
“Now, let’s get to it. Hop up.” He turned Andy toward the table.
Andy obediently sat on the table. “How do you want me?”
“On your back, hands over your head.” CK slid a hand up Andy’s arm before he fastened the first cuff. They were solid leather with two buckles and a soft lining, meant to hold without hurting. He closed the other cuff, too, noticing how Andy experimentally pulled at the straps.
“You’re not going anywhere.” Andy was fully hard, and his dick twitched at CK’s words.
CK just smiled a little and bent down, kissing his bound sub lightly. Then he went down to the end of the table, closing the cuffs around Andy’s feet. He tightened up the fastenings a bit, making sure that Andy was held tight. Andy relaxed visibly as his sub felt how securely CK had tied the straps.
CK slowly walked around the table, the sound of his steps loud in the room. He stopped next to Andy, placing a hand on his sub’s chest.
“Tell me about your first Dom.”
Andy’s head went up in surprise, his eyes seeking CK’s.
“I thought we were going to talk about what I liked?” Andy was frowning.
“We are. Tell me about him.”
Andy looked at CK for a while, his eyes inscrutable, before he put his head back down. His eyes were trained on the ceiling.
“Well, he was an older guy.” Andy lifted an eyebrow, casting a glance at CK. “Or at least I thought so at the time. I was nineteen and he was in his forties. But he was a bit of a bear, and he was really experienced.”
“Was he your first sexual experience?”
“You really do want to know everything, don’t you?” Andy seemed a bit reluctant.
CK stayed silent, and after a pause, Andy answered.
“No, he wasn’t. I began dating as soon as I started college, and I didn’t meet him until my second semester. But it was my first experience with BDSM.”
“How did you meet?”
Andy made a movement that would have been a shrug if he hadn’t been tied so tightly. “I had a one-night stand who spanked me a bit. I liked it and wanted to learn more about it, so I went to a club that was popular before Slake opened. Ernie could see how green I was and picked me up before any of the sharks got me, as he put it.” Andy smiled a little as he told the story and turned his head toward CK again. His body was relaxed even with the bindings.
“What did the two of you do?”
“The basics, really. Spankings, a paddling, a little power play. He had started talking about a flogger when he had to move out of town. I really missed him.”
“Did you like what you did with him?”
“Yes.” The answer came without hesitation. “He went too slowly for my taste, but he knew what he was doing. I think he tried to help me find my subspace, but I was
too green at the time to do it.”
“Then what did you do?”
“I went back to the club.”
That was a glimpse of the old un-talkative Andy.
“To the sharks?”
Andy snorted. “Not really. But I found out that not everybody was as skilled as Ernie. I had a couple of disappointing experiences and stopped going there for a long time.”
“How were they disappointing?”
Another small movement of Andy’s shoulder. “One was really green, very scared of doing anything at all. The second one was so far into his own little power trip that his sub could have been a whipping post for all he cared.”
“Did you get hurt?” Andy’s tone of voice had been casual as he described his Doms, but you never knew what lay behind it. CK wanted to know more.
Andy just shook his head. “No. A little sore after my run-in with Mr. Ego, but otherwise fine. But the scenes were so disappointing that I decided that I must have liked Ernie, not the scene.”
“What made you go back? After your time away?”
“I didn’t say I went back.” Andy’s tone of voice was suddenly guarded.
“I presume you did -- you said that you stopped going for ‘a long time.’ Did I get that wrong?”
“No. I...” Andy sighed. “It was just that I didn’t go looking for more. After a while, I met a guy, and he took me back to that first club. I was with him for some time, and then I started going to Slake instead. It opened around then.”
“Why?”
“Why what?” Andy sounded impatient, uncomfortable.
“Why did you go to Slake instead?”
Andy shrugged. “It’s a nice club.” His eyes didn’t meet CK’s.
CK decided to try another way. “How long time were you with him? Were you boyfriends?”
“Kind of.” Andy pulled lightly at one strap. “Listen, what has this got to do with what I like?”
“It’s got a lot to do with it. What do you mean by ‘kind of?’” There was something here that Andy wasn’t telling him.
“We were together a lot, okay? Just not the usual dating stuff.”
“What did you do, then?” CK kept his voice as carefully neutral as it had been the whole time.
“Scenes, okay?” Andy’s voice was impatient, strained. “He was really into the BDSM stuff.”
“And you weren’t?”
“I didn’t say that!” The muscles in Andy’s arms were bulging as the sub pulled at the straps. CK was suddenly glad that he had chosen the solid bindings.
“No, you didn’t; I asked you. Now, answer me.”
Andy took a deep breath, seemingly trying to calm himself down. His voice was almost devoid of expression when he went on.
“Of course I’m into it. We just had different tastes now and then.”
“I know you’re into it.” CK kept his hand on Andy’s chest, rubbing soothingly. But he didn’t let up. “What I want to know is if you were into what -- what was his name?”
“Bryce.” It sounded as if Andy spat out something bitter.
“I want to know if you liked what Bryce did to you.”
“No, I didn’t, okay? I didn’t like it, and I moved on. Life goes on.” Andy was breathing faster, his hands knotted into fists.
“What did he do to you that you didn’t like?”
“Listen, it’s not important, okay? I promise to tell you if you do something I can’t handle.” Andy looked pleadingly at CK.
“Good. What did he do to you that you didn’t like?” CK wasn’t insensitive, but he wasn’t going to let this go, either.
“I said it’s not important!” Andy was shouting by now, his body straining against the bonds.
“I decide that. What did he do to you?”
Andy roared, the frustration clear on his face. CK bent over, grabbing his sides. “Listen to me. I want you to tell me. Just one thing at a time. Tell me something you didn’t like.”
“He didn’t listen!” Andy was breathing heavily, staring wildly into CK’s eyes.
“Okay.” CK rubbed Andy’s sides, comforting. “What did you say when he didn’t listen?”
“I asked him to stop.” Andy’s voice broke on the last word, but he fought to get back his composure, taking deep breaths. CK held on.
“What did you ask him to stop doing?”
Andy closed his eyes, turning his head away. CK gently put a hand around his chin, turning it back.
“Look at me.” CK kept his voice gentle.
Andy hesitated, but then he did as he was told to. There was so much despair in his eyes.
“What did you ask him to stop doing?”
“Hurting me. I asked him to stop hurting me. He hurt me, and he hit me, and he fucking raped me, and he never stopped, even when I begged him to!” Andy’s voice broke again, and this time, he couldn’t hold back his tears. He started crying, the sound of his sobs loud and hardly human.
CK reached down to the emergency release under the table, and then he pulled Andy into his arms, the straps still hanging loosely from the man’s wrists and ankles.
“I’ve got you. I’ve got you, Andy.” CK held on as tightly as he could, ragged sobs wracking the body in his arms.
“He hurt me! He hurt me all the time.” Andy was howling with pain now, the sound like a wounded animal’s. Then he started coughing when his throat constricted too much for him to be able to breathe.
“I have you now. Breathe, Andy.” Andy was lost in his pain, all reason buried under the landslide of emotion that CK’s questions had released. He struggled now, unable to get air.
“Breathe, Andy!” CK pushed hard on Andy’s solar plexus, making the air rush out of him, so that he filled his now-empty lungs as a reflex. His eyes shot up, meeting CK’s.
“Good. Once again, deep breaths. Make my hand move.” CK held Andy with one hand around his body, the other on his stomach.
Andy took a shaky breath, then one more. He kept his eyes trained on CK.
“You’re doing fine. Nice and easy, just breathe for a bit.” He rubbed Andy’s stomach, and gradually Andy’s breathing slowed down a little, the crying subsiding, too. When he was sure Andy wouldn’t panic again, he slid his arms around the rigid shoulders, holding his sub close.
After a minute, he felt Andy’s arms around him, holding on so tightly that CK almost lost his breath. He didn’t say anything, though, just held Andy’s head with one hand and rubbed the man’s back with the other.
They sat like that for a long time, and Andy had started shivering a little when CK finally broke the embrace.
“I’m sorry.” Andy’s voice sounded rough.
“No.”
Andy looked up in surprise when CK spoke.
“You have nothing to be sorry about. You haven’t done anything wrong; Bryce has. If you apologize, it means that you think you were wrong and he was right, and you don’t.”
“Fuck no!” Andy looked a little astounded by his own vehemence. But he didn’t apologize again, and CK nodded.
“Good. You have something to be sad about, or even angry, and that’s okay. We’ll get you through it. But you have nothing to apologize for.”
Andy nodded again, seeming dazed. He shivered again.
“Let’s go into the living room. The shock makes you cold, and we can wrap you up in some blankets in there.”
CK helped Andy swing his legs over the edge of the table before loosening the straps around his arms and legs. Andy carefully stood up. His movements were slow, a little clumsy. He hesitated.
“Do you have some tissues?” He gestured at his face. “This is the second time I’ve cried all over you.” Andy’s laughter was a little forced.
CK just smiled. “It’ll come off. Here, you do yourself while I do me.” He rubbed the traces of t
ears and snot off his chest.
“Where’s the fun in that?” The innuendo was a brave attempt at lightening the mood, and CK smiled at Andy.
“Come on, let’s go.” CK put an arm around Andy, supporting him.
Andy’s movements were stiff, probably due both to being tied up and to the emotional trauma. The man had released a lot of sorrow at once.
CK grabbed some sweats and shirts from the pile just inside the bedroom door, and when they got into the living room, CK dressed Andy before wrapping him up in a blanket and putting him on the couch. The big man looked small as he sat huddled in the corner of the couch. CK put on a shirt as well and sat down next to him, putting an arm around him and pulling him in close.
“It’s going to get better.” He was talking into Andy’s hair. “I know you’re exhausted and numb right now, but it’s going to get better from now on. That’s what something like what you just went through does to you.”
“I have no idea what to do now.” Andy sounded so tired.
“Right now, you sit here. I want you to get warm, and in a while, I’ll get you something to drink. That’s what you do.”
Andy didn’t protest, just leaned a bit into CK. CK rubbed his arms gently, trying to warm him up. He was still shivering, probably more from shock than from being cold.
“How did you get away from him?”
Andy pulled up his legs and hugged himself. “He beat me up and raped me and left me on the floor. I called someone when he was gone.” There was almost no emotion left in his voice, just fatigue.
“Did your friend take you to the hospital?” CK wanted to know if Andy had at least had his physical injuries treated.
Andy nodded. “Yeah. He had to carry me to his car.”
“How bad was it?”
Andy shrugged. “Couple of broken ribs, concussion, broken nose, a couple of tears. It wasn’t so bad. The worst thing was that I had let it happen, you know?”
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