CB Conwy

by Alphabet Soup [Torquere] (epub)

  They were halfway through the very good appetizers, different kinds of bruschetta that made CK’s mouth water. He had asked the question to learn more about what made Andy tick. Apparently, this question did.

  “Listen, I chose it, okay? There’s nothing wrong with working with your hands.” Andy’s hand was curling around his napkin.

  “I never said there was. I was just interested in the difference between the two.” CK kept his voice neutral.

  Andy sighed. “I’m sorry. It’s just that it’s kind of a sensitive question. Bryce kept nagging me for months when I told him I was going to settle for a BA instead of going for a PhD. He was such a snob.” Andy’s mouth twisted in a bitter grimace.

  “Why did you?”

  Andy gestured, looking a little agitated. “It just wasn’t worth it, you know? I was in one of my professors’ office one day, and he was revising an article he was writing. I made a remark that it must be awesome to be able to use all of your time on something you’re really interested in. He told me that he had had four hours that week to actually work on the article -- the rest of his time was spent on administration and grading papers and faculty meetings. Right then and there, I decided that I didn’t want that. I love the field, but I couldn’t live with that. Besides, I hate teaching. Hate it.”

  It wasn’t often CK heard Andy talking so animatedly about anything.

  “Why do you hate teaching?”

  Andy still held the piece of bread he had grabbed before he started his monologue on university life. “There are too many games. Students trying to guess what the professor wants to know and professors trying to guess what will make the students rate them well. And apart from that, there’s the game about guessing which article subjects the journals will be likely to accept. Not to mention faculty politics. Now, that makes the Cold War seem simple in comparison.”

  CK laughed, and Andy stopped talking, seeming a bit surprised. “You really made up your mind, didn’t you?”

  Andy shrugged. “I did. I thought a little about trying to get into some privately-financed think tank, but, well...”

  “Well what?”

  Andy looked surprised at the question. CK had a feeling that nobody had paid any real attention to the man in a long, long time.

  “It’s difficult to find somewhere where you can just do research. Anyway...” Andy fiddled a bit with his napkin. “It was in the same period when things with Bryce started getting bad, and I just wanted to get away from anything related to college as quickly as possible. Then my grandfather died and left me the house. Jeff helped me -- with the renovations and a lot of other stuff. What about you -- you’re working with computers, right?”

  It was a blatant attempt at changing the subject, but CK didn’t call Andy on it. It was dinner, after all, not a scene.

  “I am. I’m the translator between the hardcore programming guys and the customers. It turns out that not all clients know the exact meaning of VPS and H-Sphere, while none of the programmers knows the meaning of ‘something like that program with the cute little blue logo.’ I tell the clients what they need and the programmers how to meet those needs.”

  “You must be really good at your job. You’re all about meeting needs.” Andy’s voice was only half teasing.

  “You know, I think you’re right. I’ve never thought about it that way before.” CK watched Andy thoughtfully. Andy looked away, a little self-conscious. CK had never met someone so bad at accepting a compliment before. He decided to change the subject.

  “You said you did mostly custom jobs. I thought you had to be trained to do that?” He had imagined Andy doing grunt construction work, something you didn’t have to be a trained carpenter to do.

  Andy smiled, real affection in his eyes. “It’s all my grandfather’s doing.”

  “The one who left you the house?”

  Andy nodded. “Yeah. He was a cabinet maker, had a one-man company. I spent every weekend since I was five or six in his workshop. I made my first table when I was eight.”

  CK must have looked skeptical, because Andy grinned.

  “Okay, he might have helped me a bit with the measuring, and it wasn’t a big table, but I still made it. I was so proud.”

  “He sounds like a great guy.”

  “He was. I really miss him.” There was sadness in Andy’s smile.

  “So, he’s the reason that you got to work as a carpenter?”

  “Well, he’s some of it. After learning how to make furniture, I started working construction during the summer in high school – to get some extra cash, you know?”

  CK nodded.

  “The guys made me their pet project, trying to see how much they could teach ‘the kid’ over the summer. I learned as much those two summers as most people do in an entire apprenticeship. In college, I began working for Jeff in the holidays.”

  “Are you doing indoor work only?”

  “Yes, mostly small places and custom jobs. Jeff doesn’t want anything to do with the big jobs because it would require him to abide by union rules. And he’s really, really not a fan of somebody telling him what to do. We don’t complain; we get at least standard union wages plus benefits and bonuses.”

  They kept on talking through the meal. It was nice for CK to be out of a scene and not have to orchestrate every mood. He found himself relaxing more than he had done for a long time, talking and laughing and just having a good time.

  Andy was different, too. He had looked so confident in his work clothes, and that didn’t change all evening. This wasn’t a scared sub -- this was a man, good at what he did for a living and socially competent. Well, unless you tried to praise him. It still seemed difficult for him to talk about the abuse as well, but there was nothing strange in that.

  CK had a hunch that this was how Andy was before Bryce. It was the same man that CK would like to see in scenes. Andy had been through a tough time, but CK was convinced that he could regain his confidence as a sub, too.

  And CK was determined to do his utmost to help Andy find it.

  ***

  Andy stepped in the door when CK opened it, and CK pulled him in close and kissed him before the man could say a word. Andy appeared slightly dazed when CK finally pulled back.

  “Mm, I’ve wanted to do that for days now.” Since Thursday night, to be precise, when CK had given Andy a lift home and kissed him goodbye outside Andy’s house. CK had wanted to stay, and Andy had stared after CK with longing as CK had left. CK’s precautions to protect Andy made less and less sense, even to CK.

  Andy grinned. “I’m not holding you back.” The man’s slightly crooked smile reminded CK that his blue balls were entirely of his own doing. He carefully refrained from answering that remark.

  “How have you been?” Andy sat down, taking off his boots.

  “Fine.”

  CK’s lifted his eyebrows, and Andy hurried to continue.

  “I actually mean it. It was good to be back at work.”

  “And?” There were times when you had to be the Dom, not the man. Now was one of them.

  Andy didn’t even try to get out of it. “I’ve decided that I had good reason to break down.”

  “Yeah?” It might not sound like much, but CK had a feeling that this was important to Andy.

  “Yes. It happened, and it was bad. Maybe I should have gotten out earlier, but it still happened, and it wasn’t good for me. Now I just need to figure out how to get all the way back together. You helped a lot, you know. I’m really grateful for that.” Andy’s eyes were calm, direct.

  “You’re welcome. Let’s go to the playroom.” CK had plans, and they were Dom-and-sub plans, not commiserating plans. And definitely not sitting-around-drooling-over-a-gorgeous-man plans.

  Andy nodded and got up, only looking slightly nervous. He followed CK into the playroom, gave his safewords, and
undressed when CK asked him to do it.

  CK removed his shirt. He liked the balance between being dressed in front of a naked man and still being undressed enough to create a bond with his sub.

  “I’d like you to lie down on the table.”

  Andy had been standing straight, seeming reasonably calm. Now the reluctance showed on his face.

  “You’re not going to do that again? Please, CK.”

  CK reached out, gently massaging Andy’s shoulders. “You’re going to be fine. Lie down.”

  Andy didn’t budge, his eyes pleading. It was the closest CK had seen Andy to downright rebellion. “Please don’t make me do this, CK. Not this soon.”

  The begging in Andy’s voice cut right through CK, and for a moment he doubted his own plan. Then he cursed himself; this was what happened when you got too fond of a sub and stopped being a Dom. He stubbornly refused to listen to the little voice telling him that he would never have been able to help Andy the way he had if he hadn’t been fond of him.

  “I know you can do it.” CK didn’t try to talk Andy into this. Instead, he held the man’s shoulders with firm hands and pushed Andy down onto the table. This was a scene. He was convinced that it was going to be good for his sub. Andy would have to safeword to get out of it. Apart from that, it would be hard, but probably more so for CK than for Andy. The man had had the same misconceptions for so long that changing them wasn’t going to be easy.

  Andy made a sound halfway between a moan and a sob, and the betrayal was clear on his face. But he let himself be pushed down, and he didn’t resist when CK tied up his hands and feet.

  “Good.” CK let his hands slide over Andy’s body, making sure that the straps didn’t chafe and giving his sub the physical contact that Andy needed right now. He ignored the way Andy turned away from him, allowing Andy the time needed to sink into the feeling of being restrained.

  He saw how Andy’s body slowly relaxed, and he let his hands slide over Andy’s chest, rubbing the muscles there on his way, before sitting on the edge of the table, holding Andy’s head loosely between his hands.

  “Who abused you?”

  Andy seemed startled by the question and he forgot to look away. “I... Bryce did. But it wasn’t exactly ‘abuse.’”

  “Why not?” The questions had to be so short that Andy had no other choice than to answer.

  “Because... I already told you this.” Andy was looking uneasy.

  “No, you didn’t.”

  “We were together for a long time, okay? And when that’s the case, then it’s not all black and white anymore.”

  “He hit you. That’s pretty black and white.”

  “You don’t get it!” The impatience radiated off Andy’s body. He grabbed the straps and pulled them tightly before he made a visible effort to relax. “It wasn’t one-sided. Not always, at least. I could have handled things better and avoided a lot of it.”

  CK nodded. This was a recurring theme. “You know I don’t curse much, right?”

  Andy seemed completely taken aback by CK’s question. “I... Yes. But...”

  CK interrupted him. “I’ve even punished subs for swearing at me. There was this one guy who just couldn’t stop himself; I had to punish him so often that he left my place with a butt full of bruises every single time we had a scene.”

  “Okay.” Andy looked as if he had decided to humor CK, but he still seemed puzzled.

  “Now, I want you to swear at me.”

  “What? No. Why...?”

  “Swear at me.”

  “I don’t want to be punished!” Andy pulled at the straps, clearly bewildered.

  “Swear at me!” CK stood up, leaning over Andy’s prone body, hands on Andy’s shoulders. He knew he came across as very intimidating this way.

  “But why would I?”

  “Swear at me!” CK was shouting now.

  “FUCK YOU!” Andy shouted, too. Then he looked a little sick as he realized what he had done.

  “Good.” CK pulled back a little. “Now, you just swore at me. I could punish you for that.”

  “That would be fucking mean!”

  “Yes!” CK grabbed Andy’s head again, holding him securely and staring into his eyes. “That would be fucking mean. And it would be my decision to be mean. Not yours.”

  Andy blinked, and CK could almost see the thoughts churning in his head, the arguments he found and rejected again.

  “Not yours,” CK repeated.

  Andy was quiet for a minute. “It’s not the same.” It didn’t sound as if he believed his own words.

  “It is, and you know that.” CK let go of Andy’s head and patted his sub’s shoulder. Then he began undoing the straps.

  “I... What are you doing?”

  “Letting you up, of course.”

  “This is it?” There was disbelief in Andy’s voice.

  “Yes. I wanted you to understand something about the dynamics of power in your relationship with Bryce. You understand it; no need to go on.”

  “I never said I agree with you.” There was a stubborn note in Andy’s voice.

  CK just smiled. “You didn’t have to.” He undid the last strap.

  Andy accepted CK’s outstretched hand and let himself be pulled into a sitting position.

  “This is it?” Andy repeated. “I go home now?”

  “I hope not.”

  The look of relief on Andy’s face was echoed deep inside CK.

  “You’re welcome to leave, of course, but I hoped that we could cook and hang out and that you might want to spend the night.” CK held his breath; this was the first time that he had asked Andy to stay without some sort of purpose behind it. Without it being a scene.

  “Okay.”

  CK felt the little happy butterflies in his stomach flutter and admonished himself for being foolish. All teenager with this crush of his.

  “Wait. Does staying mean that I agree with you?” Andy stood up and followed CK out of the playroom, grabbing his discarded clothes on the way.

  CK rolled his eyes. “You do agree with me.”

  “I never said that!”

  Andy kept grouching while he put on his pants. In the end, CK had to shut him up by kissing him thoroughly. It was a tough job, but someone had to do it.

  ***

  A couple of days later, CK was on his way to meet Andy again. They were having dinner, not a scene, because those only took place once a week. In the car, CK was thinking back on the weekend.

  It had been the best weekend CK had had in a long time. They cooked something that started out as curry soup and ended up as, well, something different that still tasted amazing, but you definitely didn’t need a spoon to eat it anymore. Andy laughed his ass off when he saw CK lifting the lid of the pan and incredulously watching the thick mass bubbling away.

  “How the fuck did that happen?”

  “Hey, it’s your recipe; don’t ask me. And you don’t swear, remember?”

  “And you don’t agree with me, remember?”

  They had kept that one going most of the evening, and in the end CK had to shut up Andy the only way he knew. It had been an amazing night.

  The silly thing was that the bickering was amazing, too; Andy was stubborn and easygoing and... Solid. Stable. There was a man there now, not just a broken sub.

  The realization was almost enough to make CK’s headache go away. Almost; then it came back in full force, and CK moaned. It probably hadn’t helped any that he had been so eager to keep his date with Andy that he had worked nonstop since before seven in the morning. He hadn’t even managed to finish, and he would have to get in early tomorrow, too. He sighed and rubbed his forehead as he drove toward Andy’s house.

  “Hi, CK.” Andy’s voice was happy when he opened the door, but his face got concerned when he saw CK. “Y
ou look beat; are you okay?”

  “Just a headache; I’ll be fine. Do you happen to have some Tylenol?” He bent down to undo his laces and grimaced when he got back up. God, his head hurt.

  “I do. Come on, sit down while I get it for you.”

  CK didn’t even protest, but took off his jacket and tie and sank down in a chair in the living room, closing his eyes and trying to ignore the pounding. He didn’t even open them when he felt Andy’s hands on his shoulders, massaging him carefully.

  “You’re tense. Here, take the pills.”

  CK reluctantly opened his eyes to swallow the pills. The water was amazing, and he emptied half the bottle in one go. Then he closed his eyes again.

  “We have a reservation in half an hour. I’ll just sit for a minute while the pills kick in, then we’ll go.”

  CK sighed with the feeling when Andy’s hands came back, digging into his sore muscles.

  “No, we’re staying here. You need some rest.”

  “Okay.”

  Andy’s hands stopped for a second when CK agreed to that. Then Andy resumed the gentle movements, going all the way up CK’s neck. CK moaned, letting Andy manipulate his head.

  “Do you have migraines? They’re sometimes triggered by something you eat; did you have anything unusual today?”

  CK deliberately didn’t shake his head. “No, I haven’t had anything to eat at all. I was just too busy with a system that isn’t working the way it’s supposed to.”

  The massage stopped, and CK reluctantly opened his eyes.

  Andy was looking at him. “You haven’t eaten anything at all?”

  CK felt like a little boy being admonished by his mother, but he had to admit it. “No. Well, coffee, and a soda.”

  Andy shook his head. “No wonder you’ve got a headache. Have some more water while I order some food.”

  CK just obeyed; he hadn’t felt this miserable in a long time. Returning from the kitchen, Andy gave him another bottle of water and made him lie down on the couch.

  “Have a nap until the food arrives, okay?” Andy put a blanket over him and sat next to him on the couch, gently massaging the muscles in his jaw that felt like they were never going to loosen up again. CK let himself doze off, enjoying the quiet attention.