Shinigami Eyes

by Adam Smith

  “What happened to her?” I ask in a low voice, even though I already know the answer.

  “We became friends. I was able to help her with some problems she was having. Together we were working on solving the manga. She was smart, she was able to see patterns in the manga even I couldn’t. In the end I couldn’t save her. Before she … before she died, Yuki tore some pages from the manga. She wouldn’t tell me why. We had a fight.”

  “What was in those pages?”

  “I don’t know. I still haven’t found them. I think Yuki might have seen her death coming.” He shakes his head. “I think she didn’t want me to see it happen.”

  “I’m so sorry, Matt.” I didn’t know Yuki—well, I don’t remember knowing her—but I can see how much he cared for her.

  “I just wish I knew what really happened to her,” he says in a soft voice. “If someone did this to her…” He falls silent, just staring at the manga spread out between us, staring at Yuki, for a long time before continuing. “You know, she called my phone the day it happened. I didn’t answer. She left me a message. It doesn’t make any sense. I must have listened to it a thousand times, and I still don’t know what it means. All I have left of her is a frigging voicemail. I want to find the bastard that did this. I want to stop them. I need… I need your help, Rin.”

  The pleading look in his eyes tells me that it cost him a lot to tell me all this. Losing Yuki must have hit him hard. Clearing my throat, I manage to spit out a croaky voice. “What do we do?”

  “We start here.” Matt, visibly pulling himself together, points to the character connected to mine by a thin green line. “Tell me about Misa.”

  The tiny face looking up at me from the end of the green tether is the same one that has been following me for I don’t know how many years. Unlike most of the other characters on the page, Misa’s portrait only has a handful of words beside it.

  “Why her?”

  “Because out of all the characters, she is the biggest unknown. She only ever appears when you’re around, nowhere else. No one but you ever seems to interact with her. And her bio consists entirely of ‘Follows Rin everywhere’. You told me she wasn’t your sister, so who is she? Who is Misa?”

  I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to ignore the pounding headache that erupts inside my skull. Opening them once more, I know I can’t keep avoiding this question. “You’re going to think I’m totally nuts.”

  “Go ahead and try me. I doubt there’s anything you could say that would shock me. I’m the one with the prophetic manga, remember?” He flashes me his usual cheeky smile, giving me the courage to go on.

  “She’s my imaginary friend.”

  “O… Okay?” So much for believing me no matter what.

  “At least that’s what I’ve always been told. She’s been there for as long as I can remember, but no one else can even see her. I’m starting to think she might actually be a ghost. A zashiki warashi to be exact,” I say, trying to keep my voice level.

  “You’re serious,” his tone turns from doubt to awe. “A house spirit? That’s unbelievable. I mean, I believe you, but still it’s unreal. No wonder you’re scared she might do something like she did at the dan...” He falls silent when he sees the horror growing on my face.

  “The manga showed you that?” I practically scream it. How many of my darkest secrets does Matt already know?

  “No. Not much anyway. Just a lot of hinting that something really bad happened at a dance and you were worried that Misa would do it again. A few flashes of you thinking about a body at the bottom of the stairs. I’m sorry.” He drops his gaze to the floor in front of him.

  My phone buzzes in my pocket and I dig it out trying to bury my rage as I snap at the person calling, “Yes, what?”

  “Rin, where are you?” Grandfather’s thunderous voice echoes through the phone.

  Crap! I feel the blood rush from my head, like it thinks it can escape through the floorboards somehow, taking my anger with it.

  Before I have a chance to answer, his voice bellows into my ear. “This is the last straw, Rin. You flagrantly disrespect me and this family. You lie to your cousin. You fail to attend Juku. Again. I’ve had it with you. I want you home now.”

  “Hai,” is the only response I can think of. “I’ll come straight home.” Dropping the phone to the table with a wooden thump, I stare at the handset long after the line has gone dead.

  “Rin, are you okay?” I look up to see Matt staring at me in concern.

  “I’ve got to get going.” I push myself to my feet, still staring down at my phone.

  “Oh, okay,” he says, obviously confused. “Well, I’ll try to see what I can find out, so we can plan our next move.” He grabs the manga and shoves it in his bag.

  I nod, doing my best to smile and make it clear that I’m not angry with him. “Thank you. I’ll see you at school tomorrow,” I add a silent ‘hopefully’ in my head, remembering Grandfather’s bad mood.

  Without another word, I grab my things and race from the café and out into the blistering cold night air. I’m in real scorching waters this time, and I have no idea how to get out of them. How did Grandfather even find out I wasn’t there tonight? It’s like the entire world is out to get me. I hate my life.

  Chapter 17

  “Rin, why must you be so difficult?” Mum’s voice rumbles in my ears. I hold the handset away from my head from fear of going deaf. It’s been a long time since I’ve heard her yell like this and right now, I’m pretty sure I’d be able to hear her all the way from Australia even without the phone.

  Grandfather was waiting for me the moment I stepped through the door. The scariest part was that he didn’t even say a word. He just gave me a look of tired weariness, and that was worse than if he had thundered and roared. I could have taken another fierce lecture, but I don’t know how to handle this silent treatment. After taking my nightly pill under his judging silence, I cloistered myself away in Haruka’s room and awaited the angry call from Mum—not even an hour later—that would inevitably follow.

  “Rin, are you trying to get yourself sent home?” Mum continues her intercontinental tongue-lashing and I listen without saying a word. Arguing with her won’t do anything to lessen the trouble I’m in, and I don’t think she’s going to accept the argument that I was talking to a boy about a magical manga. Yeah, that would really help calm her down. Maybe I can get myself shipped off to a loony bin in Kazakhstan or wherever this time. “Is that what you’re trying to do here?”

  Silence spreads across the line, leaving my ears ringing, and it hits me that maybe she’s waiting for my response. “No, Mum,” are the only words I can manage to choke out over my dry tongue.

  “Well, you’re not going to come home. Your shenanigans have only led me to believe that you need to be more strongly disciplined than we can provide here. Clearly, I have not been raising you properly and for that I blame myself, but no more.”

  I let the phone hang in my hand, completely speechless. At the moment I don’t really want to go home—well, at least I don’t think I do—but how did Mum fail raising me? She’s always been a great mum. I don’t understand what’s going on and I’m terrified of what she’s going to allow Grandfather to do to me. Corporal punishment’s illegal over here, right?

  The way she’s speaking… I’m afraid she’s going to cut off all contact with me and I’ll be forced to give up my Australian heritage entirely. I won’t have any choice but to stay here, forever. I had never thought about that before.

  Tears swell in my eyes, blurring my vision as I think about not seeing Mum or Dad again. I swipe at my eyes with my free hand.

  “The only time you will be allowed out is to go to and from school. Your grandfather has decided that you cannot be trusted, so you will have to stick by your cousin at all times when you are out of school. That includes Juku, which your behaviour still won’t get you out of,” Mum continues. “You may only go out on the weekend if and when your grandfather deem
s you responsible enough to obey the rules and respect them.”

  Another pause. This time I do not know what to say.

  “Do you understand me?” Mum snaps after a few minutes of uncomfortable silence.

  “Yes,” I mumble the one short, clipped word.

  “If I hear of any more trouble from you I’ll be forced to—”

  “You’ll be forced to what?” I cut her off. I know, it’s not exactly the smartest choice and I’m not really thinking about what I’m saying, but I can’t imagine what else she could possibly do to me. I’m halfway around the planet, for crying out loud. “You sent me away from my friends, my home, everything I’ve ever known. You just packed me up and shipped me off because you didn’t want me anymore. Just like my seventh birthday. Just like you’ve always done.”

  Silence follows my little outburst. I don’t know what Mum’s thinking and I suddenly regret what I said.

  “Your seventh birthday? What, you can’t possibly—“ Mum stammers to find the words, in the end her soft voice sounds through the handset. “This is your last warning, Rin. Behave yourself and respect your grandfather’s rules or we will have to look at putting you back into therapy just to deal with your childish outbursts. We’re doing this for your own good.”

  I bite my tongue before I say anything else to make the ditch I’m digging any deeper. Gritting my teeth, I just nod, even though she can’t see me, and murmur goodbye. They probably don’t even miss me back home. They’ve always seen me as a burden, someone only there to cause them trouble. They’ve always looked at me like they were waiting for me to freak out and trash the house. They’re probably enjoying the time without their psychotic daughter who always blames everything on her imaginary friend.

  This is all Misa’s fault. Always playing tricks on people, always hiding things from my parents, always breaking things for no reason, always causing trouble for me. It’s Misa’s fault they forced me onto medication. It’s Misa’s fault I got shipped halfway around the world. It’s Misa’s fault no one trusts me. I wish she’d just go away.

  The sharp pain of squeezing down on the plastic phone too hard breaks me from my brooding. I don’t know how long I’ve been standing here since Mum hung up, but a dull throbbing seeps from my ear where I’ve been pressing receiver against it. I shake my head once before replacing the phone in its cradle.

  I turn towards Haruka’s room and shuffle my feet along the floorboards, feeling my growing frustration snapping at me like an angry fish.

  When I see Grandfather waiting for me in the corridor, I know that this hellstorm is far from over. This night can—and will —get a whole lot worse.

  “Can you give me an answer as to where you were tonight?” He doesn’t look at me but over my shoulder as if I’m unimportant to him.

  “I just had to—” I stop myself. There’s nothing I can say that will lead me to any less of a lecture or any less a punishment. “I am sorry, Grandfather. It will not happen again.” I drop my gaze to the floor and bite my tongue against what he’s going to say next.

  Grandfather remains silent for a few moments. “From now on,” his voice is slow and thick, like it’s trying his patience just to speak to me. “You are to come straight home after school. You are not to go anywhere without my express permission.”

  I nod, afraid to open my mouth. I have no idea what will come out if I do. Begging? Screaming? Biting? In the interest of self-preservation, I remain silent.

  “You will remain in your room for the rest of the evening.” He walks straight past me without saying another word.

  I nod again, even though I’m well aware he’s not going to bother looking back to see if I’m acknowledging his last comment, and make my way up to Haruka’s room.

  The second I’m inside, I slam the door and bite back a scream. I didn’t ask to come here. I didn’t ask for them to give me a bunch of stupid rules. It’s like they want me to fail. Everything I do is just another excuse for them to yell at me. To belittle me. To treat me like I’m the reason their life sucks.

  I hear the scratching in the closet, and something inside me snaps. I run up to the closet doors and start slamming my fists against them. “Just shut up! Shut up and leave me alone!”

  The scratching grows louder as my anger burns. I keep bashing my hands against the wood until the doors feel like they are going to shatter. Finally, the scratching fades. I slip down with my back pressed against the doors, feeling hot tears slither down my face. Faintly I hear someone snickering as if from a great distance away.

  Not moving from my spot on the floor, I drag my bag over and reach in it for my drumsticks. Drumming always seems to help. Instead, I pull out the birthday card and stare at it. Tucked neatly into the blackened cardboard is the drawing I found at school.

  Unfolding it, I feel an uncontrollable giggle bubble up as my eyes meet those of the terrified girl. I start laughing as I take in every detail of the image. It all seems so absurd. The more I look at it the more I want to laugh. ‘It’s after you’? Well, it’ll just have to get in line. Whatever ‘It’ is. The red eyes looming over the girl’s shoulder seem to gaze back in a conspiratorial wink. My wheezing laughter changes into soundless sobbing almost without my noticing.

  The door bursts open and Haruka comes rushing up to me. “Are you alright, Rin-chan?” She wraps her arms around me. “I didn’t mean for you to get in trouble. This is all my fault.”

  “I’m fine, Haruka,” I say pulling myself together. “It’s not your fault.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I didn’t want to get you in trouble,” I say in a rushed breath.

  “Oh,” she says. “I didn’t tell him, I swear. I’m sorry you got in trouble again.”

  I shake my head. “Don’t worry about it. Do you know how Grandfather knew I wasn’t there?”

  She shakes her head. “I think someone must have called him.”

  “Who would do that?”

  “I don’t know. Miki told me what was happening, so I was covering for you. No one at Juku even knew you were gone. I don’t know who called him.” She gives me a small shrug. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

  I sigh and shake my head. “I don’t know. This is all just getting to be a pain in the ass.”

  I don’t know why things can’t ever be simple. Looking down at the drawing I still have clutched in my hands, I feel a sliver of fear worm its way through me as the frightened girl stares back at me. Any humour I might have found in this picture has long since vanished. I’m not even sure what I found funny to begin with. The final caption just makes me cold.

  ‘It’s after you.’

  * * *

  “Give me the light or keep me in darkness,” the singsong chant echoes around me, the sound of a dozen little girls coming from somewhere outside of my claustrophobic little universe, taunting me.

  Repeating the phrase, I struggle with my matches, begging for one to light. Blue sparks fly, but no light catches. I feel an icy breath on the back of my neck. Please, please light! I can sense the darkness contracting around me. Please! A bony hand grabs a hold of my shoulder and the unlit match goes tumbling through my fingers.

  With shaky hands I rattle another match from the box even as I feel the hand turning me to face it. I can sense its monstrous form looming up in front of me. Please! The match flares as warm golden light fills my world and I see that I’m standing in a closet. An empty closet. No monsters, just my imagination. I let out a small giggle of relief.

  An icy breeze rushes out of the gloom, and my fragile flame dies. Two jagged slits burst open in the darkness before me. Blazing red gashes like the universe itself is bleeding. I reach back to yank the doors open but no matter how hard I pull, they won’t budge.

  Bony claws dig into my shoulder dragging me forward. “Keep you in darkness.” the inhuman voice growls. “Keep you in darkness.”

  I struggle to get free of its grip, but the beast doesn’t let go. The more I fight the deepe
r it digs its claws. The mad red eyes glare down at me with unending hunger as it drags me closer.

  “Keep you in darkness!” A nasty wide Cheshire grin spreads along its dog-like mouth. Glowing in the light of its terrible red eyes, endless rows of jagged teeth fill the void in front of me.

  “No,” I whisper, my voice barely making a sound in this darkness.

  The monstrous beast lets out a hollow, twisted laugh that sends tremors surging through my body. “You’re mine. I’m after you, Rin. I’m after all of you. I’m going to keep you, Rin. Keep you in the darkness, Rin. You’re mine.”

  The world starts quaking as that gaping maw snaps shut around me and I jolt upright, tangled in my sheets, gasping for breath.

  “Rin,” Misa cries out, her voice trembling as her tiny hands continue shaking my shoulders even as the last of the earthquake fades away.

  I look around the room and see Haruka moan once, roll over, and go right on sleeping. “What the …” I move my gaze back to Misa, trying to suck down enough air to get my lungs working again.

  “You were having a nightmare. I needed to protect you.” Her voice sounds weak, like a toy robot with dying batteries. She reaches out one small hand to touch my head and I knock it aside.

  “What did you do?”

  She drops her head and points a shaky hand towards the door. With the moonlight filtering through the window I just make out the thin black line splintering the wall above the open door. Stretching from the doorway to my bed is a smudged trail of dark grey footprints. “I had to cross the ash. You needed me.”

  “I don’t need you. I never need you. All you do is cause me trouble.” I lie back down and just stare at the ceiling, trying my best to ignore the hurt look on her tiny face.

  “I’m sorry, Rin, but you do.” She places her hand on my head and I feel myself drifting off to sleep again before I can think of anything else to say to her.

  Chapter 18

  So, my morning went about as well as could be expected. Breakfast with the family was super fun. Beloved old granny, clearly agitated over last night’s little earthquake, kept muttering to herself and throwing weird looks at me the whole time while Grandfather sat there in furious silence trying to decide whether this was my fault or not. Just glad I managed to sweep up those footprints before anyone but Haruka saw them.