Just Jayne

by Ripley Proserpina

  He let out a groan, one that seemed to carry with it all his guilt and anger, and slid into me. One pump, two, and he lost it. He fucked me without finesse, like it was exactly what he needed.

  And what I needed.

  I held onto him tight and felt my own need begin to rise up with him. “Diego,” I warned him, and he reached between us. He flicked my clit and I was done.

  Everything in my body pulsed as he came inside me. I kissed him, over and over. “See?” I said. “It’s you and me. Together. Don’t take the weight of the world on your shoulders. I can help you carry it.”

  He let out a shuddering breath and kissed me. As he settled back, he pulled off his sweater and the T-shirt he wore beneath it. Gently, he cleaned between my legs before rolling it into a ball. His hands were careful as he helped me stand and tucked me back together.

  I helped him, too. I buttoned his pants and straightened his sweater. “You have just-fucked hair.” Laughing, I ran my fingers through his curls.

  “You, too,” he said with a smile and removed a piece of dried seaweed.

  “Worth it.”

  Eyes soft, he nodded. “Definitely.”

  31

  Diego

  In my head, I created two separate periods of time. Before Jayne. And after Jayne.

  After Jayne was fast becoming the best time of my life.

  I’d completed plenty of therapy, so I knew what I needed was a little bit fucked up. Not a lot of men liked being told what to do by women, and so I learned to do without it.

  For me to put my desires and my needs into someone’s hands, I needed to trust them. And I needed them to understand me.

  And I hadn’t trusted anyone for a long time. But Jayne…

  Jayne knew what I needed and didn’t even hesitate. I don’t know if she knew what she was doing, or if it was instinctive on her part. It seemed to be.

  She saw past whatever I was presenting to her to the heart of me.

  I’d never come as hard in my life as I did the time she took me in her mouth. And then today… I wanted a repeat.

  Jayne glanced over at me, and her cheeks flushed. I wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her closer. The sun was out and it shone off her hair. She called herself plain, but she was angelic in the sunlight. With her delicate skin that showed every emotion, she couldn’t hide anything.

  This morning had gone so wrong, and I’d come close to losing my mind. When she’d disappeared under the crush of bodies and I couldn’t get to her, I was ready to murder those photographers.

  Paparazzi and celebrities existed in a sort of tenuous cease-fire. We gave them a little of what they wanted when they wanted it, and they didn’t put their hands on us. The ones this morning were a different breed. These were the guys who ran celebrities off the road. They pushed and pushed and then filed lawsuits when we pushed back.

  If it hadn’t been for Steve and the sheer bulk of him, Jayne could have been injured.

  “Are you feeling better?” she asked as we turned the corner and Steve came back into view.

  “A million times better.” I stopped her and kissed her. Her taste was still on my lips and I wondered if she could taste herself on me. It didn’t bother her if she did; she deepened the kiss and leaned into me.

  “You should tell me what to do,” she said, and I startled, jerking back. I thought she meant intimately, and she could tell that was where my head had gone. “I mean to be safe. I’m not used to the photographers or being out in public with you. Want to share some tips?”

  She made a good point. Checking to see if I was followed, making sure I was never alone in public, those things were second nature now. In the beginning they hadn’t been, and I’d found myself cornered both by fans and the media.

  “Stay with us,” I said. “If you’re going somewhere alone, take Steve or one of the guys. Don’t ever be alone in public if you can help it.”

  As I spoke her eyes widened. “It sounds a little scary.”

  “It can be,” I agreed. “But it’s no more scary than walking through a dark parking lot on the way to your car. I’m not saying something will happen, but a little vigilance goes a long way.”

  Steve stood at the end of the steps leading to the parking lot and took out his phone when he saw us.

  “How’d you know about this place?” I asked. From what I understood about her past, she hadn’t really gotten out much.

  “My high school used to come here for picnics,” she said. “It’s free. Not like most of the beaches.”

  We started to climb the steps to the car. The driver had it started, and when we slid inside the temperature was cool. “What’s it like at the house?” I asked Steve.

  “They’re gone, but we think they’ll probably come back. There may be some people parked out, waiting to see what happens. You know how it goes.”

  “Think we can get in the front door?” I asked.

  “I’ll get you in the front door,” Steve promised.

  “Are the other guys okay?” Jayne asked.

  I slapped my pants, looking for my phone. “Shit.”

  “Lose it?” she asked.

  “I think it fell out.” Probably when I jerked them down to my knees so I could slam myself inside her.

  “I’ll go,” Steve said. “Give me ten.” And he jumped out of the car.

  “Thanks!” Jayne called, but he’d already closed the door. He returned after a couple of minutes, and held up my phone. Water dripped from it.

  “Shit,” I said. “Oh well.” Not like I didn’t have enough money to replace it.

  Jayne chewed her bottom lip. “Sorry,” she said.

  I repeated the same thing she’d said to me. “Worth it.”

  32

  Jayne

  I sketched the guys as they had their makeup done. The late night show they were performing on was recorded at four in the afternoon, and they were set up, drop cloth around their clothes so face powder didn’t get all over them.

  Klaus stared at his reflection. Actually, glared was probably a better word to describe how he looked.

  The image on my page was a reflection of that intensity. I was drawing his eyes, the way they crinkled at the sides and the little pucker between his brows. I wondered what he was thinking about.

  All of them were quiet now, thoughtful. Maybe it was part of the way they prepared to perform. My heart gave a little thump of anticipation as I thought about watching them as they sang. The glimpse I’d had of them in the recording studio wasn’t enough. I wanted to see them in their glory.

  The host had come by earlier, shaken their hands and chatted them up. It was all so interesting. He told them what sort of questions he’d be asking, and asked if he could join them when they played.

  The guys took it all in stride and agreed graciously. I frowned a little at my drawing. Who’d that guy think he was, messing with perfection?

  “Why the frown, little teacher?” Klaus asked, meeting my gaze in the mirror.

  I wiped my face clean of expression. “I’m not frowning.”

  He smiled, and it changed his face. The woman doing his makeup put the finishing touches on him. Yanking the cloth off his shoulders, he approached me. Over his shoulder, I saw the make-up artist staring, but she was a professional and quickly glanced away.

  Klaus sat next to me on the couch and leaned forward. “I’d kiss you, but I’m wearing lipstick.”

  I was tempted to touch his face, except I’d seen how much work it took to make him look exactly the same as he had before. Just glowier.

  “And eyeliner,” I said. The woman had drawn it thick beneath his eyes, and it was pretty damn sexy. “You look like a Viking.”

  “Wrong country,” he said. He kicked his feet up.

  “Germany doesn’t have Vikings?”

  He pretended to frown. “I thought you were the teacher.”

  I smiled and put my pencil down. “I should probably do some more research before I make assumptions about yo
ur roots.” I sighed. “Are you nervous?”

  “No,” he replied. “We’re playing an old song. I could do this with my eyes closed.”

  “I thought you were promoting your new album,” I said. Thinking back to Warner’s arguments, all these shows were meant to promote their new stuff.

  “Blanca comes on for the last song. We’re playing two,” he said. “Interview in between.”

  I hadn’t realized Blanca was here. It made sense though. “Then I get to hear the song you recorded?”

  “That’s the plan.” Lee dropped next to me. He picked up my hands and began to play with my fingers. On the side of my index finger, I had a smudge of charcoal from my pencils. He wiped it away and then brushed his fingers on the sides of his pants. “It’s the first time we’ve performed live together.”

  Lee seemed so much more tense than Klaus. He drummed his fingers against his legs and hummed beneath his breath. The door opened to the room and there she was, perfectly made up.

  “Hi, boys.” Blanca put her hand on her hip. “Are you ready?”

  Lee stood from his spot and approached her. She gave him a hug, and he squeezed her once before stepping back. I wondered if I should say hello. Our relationship had changed since the last time I’d seen her, and I didn’t have any reason to be rude to her.

  “Hello,” I said.

  From the look on Blanca’s face, my greeting was unnecessary and unwelcome. Her smile was gone, and I was lucky she couldn’t shoot literal daggers from her eyes. But she still said, “Hello.”

  She and Lee talked about lighting and the sound system while Klaus stayed next to me. It was comforting, the way he snuck his arm around my back and played with my hair. Every so often, he’d make a comment, but he stayed at my side.

  Blanca’s attitude didn’t faze me at all. Her dislike didn’t have any effect on my life. I had the guys, and even if I didn’t, I knew who I was.

  If she didn’t want to like me, fine.

  When she left, Lee returned to my side. “I like her less and less the more I get to know her,” he whispered. He touched my chin. “I feel like I should apologize for her rudeness.”

  “She doesn’t know me,” I said. “We’re not friends. I’m just the girl who’s taking attention away from her. I thought you were in a relationship with her honestly.”

  “Warner wanted that,” he said. “He thought it’d be great… build up a lot of interest in the song, but I’m not going to pretend something like that to sell the song. People will like it or they won’t.”

  “So maybe she does have a reason not to like you,” Ten called. He was playing with his hair, flipping it from one side to another. “You stole us from her.”

  “Did I?” I asked without giving time to consider the question.

  “No,” Diego replied. “Stop teasing her, Ten.”

  Ten winked at me in the mirror. “I’m teasing.”

  There was a knock at the door and the brief light-heartedness left them.

  “You’ll come,” Klaus said, taking my hand and helping me stand.

  I nodded. I wanted to see them play, and I wanted to see their interview. I rolled back onto my heels. “I’m excited!”

  They laughed and led me from the room. Steve and another bodyguard, Doug, waited for me and led me around the other side of the stage where the TVs were set up. I had a small moment of disappointment, realizing I’d have to watch them on a screen, but that all melted away the second they started playing.

  This was completely different from listening to their albums. Or even listening to them record. This was all of them working together. Klaus counted off the beat, and then he went to town, head down, eyes closed.

  Diego held the microphone in his hands and belted out the lyrics to my favorite song. Goosebumps broke out over my skin and I put my hand over my heart.

  I’d thought I’d gotten to know them, but hearing them play their hearts out showed me a whole different side of them. I again wondered what the hell these creative forces were doing with someone like me.

  At the end of the song, the host jumped up from his spot behind his desk and joined Diego at the microphone. It could have come off as a joke, but it didn’t. Diego stepped back, giving him the stage. He wasn’t anywhere near as good a singer as Diego, but he tried.

  When the song ended, they broke for a moment. They dabbed their faces with towels and then took a seat in the guest chairs next to the host.

  From my vantage point, Klaus was guzzling water. Sweat dripped down the side of his face as he sat silently, listening to whatever the host was saying while they waited for the recording to start.

  “How you doing?” Doug asked.

  “Good,” I whispered, even though no one would be able to hear me over the audience talking to each other.

  “I love you, Diego!” someone in the audience screamed, and Diego held up his thumb. I giggled at the smile on his face. It was so different than when people yelled out at him on the street. But this was a controlled environment, and it wasn’t like anyone was going to rush the stage.

  Studying the audience a little closer, I tried to locate the woman who had yelled. They better not rush the stage. The surge of protectiveness that moved through me surprised me. The guys were more than capable of taking care of themselves, but sitting where they were, with the bright lights in their eyes, they wouldn’t see if someone approached them.

  I understood where Warner was coming from a little better. No wonder he tried to control every aspect of their lives. Anything could happen.

  “So we all want to know who you’re dating…” The host’s question pulled me out of my thoughts and I leaned a little closer to the TV. “Klaus, you were linked with Irina Shimpova for a while. We even have a picture…” The screen flashed a photograph of Klaus watching a tennis match before the camera went back to him.

  He leaned back in his seat, a half smile on his face.

  I waited for him to answer and wondered what I wanted him to say. They had to consider what would happen if he announced they were all seeing the same woman. Then again, apparently that was a pretty widely known fact about the band.

  I wasn’t ashamed of our relationship, but I didn’t know how I felt about everyone knowing they were sharing me. Especially when everything was so new.

  “Diego stole the last girl from me,” Klaus said. “We rock paper scissored, and somehow, he always wins.”

  Diego threw his head back and laughed. “It was a set of circumstances beyond my control,” he said. “And I’m not sorry.”

  What were they talking about, playing rock paper scissors for a girl? Did they mean me? The audience oohed, shocked, but the host moved on. I let out a breath and relaxed. I was impressed the guys were able to give the host, and audience, just what they wanted without saying anything specific.

  If it had been me, I’d have frozen under those lights. Or spilled my guts. Hopefully, I’d never need to be interrogated for any reason.

  While the guys answered questions, stagehands changed the performance stage. A piano was rolled out and I remembered how Diego and Blanca had sat next to each other while singing. The audience was going to go crazy when they heard the song.

  And when they heard them together…

  Blanca joined them for the last half of the interview, and the audience went wild. She smiled and waved and was so naturally graceful and elegant that I was captivated. Especially since I knew how rude and condescending she could be.

  “Have you fallen in love with them, Blanca?” the host asked.

  Blanca giggled and side-eyed Diego. “It’s easy to fall for them, that’s for sure. I’ve seen the way girls look at them. And they’re so nice. There was this one girl, just a desperate hanger-on, and they treated her like one of the family. I, personally, can’t stand climbers.”

  “Just like your song,” the host interjected and Blanca smiled. “Exactly.”

  “But the guys just deal with it. Or maybe they don’t even notice. Wh
at was the girl’s name? Jane?”

  Klaus’s face went stony. Oh, shit. The audience laughed, and I thought for sure he was going to say something. The guys smiled as well, but anyone who knew them would have been able to tell it was forced.

  “We’re all dying to hear your collaboration, Hopeless,” the host said, changing the subject.

  With her bomb dropped and already forgotten, Blanca made her way to the piano. The guys followed, moving stiffly. I bit at my thumbnail as they got in place. Diego sat on the piano bench and Blanca eased into him. He covered the mic with one hand and whispered into her ear. Her hair hid his lips, so I had no idea what he said, but the effect on Blanca was instantaneous.

  She laughed.

  Klaus counted off the beat again, and Ten picked up his violin. The song was incredible. There was no denying it. And Blanca and Diego’s voices were in perfect harmony.

  I folded my hands under my chin, swaying back and forth as they sang. It was completely different hearing them live. They belted out the notes, held them, and let them wash over the audience.

  I didn’t think I’d ever get used to what they could do. Ten held the last note, drawing it out until it disappeared into the air.

  And the audience erupted into applause.

  The camera panned over them, and I wasn’t surprised that people were in tears. The lyrics were heartbreaking, but with the music and voices… People would have to have been dead inside not to be moved.

  Blanca leaned her head against Diego’s shoulder and then stood. She held her hand out to him and he took it. Together, they took a bow, but as soon as the cheering died away, he stepped away from her.

  There were days of performances left. This wasn’t a great start.

  33

  Jayne

  “Do we have to do this?” Ten whined as we piled into the car.