Just Jayne

by Ripley Proserpina

  I shook my head. “No.” A big part of me was afraid they’d just send me away. With those injuries… they must have released that song before the fire. They might not want me anymore. “I’m just going to go to them.”

  “Fifth door down,” she said. “On the left.”

  I took a deep breath, squeezed her hand, and went down the hall. It was empty. I hadn’t been down this far before, but they’d displayed art on the walls and placed antique furniture along the hall. All of that was gone. It was stark, quiet, and my footsteps echoed through the hall.

  One.

  Two.

  Three.

  Four.

  This was it. Holding my breath, I turned the knob and entered the room.

  It was dark, only lit by one small light. The guys were facing away from me, toward a window that overlooked the courtyard. It wasn’t a nice view. There was machinery and charred lumber. Broken furniture and another giant dumpster.

  “Just leave whatever it is, Miriam,” Lee said. His voice sounded different, like he’d become a heavy smoker in the time I was gone.

  I didn’t answer because I couldn’t. Their instruments were on the floor, or leaning against the wall. A guitar, smashed and ruined, was left in a heap near me.

  “Miriam?” Lee repeated.

  I stepped further into the room and opened my mouth to speak, but my voice caught.

  Diego half turned in his chair. “Jesus, Miriam, just go away if you’re going to hover,” he said in a harsh tone.

  “It’s—” I started again. “It’s not Mrs. Foster. It’s Jayne.”

  He froze, but Lee’s head whipped toward me. Klaus stood so fast his chair fell backward. Ten stood, too, but his posture was rigid. And he remained in front of the window, like he didn’t want to look at me. It hurt.

  “Jayne?” Diego asked, his profile turned toward me, but he didn’t stand. “Is it really her?” he asked the others.

  “I don’t know,” Klaus replied. His gaze raked me from head to toe, and wasn’t friendly. “I may have finally lost my mind.”

  “Why would she have come back?” Lee talked about me like I wasn’t there, though his eyes met mine. “Why would she return to us when we’re shells of who we were?”

  I took a step toward them and shook my head. “You sit in the dark, staring out at a dumpster. No wonder you think you’ve lost your mind.”

  “You must be her. Only our Jayne would say something so Jayne-like.” Moving fast, though with a slight limp, Klaus strode toward me. I held out my arms, and he lifted me off the ground. “Little teacher,” he whispered into my neck. “Where have you been?” He kissed my skin, and I held him even tighter, wrapping my arms around his neck.

  “I’m so sorry,” I whispered back. “I didn’t know.”

  A strong hand gripped my arm, peeling me from around Klaus. Lee dragged me into his body and stumbled back, but Klaus stopped him from falling over. “I never thought I’d see you again. Are you okay?”

  “You’re asking me?” I laughed, feeling a little giddy, and I dismissed his concern, “I’m fine.” Stepping away from him, I glanced at Ten and Diego. “You have every right to ask me to leave. But I had to see you. I had to see if you were okay.”

  “We’re not,” Diego replied. He stood shakily and faced me. The skin from his forehead, and to his cheek was red and puckered. He wore a patch over his eye, but I could see his injury where the material ended. “I’m not. I’m blind, Jayne. Did you know that? What did you come here for?”

  “Diego!” Klaus dragged his hands over his hair and linked his hands at the back of his neck. “You’re going to make her leave.”

  “Didn’t you hear her?” Ten asked. He faced me now, and I could see both of his hands were encased in braces. “She came to make sure we were okay. She didn’t say she returned to us.” He waved toward the door. “We’re fine, Jayne. Go.”

  “No!” Lee yelled, and he grabbed my hand. “Don’t tell her to go, Tennyson.” He spun toward me. “Is he right? Did you only come so as not to worry about us?”

  “I always worried about you,” I whispered. “I did everything I could to not think about you, but you were always there. I dreamed about you every night.” I touched his beloved face, holding my hand against his cheek. “I missed you so much. Leaving you was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”

  “We drove you away,” Klaus said as he approached us. I reached for him and took his hand. His fingers entwined with mine, squeezing tightly.

  I looked toward Ten and Diego, who stood so rigid it looked like they could shatter. I realized that was what was happening. Their emotions were like mine when I’d learned they’d lied to me. That day, I’d tried to hold myself together, but I only managed to fall apart.

  “Diego.” I let out a breath as he met my stare. “Can you forgive me?”

  He started toward me, but knocked into the chair and tripped. Untangling myself from Klaus and Lee, I went to him. “Please,” I whispered. “Forgive me.”

  “Forgive you?” Diego asked and his eye filled with tears. He blinked quickly, and they rolled down the unmarred side of his face. He pushed my hair over my shoulder and cupped my neck. “What do I have to forgive? You loved us and we lied to you. We told you to trust us, all the while knowing you couldn’t. I’m the one, we’re the ones, who should be begging your forgiveness.”

  I made a sound, halfway between a gasp and a sob, and wrapped my arms around his waist. When I felt his arms holding me, squeezing me so tight, I collapsed. All of the strength left my body until only he held me up.

  “Shh,” he soothed, rocking me from side to side. “Jaynie.”

  Another hand touched my back, and I lifted my head from Diego’s chest to see Tennyson staring down at me. “You can’t believe we have anything to forgive, can you?”

  But they did. I’d left them.

  As if he could read my mind, he went on. “You should have left us. What we did, and what we asked you to do, it was wrong. We lied to you from the very beginning.”

  “Like we had every right to,” Klaus added. “We didn’t.”

  “We wanted you and we were going to do anything, lie to anyone, even you, even to ourselves, to have you,” Lee said.

  Tennyson nodded, staring down at me with sad blue eyes. “You wouldn’t have been our Jayne. It wasn’t until you were gone, truly gone, and we couldn’t find you, that we realized what we’d done. Fighting outside your room that night, we blamed each other. It was the closest we ever came to hating each other.” Ten kissed my forehead, and I melted. I never thought I’d feel this again, and here it was. Here they were. Not only still in love with me, but accepting responsibility for the choices that had led us here.

  “You were so quiet,” Lee said. “Standing there at the mouth of hell. Watching all our lies come to light. And you said nothing.”

  “I couldn’t,” I answered. “It all made too much sense.”

  Klaus gave a short, bitter laugh. “I don’t see how.”

  Ten pulled me to a chair and sat before tugging me into his lap. We could see the courtyard and all the ruin from this seat.

  “What do you mean, Jayne?” Diego sat across from us. “How did it make sense?”

  “Look at you!” I cried, and then lowered my voice. I hadn’t meant to yell. “And then look at me. Bree, even tired and sick as she was, was beautiful. She was the kind of woman I could see you with. You and I never made sense.”

  “You didn’t believe us when we told you that you were beautiful. And why should you have? We’d made a game of it in the beginning. Everything else was a lie.”

  “I had two thoughts when I ran,” I said. “The first was that I was new and different, but the novelty of me would wear off. You’d have tired of me anyway.”

  “Never would have happened,” Klaus said. “You’re a fascinating creature, Jayne. But what was the second?”

  “The second was that by leaving I could protect you,” I whispered and leaned my head a
gainst Ten’s shoulder. His even breathing soothed me, and he stroked my arm gently with the back of his braced hand, almost like he couldn’t help himself and had no idea he was doing it.

  “Protect our secret,” Ten said. “Our lies.”

  I didn’t answer and across from us, Diego nodded. “How?” he started and had to clear his throat. “How did you learn about what happened? Why did you come back?”

  “I didn’t let myself look you up,” I said. “It was too hard to even think of you, so once I was well again, I worked every hour I could until I fell asleep. Any quiet time I had I filled with studying. But one day, I had to get away, and I heard your song. Someone was talking about it, and then I let myself look you up. I should have earlier. I could have been helping.”

  Beneath me, Tennyson stiffened. He pushed me back a little so he could stare down into my eyes. “Once you were well?”

  My face heated. “When I left, I was sick. I didn’t realize it until I got to Edinburgh.”

  “Sick?” Lee asked. “With what? Are you better?”

  I tried to wave it off. “I’m fine.”

  “Jayne, Jayne, Jayne.” Klaus knelt in front of me. “Don’t avoid. Answer the question.”

  “It was the flu,” I said. “It just hit me hard.”

  “You were in the hospital?” Klaus stood and paced in front of the window, hands on top of his head. “We called all the hospitals from here to Belfast. And you went to Edinburgh. So close. Why couldn’t we find you?”

  “I wasn’t at the hospital long. My wallet and passport were stolen—”

  Klaus spun. The light was dim, but the tendons in his neck stood out and his face was red. “Stolen. So what did you do?”

  “The doctor and his sister, who was a nurse, offered to let me stay with them while I recovered.”

  Ten slid from under me suddenly, leaving me in the chair. “A man? He asked you to stay with him?”

  “Of course he did!” Lee said to his friend. “He’d be a fool not to see a treasure like Jayne for what she is.”

  I giggled. A treasure? Please. Their affection for me had affected their eyesight. And judgment.

  “Is that why you’re here now?” Diego asked. Of all of them, he seemed the least upset. But he also seemed the most changed. He’d always been quiet, but never morose. And there was a melancholy that hovered around him like a cloud. “Have you fallen in love with someone else and come to clear your conscience?” He leaned forward in the chair and the light from a nearby lamp shone on his face. His dark eye was piercing and his stare cold. “I’m fine. We’re fine.”

  “Is that what you want?” I asked, leaning forward. His worth was not wrapped up in his looks or talent. Nothing could ever change how I felt about him. He could be missing both eyes and be a scarred from head to toe and I’d still love him. I left my chair and knelt in front of him. “If that’s what you want, then you’ll have to tell me.”

  “Of course it’s not what I want!” he cried, flinging himself away from me. “I want you! I want you in my home. In my bed. I want you as my wife!”

  Sitting back on my heels, I smiled at him. “I could never love anyone the way I love you.” I let my gaze drift and land on each of them before I returned to Diego. “You have my heart, and if I had never returned, you’d have had it until I died.”

  Diego pushed the chair away until he knelt in front of me. “I’m a broken man, Jayne. Don’t play games with me. Are you free? Are you here to stay?”

  I shook my head. “I’m not free. My heart is and has been tied to yours.” I smiled at them all. “If you want me, I’ll stay and never leave.”

  The other three fell around us, holding me and laughing, passing me from one man to another. I kissed lips I’d spent months missing. Felt their hands on me. My heart filled to bursting, and I held onto them. “I’ll never leave,” I promised. “Never.”

  “You can look past this?” Diego asked, drawing a finger over his scar. “It doesn’t disgust you?”

  “Never,” I said, decisively. “You are beautiful to me.”

  He kissed me, hands diving through the strands of my hair to hold my head to his. He stood, lifting me with him. His stubble was soft on my cheeks as I nuzzled him. A sob caught in my throat, but I was too happy to care.

  “Swear you won’t leave.” He pulled away from me a little and whispered against my lips.

  “I won’t run away.”

  Someone stroked my back and sighed. “You owe us, Diego,” Klaus said. I glanced over my shoulder to see all of the men I loved leaving. Turning back to him, I looked questioningly at Diego.

  “They’re letting me have you first,” he said. “Because you’re the only thing that can heal me.”

  50

  Diego

  With Jayne staring at me like I was the man I’d always been, I forgot for a moment I was partially blind and ravaged. I felt like myself: a musician, a writer, a father, a man worth loving.

  My heart pounded from a combination of hope and fear.

  Hope. I’d crushed that emotion when I’d searched for the girl in my arms and come up with nothing. Day after day had passed, and with all the money and power in the world, I couldn’t find her.

  I thought terror was behind me. I thought I’d mastered it when I’d chased Bree through the burning halls onto the roof and watched her jump from a parapet. I thought I was beyond feeling anything after I fell through the ceiling through fire and lay pinned beneath the burning ruin of my home.

  But I felt it all now. This tiny, elfin girl in my arms had the power to undo me. To make me or break me.

  “I won’t hurt you,” she whispered, knowing, like always, exactly what I needed to hear.

  Tonight, I was safe. I could let down my guard and rest my brain. Jayne would catch me. She slipped her hand behind my neck and pressed her mouth to mine. Everything melted away. Worries, self-consciousness. All of it.

  She ran her fingers up the back of my neck, through the tangle of my hair, and raked her fingernails gently against my scalp. I groaned, kissing her harder.

  The door closed behind us, leaving us alone, and I guided her to the carpeted floor.

  With a soft moan, she leaned into me. Her touch was light, but the pressure of her hand on my chest told me what she wanted. Lying back, I held onto her hips as she moved over me.

  Her hair, soft and silken, fell around us like a curtain as she kissed me.

  It felt like a first kiss. Like I’d never kissed anyone, not even her, ever before. It was so sweet and so gentle, my heart ached. Her lips were soft as she learned me all over again.

  She took my hands in hers and lifted them to her chest before she sat back. “I feel like I’ve run a race,” she said, giggling a little. Nervous.

  Jayne was nervous.

  She always knew what I needed, but in this moment, I realized, it was time for me to do what she needed.

  Her eyes opened wide in surprise as I rolled us. “I can barely breathe for wanting you,” I whispered, still holding my hand against her chest. I turned it slightly, until my fingers could push the fabric of her shirt apart and I could feel her soft skin beneath. I looked down at her and rested back onto my heels. “I want your shirt off.”

  She nodded, and bit down on her lip. Her hands left mine and went to the buttons of her blouse, trembling when she tried to unbutton it.

  “How much do you care about this shirt?” I asked.

  “Not at all,” she answered breathlessly.

  That was good enough for me. I ripped it apart. Buttons flew everywhere, clicking against the wood floor and rolling to God-knows-where.

  Her breasts heaved with each breath she took, and I couldn’t hold back. I pushed the cup of her bra aside and fastened my mouth to her pebbled nipple. She grabbed my head, holding me against her as I sucked strongly.

  Leaning back, I stared down at my work. Her nipple was red and swollen, wet from my mouth, and I blew across it. Her skin broke out in goosebumps, and I moved t
o the other breast.

  She groaned, an almost breathless sound, and arched against me. Her hips were rolling against mine, lifting and grinding to find relief.

  Pushing between us, I found the button of her jeans and undid it so I could feel her.

  “God.” I groaned when I found silky wetness.

  “Diego,” she whispered. “I never thought I’d get to feel you again.”

  I heard what she didn’t say. She needed to feel me. I unbuttoned my pants, pushing them down only enough to free my cock. I made short work of her pants, giving them the same treatment I’d given my own.

  I dove between her legs, licking a path from her entrance to her clit, lapping up the moisture.

  Her taste drove me wild. She thought she’d never feel me again? I thought I’d never feel anything again. But I was feeling almost too much now.

  “Diego.” She moaned.

  I kneed her legs apart and settled between them, sliding up her body until we were face to face again. She leaned up to kiss me, not caring that I wore her all over my lips and tasted her on my tongue.

  She nipped at my lips, undulating beneath me so my cock slid between her folds, coating me in her wetness.

  Grabbing my ass, she dug her fingers into my skin. “Please, please, please.”

  I reached between us, holding myself steady so I could thrust into her. At first, she was too tight. She was aroused, yes, but I wouldn’t take her too hard. Not this first time. I had to rock myself in and out.

  Jayne cried out as I glided inside her. She wasn’t quiet as I changed my angle, rubbing myself against her clit with each inward thrust. I didn’t want her to be. I wanted to hear what I was doing to her.

  I never wanted to be as tuned in to another person as I did with Jayne.

  My balls drew up against my body and fireworks went off at the base of my spine, but I gritted my teeth. I wouldn’t come before she did.

  Shoving my hands under her ass, I pulled her against me tighter. Her fingers dug into the muscles of my back, a beautiful bite of pain that kept me grounded until she began to flutter around me.

  That was all it took. Those flutters, like an ocean wave, had me coming harder than I ever had in my life. Jayne yelled my name as she came, and I groaned against her shoulder, filling her up as my orgasm went on and on.