Caspers Ghosts

by Victoria Hyder

  He shrugged his shoulder stiffly, his eyes boring into my skull and making my stomach knot. “I just wanted to see if you’d made any progress with the chain of emails I’d sent you. I know Isabel has been doing her nut. She even came to me asking if I knew where you were, of all things.” There was a sneer to his words that had become a regular thing when he spoke about her. It didn’t bother me in the way that it should have.

  I rubbed a hand down my face and shrugged, “I haven’t had a chance to look through them yet.”

  This time he did frown up at me, opening and closing his mouth a couple of times. “But –I sent those to you three days ago, how can you still not have looked at them?”

  I blinked as he words sank into my mind. “Three –what? What do you mean three days? I only told Isabel about writing the different scenes to storyboard this morning.”

  He shot me a dark look before peering a little closer at me, “You haven’t –been asleep this entire time. Have you?” I averted my eyes. “You have? It’s been three days since you saw Isabel! How is that possible? How have you been asleep all this time? Do you know how many times I’ve seen Isabel hammering on this door trying to wake you up? She was convinced you’d died or run off or something.”

  Through the exasperated tone of his voice I caught a hint of worry in his words. I felt my mouth tug upwards at the corners and then noticed the bag clutched tightly in his hand. “Were you on your way back to have dinner?” I asked, the smell of Chinese food finally hitting me full force.

  He nodded his head stiffly and then eyed me with narrowed eyelids, “Want to share?”

  My growling stomach answered for both of us. I snickered to myself, his tight pressed mouth twitched slightly at the corners as he waited for me to move away from the door before entering and closing the door behind him. I ran a hand down my face and winced at my sour breath. “Er … Sorry about the mess in here. Like you said, apparently it’s been three days and I haven’t been in the best of states lately. I’ll be right back, I need to rinse my mouth out.”

  “Mint and Chinese?” he called out after me and then shrugged, “Your funeral.”

  I cocked an eyebrow and then made my way into my en-suite. Once I’d spat the mouthwash down the drain and scrubbed warm water over my face. I glanced in the mirror on my way out and paused, the fog clearing out of mind after a few moments. I looked rough; my dyed red hair was sticking up in every direction and my face looked blotchy around my cheeks and pale everywhere else.

  Three days.

  The words echoed in my head. How could I have been asleep for that long and not noticed? I scrubbed my hands down my face, sighed and then left. It was only then that the most important thing came to the forefront of my mind. Casper was in my room, waiting for me, with more Chinese food than one person should be able to eat in one sitting. Had he intentionally ordered some random things for me? Was he suddenly so worried that he had to come to my room and talk to me with the offer of food? It was true, I couldn’t deny my first hot meal that week, the coffee and the cookie I’d had with Isabel hardly counted. I shuddered and went back into the bedroom.

  Casper looked up briefly as he lifted the last of the Styrofoam cups of sauce out of the plastic bag. Five minutes into the dividing of the portions, it became apparent that after our project and food, we didn’t have much to talk about. In fact, any form of conversation dried up. The only sounds that filled the air between us were the scraping of forks on plates and the gentle slurping of our drinks from the only two clean glasses that had been in my cupboard. I was surprised, though; that although the atmosphere was a little tense, it wasn’t entirely uncomfortable. Either that or I was still too exhausted to make heads-or-tails of the situation.

  *

  It took just over a week for me to get myself together, wash, dress and then trudge down to the administration building on my way to the nurse’s office. I needed to explain my absence from my lectures recently. Even though it wasn’t imperative that I even go there to begin with, I still felt a little self-conscious about it. I shuddered a little and hugged my arms tighter. I felt awful in my jeans, converses and a baggy jumper that should have kept the chill out of my bones. It wasn’t my usual attire but it would have to do until I could muster enough energy to drag my washing down to the laundry room. I rubbed my hands down my face and licked my dry lips as I awaited my turn to see the well-rounded woman who handled ‘student queries’.

  “Avery Fletcher?” I jerked my head up to see Mrs. Wilson looking over her glasses at me. “You can come through now.”

  Mrs. Wilson was a nice, soft-mannered woman and was the only sort of person I could seem able to tolerate in that moment. She smiled as I sat down in front of her and raked a hand through my hair. “So what can I help you with today Avery?” she asked, my name sounded strange to my ears for the first time in over a week. Even Casper didn’t seem capable of saying my name. Come to think of it, did he even know what my name was?

  “I just needed it to go down on my record about the last week,” she nodded for me to continue and I felt the pressure in my chest grow tighter, “I don’t really know what’s been happening with me but I think it has to do with the new dosage of my medication. They upped the dosage and it apparently made me feel disorientated enough to pass-out for a few days.”

  A small crease etched between her brows, “Have you contacted your doctor about this?”

  I shook my head and then stopped, the dizziness washing over me, “Not yet, but my next stop after this is the Nurse’s office. At the very least I want to go back to my old dosage. I didn’t have these problems before.”

  She nodded her rounded face. “If you ever feel like you need a pass to go out and talk to your GP just let me know and I will arrange it for you.”

  “Thank you, I do appreciate it. I just felt the need to explain my absence from my lectures. I don’t want it to be held against me if it can be helped.”

  “I understand that, Avery,” she smiled at me, “Although I am surprised that he didn’t tell you.”

  I frowned, “Who? Tell me what?”

  “That Stokes boy, what was his name?” she frowned to herself and hummed, “Casper! That’s his name. He came in here a couple of days ago and told me that you were out really ill for a while and not to be marked as an ‘unexplained absence’. Didn’t he mention it?”

  I frowned heavier as the words sank in. Casper had gone out of his way last thing on a Friday night to make sure that my bout of illness had gone down on my record. The pressure in my chest evaporated so quickly that I gasped a little for some air. I gave a gentle shake of my head. “N-no, I haven’t seen him in the last few days. He only popped by to see me that one evening. He …” I felt my cheeks blush an unhealthy colour, “He brought me something to eat and helped me organize a few things before he left.”

  “Alright then well I can send this through to your professors for you first thing in the morning,” she smiled at me, seemingly oblivious to my discomfort.

  “Thank you,” I managed to say through my rough throat, “I really appreciate it.”

  “It’s no trouble. Now go to the nurse's office.”

  I didn’t hesitate to leave and marched my way along the long white corridors until I’d found the office door that I needed. I knocked and waited for someone to answer it. I stood there, waiting for about five minutes before my favourite nurse, Camilla, popped her head out and smiled when she saw me.

  “Good evening Avery, what brings you down here so late? I haven’t seen you in a week, are you feeling alright?”

  I shook my head, “I was wondering if I’d be able to go back to my old dosage of my tablets?”

  Camilla furrowed her brow and sucked on her plump lips, “Is there anything wrong with them?”

  “I was unconscious for about three days last week and I haven’t felt like I’ve had enough energy to even drag myself out of bed until tonight.”

  Camilla ran a hand through her wiry black hair a
nd the florescent lights paled her caramel coloured skin. She was effortlessly beautiful and if I’d liked older women –or women in general –I’d have been flirting with her most times when I’d gone in for my medication. She handed me a clipboard with a form and smiled her sweet smiled at me, “Just fill in this form, dear, and I’ll see what I can do, okay?”

  I nodded and took the offered pen with a weak smile before filling in the boxes before handing the clipboard back to Camilla. She read through it and frowned at me. I shifted uncomfortably on my feet, “So? Do you think there’s anything you can do?”

  “Don’t worry, Avery. We can switch you back to your old dosage and see how you go from there,” she said softly. “We’ll send a notification to your professors just to let them know about it, and if there are any problems you can come and get me, alright? Give it a couple of weeks for your body to adjust. The week you’ve just had not being on the pills should have flushed most of it out of your system so you should be alright.”

  I smiled at her, “Should I take some now before I go to bed?”

  She hesitated a moment, “Have you eaten today?” I shook my head no. She pursed her lips. “In that case I can’t let you take it on an empty stomach. You need to go and eat something, Avery. Taking these on an empty stomach will do you more harm than good.”

  “But –” I floundered for words. “Aren’t you closing soon for the night?”

  She nodded then her eyes lit up brightly. “Let me get you dinner!” she grinned at me as though it was the obvious solution. I worked my mouth but no sound came out and my stomach rippled with a grumble. She gave me a wide grin, “Just wait, I’ll go and get my coat and bag. I’m starving myself and I’ll bet you could just kill for the greasiest burger of your entire life, right?”

  Luckily, my loud stomach answered for me and I grinned weakly. It was true; just the sound of the burger was making my dry mouth salivate. “Yeah, alright then, that sounds like a good idea.”

  “Good. I’ll bring your dosage with me so you can take them after we eat.” Camilla ducked away behind in the back room and I heard shuffling noises from there as she tidied the last of her things and turned the lights off before shrugging her coat on and coming out into the hallway. She locked the door and pocketed the key before turning to grin at me, “Ready to go?”

  I gave a tight smile, “Sure thing, let’s go.”

  The American-style diner we ended up going to was a short drive into town and Camilla had a sweet little Aston Martin that she cherished without shame. Images of fried burgers made me drool. Camilla laughed at my expression and pulled into the parking lot before turning the engine off and unfastening her seatbelt. I mirrored her actions and together we stepped out into the frigid air and made our way to the door, huddled up in our coats. We ducked inside and waited to be asked where we would like to sit, before we were showed to a small booth tucked away in the corner of the restaurant. I took the offered menu and scanned every item of food listed, looking for the mother of all burgers to sate my unbearable hunger. We didn’t waste much time ordering our food.

  As our drinks were set in front of us, Camilla asked, “So Avery, how are things going on at home? You went back there for Christmas holidays, right?”

  “It was awkward as fuck, what did you expect?” I groused as I dipped my straw through my ice-cubes. They clinked against the glass. I could feel her eyes boring through my skull and I knew that the topic wouldn’t get changed until I told her something more. “My mum didn’t speak to me for the entire holiday and my dad keeps telling me that I’ll get better soon and when I do, I’ll be allowed back home permanently. They wouldn’t even let me see my sister except at dinner because they’re scared I’ll hurt her.”

  “Well it would seem that their fear was rather well founded, don’t you think?”

  I cut a glare at her before dropping my head, “Yes but even so, I may as well have come back here earlier with the way they shunned me after.”

  “Katelyn is more than old enough to make up her own mind about you,” Camilla stated matter-of-factly as she looked over at me over the top of her milkshake. “She’s what? Fifteen now?” I nodded my head, “If she wants to be near her big brother then she should be. If she still wants to be near you after what happened, then I don’t see the problem. She knows how to be safe.”

  I looked up at her and could see from the sincere look on her face that she saw this as a good thing. I didn’t. I hated the way my medication made me feel and if the downside of not taking those tablets was simply ‘another episode’, then did the cons really outweigh the pros? According to everyone around me, yes, they did.

  I didn’t meet her gaze for a while. I felt terrible for lying to her about the Christmas holidays but I couldn’t deal with thinking about it. Not just yet. “And what if I relapse regardless of the drugs?” I countered in a lowered voice, wary of those around me.

  Camilla reached out and rubbed my forearm, “Listen, if you ever feel like you’re getting low again, just come to me and talk to me, okay? Talking can do you a world of good and you know it.”

  I almost jumped when our plates were placed in front of us. The food looked and smelled like Heaven and my gut almost exploded from sheer joy at the sight of a full meal to devour. Camilla looked exactly how I felt as she brandished her knife and fork and started to hack away at her hamburger. We ate in a hearty silence for a while, the food sating my forceful hunger.

  When we were about halfway through our food, Camilla looked up and me and cleared her throat. “So how come that Casper boy was the one to tell me about your state of health instead of that Isabel girl?”

  I shrugged, “I guess he just thought you ought to know. He takes some medication as well, so he knew how important it would be to at least have it go down on my record.”

  As strange as though words felt in my mouth the even stranger thing was how my stomach coiled and suddenly had to focus a little too much on my breathing. Camilla went and ordered herself an ice cream sundae for dessert. I suppressed the urge to gag at all that cream and chocolate sauce as she dipped her spoon into it over and over again.

  “I didn’t know you two were friends,” she stated. At my confused glance she tilted her spoon and expanded, “Casper. I didn’t know you two were friends.”

  “We’re working together for a music assignment. He and Isabel don’t seem to get along, so I’m acting as the go-between.”

  Camilla laughed brightly, “Oh Lord, well you’d better tell me if you actually succeed. He’s always grouching about working with idiots.”

  I cracked an amused smile, “Oh really?”

  “Yes, although he hasn’t mentioned anything about his music assignment –yet. So you must be doing something right.” She winked at me and I felt my cheeks flush a blotchy pink colour. I ducked my head away. The truth was I still didn’t know how any of this was going to work out for us. Perhaps I could figure it all out once I returned. “Before I forget –here,” she opened her palm to me and flashed a small white pill.

  I blanched just looking at it, my stomach shrinking in size. I shot her a look and then tipped the chalky pill into my mouth. I shuddered as I felt it sink down into my stomach before forcing myself to finish the rest of my food.

  My first meal out of campus for a long time ended not long after that. Camilla kept up the conversation and made me feel better than I had in ages as we bundled up into her car and she started the engine. It was a pleasant ride back to campus. She dropped me off just outside the University drive and before I left she reached out and gave my shoulder a squeeze and a soft little smile, “I’ll be back in on Monday morning if you need to talk, alright?” I nodded my head, “Let me know how the weekend goes. And don’t forget to take your medication, okay?”

  “I won’t forget,” I promised as I unbuckled my belt and slipped out into the cold night air. As I walked up the driveway back to campus I listened as she turned and rolled away back towards wherever she called ‘home’.
As I stuffed my hands into my jacket pocket and made my way to my dorm building, I couldn’t help but wonder what Casper was playing at, and what I was going to do about it.

  Chapter Seven

  The weekend passed in a blur with Isabel finally coming to check on me again, her arms loaded with all sorts of vitamins and natural remedies to help me cope with my normal medication. We spent most of my free periods in the afternoon sitting on my bed and mulling over the segments of writing she’d ‘perfected’ –her words, not mine –over the few days when I’d been unconscious. She knew Casper had checked in on me, but as far as I could see it wasn’t winning him into her good graces. Not that he cared, I’m sure, but it still left a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach.

  I had been back on my old dosage of my medicine for a couple of days and already I could feel a positive change in my behaviour and sleeping patterns. It felt amazing to be able to get a good night’s sleep without waking up foggy all over again. Now it was Monday morning, and I was making my way to the music department where I would finally get to have Casper and Isabel in the same room, and maybe even start organizing some base chords for our project. I hadn’t managed to sketch up anything for my own segments, but I’d decided that maybe I could create bridges and fillers to link Isabel’s work with Casper’s, and maybe I’d find a gem of my own there. It was worth a shot at any rate.

  “Sorry I’m a little late!” I gushed to Isabel and Casper as I hurried into the music room. I dumped my bag on the floor just as the bell signaled for the start of lessons.