Heat stirred in my belly. “You like it, huh?”
“It’s so sexy on you,” he breathed as he ran his lips down my throat.
“Maybe I’ll wear it more often.”
“Do that and I won’t be able to control myself around you.”
“This is control?”
He snorted before nipping at my collarbone and drawing away a little, “Come on let’s go before your uncle threatens to withhold dessert.”
“Judging from earlier, I don’t think you need any more dessert.” I was so surprised to see his cheeks blush. It was adorable! I stroked his hair behind his ear, “I meant what I said, you know. Before I fell asleep.”
“It doesn’t count before, during, or after sex,” he cut across me with a pointed look.
I shook my head, “N-No it doesn’t. That’s why I’m saying it now; I love you Casper.” I laced our fingers together, “You’ve honestly made this the best birthday of my life.”
His head jerked up. He scrutinized me for a moment before his features relaxed. He gave my fingers a squeeze and smiled shyly, “Let’s go before your uncle starts honking the horn.”
I ducked my head and kissed his mouth. “Alright then, let’s go.”
Brian –being the amazing man that he was –had not only reserved a table for my birthday, but it was a table at one of the best restaurants in the center of Brighton at a table on the balcony that over looked the ocean! I felt thrilled as we were seated and handed thick, glossy menus. By the time we’d ordered and had drinks poured, I felt so carefree that I took hold of Casper’s hand without thinking or caring. For once, he didn’t seem to care either. As soon as our food arrived, Brian decided to broach the subject about graduation again. “Come on, boys’, you only have another month and a bit before you graduate anyway so I don’t see what the harm in thinking about it now would be.”
“Uncle Brian it’s just awkward to think about. Even career wise, it’d be tricky for either of us to get jobs in respective fields,” I protested.
Our plates were served to us.
“Is this about your parents?” he asked bluntly.
Shrugging, I twirled the spaghetti around my fork. My parents weren’t exactly our best conversational moments. Especially considering how much he didn’t like our mum and by how his respect for Dad –his own brother –waned more and more each year. “It’s just difficult. I wouldn’t know how to get into a job music-wise and Casper may have some leads for his animated graphics idea, but it’s all so sketchy at best.”
“Then why not take a gap year?” he suggested.
“Oh yeah that sounds like fun,” Katie stated, “You could do some travelling. You could do your own projects or something for a year. Build a portfolio.”
“See, Kit-Kat gets it,” Brian grinned as Katie flushed and grumbled for him not to use that nickname anymore.
I frowned at the two of them, “Since when are you two in cahoots with one another?”
“Cahoots? How fifties of you,” Casper snickered. He took a long gulp of his drink before sighing, “They’re right you know. We could spend a year applying to jobs and not get anywhere, so we could do something worthwhile and fun whilst waiting for it to happen.”
I frowned at him before my gaze drifted over his shoulder to the rolling black waves glistening under the moonlight. They did all have very good points. Besides, when was the last time I had such unquestionable freedom? The truth was I hadn’t, especially not since I was diagnosed.
Swallowing down another mouthful of pasta I nodded, “I suppose it wouldn’t hurt. I mean, these places always look at portfolios don’t they? I barely have a decent one so I guess a year out wouldn’t hurt.”
“Exactly!” Katie nodded with a smile, “Besides, I think you guys could do with a break. Just promise me one thing?”
“What’s that?” Casper asked before I could.
“Promise me you’ll send us loads of postcards!” Her eyes gleamed so brightly. I readily agreed, that it broke my heart to think that I could soon be leaving the two family members I loved the most.
By the time midnight rolled around I was just stepping out of the bathroom, ready for bed. “Well, it is now no longer my birthday. Another year older and none the wiser,” I dropped onto the bed as Casper rolled his eyes at me. He was already dressed in a loose grey T-Shirt and black shorts.
“Don’t be such a woman about it, Fletcher. Besides, your watch is about five minutes fast.”
“How do you know?” I grumbled.
“I reset it last night,” he shrugged as he reached down the side of the bed. Without warning, something slapped down onto my chest. Peering down I saw the old sketchbook I’d watched him doodling in, with a large red bow tied around the middle.
“What’s this?”
“Your birthday present.”
“So what was earlier?” I countered, cocking an eyebrow.
“That was a little something extra,” he smirked at me as I sat up and untied the ribbon. It fell away easily as I saw that on the front there was silver sheet music drawn out with chords to –no doubt –another beautiful song. At the top there was an A-major and it all signed off with a C-major. My heart skipped a beat. I felt rigid as he tapped my knuckles with his hand, “Well go on. Open it.”
Smiling like an idiot I flipped open the first page and cringed. The photos that he’d gotten from Brian earlier today were glued around on the first few brightly coloured pages; mini versions of me frolicking in paddling pools, giving Katie piggy-back rides in the back garden, sandcastles on the beach and standing up naked in a bath tub! They were all there!
“Oh … Why did you do this?” I whimpered as I turned the page.
He refused to let me. Grinning he pointed at the one with me covered in tiger face-paint and roaring at the camera. “Come on, you look adorable. I honestly didn’t realise how light your hair used to be.”
“It’s darker now,” I protested, “It’s like a dark caramel colour –I think.”
Snickering he leaned back and rested his chin in the crook of my neck. “Alright you can turn the page.”
I flipped to the next page and couldn’t help but laugh. All the time Casper had been playing on his phone I’d thought he’d been bored. I didn’t realise he’d been taking photos of me; there were a couple of me working, head bent over a book and my hair falling into my eyes, one with me and Isabel walking a few paces ahead and a couple of me lying on my bed with earphones in and reading a book. Then there were a few intimate shots of me undressing, me with bed-hair, and the two that Katie had snapped just last week of the two of us cuddled up in bed. There were even a few of when Casper and I had been talking in the garden helping my dad get ready for the barbeque. I turned back and glimpsed the photo of Casper curled into my side, his expression so serene it melted my heart. Humming softy to myself I turned to the next page and my jaw dropped for the third time that day; there on the two pages was your average sketch dump of unfinished experiments, each of which caught my profile, hands and eyes to perfection! The shading was exquisite. Warmth swelled in my chest. “These are amazing,” I breathed as I looked as a bar-image of my eyes. “When did you do these?”
“Now and again in the early hours of the morning before classes. You were just too handsome to not draw. I couldn’t resist, even then.”
“You really are talented.”
“Wait until you turn the page,” he mumbled against my throat.
He was right. As I turned the page and saw the sketch he’d done of me in the conservatory, my mind exploded. Nothing existed except for that moment, replaying over and over in my head. The details he’d put into my erection, made me flush. The lines of my muscles, the details in every hair on my legs, arms and crotch were so fine and precise, the shadows under my eyes were delicate yet profound, the detail in my cropped hairstyle, the shading under my jaw, chest and leg muscles had me mesmerised. Tears came into my eyes and I had to brush them away. He’d drawn me in such a way tha
t not only was the art itself beautiful, but it shone through with his own beauty. He had depicted me as strong and resilient when really I was anything but. However, this was how he saw me and it made me want to be a better person. I wanted to love and protect him as much as he did for me. I wanted him to feel as loved as I did in that moment. I turned to him and pressed our mouths together, a tear escaping down my cheek.
He melted into the kiss and threaded his fingers through my hair. Between kisses he gushed, “So … I take it … You like it then?”
“This is truly the best gift anyone has ever given me. I’m just sorry you didn’t get to fill whole book.”
“Oh I wasn’t meant to,” he said as he rested his cheek against mine.
“What do you mean?”
“It was meant to be mainly empty so we’ll have lots of room for … Well, the future.”
Pulling back, I frowned down at him, “Do you honestly see yourself having a future with someone as broken as me?”
He nodded, the sincerity in his eyes making me feel naked. “I do. I really do.” He kissed my lips and then rested our foreheads together, “I’m only one half of the song, Avery. I need the harmony to make the music complete.”
“You won’t ever need to harmonize alone, again.”
Without another word, I placed the sketchbook on the bedside table, flicked the light off and slipped under the blankets with Casper. For the first time since we’d started sleeping in the same bed, he made the first move to crawl over and lay his head on my chest. I wrapped an arm around him and stroked his hair until we both drifted off to sleep.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Waking up to the feeling of Casper’s long, naked legs tangled with my own was the best way to start a morning. The sun drifted in through the windows, waking me up to the pleasant calm that glowed inside me. The sight of the ocean through the curtain set my foggy mind at peace. Another great thing to wake up to was Uncle Brian’s amazing breakfasts. If I had known being around my rather aloof uncle would make Casper this relaxed, then I wouldn’t have bothered taking him home in the first place. We could have just come straight to Brighton and enjoyed more of the sun, sea and sand. I know the reason I had taken him home though; I’d wanted their approval like any wayward son would want.
The sound of orange juice splashing into my glass made me glance up as Casper leaned close. I gazed up at him, haloed by the sunlight, and smiled softly; he had practically transformed since yesterday. It was like the Brighton air had pierced through his barriers and the shell he’d been encased in, had shattered. He was so beautiful. It was like I was finally getting a glimpse at the real Casper, the boy underneath the years of abuse and self-imposed phobia’s and protective mechanisms. He gave me a dazzling smile as he settled back down in his chair and turned back to my Uncle to discuss potential work opportunities. I only half listened as Casper reached out and loosely laced our fingers on top of the table. Katie smiled at our hands before I felt her bare foot nudge my ankle under the table. “So did you like the gift he made for you?” she asked softly, leaning in a little closer so as not to distract the other two.
“I honestly had no idea he was going to do something like that.”
Her eyes gleamed brightly, “Well I’m glad you liked it. He was panicking about what to get you so I helped him come up with the idea?”
I snorted. “Casper panicking? Really?”
“Yeah he came to me just last week asking if I had any idea what you’d like. I told him the best thing he could do was to show you that you’re appreciated,” she took my free hand in her own. “You are, you know. Despite things that have happened, I wouldn’t trade you for the world. You’re the best big brother.”
My smile faltered as my gaze dropped down to the long, jagged pink scar running down the length of her forearm. I couldn’t help it. It was just taunting me, risen and pink on her otherwise flawless skin. I’d cause her that pain, and yet somehow she still managed to love me. Grasping her palm I lifted her hand and pressed a kiss to her wrist, “I won’t let you get rid of me anyway.”
Brian said he needed to make an appearance at his work, so the three of us were left to our own devices as we packed our bags to head down to the beach. Not that Brighton’s beach was much of one, as it was all pebbles with only a few patches of actual sand here and there, but it was the long drive along the coast to drink in the fresh, sea air. With the windows rolled down, the sun shining and no real worries to bog any of us down, it was such a carefree atmosphere. We found a small sandy expanse of beach within the pebble dunes, we settled down on an old tartan rug and started unpacking the food. Katie had come armed with her camera and was intent on taking as many photo’s as possible. There was a cheeky gleam in her eye as she stayed behind whilst I hobbled down over the pebbles towards the water, Casper following me with a series of over-exaggerated yelps.
The water was freezing as it crashed over my feet and soaked over my ankles. I was rooted to the spot! Casper went rigid as he cried out, “Jesus Fuck this is too cold!”
I reached out and yanked his shirt, “You’re not leaving me in here alone!”
“Fuck you, I’m not staying here!”
Padding over I grabbed him around the waist and, using all of my strength, hoisted Casper up into my arms and waded out a little deeper into the water, his arms and legs thrashing about in protest. As soon as my calves struggled to push through the cold waves, I dropped us both into the water.
“FLETCHER!” he cried out.
He coughed and spluttered a little as he stood up in the waist deep water and threw an armful at me. I gasped through my laughter as I tossed water back at him. All too soon we were playfully wrestling, trying to dunk the other into the water. Casper eventually won; he grabbed my shoulders, hopped onto my back I sank down underneath him, the waves crashing over my head. The roar of the sea in my ears was exactly what you ‘hear’ in the seashells. My heart drummed through the din and when I resurfaced, I spat some out. Casper sneezed a little before swiping his fringe out of his eyes.
“Nice going dumb-arse,” he grumbled before sneezing again. “Please tell me you brought towels?”
After one last swipe of my nose I nodded, “Yeah –Yeah I brought a couple of towels just in case.”
“What about clothes?” he asked as we waded back towards the shore.
“We’ll just have to let them dry in the sun.”
“What?” he whirled around to glare at me. “Fletcher, I’m not sitting under a towel naked in front of your sister!”
Rolling my eyes as a chilled wind ran over me, I shuddered. “Well I don’t know about you but I’m pretty sure my balls have jumped back up inside my body. I dread to think what my dick is like.”
“All I know is you’d need the Hubble telescope to see mine!” he snapped as he hunched his shoulders, arms wrapped around his torso.
Snickering I followed him over the pebbled shoreline until we’d made it back to the tartan blankets. Katie burst out laughing and snapped several pictures before she turned around to give us both some privacy to strip. Shrouded with the towels we both stripped down to nothing and tossed our sodden clothes into a bundle on the pebbles. Once we were crouched down on the tartan blanket and cloaked in the spare towels, Katie peaked over her shoulder and then decided to lay all our clothes out on the large flat rocks nearby so that they could dry in the sun.
“Do you think you’ll come back home after you graduate?” Katie asked. The sun climbed higher in the sky, making the waves glitter beautifully.
Casting a quick glance at Casper, I shrugged, “Something tells me I wouldn’t really be welcome back at home. Not when the last few weeks have been this much of a ‘struggle’ for mum.”
Katie snorted and rolled her eyes, “I honestly don’t care what that woman has to say anymore. She can’t keep treating you like this.”
“Katie at the end of the day it’s her house. I’ll just have to start looking for studio flats or something as soo
n as I get back.”
“But how will you afford that?” she protested weakly, dipping her head to rest it on my shoulder.
“It won’t be a problem,” Casper interjected.
My stomach flipped a little as we both turned to look at him. “What do you mean?” I asked.
Turning his head so that his grey eyes glimmered like the waves I inhaled sharply. “If your mum is being this much of an arsehole to you, then you’re more than welcome to come home with me.”
“Wouldn’t your parents mind?” Katie asked.
Casper cocked his head to the side, “I doubt it. My mum would be so excited that I’m bringing someone home that everything else would seem … pointless.”
Katie twisted her mouth. “I’m just worried. I don’t want you to be left out. Neither of you deserve that.”
“I’ll take care of him,” Casper winked at Katie.
She relaxed a little as she leaned against me. I wrapped an arm around her shoulder and gave her a squeeze. Casper reached under my blanket and gave my ankle a soothing stroke. All of a sudden my mind was reeling; I had an open invitation to stay at Casper’s house. It made me feel a little disappointed that I wasn’t able to offer him such a thing, and yet I was intrigued at the prospect of meeting his family. More importantly, I really wanted to meet the woman who would name her son ‘Casper’ in the first place.
The sea breeze was refreshing as I tipped my head back to let the fresh air wash over me. Casper leaned back with me and soon I felt myself beginning to drift. A series of clicks went off. I peered up to stare into the lens of Katie’s camera. “Eurgh will you quit with that?” I grumbled as I shifted my head to the side in an attempt to doze.
She rolled her eyes, “You’ll thank me for these one day.”
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