Lost Souls

by AJ Lange

Gavin took his hand and let Matt pull him down on top of him. He nestled on the bed between his legs, ducking his head to kiss him longingly. “I never let anyone in it, not after you left,” he whispered and Matt stilled. He cupped Gavin’s face and held him where he could look into his eyes.

  “What?”

  Gavin let his lids fall closed, unable to handle the haunting, familiar blue, searching him, seeing everything, always. “I couldn’t, not in our bed.”

  Matt wrapped his arms around Gavin, fitting them tightly together, lips and chest and hips slotting together, fixed and perfect. “I wanted to be there,” Matt admitted softly against Gavin’s brow. “I’m a fucking terrible excuse for a husband, aren’t I? Two days after my wife’s murder, I’m in bed with the only person I’ve ever been in love with.” He laughed but the sound was cold, harsh.

  Gavin held him closer, nuzzling his jaw. He smiled sadly when Matt tilted his head, the gesture so familiar it made him ache. “We’re together now, let’s not think about the rest for a while, okay?”

  He rolled them so they were facing and reached down to ease Matt’s jeans from his hips. Matt let him work the garment from his body, feathering his fingers through the short hair at Gavin’s nape when he dropped his lips to Matt’s chest. Gavin pushed the jeans to the floor, returning to peel the briefs from Matt’s body until he lay naked beside him, skin flushed in the lamplight.

  Matt shivered and pulled Gavin close. “You too,” he whispered tugging at Gavin’s fly.

  Gavin swatted his hand away then smoothed his hand down Matt’s side, cupping his hip, pushing him to his back. Matt sighed, closing his eyes when Gavin’s head bent low over his abdomen.

  Gavin breathed the musky smell of him, sense memory hitting him full force and making his mouth water. His fingers gripped Matt’s hip too hard and he could feel the other man flinch. “Sorry, baby,” he whispered, leaning over to kiss the smooth skin in apology. “Remembering,” he added, the words muffled against the juncture of thigh and hip.

  “Remember lower,” Matt groaned, one hand urging Gavin’s head pointedly south.

  Gavin smiled. He had waited a long time for this, and he wanted to savor it; there had been plenty of nights he had lain awake wondering if he would ever get to do this again, ever hold this man in his arms, between his lips, feel him move under him in abandon.

  Gavin knew the circumstances made this about twelve kinds of wrong, possibly even illegal, but he couldn’t seem to find the wherewithal to care. He had been seventeen the first time he had tasted Matt. He was almost twice that now, and as impossible as it seemed, he wanted him even more than he had as a horny, inexperienced teenager.

  At the first touch of his mouth, Matt shuddered beneath him.

  “Gavin,” he keened, breath escaping from his lungs on a whine.

  “Shh, I’ve got you,” Gavin whispered, and loved him the only way he knew how.

  …

  In the soft lamplight, Gavin thought about the body tucked in tight against him. He grinned when strong fingers pinched the bit of flab at his waist. He levered himself up on an elbow and grinned. “Hi.”

  Matt smiled back and ruffled his hands through Gavin’s sex-mussed hair. “Hi.”

  Gavin kissed him, tongue sweetly licking at his mouth, until Matt opened to him, letting him deepen the kiss. He could feel Gavin’s hardness against his thigh and he stroked his back, reveling in the muscles as they flexed under his fingertips. God, he had missed him.

  Gavin kissed a path across his cheek, to the bolt of his jaw, unhurried, and Matt let him, turning his head obligingly.

  “As soon as I can move again, I plan to return the favor,” Matt murmured. His voice was honey smooth and so relaxed it made Gavin smile against his throat.

  “No hurry, I’m not quite done with you yet.”

  Matt grinned. “I don’t know if I will survive another go just yet. I’m somewhat paralyzed by the last one in case you hadn’t noticed.”

  “Paralyzed by blowjob,” Gavin teased, tongue tickling at Matt’s earlobe. “Is that a recognized medical condition?”

  “It is if it’s your mouth.” Matt whimpered when Gavin gently bit the soft dangle of skin at his ear.

  “My mouth is very happy right now.” Gavin ground his hips down again and Matt was amazed to feel a tingle of response in his groin. Jesus Christ.

  “Not as happy as my dick,” he said drily. He must have regained control of his limbs because his hands had worked their way down the loosened back of Gavin’s jeans, palming his ass and guiding his movements against his thigh. “You planning on getting naked any time soon?”

  Gavin had rested his forehead against Matt’s shoulder, reining in the control that teetered on the edge with each stroke of Matt’s fingers. “I think your hands have that same paralysis thing, I can’t feel my legs.”

  “You can’t feel this,” Matt asked, kneading the muscles firmly.

  “Uh uh,” Gavin lied, rubbing his face languidly against Matt’s chest.

  “How about this.” Matt dipped his hands low in Gavin’s underwear, pushing them and the denim from his hips. Gavin lifted up so Matt could work them off.

  “I don’t know what to tell you,” Gavin murmured, settling between Matt’s thighs again, eyes nearly crossing at the delicious feel of skin on skin. He kicked his legs free of his jeans and boxers.

  Matt snuck one hand between them, fingers brushing Gavin’s hardness until he gasped. “You’re a fucking liar, Gavin DeLuca,” Matt said, pushing the other man to his back in the center of the bed and climbing on top of him.

  “I resent that,” Gavin protested, voice sexy and low. “I’m a saint. Saint Gavin. ”

  “Uh huh,” Matt chuckled, eyes drinking in all of the gorgeous, tanned skin now available to him. “Your blowjob skills are heavenly, don’t get me wrong, but sainthood requires performing a miracle, if I remember catechism correctly.” He had worked his way low enough that his hand and mouth were now mischievously skirting their goal and Gavin’s hips bucked in frustration.

  “Matt,” he pleaded breathlessly.

  “Hmmm,” Matt murmured against the divot of his hipbone. His tongue snuck out to taste the salty tang of his skin, a mixture of sweat and Gavin, heady and strong and painfully familiar.

  “Matt, if you don’t get your mouth on my dick right fucking now, and stop licking my goddamn stomach, I’m going to—“ he broke off on a deep groan when Matt swallowed him down in one go. “Fucking Christ almighty.”

  And Matt had always, always been too good at this. Gavin liked a little tooth, a scary hint of pain with his pleasure sometimes, a technique that only Matt possessed, but maybe that’s because his was the mouth that had touched Gavin his first time, teenage exploration and abiding affection, friendship that had blossomed into a passion that had never waned. No woman Gavin had ever been with had the power to tear him down into tiny pieces of himself the way Matt could.

  The way he was doing, right now.

  Gavin couldn’t hold back, couldn’t stall the way his body raced ahead, desperately, achingly good, although he did make a half-hearted attempt. When his hands tried to pull Matt’s head up, away, pull that gorgeous mouth back to his own, Matt had just grinned, and he had laced their fingers together instead, giving Gavin something solid to hold onto.

  When Gavin lay trembling on the bed in the aftermath, Matt lowered his forehead to his hip, and Gavin could feel his breath shuddering warmly against his skin.

  He could also feel a telltale wetness against his calf, and he smirked tiredly. “Thought you wouldn’t survive another go,” he teased. He pulled at Matt’s underarms until the other man conceded and moved to lay half on top, half beside him at the head of the bed. He kissed him softly. “I didn’t even get to help this time.”

  Matt ducked his head shyly. “You know you get me off too easy, watching you is like being in a fucking porno, Gavin. God, you’re beautiful.”

  Gavin snorted, urging Matt’s jaw up so he could
kiss him again. “I do like to be more of a participant though, it’s no fun for me if you just get off on watching me.” Which was a lie; Matt getting off from simply seeing, causing, Gavin’s gratification was the hottest thing Gavin had ever heard. He only wished he had the strength to act on it. Later, he mused, before sobering. Please God, let there be a later.

  “The miracle of Saint Gavin,” Matt breathed into his neck and Gavin barked a surprised laugh, which made Matt chuckle, until they were both laughing, rolling tight against one another in the middle of the bed, and for a little while, they were able to forget the world outside and breathe together, in the moment.

  A bump against the bed woke Gavin and he reached to pull Matt close, but his hands found only cold, empty sheets. “Matt,” he mumbled, blinking sleepily in the darkness.

  A dark shape loomed over him, then a familiar face appeared, a soft smile on Matt’s lips before he kissed him. “I’m sorry, Gavin,” he whispered.

  Gavin felt a sharp prick against his neck, his normally prescient instincts failing him for the first time in his life, and he grabbed for Matt as his vision darkened around the edges, vignetting Matt’s handsome face.

  “Matt, don’t do this,” he tried to say, but the words were garbled, nonsensical, and he felt himself falling into the blackness.

  When he awoke several hours later, with a raging headache and a thick, cottony tongue, Matt was gone.

  Chapter 7

  "Tennessee. Want to elaborate?" Dom's voice was wry; he was used to Gavin's 'look before you leap' methodology.

  "Not especially," Gavin muttered. He fiddled with his new hands-free headset until he had the mike flipped over so he could talk and drive. Stupid space age technology that Dom insisted would one day save his life.

  "What happened after Matt showed up at the motel? Start at the beginning."

  Gavin sighed. "Do you want the G-rated version or are you feeling especially kinky this morning, Detective Lorello?"

  "Oh God, Gavin, seriously?" Dom groaned. "You can't keep it in your pants for one day? The guy just lost his wife."

  Gavin didn't reply, slowing as he pulled into a tollbooth. He rolled down his window and tossed a few coins into the cone-shaped basket.

  "Gavin. "

  Dom was getting frustrated now; Gavin could hear his voice brimming with bitchy irritation. Five minutes tops before Dom started dispensing relationship advice. "Calm down, Peaches," Gavin said soothingly. "I won't scandalize you with my prowess in bed. I would hate for you to feel inadequate."

  "Gavin. "

  Gavin chuckled. "Fine. He called, I tried to explain about the letter, he asked where I was, then showed up a couple hours later. We, ahh, slept." He winced, remembering the pounding headache he woke up with. "Oh and he drugged me, the bastard."

  "What do you think he used? You said injection, right?"

  Gavin could practically hear the wheels turning in Dom's brain. "Yeah. Worked fast. Sodium pentothal?"

  "And he would get his hands on that how?" Dom hesitated, letting the question hang in the air.

  "I don't know, Dom," Gavin sighed again. "But if we're lucky, I'm about two hours from finding out."

  "I'm coming."

  "Let me find him first, before we decide to call in the cavalry."

  "Yeah, because that worked so well last night."

  "Dom--" Gavin started then stopped. Dom was right. He had no willpower and even less common sense when it came to Matt. Even now, head still aching and emotions a fucking mess, his first instinct was to find Matt and make sure he was safe. Then kick his ass. And possibly fuck him senseless. Not necessarily in that order.

  "Look, Gav," Dom said softly. "You and Matt... I know, okay? I was there, remember?"

  Gavin smiled sadly. "I remember."

  "I'm just saying that you probably aren't going to be using one hundred percent of your available resources up top, if you know what I mean. Matt always had a way of making you do whatever he wanted."

  "That's not true," Gavin protested. "I was in charge plenty of times."

  "Yeah Gavin, you wore the pants all right," Dom huffed a soft laugh.

  "I wore the pants," Gavin grumbled, shifting uncomfortably on the seat. "I wore the pants plenty of times."

  "Until we know more, until we get this sorted out, I need you to let me help you. At this point we can't really afford for Matt to convince you of something that's going to end up getting him or you hurt."

  "Matt would never hurt me." It was automatic, a gut response, but Gavin believed it wholeheartedly.

  "No, but I wonder if he might not make sure you were out of the way, if he was desperate."

  Gavin had no snappy retort for that. The truth sucked that way. "I'll call you when I get there."

  "Wait," Dom urged. "Why Tennessee? What are you not telling me? This is about that summer, isn't it?"

  But Gavin wasn't ready, didn't want the moment he broke his vow of secrecy to take place on a shitty turnpike in northern Tennessee. And maybe a part of him wanted Matt to give his permission, too. "I'll explain it when you get here." He hung up before Dom could protest.

  Twenty miles later he received a text message.

  Unknown caller: Are you all right?

  Gavin took the next exit and found a gas station before he answered. Fuck you.

  It wasn't as satisfying as he might have thought. He got out and started the pump for Super Unleaded.

  Unknown caller: So perfectly normal then.

  Gavin snorted in spite of himself.

  Unknown caller: I need you to go home. Please tell me you're on your way home?

  Gavin watched the numbers tick higher on the pump's sale, debating whether or not to answer. "Fuck," he swore under his breath before typing too hard, resulting in a multitude of typos. "Fuck fuck fuck fuck," he complained, erasing and starting over.

  "Problem there, handsome?" The voice was sultry, a thick southern twang dripping over the vowels.

  Gavin glanced up to find five foot two inches of blonde, country bombshell giving him the onceover.

  He was so not in the mood.

  "Nah. Just my asshole phone's autocorrect standing between me and some amazing makeup sex with my boyfriend," he drawled.

  The girl's eyes widened so fast Gavin thought her eyeballs might pop out and roll across the parking lot. He smirked to himself, suddenly cheered.

  "Well, then, um," she stumbled over the words, taking a step back onto her own side of the gas pump. "I'll just leave you to that then."

  "Uh huh," Gavin read over his corrected text, still grinning. You don't get to ask the questions, asshole!

  Before he hit send, he carefully backspaced over the word asshole and added babe in its place. There was a lag before he got a response.

  Unknown caller: Please don't. This is hard enough. I just wanted to know that you were all right. And to say I'm sorry.

  Gavin: I'll be there in an hour.

  Unknown caller: You don't know where I am.

  Like hell I don't, Gavin thought. He tossed the phone onto the seat beside him and buckled his seatbelt. He was roughly sixty miles from Camp Chitaqua's front gate.

  June 30, 1993

  "So here's the rules: You don't leave the cabin, not even to take a piss, until morning. Don't open the door, don't wander around outside and become bear food, don't set the place on fire, 'cause I ain't coming back for you til the sun comes up."

  Gavin saluted Ben sarcastically and the older teen rolled his eyes.

  "Whatever, DeLuca. Enjoy your stay," Ben smirked before slamming the door shut behind him.

  Gavin turned to Matt with a gleeful expression and slapped his hands together. "Finally. Freedom!"

  Matt laughed in spite of himself. He had been uneasy all evening. There was something he didn't like about this, the whole thing, but he couldn't explain it to Gavin. He had brushed aside Matt's concerns with a laugh and a slap on the back. The best Matt could hope for now was a night without sleep, and he decided n
ot to worry about whatever might be considered the worst.

  "So what do you want to do first?"

  "Eat!" Gavin rubbed his stomach. He had conned Berta into giving them an entire knapsack full of snack cakes and individual-sized cereal boxes.

  Matt groaned. "Are you kidding me? We just ate."

  "That was real food," Gavin scoffed. "Junk food doesn't count."

  Matt raised an eyebrow. "You are like a human trash compactor. But go ahead, eat your cake. I'm going to," he paused. He had no idea what he was going to do. Locked in a cabin alone with Gavin. For the next twelve hours. His skin prickled with awareness. He flopped onto the cot against the wall, pulling his legs up Indian style. "I guess I'm gong to sit here and watch you eat cake."

  Gavin grinned. "You think that's going to be your bed, Laurel? I don't think so." There was only one cot in the cabin. "I say we flip for it."

  "No," Matt protested. "You always cheat."

  "Cheat?! How can you cheat at flipping a quarter?" Gavin's eyes crinkled at the corners when he laughed, something relatively new about his handsome face. Matt rather liked it, and he fidgeted on the stretched canvas seat.

  "I don't know. I just know that you do. Pick something else."

  "Cards?" Gavin wagged his eyebrows.

  "Cheat."

  "I don't cheat at everything, Matt," Gavin said drily.

  "Yeah, you kind of do," Matt replied, narrowing his gaze pointedly.

  Gavin chewed his bottom lip. "Truth or dare?"

  Matt's nerves skyrocketed and he swallowed. "Okay."

  Gavin's eyes widened. He had expected Matt to say no. Matt never played truth or dare, it was a longstanding childhood feud. He cleared his throat, dropping to sit at Matt's feet, on top of his sleeping bag. "You first."

  Matt sat up straight. He watched Gavin thoughtfully. "Truth or dare?"

  Gavin squirmed. "Truth."

  "Have you ever had sex?"

  "Matt!"

  "Truth or dare, Gavin," Matt said calmly.

  Gavin liked the way Matt's eyes sparkled in the light from the kerosene lamp on the floor beside the cot. He sighed, then winced, hoping Matt hadn't noticed him mooning over his stupid face. "Um, define sex."