Enlightened

by A. L. Waddington

  The fire within me burned hotter and brighter than ever. I entangled my fingers through his hair and pulled him closer to me. Our breathing became labored and I could feel the stubble of his facial hair brushing against my chin with searing desire. I loved the way he smelled, tasted, held me against him with an unquenchable thirst. I definitely knew that he was the one thing in this world I would never sacrifice for anything in her world.

  Jackson gently pulled back, breathing hard. “You know we cannot get carried away,” he smiled seductively. “And you need to work on that essay. I have to get back to campus.”

  “You are going back tonight? Why not tomorrow morning?”

  “Yes. I have some work that I need to complete before tomorrow also. I really should not have come out this evening, but I was worried about you.”

  Now I really felt bad. He was neglecting his own studies because of my night terrors.

  I stood back up and pulled him up alongside me. We held each other silently for several minutes, hating this part of the evening every time it arrived.

  ***

  Darkness flooded my room. The soft glow from my fireplace added little comfort. I snuggled down beneath my covers to foster my own torment. The embers glistened off the shiny metal of the trinket that rested quietly in its little box on the table beside my bed. I closed my eyes tightly, attempting to ignore it calling out to me. I couldn’t risk another night of hysterical screaming, especially with William sleeping down the hall ready to report back to Jackson. The overwhelming curiosity of what I still desired to see was almost unbearable.

  I rolled over and wrapped my arms tightly around an extra pillow. I buried my face into it consciously reminding myself that for tonight, the visions were prohibited.

  CHAPTER 3

  Wednesday, November 04, 2009

  I HAD SUCCESSFULLY AVOIDED JACKSON since Sunday evening. As horrible as it may seem, I’d driven myself to school the last two days. I told him Monday morning that I wanted some time alone to think about things and thankfully, he had been very respectful of that.

  We had been sitting beside one another in our shared classes and lunch as well, but we hadn’t talked about anything more personal than the weather forecast. He seemed hurt by my behavior and I did feel bad about that, but I wanted a little time to figure out how I felt about everything.

  I also wanted time to do a little research on my own. I browsed through numerous websites on the 1870s, the history of Chicago, and everything else I could find on that time period. I wasn’t sure exactly what I expected to find, but it was all so depressing and foreign. Thomas Edison hadn’t even invented the light bulb until 1879! The south was still a mess from the Civil War and experiencing the final leg of the reconstruction era. Working conditions in the north were deplorable and indoor plumbing was a rarity.

  The more I read, the more depressed I got. This was not exactly a happy time period. I wasn’t looking for moonlight and roses by any means, but certainly not dread and hopelessness.

  I pushed my keyboard away and rested my head down on my desk. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to cry or scream. I thought again how ignorance was truly bliss and how much I wanted to go back to a time when I’d never heard of Jackson Chandler or EVE. This inherited gift felt more like a curse than anything else and I wasn’t even sure I believed in it.

  But of course, I knew I did, as much as I didn’t want to admit it, especially to myself. I knew I needed to talk to Jackson, more than just superficially, and listen to all he and his family had to share with me. I knew in my heart that they were only trying to help me during this difficult transition and I loved them for it. I just felt so confused and overwhelmed.

  Once we finished dinner, Ethan and I went outside to shoot hoops. We both wanted to practice up a little since basketball try-outs were coming up the following day after school. Despite both of us being veteran players, it was always a requirement to go through try-outs like everyone else.

  The evening was cool as the temperature hung around the mid-fifties and the clear skies kept none of the day’s warmth. Ethan turned on the driveway lights as we headed out the back door.

  “One on one?” he asked, tossing me the ball.

  “Let’s warm up a bit first,” I suggested, feeling a little rusty.

  We shot around for a good half hour playing nearly fair ball with one another. Ethan and I had such a playful rivalry that it was so natural for us to deliberately torment and show off to one another.

  Ethan paused and held the ball for a second pretending to be out of breath.

  “Can I ask you something, Jocelyn?”

  “Sure,” I responded, coming up behind him and knocking the ball out of his hands. I made a run for the lay-up and for once, he didn’t try and block my shot but rather just stood there watching me. I paused under the backboard looking at him curiously.

  “What did Jackson do to piss you off?”

  “I’m not mad at him,” I shrugged and began dribbling again.

  Ethan placed his hands on his hips and narrowed his eyes. “Right. And I just met you yesterday.” He rolled his eyes at me before stealing the ball and taking the easy shot. “You have been driving us to school all week instead of riding with him. What changed?”

  “Nothing. I just don’t want to get so serious. Things were moving a little too fast. I wanted to slow it down a bit.”

  “I thought you really liked him.” He gave me an inquisitive look.

  “I did. I do. But I have to think about next fall. We’re probably going to end up at separate universities and a long distance relationship is unrealistic. Don’t you think?”

  It was the best excuse I could think of.

  “Depends on how much you like him. And who’s to say you can’t go to the same college?”

  I stopped in my tracks and stared at him. “Did he say something to you?”

  “No.” He shook his head. “I thought he might, but honestly he hasn’t said a word about what’s going on with you two.”

  “Well, it’s no one’s business but ours.”

  “All right, no need to get your panties in a bunch, I was just asking,” he laughed and slapped the ball out of my hands. “Oh, did I tell you I broke up with Mariah?”

  “Really?” He nodded, smiling. “Wow! When?”

  “Yesterday. I told her that I thought we should see other people. She got really ticked and told me she really didn’t like me anyways.” He smirked and made an easy three pointer.

  “Good for you. You deserve someone better than that.” I caught the rebound and threw the ball back up.

  “Yeah, but guess who asked me out after witnessing the scene between us in the hallway?” Ethan stood still with the ball giving me a funny look.

  “Who?”

  “Taylor Perry!”

  “What! You’re kidding me?” This was too much, even for her.

  “Yeah,” he began dribbling again. “She asked me out for Friday.”

  I stood still glaring at my little brother. “If you start up with her, I swear E, I will never speak to you again. She is such a skank!”

  Ethan laughed, clearly enjoying himself.

  “Like I would ever be that desperate. I know she only asked me out to annoy you. Do you really think I’m that stupid?”

  “What did you tell her?”

  “I lied and told her I was interested in someone else,” he shrugged. “It was easier than stirring up more crap between you guys.”

  “Are you interested in someone else?” I eyed him.

  “Not really.” The smirk that slid across his lips informed me otherwise.

  “You two gossip more than old women,” Kyle announced.

  We spun around to see Jenna and Kyle approaching from Jenna’s house.

  “So, who are you interested in Ethan?” Jenna teased.

  “I said no one in particular. If you’re going to eavesdrop at least get the story right.” He tossed the ball towards Kyle.

  “Touchy.”


  Jenna playfully bumped into him catching the rebound before he could get it.

  The four of us played two on two for the next hour. It felt so freeing to cut loose and act so immature. It was exactly like old times, before Jackson, before EVE…before my life spiraled out of my control. This was everything I needed for the last several weeks. The time to be me, confident and assured. The me who was an athlete, a friend, a sister. The me who was normal.

  “Mind if I join? I could use some practice too,” Jackson’s cheerful voice broke off our laughter.

  I rebounded the ball, smiled painfully, and tossed it to him. “Of course.”

  Jackson made a three pointer from the top of the key without any difficultly and ran over to guard me for the rebound. No one said anything and we continued our game. We naturally paired up with Jenna, Kyle and I against Ethan and Jackson. Kyle was so severely handicapped on the court that he was more of a hindrance than an asset.

  Finally, the game broke up on account of rain. Kyle and Jenna headed off towards Kyle’s while Ethan took off for the shower leaving Jackson and I standing alone on the sun porch. I felt ashamed of my recent behavior even though I knew I needed the time and space. I truly didn’t want to hurt Jackson.

  I stared down at the floor, afraid to look up into his beautiful green eyes. Afraid of what I might find there if I did.

  “Jocelyn, are you going to talk to me?” He gently placed his cold hand on the side of my face, bringing my eyes up to meet his.

  “I’m sorry. I just needed some time.”

  His eyes held mine with such tenderness that I was having difficulty breathing.

  “I know.” His voice was gentle and full of understanding, which only made me feel worse.

  I slowly backed away from him and sat down on the wicker loveseat. I patted the cushion beside me gesturing for him to join me.

  “This has been a lot to process and I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed,” I squeaked out in a voice that was barely audible.

  “I understand.” He placed his hand on my leg. “I want to help you, not make it more difficult.”

  “I’ve actually been doing a lot of research the last several days.”

  “Research?”

  “Yes. Mainly on the Internet. I also found my sister’s old history book from the college course she took last fall. It covered everything from the Civil War to the Bush administration. I was curious about the time period and all that was going on then. I guess I drastically underestimated how much things were changing in the world during that time.”

  “I told you the world was changing fast,” he smiled softly. “However, that does not change things with us.”

  I couldn’t help but smile at the way he looked at things.

  “It’s so hard to read about that time period and know what is going to happen next. All those horrible things that we could prevent.”

  “You have to remember something else. There are true horrors occurring in the world right now and if you were looking back at reading in a text, it would be disturbing to you. But sitting here on your back porch, you know there is nothing you can do to change them. The war in Iraq, the troubles in Afghanistan, North Korea—can you change them?”

  “No.” I suddenly understood what he was saying.

  “I know you are feeling helpless, but you must remember that things happen for a reason. We may not always like them and wish we could make a difference, but in our situation we cannot change history. It is too dangerous and any alterations that you make can affect the current world you are living in today.”

  Jackson placed his hands over mine and brought them up to his lips kissing them softly.

  “I hope your parents aren’t too upset with me.”

  “No, they understand. They are actually impressed with how well you are handling it all.” A small smile crossed his lips.

  I brought my hand up to the side of his face, tracing his cheek. He hadn’t shaved in a couple days and had a sexy shadow of growth that made him look more his true age than the eighteen years he was trying to pass for.

  “I’ve missed you.” I felt a tear well up behind my eyes realizing, as I looked at him, how lonely I’d felt for the last several days without him.

  “I have missed you also.” He paused, staring at me. “I love you Jocelyn, I truly do. You are my life. Always.”

  “I love you too, Jackson.” A small smile danced across his face.

  He leaned over suddenly and kissed me passionately. A fire burned deep inside me as I wrapped my fingers through his hair holding him firmly to me. I slid a little closer, but he pulled back still smiling.

  “You are trouble,” he chuckled.

  “Maybe.”

  “Does this mean I can drive you to school in the morning?” he asked with my favorite lop-sided grin.

  “Of course.”

  “Are your parents around?” He glanced at the atrium doors.

  “No. They sent text messages earlier. They are both stuck at the hospital.”

  “I don’t want your dad to get upset with me again.”

  “He’s just being a dad,” I rolled my eyes playfully. “He remembers what happened when Danny moved and he doesn’t want to see me go through all of that again next fall when college starts.”

  “Who’s Danny?” Damn, I’d forgotten he knew nothing of him.

  “Danny was my first serious boyfriend. I mean, we were young and grew up together. We dated for a few years. But his dad was transferred to California and he had to move. It was hard. I didn’t take it very well.” I felt foolish explaining an old relationship to him.

  Jackson held a slight smile across his lips. “Well, at least I got to be your first love in one of your lives.”

  I wrinkled my forehead and stared at him. “You have any idea how weird that sounds?” He laughed and kissed me on the forehead. “And if you’re really almost twenty-two years old and already finished with college, or at least your bachelor’s, then you can’t honestly expect me to believe that you never dated anyone but me.”

  “Okay. Guilty. I dated other women when I was in high school and college in Boston.”

  “Anyone serious?”

  “Not really. Honestly, before I knew that you possessed EVE, I was talking with my family about doing what your Uncle Monte did and staying solely there. I did not believe that I could handle the dual lives and relationships as well.”

  “So you have had other relationships with women, here. What about there?”

  I was dying to understand everything about how this worked, but the thought of him touching someone else was killing me.

  “Here yes, but you are the only one there. I mean, since we have grown up. I had a few crushes when we were kids.”

  “Can I ask you something personal?” I hated asking, but since he already knew my status after the embarrassing confession in front of his parents, I figured I had the right to know as well.

  “You can ask me anything.” His voice was light and cheerful. Obviously, he had no clue what was on my mind.

  “How much experience with other women have you had?”

  His expression immediately changed. “Jocelyn, I did go to college.”

  “Yes. And?”

  He took a deep breath as if he was choosing his words very carefully. “Well, there, you and I have been together for three years. I have always been faithful to you. Here, or rather in Boston, yes, I have been involved with other women.”

  “How involved?” I asked, grinning slightly.

  “What exactly are you asking me, Jocelyn? You are the only woman I have ever proposed to.”

  “Are you a virgin?”

  Jackson looked shocked by my bluntness.

  “You know that I am, in both places. I’m just curious if you are as well.” I tried not to grin, realizing how uncomfortable my line of questioning had made him.

  “I cannot believe you would ask me something like that,” he blundered. “Yes. There I am. You and I are waiting for our
wedding night.”

  He suddenly let go of me and leaned back against the throw pillows and stared at his hands for a few moments. I remained silent thinking perhaps I had pushed it a little too far.

  “You have to understand something, Jocelyn. I do know exactly what you are feeling. I did not handle it well when my barrier began to deplete. I was a freshman in college, living away from home for the first time. I was frightened. I had no clue what was happening to me. I was scared half to death to try to explain it to my parents, thinking they would have me committed. So that first semester, I drank excessively with my friends almost daily to keep the visions away. My grades were okay, but not great. When I went home for Christmas break, I had a really bad screaming episode. Needless to say, that was when my parents and siblings sat me down and explained everything to me. For the remainder of break, I questioned them extensively. And when I returned to school for the spring semester, I changed my major to psychology. I took every class available on neuroscience to try and understand everything better. It helped a little. After that, I decided to study law like my father.”

  I looked down at the couch absorbing everything he had just admitted. I knew he hated showing any kind of weakness, but I felt better knowing I was not alone in my current feelings. I needed to know that my reactions and questions were normal. If there was such a thing.

  I tried to play it off as if all he had said was no big deal. After all, we all have a past.

  “So I guess then, you are telling me you thoroughly enjoyed your first semester of college with the ladies?”

  “Yes.” His voice was soft and he refused to look me in the eye.

  I reached over and placed my hands on his. “Am I supposed to be upset with you for having a life when you didn’t know I existed?” Jackson barely looked up at me. “Sweetheart, I’m not judging you or upset with you. What you did to handle this realization is something I would never judge you for. I’m not exactly handling it all that well myself.”

  “But I really regret the fact that here, I did not wait.” He dropped his eyes again.