Pride and Perdition

by Kaye Draper

  "Can we just talk about this?" I said with a sigh, knowing it was a long shot.

  He snorted, his deep voice full of bitterness. "What is there to talk about?"

  I pushed away from the door and paced a few careful steps forward. "You. The pride. Oisin." I cleared my throat, telling myself to just spit it the fuck out already. I was being such a...girl. "Us."

  He turned to me then, his blue eyes rimmed in silver, the sharp angles of his face even more vulpine than usual. "Us?" he scoffed. "You don't have to do this, Gesa. I know how much you hate talking about feelings. I got the message, loud and clear." His fuzzy ears twitched, turned back like an angry dog. "I've disappointed my alpha. I get that, okay? I know you want me to leave—you as much as said so the day Oisin was taken." He straightened his spine and clenched his jaw. "But you need me to get him back. So, I'll keep trying, until I can get control of this fucking curse inside me and get him back."

  He turned away from me again to glare out the window. "What more is there to talk about?"

  I gaped at him for a long time. He thought I was his alpha. And he thought I wanted to get rid of him? Anger simmered inside me. Some of it for him. But most of it was anger at myself. I was so damned blind. Hisashi had told me a while back that his fox side considered me his mate. That was a deep bond between shifters.

  But if what I had been suspecting was right and I was an alpha gryphon...then he thought he had betrayed his pack—and his alpha. That was, in many shifter cultures, a massive fucking problem. Some shifter societies would kill for that kind of thing. In gryphon society, the offender would be outcast, not unlike I had been—cut off from their community. Not to mention the deep, ingrained sense of shame that came with it all, thanks to hundreds of years of pack evolution.

  Most shifters were pack animals, or at least had that pack mentality. To be so shamed that you were cut off from that connection was a hard blow.

  And I'd made him feel that way without even realizing it. Shit...Hisashi thought I was saying he wasn't fit to be in my presence. And that I was just keeping him around to be used as a tool.

  And that? That pissed me right the fuck off. How could he think I would be such a callous bitch? Sure, I'd been angry when Oisin was taken. I'd pushed some of my own guilt toward Hisashi. But that didn't mean I wanted him to leave.

  "You are out of your damned mind," I blurted. So understanding and gentle. Just like me. I flinched internally.

  He turned toward me and dropped his hands to his sides, clenching and unclenching his fists, his fingers tipped in claws. "So I've been told."

  I growled. This was not making anything better. "Have you seriously been hanging on to whatever I said? I don't even fucking remember what I said to you Hisashi! Only that I was hurting and whatever it was, it was...venomous. I thought you wanted to leave because I've failed so badly at protecting you all!"

  I didn't even realize I was moving until I found myself inches from his face. "How could you think I would just throw you away?"

  I wanted to modulate my voice. I wanted to be nurturing. To tell him I loved him no matter what. But this simmering fucking rage was boiling inside, and it made my voice come out growly and angry. The mood swings were one more piece of evidence that I might not be a normal gryphon. All the tension in my pride…my damned pack, was magnified for me, emotions pinging around inside me like a demented bouncy ball.

  Hisashi's eyes flashed from ice blue to pure silver. "Why wouldn't you? That's what everyone else has done—throw me away when I'm not of any use to them!"

  He was vibrating with his own rage. And I think deep down, both of us knew we weren't mad at each other. But this anger needed a release valve.

  I reached out and grabbed the long side of his hair, holding him close as I growled at him. "I'm not everyone else, you fucking asshole."

  He snarled at me, sharp vulpine fangs showing. "Really? Because I've failed to live up to expectations. Again. As always. Only this time, someone I love is out there hurting. Probably dead."

  My wings exploded from my back, ruining Hisashi's poor kimono. I curled my claws around his neck, holding him still. "I don't fucking care. You're mine, Hisashi. You don't get to give up. You don't get to leave. If I'm really your fucking alpha, then you know you belong to me."

  His chest rumbled against mine where we were pressed together, a low growl building in his throat.

  I don't know what the fuck possessed me.

  I crushed my mouth to his, the biting kiss leaving us both bruised and breathless. Something inside just...snapped. And I felt it let loose in Hisashi too.

  We grappled, savaging each other. He sank his teeth into the juncture of my neck and shoulder and I grunted with surprised pleasure. My fox was marking me. He wouldn't leave if he was taking the trouble to mark me. I was his.

  I shoved him violently, following him down onto his bed when he made to jump back up. I put a hand in the center of his beautifully muscled white chest and shoved him back down, grabbing his boxers and shredding them with a talon.

  Both of his cocks sprang free, engorged and leaking with need. For me. For this violent release. He reached up and ripped off the last shreds of my kimono, eyes glowing silver. His blue aura flared around us like cold fire, licking at my skin. My hair lifted in a breeze that wasn't from this world as he pulled me down to him, kissing, licking and biting every inch of flesh he could reach.

  I had never fucked someone in half-shift. It felt animalistic and strange—and yet, I couldn't make myself shift back. It made logistics a bitch, though, since I couldn't do much with long, curved bird talons on my hands.

  Hisashi flipped me over on my back, pinning my wings beneath us, and I raked my claws down his back, growling in frustration. He pinned both of my hands with one of his and reached down, taking both cocks in the other hand. His sly grin as he watched me watch him was pure evil and mischief—pure fox.

  I gasped as he pressed forward, breaching me painfully with both of his thick appendages at the same time. Last time he'd prepped me. Used lube. Been so sweet and slow and gentle that it drove me mad.

  This time, neither one of us had patience for that bullshit. This spoke to the rage inside me. Inside us both. I lifted my hips and egged him on, groaning when he thrust forward, stuffing me full.

  I growled and pulled at his hand, done with being held down. I was the fucking alpha, after all. His eyes met mine, that feral look still firmly in place, but he rolled, bringing me on top, fully impaled by the nine-tail.

  He freed my hands as he grasped my hips, his claws digging into the swell of muscle right above the curve of my ass. "That's right," he purred. "Take everything. I'm yours, Gesa. Even if I am only a tool."

  I growled and slammed my hips down, taking him violently, raking my talons over his chest and leaving red marks behind. I knew, somehow, that this was what he wanted. To be claimed and marked. That kind of thing wasn't usually my cup of tea, but the canid shifters had their kinks. Who was I to judge?

  "Bite me," he gasped, his deep voice little more than a feral growl. "Please, Gesa. Fucking bite me."

  I didn't stop to think about the request. The beast inside me knew this was what the beast inside him needed, craved. I leaned forward, pushing my breasts against his chest, reveling in the friction. Not hesitating, I bit him in the same place he'd bitten me earlier. I didn't have his fangs, but I bit hard, until blood filled my mouth.

  It should be disgusting. But something about it was right. The life that flowed in him was mine. He was mine, mine, mine.

  Hisashi thrashed beneath me, his thrusts erratic, his hands clenching my hips so hard his claws drew blood. We savaged each other, and when we both came, hard and in unison, I think the whole block heard our shouts.

  I came back down to earth slowly. I couldn't believe what had just happened. How violent we'd been. Hisashi's blanket was ripped in at least two places, where someone's claws had gripped it. We'd knocked over the bedside table at some point, and the lamp was
broken.

  I could not give a fuck less.

  Hisashi slipped an arm under my neck and pulled me close against his side, his chest still heaving. He petted my hair with the other hand, and I glanced up to see him lying with his eyes closed, his face like a prayer.

  I touched his jaw and his eyes opened. "Okay there, fox?"

  He laughed, deep and rich. "Jesus, Buddha, and Odin, Gesa. Are you okay, babe?"

  I laughed too. The first real laugh since the day Oisin's father ruined us all. "You know what? I am. Better than okay, actually."

  His chest shook with silent laughter at our combined stupidity. "Gods."

  I patted his chest, where the red marks from my talons were already fading. "Canids are just weird. I don't know how to be an alpha. You realize that, right?"

  He raked his big hand through my hair again. "I guess it didn't occur to me that might be a problem. I thought alphas just...knew."

  I grunted. "Not when you aren't supposed to be physically capable of being an alpha. I might be butch, but I am female, you know."

  He let his hand drift lower to grab a handful of my ass. "Oh, I've noticed."

  I cupped his jaw and turned his head toward me to kiss him. A real kiss this time, full of all the love I couldn't put into words. And all the pain. We'd both lost the man we loved. And though the rest of the pride loved Oisin in their own way, it wasn't the same. Hisashi knew what I felt. I could see it reflected in his eyes. "We'll get him back," I said, for once feeling it might be true, even though the sharp blade of doubt still poked at my heart.

  He nodded. "I know. That's why I'm pushing myself so hard with the magic. I think...well, I've dreamed about using it. I think you need me to get him back. That's why I stayed when I thought sure you wanted me gone."

  I narrowed my eyes at him. "Dream? Like another vision of the future?"

  He bit his bottom lip, considering. And fuck if that didn't make me want to try that whole sex thing again with a little less rush this time. "I don't know. It felt...significant. But it was different than my other visions. It felt more...hazy."

  I heaved a sigh. "You thought I only wanted you around to get him back...and you still stayed."

  He laughed. "Well, I kind of had my own selfish reasons too. It's not like I thought I'd get to keep him but...I did want to at least see Oisin again one more time before you booted me out. To at least know he's okay."

  I growled. "If I ever catch you being so lame and self-sacrificing again, I will kick your ass."

  My fox just grinned at me. "Only if I get to do the same for you. Don't pretend like you don't think this whole mess is somehow your fault."

  I swallowed against the tears that swelled in my throat and clouded my vision. "It is," I whispered.

  Hisashi pulled me on top of his chest, grunting slightly at my weight. His long arms wrapped around me and he squeezed, as if he could make me believe his words by force. "It's not your fault, gryphon. It's not anyone's fault. Except maybe that red-eyed freakazoid who thinks his kids are some kind of energy drink for the elderly."

  He squeezed too hard at that, and I wheezed. "Go easy on the ribs."

  He let me go and nuzzled into my neck, his warm breath tickling over where he'd bitten me. "You smell like me," he said in a pleased voice.

  I rolled my eyes at the macho manliness vibe. "Yeah, well, I'm pretty sure I left a scar on you with my dull human teeth. I think that makes you my bitch. I reached up to rub a finger over the red crescent shape that was left behind where he'd healed my bite. It stood out like a half-moon on his pure white skin. "I don't think that's going away anytime soon."

  He laughed, but he shivered under my touch and tipped his head back, his Adam's apple bobbing in the long column of his throat as he swallowed. "Good."

  I knew what he wanted more than anything was to belong. To have a place in the world.

  I kissed his chin and climbed off him, ignoring his grunt of pain and the muttering about how much I weighed. We had training to do. Places to go. Fae to kill.

  Chapter 8

  I adjusted my thigh holster and made sure my knife was secure. Shifting from foot-to-foot, I glanced out the hangar door as White's jet taxied down the runway and prepared for boarding. There were a couple of odd symbols etched in the side that I didn't examine too closely.

  I was trying hard not to think about how I was trusting some sort of demon with the lives of myself and my entire pride.

  And the demon in question was nowhere to be seen. His secretary stepped up beside me to watch the jet approach. "Mr. White keeps his equipment finely maintained, Miss Lionheart," he informed me in his soft, alluring voice. "You can rest assured you will be safe."

  I gave him the side-eye. "What makes you think I want to talk about White's fucking equipment?"

  The incubus tucked his caramel-colored hair behind an ear and one corner of his pretty mouth twitched upward as he smirked with the good half of his face. "The jet, Miss Lionheart. And the weapons."

  I heaved a sigh and went to look over Con's rig for the millionth time. He left off whatever he'd been saying to Hisashi and watched me with the same fond, patient expression he'd use on a toddler as I checked the buckles, unholstered the gun, checked it all over, and put it back.

  "He's fine, Gesa," Hisashi said with a chuckle in his deep voice.

  I glared at him. "You have your sai in easy reach?"

  He smiled a taunting smile. "Yes, alpha Lionheart."

  I growled and turned to Kai. She held up a hand before I could speak. "No, I don't have a gun. Yes, I've got a dagger, and I'm not telling you where I put it so you can fuss over that too." She patted her body down, drawing my eyes to all her curves, outlined in pretty leather. "And the tentacles are all packed away. Now go worry somewhere else."

  I glared. Fuckers.

  Black chuckled behind me. "Your pride is lovely, Gesa. It must be nice to be so surrounded by love and affection."

  I snorted. "Surrounded by assholes, you mean."

  I fiddled with my thigh holster again. "Who's flying this thing?" I asked, my skin itching to shift, to move, to fucking do something. White insisted the fae wouldn't drain Oisin until solstice, and that we needed the time to get our shit together, but we were cutting it close.

  The incubus put a gloved hand on my shoulder, and I noticed he didn't seem as fearful of touch as he had once been. His time with me and my pride had loosened him up. A little. I was pretty sure White only sent him to us that first time because he had some sort of agenda. But it really had helped the incubus find some self-confidence. "Mr. Granite is flying the jet, with his second as copilot."

  I gaped at him. "Granite? The gargoyle?" I'd met the leader of White's little hitman squad when we were working on a case that turned out to be shifter murders. It had ended with White's overeager gargoyle executing a group of humans like we were in some sort of bad mafia movie.

  Black lifted his one visible eyebrow at me and nodded. "Yes. Is that a problem?"

  I ground my teeth together. We needed all the help we could get, and beggars couldn't be choosers. Still, I wondered what kind of aftermath we'd leave behind this time. "No. No problem."

  "Come on, Gesa," Hisashi called, waving me toward the jet. I met his eyes and felt his determination. He still looked young as hell in his t-shirt and hoodie, but he was standing taller, more confident in his power. The guilt that had been weighing him down had eased.

  I joined my pride as we boarded. My eyes lit on each of them and I tried to burn their faces into my memory. I was determined to get Oisin back. But deep inside, I was afraid we wouldn't walk away from this unscathed. Chances were, we'd all end up dead. Fae were killers at heart. Lethal, beautiful predators who'd been around as long as the earth existed. The rest of us were like children to them. And, even if they finally realized what their leader was up to, they were still likely to defend him. The fae court hierarchy was some serious shit.

  I had considered leaving Con behind. He was the most vul
nerable of us all. But I knew it was important to him to be included in this. He loved Oisin too. And as much as I couldn't bear having my pride in danger, I also couldn't stand the thought of us being divided right now—any more than we already were with our one missing member, our linchpin.

  Halstead pushed past me, his broad shoulder nudging me roughly. "Are we getting on this fucker or not? I thought you all were chomping at the bit to get going. Now you're lollygagging like a bunch of octogenarians."

  I sighed and followed him. It was going to be a very long flight to Montana. Even if it was only a couple of hours. Save the murdering for the fae, I reminded myself. But my gryphon side really wanted to eat a mage right now.

  Granite came out of the cabin to greet us, looking just as he had when I last saw him, burning the bodies of the humans he'd ordered shot. He was short and compact, his grayish brown hair trimmed just shy of a military buzz cut and his gray eyes sharp. He looked small, but I knew from experience he was as solid as a rock. Hah.

  A hulking brute of a man came out behind the gargoyle, ducking his head to avoid hitting it on the ceiling of the plane. His skin color was kind of sickly, almost green, and as I stared at his long arms and knobby hands, I realized I was looking at a glamoured troll. Gods, White didn't play around.

  Even if he was too fucking chicken to get his own hands dirty.

  "Miss Lionheart," Granite said with a stiff bow. "Pleasure to see you again."

  I gritted my teeth but managed a tight smile. "Thank you for flying us out," I ground out. "Just try not to murder any humans along the way."

  Con elbowed me in the ribs. Hisashi and Kai looked puzzled.

  The gargoyle only shrugged one shoulder. "I'll do what I need to do to get you all back home safe. As ordered."

  I moved closer and looked down at him. If I was in gryphon form, all my feathers would be raised. That sure as shit didn’t sound like a promise to not kill people. "Look, I've seen first-hand how you follow orders. That shit is not going to cut it. The only thing you're allowed to execute like a fucking Nazi is anyone who's harmed one shiny red hair on Oisin's head. Got it?"