Point of Retreat (Slammed Series)

by Colleen Hoover

  “Well, you should. A young man your age needs to stay ahead of the game when it comes to the social media.”

  “I’ll be fine,” I assure him. I put the breadsticks in the oven and start to grab plates out of the cabinet.

  “Let me do that, Will,” my grandmother says, pulling the plates out of my hands.

  “Hey Grandma, hey Grandpa,” Caulder says, running into the kitchen to hug them. “Grandpa, do you remember the game we played last time you were here?”

  My grandfather nods. “You mean the one where I killed twenty-six enemy soldiers?”

  “Yeah, that one. Kel got the newest one for his birthday. You want to play it with us?”

  “You bet I do!” he says, following Caulder to his bedroom.

  The funny thing is, my grandfather isn’t being overdramatic for Caulder’s benefit. He genuinely wants to play.

  My grandmother pulls a stack of glasses out of the cabinet and turns to me. “He’s getting worse, you know,” she says.

  “How so?”

  “He bought himself one of those game thingies. He’s getting all into this technology stuff. Now he’s on the twitter!” She shakes her head. “He’s always telling me things he twitted to people. I don’t get it, Will. It’s like some sort of mid-life crisis, twenty years too late.”

  “It’s tweeted. And I think it’s cool. It gives him a way to relate to Caulder.”

  She finishes filling the cups with ice and walks back to the bar. “Should I set a place for Layken, too?” she says flatly. I can tell by her tone that she’s hoping I say no.

  “Yes, you should,” I say sternly.

  She darts a look in my direction. “Will, I’m just going to say it.”

  Oh boy, here we go.

  “It’s not appropriate with the two of you just running off for the weekend like this. You aren’t even engaged yet, much less married. I just think you two rushed into things so quickly, it makes me nervous.”

  I put my hands on my grandmother’s shoulders and smile reassuringly at her. “Grandma, we aren’t rushing into things, believe me. And you need to give her a chance, she’s amazing. Now promise me you’ll at least pretend to like her when she gets here. And be nice!”

  She sighs. “It’s not that I don’t like her, Will. It just makes me uncomfortable, the way you two act together. It just seems like you’re…I don’t know… too in love.”

  “If your only complaint about her is that we’re too in love, I guess I’ll take it.”

  She brings the extra place setting to the table and sets an extra glass down for Lake.

  “I still need to jump in the shower, it won’t take long,” I say. “The breadsticks should be done in a few minutes if you’ll take them out.”

  She agrees and I head to my room to pack a few things before going to shower. I reach under the bed to grab my bag and set it on the comforter. When I zip it open, I notice my hands are shaking. Why the hell am I so nervous? It’s not like I’ve never done this before. Then again, it’s Lake. I realize as I’m shoving the last of my clothes into the bag that I’m grinning like a complete idiot. I really need a cold shower.

  I grab my change of clothes and head to the bathroom when I hear a knock on the front door. I smile. She’s trying to impress my grandmother, so she knocks this time. It’s cute. She’s making an effort.

  “Oh my God! Look who it is!” I hear my grandmother squeal after she opens the front door. “Paul! Come look who’s here!”

  I roll my eyes. I know I asked her to be polite to Lake, but I didn’t expect her to make a spectacle. I open the door and make my way into the living room. She’ll be pissed if I leave her to fend for herself while I shower.

  Shit! Shit, shit, shit! What the hell is she doing here?

  She’s hugging my grandfather when she sees me standing in the hallway. “Hey, Will,” she smiles.

  I don’t smile back.

  “Vaughn, we haven’t seen you in years,” my grandmother says. “Stay for dinner, it’s almost ready. I’ll make you a plate.”

  “No!” I yell, probably a little to angrily.

  My grandmother turns toward me and frowns. “Will, that’s not very nice,” she says.

  I ignore her. “Vaughn? Can I talk to you please?” I motion for her to join me in the bedroom. I need to get rid of her, now. She walks into my bedroom and I close the door behind me. “What are you doing here?”

  She sits down on the edge of the bed. “I told you, I just need to talk to you.” She’s got her blond hair pulled back in a bun again. She’s looking at me all doe-eyed, trying to gain my sympathy.

  “Vaughn, it’s really not a good time.”

  She folds her arms across her chest and shakes her head. “I’m not leaving until you talk to me. All you’ve done is avoid me.”

  “I can’t talk right now, I’m leaving in half an hour. I’ve got a lot I need to get done and I won’t be back until Monday. I’ll talk to you after class on Wednesday. Just please, leave.”

  She doesn’t move. She looks down at her hands and starts crying. Good god, she’s crying! I throw my hands up in the air in frustration and walk over to the bed and sit beside her. This is horrible. This is so bad.

  We’re almost in the exact same predicament as we were three years ago. We were sitting on this very bed when she broke up with me. She said she couldn’t imagine being nineteen and raising a child and having such big responsibilities. I was so upset with her for leaving me during such a low point in my life. I’m almost just as upset with her now, but this time it’s because she won’t leave.

  “Will, I miss you. I miss Caulder. Since I saw you the first day of class, I’ve done nothing but think about you and how we ended things. I was wrong. Please, just hear me out.”

  I sigh and throw myself back on the bed and cover my eyes with my arms. She could not have picked a worse time. Lake’s going to be here in less than fifteen minutes. I need to get rid of her now.

  “Fine, talk. Make it quick,” I say.

  She clears her throat and wipes the tears from her eyes. It’s odd how I don’t care that she’s crying. How can I love someone so much for so long, then have absolutely no sympathy for them whatsoever?

  “I know you have a girlfriend. But I also know that you haven’t been dating her near as long as you and I dated. And I know about her parents, and that she’s raising her brother. People talk, Will.”

  “What’s your point?” I say.

  “I think maybe you’re with her for all the wrong reasons. Maybe you just feel sorry for her since she’s going through what you went through with your family. It’s not fair to her if that’s why you’re with her. I think you owe it to her to give you and me another shot. To see where your heart really is.”

  I sit up on the bed. I want to yell at her, but I take a deep breath and calm myself down. I feel sorry for her, really. “Vaughn, listen. You’re right, I did love you. Did being the key word, here. I’m in love with Lake. I would never do anything to hurt her. And you being here, it would hurt her. That’s why I want you to leave. I’m sorry, I know this isn’t what you want to hear. But you made your choice, and I’ve moved on from that choice. Now you need to move on, too. Please, do us both a favor and just go.”

  I stand up and walk to the bedroom door and wait for her to do the same. She stands up, but rather than follow me to the door she starts to cry again. I roll my head and walk over to her. “Vaughn, stop. Stop crying. I’m sorry,” I say, putting my arms around her. Maybe I’ve been too hard on her. I know it took a lot for her to come here and apologize. If she really does still love me, I shouldn’t be acting like such a jerk.

  She pulls away. “It’s fine, Will,” she says, wiping her eyes. “I’m okay with it, really. I shouldn’t be putting you in this predicament, anyway. I just hated how I hurt you and I wanted to say I’m sorry in person
. I’ll go,” she says. “And…I really do want you to be happy. You deserve to be happy.”

  I can tell by the tone of her voice and the look in her eyes that she’s being genuine. Finally. I know she’s a good person; otherwise I wouldn’t have spent two years of my life with her. But I also know the selfish side of her, and I’m thankful that side didn’t win tonight.

  I brush the hair away from her face and wipe the tears from her cheeks. “Thank you, Vaughn.”

  She smiles and hugs me goodbye. I’ll admit, it feels good finally having closure between us. I feel like I’ve had closure for a while, but maybe this is what she needs. Maybe being in class with her won’t be so unbearable now. I give her a quick peck on the forehead when we separate and I turn to the door.

  And that’s when it happens…my whole world comes crashing down around me.

  She’s standing in the doorway watching us, her mouth open like she’s about to say something, but can’t. Caulder brushes past her when he sees Vaughn standing behind me. “Vaughn!” he says excitedly as he rushes to her and hugs her.

  Lake looks into my eyes and I see it…I see her heart breaking.

  I can’t find my words. Lake slowly shakes her head, like she's trying to make sense of whatever she's seeing. She pulls her gaze away from mine and turns and leaves. I run after her, but she’s already out the front door. I slip my shoes on and swing the door open.

  “Lake!” I yell as soon as I’m outside. I reach her just as she makes it to the street. I grab her arm and turn her back around to face me. I don’t know what to say. What do I say?

  She’s crying. I try to pull her to me but she fights me. She shoves me back and starts hitting me in the chest without saying a word. She just keeps hitting me. I grab her hands and pull her to me but she continues to try and fight me. I keep holding her until she grows weaker in my arms and starts to fall to the ground. Rather than hold her up, I melt to the snow-covered street with her and hold her as she cries.

  “Lake, it’s nothing. I swear. It’s nothing.”

  “I saw you, Will. I saw you hugging her. It wasn’t nothing,” she cries. “You kissed her on the forehead! Why would you do that?” She continues to cry. She isn't trying to hold back her tears this time.

  “I’m sorry, Lake. I’m so sorry. It didn’t mean anything. I was asking her to leave.”

  She pulls herself away from me and stands up and walks toward her house. I follow her. “Lake, let me explain. Please.”

  She continues inside the house and slams the door in my face…and locks it. I place my hands on both sides of the doorframe and hang my head down. I’ve screwed it up again. I’ve really screwed it up this time.

  “Will, I’m really sorry,” Vaughn says from behind me. “Really, I didn’t mean to cause problems.”

  I don’t turn around when I respond. “Vaughn, just go. Please.”

  “Okay,” she says. “One more thing, though. I know you don’t want to hear this right now, but you weren’t in class today. He assigned our first test for Wednesday. I copied my notes for you and put them on your coffee table. I’ll see you on Wednesday.” I hear the crunch of the snow beneath her feet fade as she walks back to her car.

  The lock unlatches and Lake slowly opens her front door. She pulls it open just far enough so that I can see her face when she looks me in the eyes.

  “She’s in your class?” she says quietly.

  I don’t respond. My whole body flinches when she slams the door in my face. She doesn’t just lock it this time; she deadbolts it and turns the entryway light out. I lean against the door and close my eyes, doing my best to hold back my own tears.

  ***

  “Honey, it’s fine. We’re taking the box with us, that way they won’t be bored. We don’t mind, really,” my grandmother says as they pack their things in the car.

  “It’s not a box grandma, it’s an x-box,” Caulder says. He and Kel climb into the backseat.

  “Now you go get some rest. You’ve had enough stress for one night,” she says. She leans in and kisses me on the cheek. “You can pick them up on Monday.”

  My grandfather hugs me before he gets in the car. “If you need to talk, you can tweet me,” he says.

  I watch as they drive away. Rather than go inside and get some rest, I walk back to Lake’s and knock on the door, hoping she’s ready to talk. I knock for five minutes, until I see her bedroom light turn off. I give up for the night and walk back to my house. I leave the front light on and the door unlocked, in case she changes her mind and wants to talk. I also decide to sleep on the couch instead of in my bedroom. If she knocks, I want to be able to hear it. I lay there for about half an hour, cussing myself. I can’t believe this is happening right now. This isn't how I'd envisioned falling asleep tonight at all. I blame the damn basagna.

  I jerk up when the front door opens and she walks in. She doesn’t look at me as she continues across the living room. She stops at the bookshelf and reaches her hand inside the vase and pulls out a star, then turns and walks back to the front door.

  “Lake, wait,” I plead. She slams the door behind her. I get off the couch and run outside after her. “Please, just let me come over. Let me explain everything.” We make our way across the street again. She keeps walking until she gets to her front door, then turns to face me.

  “How are you going to explain it?” she says. Her cheeks are streaked with mascara. She’s heartbroken, and it’s all my fault. “The one girl you’ve had sex with has been sitting in class with you every day for over two weeks! Why haven’t you explained that? And the very night I’m about to leave with you…to make love to you… I find you in your bedroom with her? And you’re kissing her on the freaking forehead!”

  She starts crying again so I hug her. I have to; I can’t watch her cry and not hug her. She doesn’t hug me back, though. She pulls away from me and looks up at me with pain in her eyes.

  “That’s the one kiss of yours that I love the most, and you gave it to her,” she says quietly. “You took that from me, and you gave it to her!” she yells. “Thank you for allowing me to see the real you before making the biggest mistake of my life!”

  She slams the door in my face, then opens it again.

  “And where the hell is my brother!?”

  “In Detroit,” I whisper. “He’ll be back Monday.”

  She slams the door in my face again.

  I turn around to head back to my house when Sherry appears out of nowhere. “Is everything okay? I heard Layken yelling.”

  I walk past her without responding. When I get to my house, I slam my own door. I don’t slam it hard enough, so I open it and slam it again. I do this two or three more times until I realize I’ll just have to pay for it when it breaks. Instead, I shut the door and punch it. I am an asshole. I’m an asshole, a jerk, a bastard, a dickhead…I give up and throw myself on the couch.

  When she cries, it breaks my heart. I hate seeing her sad. But the fact that her tears are because of me now? That my own actions are responsible for her heart breaking? That’s a whole new emotion I’ve never experienced before. One I don’t know how to deal with. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what I can say to her. If she would just let me explain. But that wouldn’t even help at this point. She’s right. She didn’t accuse me of anything I didn’t actually do. God, I need my dad right now. I need his advice so bad.

  Advice! I go to the vase and pull out one of the stars. I sit down on the couch and unfold it and read the words hand written across it.

  “Sometimes two people have to fall apart, to realize how much they need to fall back together.”

  ~Author Unknown

  I fold the star up and place it back inside the vase on the very top. I’m hoping Lake picks this one next.

  Saturday, January 21st

  FML.

  Chapter Seven

 
I didn’t get any sleep at all last night. Every single noise I heard would bolt me right off the couch in hopes that it was Lake. It never was.

  I put on a pot of coffee and walk to the window. Her house is quiet-the shades are all drawn. Her car is still in the driveway, so I know she’s home. I’m so used to seeing the gnomes line the driveway next to her car. They aren’t there anymore, though. After her mother died, Lake gathered all the gnomes and threw them in the trash. She doesn’t know it, but I dug one out and kept it. The one with the broken red hat.

  I remember walking out of my house the morning after they moved here and seeing her dart out the front door with no jacket…in house shoes. I knew as soon as those shoes hit the pavement, she was going to bust her butt. Sure enough, she did. I couldn’t help but laugh. Southerners seem to underestimate the power of cold weather.

  I hated that she had cut herself when she landed on the gnome, but was so happy I had the excuse to spend those few minutes with her that morning. After I put the bandage on her and she left, I spent the entire day at work in a daze. I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I was so nervous my life and the responsibilities I had would scare her off before I got the chance to know her. I didn’t want to tell her about it right away, but the night of our first date I knew I had to tell her. There was something about her that was so much more than all the other girls I’ve known. She had this resiliency and confidence about her.

  I wanted to be sure that Lake knew what my life was about that night. I wanted her to know about my parents, about Caulder, about my passion. I needed her to know the real me, and understand who I was before we took it any further. When she watched her first performance that night, I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. I saw the passion and depth in her eyes as she watched the stage, and I fell in love with her. I’ve loved her every second since.

  Which is why I refuse to let her give up.

  ***

  I’m on my fourth cup of coffee when Kiersten walks in. She doesn’t check to see if Caulder’s here, she just walks straight to the couch and plops down beside me.