Snfu

by Chris Walter

  Unfortunately, Goony and Denis both had criminal records and had to bypass the USA by flying to Mexico before continuing on to Costa Rica. Jon and Chi Pig would fly separately and, because it was cheaper, they would make several stopovers in the USA. Denis and Goony eventually arrived in Costa Rica and waited for Jon and Chi to arrive. They would be waiting a very long time.

  Bouncing from city to city across the USA gave Chi altogether too much time to drink. The airport bars in each city were happy to sell booze to the singer, and he was nicely toasted when he and Jon finally landed in Costa Rica. Somehow, the pair became separated going through customs, and Jon was at the front of the line while Chi at the back. Jon waved for Chi to join him, but the singer stayed where he was. “I guess he thought he could slide through because he’d never been sent home before,” says Jon. However, when the officials saw that the singer had no suitcase, no contact numbers, and only twenty-five dollars in his pocket, they refused him entry. Jon was allowed to stay, and he travelled into the city to meet the rest of the band. The guys played SNFU songs at the show the next night, with various bandmembers and fans taking turns at the mic. “There was a line-up of kids waiting to sing!” Jon says incredulously. While this was nothing like a real SNFU show, the boys had to make the most of the situation. No one lit anything on fire, though, and no one batted wieners into the crowd with a tennis racket.

  Chi was on the first flight back. Carrying a large roll of silk-screened posters he’d intended to sell in Costa Rica, and decked out in his gold lamé suit and fuzzy Wookie hat, the singer was highly visible. Naturally, curious passengers couldn’t resist taking his picture when the plane landed in Atlanta. There was a twelve-hour stopover, so Chi had a few beers and tried to settle in. “I couldn’t sleep because I was stressed out, and I didn’t know if the band was mad at me,” remembers the singer of that unhappy time. Luckily, he met a military man who had been ditched by his friends. “He gave me some smokes and bought me breakfast, and then I caught my flight.” The real fun had yet to begin.

  The next plane landed in Saint Paul, Minnesota, where the singer missed his connecting flight because of the time zone change and had to wait another twelve hours. By now, he only had a dollar left. “I went to a phone, but the only number I could remember was wendythirteen’s because it ends with the letters p.u.n.k. The phone rang and rang, but she finally answered,” recalls the singer. “Wendy sent me $100 through Western Union, so I got some beer. She saved my life that time,” says the appreciative frontman. There was yet another stopover, but after travelling for more than forty-eight hours, he finally arrived back in Vancouver. The guys at Canada Customs could hardly believe what they were seeing, and called their co-workers in for a good long look at the strange apparition. Only when they’d had their fun did they allow the wretched musician to continue on his way. Chi eventually made it home, where he slept for a very long time.

  The other guys returned from Costa Rica a week later, somewhat tired and hungover. “Costa Rica was amazing, I love that place,” says Jon. Chi was pissed at the drummer for leaving him at the airport, and the other guys were upset that Chi couldn’t stay sober enough to get through customs. Hard feelings persisted for some time, but new outrages eventually pushed that incident to the background. For now, SNFU had other fish to fry. Although SNFU would not return to the crazy touring of 2009, the dormant period was over.

  Two weeks after the debacle in Costa Rica, the boys laced up their shoes and set off on a short sprint across BC, Alberta, and Saskatchewan in Mark Sommers’ van. In Chi’s case, that simply meant pulling on a pair of glossy black latex pants and running shoes with the sides blown out. The boys left town with local rockers Savannah, stopping in all the usual backwater municipalities and townships along the way. The members of Savannah were a bit rough around the edges, so Denis and Goony made them promise to be on their best behaviour. SNFU would be back this way again, and they needed to be on good terms with promoters.

  Stopping in Kamloops, the guys grabbed the cash and moved on for a show in Regina on May 7th. “Savannah were fantastic, and Junior, their drummer, inspired me to play better,” says Jon Card. “They’re all great guys. Hell, Sean is our guitarist now.” On this tour, Sean Colig joined SNFU most nights to play second guitar on “You Make Me Thick.” Savannah’s singer Cam also played guitar on “Cannibal Café.” The fans were happy and everyone walked away pleased. SNFU was due to return to Regina in August, and fans could hardly wait.

  Regina was the farthest stop from Vancouver, so SNFU worked their way back from there, landing in Saskatoon and Humboldt before moving into Alberta for gigs in Banff, Jasper, and Grande Prairie. This tour would be somewhat smoother than the one that preceded it. “Chi was actually quite well-behaved because he was happy to have Jon back in the band again,” says Denis.

  Denis says that the guys in Savannah were also very polite, even when a heckler in Jasper gave them a hard time. “They laughed it off, but then they caught the same kid tagging their van with some homophobic crap after the show,” says Denis. It seemed the kid was a former employee of the bar, and was dealing with some misplaced anger. “Cam (Savannah’s guitarist) said he wasn’t going to hit him, but then he couldn’t help himself and dropped the guy,” laughs Jon. Goony recalls that the Savannah guys wanted to duct tape the kid to a tree in the park and leave him for the animals. “All he got was a ripped shirt and a couple of slaps in the face,” says Goony. Bouncers at the venue actually cleaned off the paint.

  Countless greasy cheeseburgers and pizza slices had taken a toll, and the boys needed a change of diet. After a show one night, Jon accepted a dare to bite into a raw onion, taking not one but two big chomps of the pungent vegetable. “My breath was really bad for about a day and a half, but I won thirty-seven bucks,” says Jon. “After that, they were calling me ‘Junion.’”

  The two bands did a final show in Grand Forks and headed home. Altogether, the musicians were away for just over two weeks, which was about as much time as they wanted to spend together anyway. Although the tension wasn’t as bad as it had been in the final days between Marc Belke and Chi Pig, the singer wasn’t the easiest man to travel with, and his bandmates were usually ready to give him some room when tours finally ended. Truth be told, Chi was glad to get away from them as well, if only until the next tour.

  On Thursday, May 12th, SNFU played the Rock n’ Relief: A Benefit for Japan with The Pointed Sticks, The Bonitos, The Jolts, The Trespassers (Jon Card’s rockabilly garage/band), and White Lung. According to some of the guests present that night, SNFU was a bit stiff coming out of the gates, and it took them a few songs to hit their stride. Still, the boys managed to pull it together eventually, and escaped with their dignity intact. Every band falters once in a while, and perhaps the SNFUers were still a bit tired from the tour.

  Jon Card officially rejoined SNFU for the Open Your Mouth and Say… Mr. Chi Pig DVD release party, presented by Prairie Coast Films at the Fortune Sound Club on Tuesday, May 18th. The event was joyful yet somber, and guests who watched the documentary went home with a better understanding of Chi Pig and the various challenges he faced. Unfortunately for Sean and Craig, the distributor ripped them off for more than $6,000, and they had to find another one. Because of this, the DVD was unavailable at a time when demand was the strongest, and they lost the chance to capitalize on that momentum. Crooks abound in show business.

  Several days later, SNFU travelled to Vancouver Island for screenings/shows in Nanaimo and Victoria. Chi Pig was still attempting to keep his act together now that Jon was onboard. Jon also liked to drink, but always knew when to shut it down. If the drummer was drinking during the day, he would stop and have a nap before showtime. Chi saw how Jon managed his alcohol intake and tried hard to emulate that, even if he wasn’t always successful.

  From Victoria, the boys sailed back across the Georgia Strait for a show at Merlin’s in Whistler on May 23rd. This time, no snowdrifts barred the way, and they arrived in p
lenty of time for soundcheck. A lack of drama marked the show, causing Denis to wish fervently that they could all be this way. The boys took the money and went home, just as easy as pie.

  Back in Vancouver, Jon urged the band to hire another guitar player, even though it would mean a pay cut for them all. “I wanted SNFU to sound as good as possible, and it’s not about the money,” says Jon. The other guys weren’t crazy about the idea at first, but they eventually capitulated, reaching out on Facebook chat to ask Sean Colig if he wanted to join. They knew that Savannah had recently disbanded, so they weren’t surprised when Sean accepted. “There were a lot of people we could have asked, but we chose Sean because he’s a team player and we all got along with him. Chi even called him Sweet Meat!” says Denis. SNFU immediately began to rehearse for an upcoming gig with the DayGlo Abortions and Mr. Plow. “Sean was the right guy,” agrees Jon Card. Enter Sean Colig, the twenty-second member of SNFU.

  Sean’s first show with the group was on June 25th at the Biltmore Hotel, and he only had ten days to prepare for it. Not only was the gig a birthday party for wendythirteen, but it was also a book launch for Argh Fuck Kill: The Story of the DayGlo Abortions by this author. Sean was a welcome addition to the band because his guitar helped fill out the sound, and he contributed backup vocals that had been missing until now. Jon thought the band played well that night, but unfortunately, he’d forgotten to bring a fan and was suffering from an abscessed tooth. “There was no air and it was so hot,” recalls Jon. “I was hurting that night.” Since the drummer has played countless steamy shows, this one must have been particularly brutal for him to mention it. Although this author was preoccupied selling books and saw very little of the bands that night, the show was a big success for everyone involved. For the first time since 1998, SNFU was a five-piece again.

  Despite the fact that the frontman had a few issues, and the band was seen as a tribute act by some factions, Sean Colig was excited to be playing with SNFU. The band was booked to tour New Zealand and Australia in July, which promised to be exciting. Born on May 21st, 1976, Sean Colig lived in Mississauga until he was nine, when his dad decided sell soda pop and liquor dispensers in Vancouver. Unfortunately, a dismal economic climate and a relatively stagnant nightlife soon conspired to put the kibosh on business. “Mostly, he wanted a fresh start, and Vancouver seemed like as good a place as any,” says Sean. The youngster was stunned by the lush greenness and temperate climate of the city. Leaving the harsh Ontario winters behind was not a great hardship, and the boy welcomed the change. “We went to Stanley Park right away, and it was awesome,” he recalls.

  Sean’s father was an artist with a flair for painting and sculpture. “I remember his leg was in a cast for several weeks and he built one of those Red Baron triplanes with a box of toothpicks,” says Sean, who grew up listening to classic rock such as Pink Floyd and Cream. His uncle was a Berkeley music graduate, and music was in Sean’s blood as well. He soon shifted from classic rock to speed metal and thrash, and started to play guitar at thirteen. “My mom and dad weren’t musicians, but I knew there was something of that nature brewing in me.” Metallica was a major influence, and James Hetfield’s guitar playing in particular caught his ear. “The first album I heard was Master of Puppets. From the first track, I was immediately hooked and started listening to Metallica every minute I could,” says Colig. The youth was blessed or cursed, depending on how one views such things.

  For his fourteenth birthday, Sean’s mother and father called him home from a friend’s house and steered him into his bedroom where a Fender Stratocaster and a little Marshall combo awaited. “My uncle knew what I needed and had the stuff sent to me,” says Sean, remembering the joy he felt at seeing the precious gift. The guitar he’d been playing previously was very tough on the fingers, with strings half an inch from the neck. After learning on such a poor instrument, the Stratocaster would be extremely easy to play. At sixteen, Sean began entering talent contests and tried to start a band. Nothing seemed to be happening.

  When Sean was just seventeen, however, he and several musician friends from Burnaby formed the rap-metal outfit Minority. Unfortunately, Sean’s dad passed away a year later and his mother moved back to Ontario. Unwilling to quit the band, Sean decided to stay in Vancouver. “I’d visit my mom back east and look at all my dad’s paintings and pictures,” says Sean, who will always miss his father. Nonetheless, Minority began to build a solid fanbase, attracting attention from the local media. In 1996, the band won out over 200 other entries to take first place in Vancouver’s 99.3 The Fox Seeds radio contest. This was exciting stuff for the young musicians, and they worked hard to move forward.

  On July 26th, 1996, Minority was asked to open for Pantera and White Zombie at the Pacific Coliseum. “They called us in the morning, so we didn’t have much time to prepare,” laughs Sean. The show went well enough, but the band didn’t make a penny. “We met Dimebag Darrell and had a few Black Tooth Grins at least,” says Sean. “I also got to play one of Dime’s guitars.” A few bucks would have been nice, but it wasn’t every day that they could drink bourbon and a splash of cola with one of the world’s biggest metal stars.

  In the summer of ’97, following a dispute with some of the members, Sean left Minority and eventually joined the skate punk band SideSixtySeven as their bassist. SideSixtySeven, which met with some success, recorded in LA and played the Warped Tour, filling clubs and garnering respect. Unfortunately, and although the members moved in together and promised to make music the main priority, the commitment wasn’t there and the band folded in 2006. After that, Sean joined Savannah. “I have to say that Junior is the main reason why I joined Savannah. He was really young, but great at playing drums. Junior made the touring fun for me,” reflects Sean. Savannah, of course, led to his position with SNFU. Looking back, the guitarist could only wonder at the winding road that had taken him here. SNFU was never going to make him rich, but the experience was sure to be interesting and fun. Well, it would probably be fun.

  Sean was happy to be in the band, but SNFU’s plans to tour New Zealand and Australia in July soon fell apart. Australia had tightened entrance requirements, throwing up a number of challenging hurdles that visitors had to clear before they were allowed into the country. Chi needed a bank account with money in it, and other things he didn’t have. Also, Denis and Goony had criminal records, which didn’t help things any. They might have been able to solve these problems if they had more time, but they didn’t. Australia was off.

  SNFU didn’t play again until August 7th, when they did a show at Iron Road Studios with the Spitfires and Dead Voices. Again, the gig was hot enough to have Jon gasping for air, even though he had his fan this time. Other than the lack of oxygen, the show went well enough. Chi Pig was feeling no pain, but he pulled it off nevertheless, and Denis only had to give him a few dirty looks. The bassist knew he couldn’t tell the singer what to do, but he could let him know how he felt if shows suffered.

  On August 14th, the organizers of the Red River Rampage flew the band to Winnipeg for a big, outdoor show with A Wilhelm Scream, the Cancer Bats, The Unwanted, and many others. The trip got off to an auspicious start when the flight crew refused to serve the group because Jon and Chi Pig smelled of booze. Then one of the flight attendants recognized SNFU and ecstatically plied them with alcohol. “Soon we all had a drink in each hand. We went from being barred to two-fisted drinking,” laughs Sean Colig. By the time the flight landed in Winnipeg, the boys were well-lubricated. Festival promoters gave the band the star treatment, even supplying a car and driver. The boys did the show and flew home, pleased to have been included.

  SNFU played two other local shows in October, mostly to earn a few badly needed “punk bucks,” as Jon Card liked to call cash generated from hometown gigs. Here, the band could make a decent wage without spending any money on gas. The merch continued to fly from the table, and it seemed that every punk in Vancouver must own at least one SNFU shirt by now. True fans, f
or sure, owned at least three.

  As the New Year approached, SNFU did a show at the Asbalt with Lummox and the DayGlo Abortions. By now, the novelty of having Jon in the band was wearing off and Chi was drinking more again. Still, he wasn’t too drunk to perform, and the band managed to turn in a respectable show. Denis, nevertheless, worried that the singer’s drinking was out of control, causing him to ponder his own future with the band. He hadn’t signed on to be a babysitter, and he was beginning to feel that he was only along to clean up the messes. Also, he cared a great deal about the frail frontman, and it hurt to see him damaging his health with excessive alcohol intake. Chi often drank from sunup to sundown.

  Despite all this, the band did another romp through the rocky regions of BC and Alberta in January of 2011. Due to the freezing temperatures and snowy highways inland, they visited only three or four towns before returning to the rain of Vancouver. There were certain times of the year when it just didn’t pay to travel through the mountains, and January was one of them.

  Back in Vancouver, Chi took up permanent residency in several Downtown Eastside bars. By now, wendythirteen had moved her operations to Funky Winker Beans on Hastings Street, having been chased from bar to bar by greedy slumlords and overzealous liquor inspectors. Chi preferred to end his evenings at Funky’s, and star-struck fans were happy to buy him drinks. For now.

  SNFU took an extended hiatus, and the members were not sure if the band would be able to continue much longer. Chi said he still wanted to play, but his behaviour was scaring them. At this point, Ken “Goony” Fleming was already playing with a new band, Isolation 3, and they were about to visit Europe and Japan. SNFU was still planning to tour BC and Alberta in the summer, but Goony did not want to have all his eggs in one basket if SNFU collapsed. Music was the reason he threw his legs out of bed in the morning, and the idea of being without a band did not sit well with him.