The Power of Forgetting

by A M Russell

  ‘Did Granny ever tell you about the elementals?’ I asked her suddenly.

  ‘No.’

  ‘I thought you spent a lot of time talking to her about err… stuff like that?’

  ‘No. I did like talking about her Job though. She always said it was a good thing. Kept her out of trouble.’

  ‘Trouble?’

  ‘Well yes. When you have a class full of little monsters to control. It is rather preoccupying.’

  ‘Is she still working?’

  ‘Yes. She is. What is it Jared? Shall I get Marcia to send you to bed early?’

  ‘There’s really no need. Do you know what you are Janey?’

  ‘A brilliant Scientist. Sister to a total idiot?’

  ‘Apart from that.’

  ‘Apart from that?’ she pouted then, ‘you’re not going to tick me off for being arrogant and opinionated?’

  ‘What you said is true.’ I was reasonable I thought.

  ‘I think Hanson’s right. You have lost your marbles.’

  ‘No. he’s only partly right. You and I are both carrying a rather unusual set of marbles.’

  ‘Yes…’ her voice is steady. But her eyes change. A warning light going on perhaps. We both know we cannot tell the others about this. It has nothing to do with whether or not they would believe us. It has to do with protecting them for being forced to tell it to someone else. If you don’t know, you can’t tell. Whatever the enticement might be. And Hanson’s ears seem like they are on stalks as it is.

  ‘Just one thing then,’ I said in a different tone, ‘was it the double, or Lorraine who stabbed your double?’

  ‘I don’t know. I was there suddenly, walking into the undergrowth. And it hurt like hell. You do understand, that thinking about who did it; was not the most insistent thought in my mind at that moment.’

  'Of course not. Sorry. But all the things you said....'

  'What things?' she sat up and folded her arms.

  'The things you said. Stuff about Auntie Zee. And us having...' I whispered then, 'Power over Nature?'

  'Mmm.... Well it's certainly something to think about.' she spoke a clear message with her eyes "Not Now". Hanson was hovering near. But Joe came over then and shooed Him and Janey away.

  I lay down on my bed in the medical bay. Joe stood over me despite my insistence that I was fine, he took all the readings again.

  'Where were you?' Joe asked.

  'I don't know what you mean.'

  'You are going to earn yourself a report for debrief that no one will actually believe.'

  'I don't care.' I stared upwards, seeing the fabric move and tense.

  'You have to care Jared. You have to start seeing it all from other people's point of view.'

  I just looked at him, feeling just a bit contrite. I think it was the first time I had really considered that angle that clearly.

  'You're fine,' said Joe, 'Physically. I just find it unbelievable.'

  I didn't want to ask what he thought about the rest of it. I'd not cared. And now I felt bad. Joe finished his notes. He put the clipboard down.

  'You can go now.' he held out a hand. I took it and he pulled me upright.

  'That's all?' I asked.

  'You want more?'

  'Err....I just wondered....'

  'What now?' he sounded matter of fact. I detected then a tension; or perhaps tiredness in Joe.

  'I'm sorry for being so much trouble. Really....'

  He smiled slightly: 'You're okay. Not the most difficult patient.'

  'Oh?'

  'Well there was this woman I met when I worked in Leeds...she was really badly injured but just wouldn't stop going on about her cats....'

  'Cats?'

  'Yeah....turned out that she didn't have one; but twelve of the furry little buggers. A team from the local cat sanctuary were sent to find out what was going on. And when they got there they found that she had been hiding a huge wodge of cash in her bed room. Some of her pets were sitting on a pile of the stuff.'

  'So she was a very rich cat lady?'

  'That wasn't the end of the story. It turned out that she had an arrangement with the local aspiring master crook. And she was the laundry lady for their operation.'

  'She'd have to be with that many moggies around.'

  'Nah! She was a crook who laundered money! And the thing that saved her was that her cats wouldn't let anyone near the evidence. Literally. She asked me "How's Moxsie?" she said just like that "How's Moxsie? Is she happy?" too right she was! Bloody gigantic thing.... By the time the Lady could get into her house, the cat in question had hidden the cash or so the locals supposed. Cat Lady denied everything, and there was nothing the police could do. There's no way of charging a cat with handling stolen goods, or concealing the proceeds of crime. So she got away with it, I suppose that was the end of the story.'

  'But what about the cash?'

  'No one knows. But her twelve cats would chase off anyone they didn't know. So they reckon she still had the money somewhere about.'

  'So what you're saying is.... Be careful of big pet cats?'

  'No. what I’m saying is: - that you never know about people. There's no way you can know what lies beneath; with anyone. In my experience.... of which there are even stranger things I won't repeat, there's no accounting for what folk get up too, and you can never tell by looking at the surface.'

  'Thanks Joe....for the advice; and the medical attention.'

  'That fine.' he looked upwards thinking for a moment. He looked at me again, in a questioning way, as I slid off the bed and rested my feet on the floor.

  'The truth is Joe; I was somewhere I never expected to be. I found some answers.... I suppose I once believed there was more. Now I believe it again.... It’s not been easy for any of us. I do know that. I am sometimes so afraid; I could choke just thinking about it Joe. Other times there is a world out there that seems more vivid and real than this one... I don't know Joe, but I think I just found an answer to a question I have been waiting on for a very long time.'

  'I know,' he said, and seemed quite preoccupied. Then said: 'It's alright now. I remembered what I have to do. It's alright now.... Jared; tell me if anything changes. You can go now.'

  'Right. Thanks.'

  I passed into the main area. Marcia is sitting down holding an empty cup that could have had tea in it. Andrew is sitting nearby with a copy of "New Scientist" opened out on his knees. Janey and Davey are not there. Oliver is laid along the bench with his eyes shut.

  'It's a full moon.' said Marcia.

  Oliver opens his eyes a fraction. He is looking at me silently.

  I sat down in a vacant camping chair. I heard the soft hiss of the wind without. Andrew peers at me for a moment then goes back to his magazine.

  *****

  Thirteen

  We are bowling along at a fair old speed. Oliver is sitting in the back with me. Joe is driving. He threads the way along a narrow track. We will soon start to drop down into the valley near the sea. Marcia won't let me drive; she has set Davey on the next shift. Oliver was looking tired. He lay down then on the padded seat. He watched me as we rumbled along. Everyone is very quiet. Janey is poring through her notes. She is hoping to find the common denominator between all the test subjects. She was chewing on the end of a biro, and frowning. Andrew is helping her, holding the sheets and sorting them out. Davey looked back at her and smiled. He turned in his seat and continued watching the road ahead in the navigator's seat. Marcia leaned over to talk to Joe. The road was starting to drop down. We are slowing.

  'How far to the channel?' Marcia said, and added, 'anything yet Janey?'

  'It's not certain…. this is like trying to do a jigsaw when you don't have the picture.' Janey sounded exasperated.

  Oliver opened his eyes for a moment and glanced at me. Andrew handed Janey another sheet.

  'Outside temperature is still stable.' Joe said, 'I'll stop by that big rock.'

  Marcia and I got out. Joe
came and joined us. I could see the inlet to the tidal channel. The tide was halfway between high and low.

  'Still coming in.' Joe took the binoculars off me, and adjusted the focusing ring carefully.

  'There's a sheltered area down there; look. To the right of those broken rocks,' Marcia turns to me, 'we need to find a place for everyone to rest until low tide.'

  Joe exchanged a glance with her then, and said 'we will make the end of the peninsular by night fall if we are going steady and don't have any hold ups. Where did Hanson say Lorraine's chalet is?'

  'Out near the western most tip,' Marcia said, 'There's a lot of forest in the way…. We might need to chance it nearer the beach.'

  'That is possible,' Joe sounded doubtful, 'but we need to stay hidden, if we can. There's really not much point in all of this, if we all get arrested.'

  'Andrew and Janey won't; they're supposed to be there.' Marcia pointed out.

  'If they are found with any of us, I think this Mr Rimmington may change his mind.' Joe retorted.

  'So he might.' Marcia put a hand to her forehead. I knew that sign. She was still tired. We climbed back in, and set off down a bumpy incline. I felt useless and a bit guilty. The curious nature of my miraculous survival was only a day and a half old. I followed Oliver's example and rested on the other long seat.

  By two pm we had lost our view of the river, and were brushing through large banana plant-like leaves. Joe swapped again with Davey. Oliver was still asleep. Janey seemed grimly satisfied that the data she had got was beginning to make sense. Andrew climbed into the front to help guide us through the jungle.

  After about another three quarters of an hour of this, we ran out into an open glade surrounded by rocky deposits, like the lumpy side of a misshapen house built by an untidy wizard. The plants began to get smaller, and the road even more bumpy.

  Suddenly we stopped. At first no one was sure of the delay. Joe put it into reverse and edged back a full vehicle length.

  There was a drop into the swirling tide below. We were further over than we thought. The tide was high now, and could have been reaching the turn. We could go no further on this route and had to then backtrack about a mile and a half to find a narrow road down. It was quite steep, but it brought us out near to a sandy cove into which a freshwater stream bubbled. It strung out of the ground from some deep underground spring about fifty yards back up a steep incline. As we looked up, we could see the little lip of the land where we had looked out in the last hour, high above our heads.

  Marcia told them all to take a break. Joe was looking again through those binoculars. He had a distracted air, and I began to wonder if he was seeing something we weren't. But by four o'clock the tide was receding. There was a way across. The channel of the seat was like a set of giant steps underneath the waterline. I imagined the tide running along the level causeway, as we tried to out run it. It was firm and rocky and with a solid, howbeit bumpy path wide enough for our buggy.

  Marcia had other idea. She talked to Oliver and Joe. And then we all gathered together.

  'We will leave the vehicle here,' she said, 'we walk from here. Everyone will be given a start-up code. The route through the mountains on the way back is one to avoid if possible. If we a not at a full complement -for whatever reason, I would like to be sure that we can all use the buggy.'

  I stared into my tea. I didn't say anything. It was difficult to find a reason to speak. The little breezes that freshly invaded our minds and our lungs were part of it. And that absolute silence punctuated only by the sound of wavy water and the rustling of the subtropical forest.

  Perhaps it was this place; but even Hanson, who normally had plenty to say for himself when he wasn't otherwise engaged in showing off by reading fashionable literature; was subdued and spoke in almost a whisper.... mainly to Janey. She was still gnawing down the end of her biro as we laid out our equipment ready to make up the packs. She knelt down on the fine turf and tucked her small journal into the walking pack. Nothing was missing from her personal kit. Nothing had been touched; not even clothes, which made me wonder if the strange girl at the beach had been a figment of my deranged imagination after all. But some habit of mind, or effort of the will, drew the reluctant conclusion that it had been real. But exactly what real meant in this case was open to interpretation. All at once I saw that "Amber" and Evil Janey (for so I must make the distinction) were not the same after all. At least an hour later as I started to check the kit, it occurred to me that Amber had different eyes. They were a kind of green-gold; whereas Janey's were a striking blue-violet that seemed to run to deep Indigo when she was in a serious scientific mood. Shockingly that was the one thing I couldn't recall about the nameless one who had poisoned me, taking Janey's form as she did so. Apparently the "Something" that had contaminated the experiment was some essence that had will and reason; but was devoid of conscience. It was certainly ruthless. And then, as if a veil had been drawn aside, I remembered the dreadful Monster that one of the Mr Alexanders became. Davey told me that he thought I had seen Mr Alexander before that day, by the way I had reacted: as if I had seen an old adversary. Janey has a theory: - that the mind is not tied to time and that is why we see things that are new to us as being familiar. The most common expression of this is the Deja Vue moment. But there are others. "The quantum spaces inside the mind" is how Janey's theory has been described. She says that we may have the ability to move time from the past into the future. Janey thinks that this applies to all people, not just travellers. But being a traveller makes you most able to access that part of the mind. I looked up then at the violet vacuity of the summer sky. The breeze moves, hushes and stops. Janey comes towards me, a question in her eyes. The others are quickly checking the packs, fetching, rearranging, and getting ready for our foray once we reach low tide.

  'Will you promise one thing?' she asked me.

  'What thing?' my voice is a whisper too.

  She takes my right hand and turns it over. She traces a fingertip down my palm. I shudder, and feel cold.

  'I want you to destroy the double if we meet it.'

  I met her gaze fully then, she is serious and her eyes are troubled. I don't know how to respond. I feel.... ambivalent; and a little tense. Janey is still looking into my eyes. She isn't trying to invade my mind. She doesn't have to; I am giving myself away. Amber....as she called herself is out there somewhere. I cannot; I will not promise to take her life. Janey is being very clever. As I say "Err...." she knows that I have met that other. And she can feel and see my feelings from all those micro signals. Her scientific observation coupled with good instincts. I wonder with an indrawn breath if my psyche profile is among her subject lists. But they haven't copied me.... or so I always believed.

  'I'm sorry.' I said and dropped my eyes.

  'That's okay.' she said and laid her other hand over mine, 'I understand now. And I won't tell. When she does come back.... tell her to run. Tell her to go home. The others won't understand.'

  'Home? Does she have one?'

  'Of course,' said Janey, and tapped her finger tips lightly on my wrist.

  Perhaps it was that simple action. But then something was dredged back from the deep well of memory. Janey was there too, holding my hand just as she did now. We were children. And we stood near Auntie Zee's House, in a sunlit patch of lawn. And there before us was another little girl. She came and joined us. She took my other hand. A girl in a primrose dress with curls the colour of warm wood that has been polished with beeswax. She smiled at me, and said "Come and Play". I looked at her and saw long- lashed eyes of green-gold. Even there, I felt drawn to her….

  Janey let go of my hand. She stood calmly thoughtful.

  'I understand' she said at last. She hugged me briefly and then went back to her pack. I turned away to look towards the sea. I had done all I needed to. I waited as the others took the long ride through doubt, with unnecessary checks and discussion about what needed to go with us.

  Marcia called u
s all to the buggy.

  'The codes are here,' she indicated the clipboard Davey held, 'I want you all to memorise the start code and the immobilisation code. Then the hard copy and the file on our computer will be fully erased.'

  'I thought it is pass word protected.' Hanson asked in a humble hesitant voice. Marcia seemed surprised by his manner, but then answered: 'I want there to be no chance that anyone other than us will be able to use our transport. This might be our only means of escape. We have to prioritise…Janey and Davey will be going after the hard drive records. Joe, Myself and Jared will be searching for our own people. When I say our own…. I mean originals and copies.' She looked hard at Joe for a moment and then continued, '…we will only destroy a copy on the same terms as before; if they are uncooperative to us. It may help to keep us hidden from view. Also, know this - The black box has more than just a recording function. It can detect a number of other things as well. Bio-signals from anything that is in range and certainly anyone who has contacted the copy by say, touching their hand. So keep back from anyone you might meet. We will only touch them if they actually need our help. Please stick to this. There is a chance that we are already well on the way towards having to make a run for it once the information has been obtained from the hard drives.'

  'What about Oliver?' Hanson again.

  'He can interview Lorraine. You're with him Andrew.' Marcia seemed bitterly amused about something.