The Power of Forgetting

by A M Russell

  Everything was quiet. The main room illuminated by the faintest hint of moonlight. It was easing towards the horizon, and the dead zone of night was embracing the landscape. I peeked through a window carefully, so as not to disturb the shutters. It was still. Not a breath of wind. High up a few high clouds drifted ridged with the pearly shot taffeta of a low orb. I turned away from the window and blinked a few times until my eyes adjusted. Whatever it was; if there had been anything was now gone. I felt my way to the small settee and sat down. I slipped the small case from the pocket of the slacks. Lighter and the faint pop of the flame and I lit the small black stick. I needed to think. The lack of privacy in the trip meant I didn't have time to really think. A little objectivity goes a long way. I created a canopy of fragrant gloom. It was familiar and comforting. Just like the scent of roses. I thought of Janey. She would be sleeping, her hair streaming across her shoulders like liquid silk; and long lashes fluttering as she dreamed into the silence of this night. I thought of Adam then: could we be here as his rescuer, or was Amber right? That he and James were back on the other side of the anomaly? Had Adam tried to warn me? What did he know while he had consciously been inside the avatar that made him quite dangerous? This mysterious double of Lorraine's; had it been responsible for the killing of the copy? Adam's face swum uncomfortably before my eyes then; and I knew with certainty that I must go with them in the morning…. I might have been relieved of the Captain's role, but this point was the one when I came into my own. When it was just about to get really difficult; and unlike my usual doubt and depression; when faced with the possibility of total dreadfulness, I actually relaxed and was more at peace. Oliver thinks that only a lunatic would enjoy danger like that. Perhaps he doesn't actually believe me. I keep wondering if one of the people he knew in his secret past was just as way off level, and that was what got them killed….

  'Who's there?' someone hissed.

  I froze; cigarette still poised between the fingers of my right hand. If they could not work it out from the tobacco, they were either a stranger or a friend in super thick mode.

  A torch bounced into my eyes with a sharp spike of illumination. I tipped my head forward and half closed my eyes.

  'Jared?' the speaker sounded surprized. The voice was female. But had a quality to it that was strangely detached….as if time and distance had worn it away. The light clicked off. The woman slowly lowered herself into the opposite bench, laying a hand on one of the cushions to her left; the hand carrying the torch. In the sepia toned room she was a person shaped smudge punctuating the night time gloom.

  'Jared?' she asked again, and when I made no move she leaned forwards a little.

  We watched each other; this strange woman and I. We sat there on the edge of understanding. I let my eyes carry on adjusting as she watched me.

  'You are still here.' She said at last.

  I was just about to ask her what she meant, when a door opened, starkly illuminating the scene. Oliver came forward and quickly relieved her of the knife that I hadn't seen her holding in her right hand.

  'Juliet….' I said faintly. Oliver sat down by me, as if waiting for instructions.

  In front of me I saw a woman, who to all the faculties of observation available to me was at least sixty-five years old; and yet I knew that this to be the same girl who had joined our college circle, and who had wanted to be a trainer at a wild animal sanctuary.

  'Yes…. as you see. But lately I suspect that there is something I haven't been told.' She reached forward and laid the torch on the edge of the table.

  'Oh no….' I whispered, 'Oh no…. please; not that.'

  Oliver is staring at me waiting for the realisation to sink through the layers. Juliet sniffs in an irritated way, 'the least you can do is offer me a cup of tea.' She said.

  'Yes…. yes of course,' I said, without taking my eyes off her.

  Oliver stood and strode into the kitchen without a backwards glance.

  'Juliet…' I said again somewhat idiotically.

  'That's my name!' she said in a somewhat amused way, 'Are you simple or something?'

  'No.'

  'Then stop staring, and tell me what you and your friends are doing here.'

  'I…. I'm….' every thought in my head evaporated, I simply couldn't decide if she was the reality and I was the dream, or the other way round.

  'You really are quite a strange boy.' She said, ' what if I told you that I know what Mr Charles is up to… and that I can help you stop him?'

  'Err that would be most helpful.' I said, still not entirely sure how to react to this older version of one of my college friends.

  'If you are wondering if I am a copy. The answer is simple…. Of course I am you stupid boy. Do you think that someone could survive what they have done to me without really understanding the intricacies of the situation?'

  'Err….'

  'Do you have any Idea what has happened boy?'

  'Well….'

  'You really are the silliest young man I've met today!'

  'I'm what?'

  'Actually,' she said to herself, 'You're the only young man I've met today.'

  I stubbed out the remains of the Russian, and took a deep breath. 'Are you in fact the person who was on the recording?' I asked.

  'Yes of course. What a stupid question!'

  'Yes… well, okay. Oh!' I looked up as Oliver came towards us with a tray and three cups.

  'Now then,' she said, after supping from the cup and grimacing, 'to business. I can help you find Charlie boy. But you need to deal with him yourself.'

  'But what can I do?' I asked her.

  'You?' she seemed startled, then turning to Oliver, 'what is wrong with him? Hasn't he found the power yet?'

  To do credit to Oliver's super cool way of accepting the situation, he didn't react at all. He just looked thoughtful and tapped his fingers on his tea cup for moment. 'I think he needs to go forward in time a little way first.' he said.

  'Oh!' Juliet replied, 'this Jared is not our whatever it is…. Oh bother! Well never mind. There are two things to do. One: just forget you saw me; or Two: just create some sort of minor paradox. So what's it going to be?'

  'Just tell us what you know.' said Oliver.

  'Oh,' she glanced sideways at me, then at Oliver and seemed to hesitate. Juliet then sighed, 'Oh well…. In once; in all…. What I know is this: Mr August Charles will be in the main great hall at two thirty tomorrow afternoon…. Or rather later today; Depending on whether you intend to sleep after this or not. I will ask your help with one thing: - destroying the resident double of his company director Mr Rimmington. He is someone who I…. don't like very much. I can see from your reaction that your feelings might be along similar lines. The thing is: no one must know that you saw me tonight. If they do it could create another paradox event. There is too much at stake at the moment for you to be told too much. I'm sorry for that. I truly am. But there are something's that are not able to be told until the proper time. You have to see that I am not trying to get you to lie to your friends…. It is just difficult…' she looked at me with a pleading expression in her eyes then.

  'And what is there for you?' I asked.

  'For me? An end…. The end to this life; a dream of a dream. Then I can wake up in that place I almost still remember. And then I'll go to the kitchen in my flat and make coffee and rub my eyes…. and this dream; this strange dream I dreamed one night will be over. And then…. will I know? Perhaps it is better I forget. No one else survived the testing time. They all died, everyone one. Do you realise what that means Jared Jay Vincey? Do you know?' she pierced me with a startling look of knowledge.

  I knew with a shock of self-awareness that I had been here before. I had just forgotten. You will not quite grasp the frightening consequences of this. I had seen this moment. I had known what it was to be in this place. Oliver watched me, and placed his hand on my shoulder. I looked up at him and then turned to Juliet.

  'I knew you as a youn
g girl. But now… I want to help you. So I will do as you ask. But I ask something in return.'

  'Indeed?' she smiled then.

  'Will you go to the home of Marcia Ellis and tell her…. Tell her that we will meet once more…' here I paused and turned my face away, then after a moment turned back to her; 'when you are young again… will you find her for me? Tell her that… because I have a feeling….'

  'Don't say any more.' said Juliet, 'it is enough. You will find no peace here. Not today…. Not this day. I will not look for you again after today. If we meet again I will have forgotten completely…. You understand?'

  'Yes.' I said as if the heaviness of foreboding that squeezed my heart could in fact be eased in some way. But it could not.

  She got up, and picked up her torch. She smiled once. Oliver handed her back her knife. She faded then into the shadows. The outer door clattered against the rim of the frame a moment later.

  I sat back heavily. Oliver took the cups away leaving me in the semi-dark again.

  Something was closing on me like a trap. I had promised what? To destroy Rimmington's double. Well yes…. alright. I felt sick inside. Today was an ending. But I had no notion of how it would be a day from now. A day. A little day…. and then… all sorts of things tried to gain admittance; preposterous possibilities streamed through my imagination.

  'Jared?'

  'What?' I looked up at Oliver, stood over me with a camping lantern in his hand.

  'Get some sleep now. There won't be much time for that later today.' and in case I didn't get the point he dragged me with his free hand in the direction of the single room.

  A moment later I flopped down on the bed. I felt like every nerve was tuned up to the slightest sound. I didn't think I would get any more sleep….

  *****

  Fifteen

  I woke up with a heavy feeling. I licked my lips to get rid of that dry unpleasant sensation. I knew without looking at my watch that I had slept too long. We were supposed to be up by seven.

  Ten minutes later I was in the kitchen helping myself to eggs and bacon. I wasn't wondering what everyone else was doing. Until I had fuelled up there was no point in getting wound about everyone else's problems or lack of…

  Come to think of it though, it was unusually quiet. I put the plate in the sink and went to collect my pack.

  Outside, no one was about. But I could hear voices in Lorraine's chalet. They were all there. I checked my watch and slipped one arm into a jacket. Only eight fifteen. Still time to get ready before we made tracks.

  With a screech of dismay Lorraine came storming out of the double doors near the veranda. She stomped off towards the beach. I was momentarily taken aback. She seemed genuinely angry. I didn't think she'd seen me though. So I quickly went in.

  Janey was stood there looking angry and defiant. Marcia was clearly trying to stop everyone from going off the deep end. Davey was twisting a piece of strapping backwards and forwards in his hands. Two high bars of colour on his cheeks were burning with either anger or anguish. Joe saw me and shook his head. Clearly this was not a time to open my mouth and put my foot right in it.

  'I think,' said Marcia as smoothly as she could muster, 'We need to get our shit together. There is no point in this… you can all be as unpleasant to each other as you like once this is over. So the way I see it…. you will all get yourselves ready in twenty minutes; or I'll get Oliver on the case!'

  I saw that the threat was a real one. Oliver came from the dining room and nodded once. Through the open door Hanson was stood talking rather quickly and ineffectually to anyone who would listen.

  'Oh…. It's you.' said Davey glancing sideways at me. Something rather chilling in his tone, and perhaps the stance he took warned me from enquiring what this was about. So instead I went to Oliver.

  'What equipment do we need to get ready?' I asked. Oliver nodded slowly turning his head. I followed him into the kitchen where the packs were lined up ready.

  The argument, if that's what it was, continued; but without a context to fit it into it really didn't make any sense. So I dropped my pack down next to the others.

  'Everything is ready.' said Oliver, 'will you go and find Lorraine? There's isn't much time. All this pissing about will get us killed.'

  I saw her out on a bar of sand. I knew that look. Indignation and defiance, but his time it didn't involve me. I almost felt sorry for her. Doubtless she had brought this on herself. A minute later I realised that Lorraine had nothing to do with this particular dissonant strike at the heart of an already fractured group of edgy people.

  'Hi Jared…' she said flatly as I approached.

  'Lorraine… I've come to ask you to come back in. That's if you're ready, please.'

  'You were always such a polite guy.' she said, 'it's a pity that you can't handle it. All that power I mean.'

  'Power?' I thought that this was just her being strange and New-Age. Lorraine at her alternative best was not something I could stand at that moment. I looked down.

  'Oh come on Jared!' she shouted, 'stop being so wet! You are always so ready to defend your little princess! And now she gets it on; right under my nose. The cow!'

  'Janey?'

  'Yes of course Janey!' she yelled, then collected herself, 'sorry…. Jared sweetie; just tell them I'll be inside in five.' then in answer to my puzzled look, 'darling; you really need to get control of her, before she totally trashes the whole lot of you.'

  'What did she do?'

  'She's being the sweet little tart she always knew how to be Darling…. I suppose you'll say that I deserve it all. And that Hanson isn't actually mine to get possessive about; and you'd be right. After all, we both know better than that don't we?'

  I felt a shockwave of heat flush through my whole body. But it didn't show. I nodded and calmly walked back to the chalet.

  Something like peace had been restored. Marcia was checking the knives. I saw the sharpening block on the low table. Davey didn't meet my eye and quickly went into the kitchen as I came back in. Joe and Oliver seemed on the face of it to be quite okay. I followed Davey to the kitchen.

  'What is happening later?' I asked.

  'I think,' said Davey not looking at me, ' that we will continue with the plan as before.' he clipped the top clasp of his jacket closed as if to emphasize the point. He turned and looked at me and suddenly broke into a smile. Either he was one hell of a control freak with his emotions, or the best actor I'd ever met. I didn't see a trace of the storm. It had passed and seemed to leave no mark. I smiled back and he breathed out. The easy relaxed manner we had between us restored, he chucked the packet of cigarettes that had been left on the counter top.

  I reflexively caught them in my left hand, 'Ta.' I said and dragged my pack from the floor.

  In the main lounge we had all the packs arranged and ready to put on.

  'You're with Oliver's team.' said Marcia just as I was about to speak to her. I didn't get chance to reply as Lorraine swept past in a charged state.

  'Lorraine's with us.' said Marcia to Joe. Joe raised an eyebrow, glanced at me. He shook his head slightly and looked away. I think Joe was right; not a good idea. But for speed we needed someone who knew the layout really well.

  Marcia gave us all a new updated map in a small fold out cover.

  'Lorraine's version shows access ways and removable panels. Each team will carry all the tools to get through them. There is a vent pipe to the outside. The only danger is getting flushed with water if the system is overheating. But it is big enough for us to walk through… if you stoop down a little; alright boys?'

  'That's fine.' said Oliver, 'if getting wet is the only danger we'll be facing.'

  'But only use them if all else fails. We can get the exit codes from the file on the mainframe. I will take one head set and Oliver will have the other. Jared can carry the spare for one team. Joe has the spare for ours.'

  Lorraine re-entered at that moment. She had plaited her hair French style so tha
t it pulled back from her face, and she was dressed in a closefitting suit of soft blue in a style similar to our khaki gear.

  'I'm ready.' she said in a firm voice. I looked at her with new admiration. She had certainly gained in the intervening time some qualities of character that I hadn't seen before. We turned back to Marcia as she gave the rest of the instructions. Everyone rechecked their breathing sets: the ones of us who carried them, and then they were stashed in side pockets for easy access. The ice suits were similarly placed, always ready to get on in super quick time should the occasion demand a fast response.

  'Roll call.' said Oliver then. I stared at the floor listening.

  Davey read out the team lists. Lorraine stuck out her tongue at Joe when his name was declared, and then did it again on hers. Joe seemed to be attempting a serious face, but instead smiled at her. Uh huh! Did she want to get near to Joe now?

  We set off through the forested area. We made fairly fast progress. The trees and bushes didn't grow too thickly here. and as we neared our destination they thinned out and disappeared completely, to be replaced by rocky outcroppings that we navigated like the scenery on a stage. Aware of the audience that we did not want until it was time for our onset show; we slid quietly from place to place. I was beginning to feel really paranoiac. Now I think we would have been better just taking a more direct route; by the time we reached the perimeter proper it was already one o'clock. More by luck than skill we got to a little side entrance on a long low brick and stone building with no visible windows. Oliver winked at me. 'In two?' and proceeded to break in with his lock picks.

  'Two minutes, twenty seconds.' said Joe.

  'Well done Oliver.' said Marcia, 'let's go.'

  We tracked quickly down a well-lit corridor to our right. It turned to the left and ran straight for about fifty yards. Then we came to an intersection. We consulted the maps briefly. Here our two groups parted ways.